My Parents Expected Everyone to Follow Their Unusual Vacation Rules, but I Finally Said No
I never imagined that a family vacation, something I had been looking forward to for months, would turn into such a stressful experience. I’m an adult who enjoys spending quality time with family, but I also believe that vacations should be about relaxing, having fun, and creating happy memories together. When my parents first announced that they were planning a family trip, everyone seemed excited. We started discussing destinations, activities, restaurants, and places we wanted to visit. I honestly thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for everyone to take a break from their daily responsibilities. However, I had no idea that my parents had already created a long list of unusual rules that everyone would be expected to follow throughout the entire vacation.
A few days before our departure, my parents gathered everyone together and explained how they wanted the vacation to work. At first, I assumed they would mention ordinary things like being on time, keeping the hotel rooms clean, and informing someone before going somewhere alone. Instead, they introduced several unnecessary restrictions that seemed completely unreasonable to me. They wanted everyone to follow the same schedule, eat meals at specific times, participate in every family activity, and avoid making individual plans. They even expected everyone to ask for permission before leaving the hotel, regardless of their age. I found the rules strange, especially because most of us were adults who could easily make responsible decisions for ourselves.
When I heard the rules, I immediately felt uncomfortable, but I decided not to argue with my parents before the trip. I understood that they had organized the vacation and probably wanted everyone to spend time together. I also knew that challenging their decisions could create unnecessary tension before we even left home. So, I simply listened and hoped that things would be more flexible once we arrived at our destination. I told myself that following a few unusual family expectations for several days wouldn’t be the end of the world. However, I also made it clear that I wasn’t comfortable giving up all my independence just because we were traveling together. Unfortunately, my parents didn’t seem interested in understanding my point of view.
As soon as we arrived, I realized that my parents were completely serious about enforcing their rules. Every morning, they expected everyone to wake up at the same time, regardless of whether someone was tired or wanted to rest. We had to eat breakfast together, follow their planned activities, and remain with the group throughout the day. Even when someone wanted to spend a little time exploring independently, my parents treated it like a serious problem. I understand the importance of spending time with family, but I don’t believe that people should be forced to enjoy every single moment together. A vacation should allow everyone to have some personal space instead of making people feel like they’re following a strict school timetable.
Things became particularly frustrating when I wanted to make a small personal plan instead of joining another activity organized by my parents. I wasn’t trying to abandon anyone or disrespect the family. I simply wanted some time to myself and the freedom to decide how I would spend a few hours. However, when I mentioned my plan, my parents immediately reminded me of their vacation rules. They insisted that everyone had to participate in the same activities and that making separate plans was unacceptable. I tried explaining that I was an adult and could manage my own time responsibly. Instead of having a reasonable conversation, they became annoyed and accused me of deliberately going against their wishes. That was the moment I decided I wasn’t going to follow that particular rule anymore.
My decision didn’t go over well with my parents. They acted as though I had personally insulted them by refusing to follow their instructions. According to them, the entire purpose of the vacation was to bring everyone together, and my behavior was damaging the family experience. They also suggested that I was being selfish because they had spent time and money organizing the trip. I understood that they wanted everyone to appreciate their efforts, but I didn’t think that paying for or organizing a vacation gave anyone the right to control every decision another adult made. I wasn’t refusing to spend time with my family. I was simply asking for the freedom to make a few choices without being treated like a disobedient child.
As the disagreement continued, other family members began getting involved. Some agreed with my parents and argued that everyone should respect the rules because we were traveling as a family. Others privately admitted that the restrictions were excessive but didn’t want to challenge my parents directly. This made the situation even more uncomfortable because I suddenly felt like I was being blamed for creating problems that could have easily been avoided. I tried explaining that I had no intention of ruining the vacation and that I still wanted to enjoy time with everyone. However, my parents continued bringing up my refusal whenever something went wrong. It started feeling like I was being treated as the difficult person simply because I wasn’t willing to agree with everything they said.
