Reddit User Questions Whether It Was Wrong to Uninvite a Friend Who Always Bails
Friendships are built on trust, respect, and reliability. While everyone occasionally has to cancel plans because of unexpected circumstances, repeatedly backing out at the last minute can leave others feeling disappointed and taken for granted. Over time, that pattern can put even the strongest friendships under strain.
One Reddit user found themselves facing exactly that problem after a close friend developed a habit of agreeing to social events, only to cancel shortly before they were supposed to happen. After dealing with several last-minute cancellations, the user decided not to invite the friend to an upcoming event, believing it would be unfair to reserve a spot for someone who might not show up again.
The decision, however, did not go over well. The friend felt hurt and accused the Redditor of being unfair and excluding them without giving them another chance. Unsure whether setting this boundary was justified or unnecessarily harsh, the user turned to Reddit and asked the community a simple question: Was it wrong to uninvite a friend who always bails on plans?
“AITA for disinviting my flaky friend from a group event by deleting the invitation?”
The OP explained why they felt the need to do something after their friend cancelled on them one too many times:
“I have a friend from school whom I’ve held onto purely out of history, but her flakiness has been going on for years.”
“She operates in cycles: we’ll have a short period where she hangs out regularly, and then she’ll just disappear off the face of the earth for weeks, completely ignoring everyone’s texts.”
“When I previously confronted her about how unfair it is to leave the group wondering if she’s dead or alive, she agreed to stop.”
“Yet she still does it.”
“What makes it so grating is that during these ‘ghosting’ phases, she is actively on her phone responding to guys she meets on Hinge, going om dates etc.”
“This is on top of a years-long pattern of making concrete plans and just not showing up, only sending a half-assed text after we’ve already arrived at the venue.”
“For example, a friend once organized a Christmas sleepover at an Airbnb that belongs to her husband; we held a room back specifically for this girl, and she just never showed up, later sending a half-assed text saying she was ‘tired’ or ‘got held up’.”
“Another time, we were all sitting in a museum lobby waiting for her, and fifteen minutes past the meeting time she texted, ‘Oh sorry, just woke up, can’t make it’.”
“Because this happens so frequently, most of our mutual friends entirely cut her off.”
“I felt bad for her as she was losing friends, so recently, when she started making a slight effort, I decided to throw her a bone.”
“Every year, a big group of about 30 of my friends (who are closer to me than her, though she knows a few) go to a venue she loves for a massive day of drinks.”
“I sent her a text explicitly inviting her to come along.”
“I waited, and true to form, she completely ignored it.”
“Knowing she is constantly glued to her screen and was deliberately letting my text sit there, I finally had enough of the disrespect.”
“I went into the chat and deleted the invitation messages entirely, effectively rescinding the invite right out from under her.”
“Now, she has suddenly found her keyboard.”
“She is messaging me demanding to know why I deleted the texts and is asking for details about the event.”
“She’s getting annoyed because I am refusing to give her any further information or logistics.”
“I feel like she blew her chance by ignoring the message in the first place, and I’m exhausted from giving her grace she doesn’t deserve after years of being treated like an afterthought.”
“She is saying i didn’t give her enough time to respond.”
“AITA for rescinding the invite?”
Before sharing their opinions, Reddit users cast their votes using the platform’s familiar judgment categories:
- NTA (Not the Ahole):** The original poster’s actions were considered justified.
- YTA (You’re the Ahole):** The original poster was viewed as being in the wrong.
- ESH (Everyone Sucks Here): Both sides were believed to share responsibility for the conflict.
- NAH (No Aholes Here):** Commenters felt that neither party had acted maliciously, even if the situation was difficult.
The Reddit community was split on the issue, with users offering differing opinions about whether the original poster was justified in withdrawing the invitation or had gone too far by excluding their friend.
Some commenters felt that neither person handled the situation particularly well. They believed the friend needed to take responsibility for her repeated last-minute cancellations, while the original poster could have addressed the issue more directly and respectfully before deciding to withdraw the invitation.
“ESH.”
“Use your words like you learned in kindergarten.”
“Try, ‘hey, I invited you because I was hoping to see you. But when you ignored the invitation, I didn’t want to get ghosted again, so I uninvited you to spare my own feelings. We’ve known each other a long time, and it’s frustrating to me that I can’t count on you. So to protect my own mental health, I will wait for an invitation from you when you’re ready to make a plan without canceling or ignoring texts.”
“I get that you uninvited her out of frustration.”
“But if you just ghost her back, that’s not addressing the issue, and you’ll both be pissed.”- SugarsBoogers
“ESH.”
“Her behavior is maddening, but this revocation of the invite feels petty.”
“It doesn’t sound like she would hold anything up or put anyone else out if she flaked.”
“Don’t just disinvite with no warning or explanation.”
“All you had to do was send a follow-up message explaining this is the last time you’re reaching out to her because of her behavior.”
“Also, this get-together will proceed as if she is not showing up, so no waiting or saving seats.”
“If she comes, great; if not, too bad.”- Gertrude_D
The majority of Reddit users, however, believed the original poster handled the situation appropriately. They felt that setting firm boundaries was justified and that the decision sent a clear message to the friend about the impact of repeatedly canceling plans at the last minute.
“NTA.”
“Cut her off, you don’t need the aggravation.”
“It was nice of you to give her a final chance, but she blew it…walk away clean and be content with your actions.”- vaisatriani
“NTA.”
“She only found her keyboard once you took something away.”- sugarbananaxo
“NTA.”
“But stop treating her like a friend, she’s just an acquaintance that will talk to you when it’s convenient.”- Taigac
“NTA.”
“You’ve been way too kind to her (which is partly why she thinks she can keep taking the piss).”
“Firm consequences are the best way to deal with her at this point.”- Beautiful-Peak399
“NTA.”
“I’m exhausted for you.”
“You gave her so many chances, and she kept letting you down.”
“It hurts.”
“Rescinding was self-respect.”
“Let her go pls.”- Sharp_Lettuce4356
“NTA.”
“You guys have been enabling her bad behavior for years.”
“If you keep being the lead enabler, people will start cutting YOU off because you bring her drama with you.”
“History and guilt trips aren’t enough to hang on to a friendship.”
“Friends are people you WANT to be around.”
“Life is too short to wait on people who don’t respect your time and effort.”
“You did the right thing.”
“Just be done with it.”
“Girl knows, she has been called on her crap before and hasn’t changed. OP, move on with your life.”- drharleenquinzel92
“NTA.”
“But just tell her you’ve had enough, she’s clearly not going to