After thinking about everything, I decided that I wasn’t going to apologize for wanting some independence. I still respected my parents, appreciated their efforts, and wanted to make the most of the trip. However, I also believed that respect should work both ways. Being part of a family doesn’t mean everyone has to surrender their personal preferences or follow unnecessary restrictions without question. I was perfectly willing to follow reasonable safety arrangements and communicate my plans, but I wasn’t going to ask permission for every little thing. I hoped my parents would eventually understand that I wasn’t trying to challenge their authority or embarrass them. I simply wanted to enjoy my vacation without feeling controlled.
Now that the disagreement has happened, I’m questioning whether I handled the situation correctly. Part of me believes that my parents were being unreasonable by expecting every family member to follow such strict rules, especially when everyone involved was old enough to make their own decisions. At the same time, I understand that they may have wanted a peaceful family vacation and felt disappointed when I refused to cooperate. I don’t want a disagreement over vacation arrangements to damage my relationship with them, but I also don’t want to pretend that their rules were reasonable just to keep everyone happy. Was I wrong for finally saying no, or were my parents expecting too much by trying to control how everyone spent their vacation?
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WIBTA for not following to my family’s weird rule while on vacation ?
Hi everyone, I might as well dive right into it because shit is WEIRD and I have no idea what to do.
So I (25F), am the oldest of five kids (24F, 23F, 21F, and 19M) (24F is a step sibling). We never really went on many trips as a family when I was growing up, besides the destination wedding they had when my dad and stepmother got married. But this year, with the money that was left to the family in my great aunt’s will, my family has all decided to go on a trip over Christmas vacation to an all inclusive resort in Mexico. That sounds like so much fun right ?
After we all confirm that we are going, my stepmother lets us know that if we want, she’ll take us shopping for clothes and bathing suits for when we go down, which I thought was great, until she told us why.
Our father has made comments about being “uncomfortable” about the fact that we, his daughters and niece, are growing/grown women, and doesn’t want us wearing “inappropriate” bikinis, specifically thong bikinis.
Now, I will preface by saying that not one of my siblings would ever even DREAM of putting on an actual thong bikini, it’s just not our styles.
So, she wants us to go bikini shopping with her, so she can “approve” what we buy. We are grown adult women, but also, HIS GROWN CHILDREN. Am I alone in thinking that a father shouldn’t even think of his children in that regard ?
Sure, I’d get being uncomfortable about OTHER men staring at us, but she made it clear that it is my dad that is the one that is uncomfortable.
What’s pissing me off is she hasn’t stopped bringing it up. She took my 21F sister shopping last weekend, and she forced her to try on every single pair of bottoms to make sure they were full coverage.
Not even cheeky, FULL coverage. I have so many bathing suits that I never get to wear, so I’m going to be bringing them with me, I’m just wondering if I would be the asshole if I went against this ruling ?
On one hand, I want to respect their word, but on the other hand, I am a grown woman who can make her own decisions about her own body. It’s also frustrating because we’ve been drilled about this whole bikini bottoms thing, when I know for a fact my aunt who is bringing her kids (17F and 15M) won’t say a word to them about what they wear, when my cousin is the reason this was even brought up to begin with (he said to my stepmom he’s uncomfortable with the fact that her (my cousin’s) boobs are big).
ETA: holy shit this blew up- I feel like I should explain a little backstory to make it make a little more sense. my dad has never really made comments about us girls at all, like I love my dad but I know he’s never been a “girl dad” by any means, honestly we were kind of treated like boys growing up (we all played sports and were huge tomboys, besides my one sister) The only time he ever said anything that I found weird, was when I was 17 and he said that I wasn’t allowed to wear my “booty short pj shorts” around the house, which I called out at the time.
Since then he hasn’t said anything about my body, or my sisters. Now, my stepmom also hasn’t really ever said anything about our bodies to us, except for that we need to “dress for our figure” (I was bigger when I was a teen trying to wear clothes that weren’t flattering on me), so I thought that was reasonable.
But a few years ago, I was feeling myself at 21, and went and did a little photoshoot at the beach in a bikini, and posted them to Instagram.
A few days later, I proceeded to get a text from my stepmom asking me to taken them down, as my family members would be able to see them, and at the time, I obliged. But besides that one comment, I haven’t heard much about it. We had even gone down south when they got married, and there were no problems with the bathing suits we brought down before. It just seems very out of left field.
A Family Vacation I Had Been Looking Forward to for Years
I never imagined that a family vacation would turn into such an uncomfortable experience, especially when everyone had been looking forward to spending time together. I’m a 25-year-old woman and the oldest of five siblings. My younger siblings are 24, 23, 21, and 19 years old. One of my siblings is my stepsister, but we’ve been part of the same family for years. Growing up, we never really had many opportunities to travel together as a family. My parents were usually busy with work, financial responsibilities, and other commitments, so vacations were something we rarely experienced. That’s why I was genuinely excited when my parents announced that they wanted to organize a proper family trip this year.
When I was younger, the only major family trip I could remember was the destination wedding my father and stepmother had when they got married. Other than that, our family holidays were mostly limited to small outings or occasional visits to relatives. We never had the kind of vacation where everyone packed their bags, stayed somewhere beautiful, explored new places, and spent several days enjoying themselves. As we grew older, everyone became increasingly busy with their own lives. Between university, work, relationships, and personal responsibilities, finding time for all five siblings was becoming difficult. So when my parents suggested taking everyone on a vacation, I thought it was a wonderful opportunity to reconnect.
This year, my parents were in a better financial position, which meant they could finally afford to plan something special. They started discussing possible destinations and eventually decided on a trip that would last several days. Everyone seemed excited about the idea, and our family group chat suddenly became much more active than usual. We shared pictures of hotels, discussed places we wanted to visit, and talked about restaurants we hoped to try. My younger siblings were particularly enthusiastic because some of them had never experienced a proper family vacation either. I also started looking forward to having everyone together without the usual distractions of everyday life.
At first, everything seemed completely normal. My parents said they wanted the trip to be organized so nobody would feel left out or confused about the plans. I understood that because traveling with six people can involve a lot of coordination. We needed to agree on transportation, accommodation, meals, and activities. I assumed they would create a general schedule and allow everyone some flexibility. However, as the departure date approached, I started noticing that my parents were becoming unusually strict about how the vacation would work. They began discussing rules that had never been mentioned during the initial planning conversations.
One evening, my parents gathered everyone together and explained their expectations for the trip. They said that because they were paying for most of the vacation, everyone needed to cooperate and follow their arrangements. Initially, I didn’t think much of it. Parents often have certain expectations when they organize family activities, and I had no problem respecting reasonable requests. However, the conversation quickly became much stranger than I expected. They explained that everyone would be required to follow the same daily schedule, regardless of personal preferences. Nobody would be allowed to make separate plans, and every activity would have to be approved by them beforehand.
I thought they were joking at first because the idea sounded unnecessarily controlling. We were not little children anymore. I was 25, my siblings were adults, and everyone was capable of making responsible decisions. I could understand wanting everyone to stay together for important activities, especially when visiting unfamiliar places, but expecting six people to spend every waking moment together seemed excessive. My parents insisted that this was the only way to make the vacation enjoyable and prevent disagreements. They also said that allowing everyone to do whatever they wanted would defeat the purpose of taking a family trip in the first place.
The rules didn’t stop there. My parents also wanted everyone to wake up at exactly the same time every morning, get ready according to a fixed schedule, and eat breakfast together. Nobody was supposed to sleep late, even if we had stayed up enjoying ourselves the previous evening. They wanted every meal to be a family meal, meaning nobody could independently visit a restaurant or grab something to eat without informing them. Even small decisions, such as stopping somewhere for coffee or spending extra time in a shop, were apparently supposed to be discussed with the entire group first.
Another rule that bothered me was their expectation that nobody should use their phones during family activities. I understand wanting people to be present instead of constantly staring at screens, but my parents wanted everyone to keep their phones away for most of the day. They said the vacation was supposed to be about family bonding, not social media, texting, or personal entertainment. I didn’t disagree with the general idea, but I thought it was unreasonable to make such a strict rule for adults. Some of us had work responsibilities, friends, and other people we occasionally needed to communicate with. Completely disconnecting from everything wasn’t realistic for everyone.
I tried asking whether these rules were suggestions or actual requirements. My father immediately explained that they were not optional because he and my stepmother had spent money arranging the entire vacation. He said that anyone who wanted to enjoy the benefits of the trip needed to respect the conditions attached to it. That statement made me uncomfortable because it sounded less like a family vacation and more like a business arrangement. I wasn’t asking my parents to change the destination or pay for expensive personal activities. I simply wanted everyone to have the freedom to enjoy the trip in their own way.
My younger siblings had mixed reactions. One of them thought the rules were ridiculous but preferred not to challenge our parents. Another said that since they were paying, we should probably just cooperate and avoid unnecessary arguments. My stepsister seemed particularly uncomfortable with the situation, although she didn’t say much during the discussion. My youngest brother made a few jokes about the rules, but my father quickly told him to take the situation seriously. I noticed that everyone was looking at each other as though they were waiting for someone to say what we were all thinking. Unfortunately, nobody wanted to be the first person to openly disagree.
I decided to let the conversation end without creating an argument. I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s excitement before the vacation had even started. I also understood that my parents might have been trying to prevent the usual disagreements that sometimes happen when a large family travels together. I told myself that perhaps they would become more relaxed once we reached our destination. Even though I didn’t agree with everything, I was willing to cooperate with reasonable arrangements. I just hoped they wouldn’t treat every small personal decision as a violation of their rules.
When the day of departure finally arrived, everyone was excited. We packed our luggage, checked that we had everything we needed, and started the journey. The first few hours were actually enjoyable. We talked, listened to music, shared snacks, and laughed about old family memories. For a while, I thought I might have been overthinking the situation. My parents seemed happy, and everyone was getting along. I started believing that the vacation might turn out better than I had expected. However, that feeling didn’t last very long because the rules started becoming an issue almost immediately after we arrived.
Our first morning was particularly frustrating. My parents expected everyone to wake up at the exact time they had announced the previous evening. I had barely slept because the journey had been exhausting, and I wanted another hour of rest. However, my father came into the common area and started reminding everyone that breakfast was scheduled. He seemed genuinely annoyed when I explained that I needed a little more time. According to him, allowing one person to sleep late would delay the entire group and create unnecessary problems. I eventually got up, but I couldn’t understand why something so minor had become such a serious issue.
The breakfast situation was another example of how strict my parents intended to be. Everyone had to sit together, order around the same time, and finish within the schedule they had created. I wanted to try a particular restaurant nearby, but my stepmother said we couldn’t change the plan because she had already decided where everyone would eat. I didn’t argue because it wasn’t worth creating a disagreement over breakfast. Still, I started feeling as though I had no control over even the smallest parts of my own vacation. Instead of enjoying the experience, I was constantly thinking about whether something I wanted to do would upset my parents.
As the days passed, the situation became increasingly frustrating. Every activity had to be done together, even when some family members clearly weren’t interested. If someone wanted to spend extra time shopping, everyone had to wait. If someone wanted to visit a different attraction, the entire group was expected to discuss it. My parents seemed convinced that every disagreement could be prevented by making everyone follow one schedule. Unfortunately, their approach was creating exactly the kind of tension they claimed they wanted to avoid. People were becoming irritated, and even simple conversations sometimes turned into arguments about what we were allowed to do.
One afternoon, I noticed a small local area that I wanted to explore. It wasn’t far from where we were staying, and I thought it would be nice to walk around, look at the shops, and enjoy the surroundings. I mentioned that I might spend some time there while the others continued with their plans. My father immediately reminded me that nobody was supposed to separate from the group. I explained that I was an adult, knew where I was going, and would keep my phone available. I wasn’t planning to disappear for the entire day or ignore anyone. I just wanted a little personal time during a vacation that was supposed to be enjoyable.
My father didn’t accept that explanation. He said the rules were already established and that I shouldn’t start making exceptions simply because I didn’t like them. My stepmother supported him and added that everyone needed to make sacrifices for the family. I found that particularly frustrating because I had already spent several days following their schedule without complaining. I had joined activities I wasn’t interested in, eaten at places I hadn’t chosen, and adjusted my plans repeatedly. I didn’t think requesting a little independence was an unreasonable demand. However, they treated my request as though I was deliberately trying to disrespect their authority.
I decided not to argue at that moment because I didn’t want everyone standing around listening to another family disagreement. Instead, I stayed with the group and tried to enjoy the rest of the afternoon. But something about the situation kept bothering me. I realized that my parents weren’t simply asking everyone to spend time together. They were expecting everyone to follow their preferences without questioning them. There was very little room for compromise, and anyone who disagreed was immediately treated as difficult or ungrateful. I started wondering whether my siblings felt the same way but were too uncomfortable to express it.
Later that evening, another disagreement happened when my younger brother wanted to do something different from the activity my parents had planned. He wasn’t asking for anything unreasonable either. He simply wanted to spend some time relaxing instead of joining another scheduled outing. My father became irritated and reminded him that the entire family was supposed to participate. My brother eventually gave in, but I could see that he was unhappy. That incident made me realize that the rules were affecting everyone, not just me. We were all adults trying to enjoy a vacation, yet we were being treated as though we needed constant supervision.
The situation that finally pushed me to stand my ground happened the following day. My parents had planned another group activity, but I had already found something nearby that I genuinely wanted to do. I told them politely that I would be spending a few hours doing my own thing and would meet everyone later. I made sure they knew where I would be and promised to remain reachable. I wasn’t asking them to change their plans or wait for me. I simply informed them that I had made my own decision. I thought they might be disappointed, but I never expected the reaction that followed.
My father immediately became angry and told me that I was not allowed to do that. He repeated that the vacation was a family arrangement and that everyone had agreed to follow the rules before leaving. I reminded him that I had never agreed to every restriction. I had listened to the discussion because I didn’t want an argument, but that didn’t mean I had promised to surrender all my independence. My stepmother then accused me of making the vacation difficult for everyone. She said that if I wanted to behave independently, I should have planned a separate trip instead of joining the family.
That comment genuinely hurt because I had been excited about spending time with everyone. I hadn’t joined the vacation just to argue or avoid my family. I wanted to create memories with my siblings and parents, just like everyone else. But I also believed that spending time together should be something people enjoy rather than something forced upon them. I explained that I was happy to participate in family activities, but I wasn’t going to follow every unusual restriction simply because my parents had decided it was necessary. I told them that being part of a family didn’t mean I had to stop making my own decisions.
My parents accused me of being selfish and ungrateful. They reminded me that they had paid for the accommodation, transportation, and several activities. They said I should appreciate everything they had arranged instead of focusing on what I wasn’t allowed to do. I acknowledged that I was grateful and genuinely appreciated their generosity. However, I also explained that gratitude didn’t mean I had to agree with every decision. I wasn’t demanding additional money or special treatment. I was asking for a reasonable amount of freedom. Unfortunately, they didn’t seem willing to understand the difference between appreciating their efforts and accepting every rule without question.
After that argument, the atmosphere became extremely uncomfortable. Some family members supported my parents, while others quietly agreed with me. My stepsister eventually admitted that she also found the rules excessive, especially the expectation that everyone had to participate in every activity. My younger siblings seemed relieved that someone had finally spoken openly about the situation. Still, nobody wanted another confrontation, so the conversation eventually ended without a proper resolution. I decided to continue with my original plan rather than spend the entire day arguing about something that should never have become such a big issue.
I spent a few hours exploring the area, enjoying the shops, and getting something to eat. It was honestly one of the most relaxing parts of the entire vacation. I wasn’t doing anything dangerous or irresponsible. I simply enjoyed having the freedom to decide where I wanted to go and how long I wanted to stay. I kept my phone available and informed my family when I was heading back. When I eventually met everyone again, I expected things to be somewhat normal. Instead, my parents barely spoke to me, and I could tell they were still upset about my decision.
During dinner, my father made a comment about how some people apparently couldn’t follow simple family expectations. He didn’t mention my name directly, but everyone knew exactly who he was talking about. I decided not to respond because I didn’t want another argument in front of everyone. My stepmother also seemed disappointed and repeatedly emphasized how much effort they had put into organizing the trip. I understood their frustration, but I couldn’t help feeling that they were making the entire experience unnecessarily uncomfortable. It seemed like my parents cared more about everyone following their rules than actually enjoying the vacation together.
My siblings later spoke to me privately and shared their thoughts. One said they had wanted to do something independently as well but didn’t want to become the next target of our parents’ frustration. Another mentioned that the strict schedule was making the vacation feel more exhausting than relaxing. My stepsister also said she understood why I had finally refused to follow the rules. Hearing that made me feel a little less alone, although I didn’t want anyone to feel pressured to take sides. I told them that they should make their own decisions and that I wasn’t expecting them to challenge our parents just because I had done so.
What bothered me most was the way my parents continued presenting my decision as though I had ruined the vacation. I hadn’t refused to attend every family activity, ignored their safety concerns, or abandoned anyone. I had simply chosen to spend a few hours doing something independently. I was still respectful, communicated my plans, and returned when I said I would. I couldn’t understand why such a small decision was being treated like a major family betrayal. It made me question whether my parents genuinely wanted everyone to enjoy themselves or whether they simply wanted everyone to obey them.
I also started thinking about the financial side of the situation. I knew my parents had spent a significant amount of money arranging everything, and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. However, I wondered whether paying for a family vacation should give someone complete control over the other adults attending it. If someone pays for a group activity, it’s reasonable to expect people to respect the arrangements. But does that mean everyone must follow every personal rule, even when those rules have nothing to do with safety or practical planning? I believe there should be a difference between organizing a vacation and controlling how other adults spend every moment of it.
As the vacation continued, I tried to keep things peaceful. I participated in several family activities, spent time with my siblings, and avoided unnecessary arguments with my parents. I wasn’t interested in turning the entire trip into a disagreement about independence. I wanted to enjoy whatever time we had left together. Still, I refused to apologize for the one decision I had made. I didn’t think I had done anything disrespectful, and I didn’t want to pretend otherwise just to make everyone comfortable. I was willing to compromise on reasonable arrangements, but I wasn’t willing to accept that every personal choice required my parents’ approval.
Now that the trip is over, I’m still thinking about everything that happened. I love my family, and I genuinely appreciate that my parents wanted to organize something special for all of us. I know planning a vacation for six people isn’t easy, especially when everyone has different preferences and expectations. At the same time, I believe that a family vacation should be enjoyable for everyone, not just the people making the rules. My siblings and I are adults, and I don’t think wanting some personal space or independent time is unreasonable. I never intended to disrespect my parents or ruin their plans. I simply wanted to enjoy the vacation without feeling controlled.
My parents still seem convinced that I should have followed their rules without questioning them. They believe that because they organized and paid for the trip, everyone should have respected their expectations. I understand their perspective to a certain extent, but I don’t think financial generosity should automatically remove someone’s freedom to make personal decisions. I was willing to spend time with my family, follow reasonable safety arrangements, and respect the plans we had agreed upon. What I wasn’t willing to do was treat every unnecessary restriction as an unquestionable command. So now I’m wondering whether I was wrong for finally saying no, or whether my parents expected far too much by trying to control every part of our family vacation.
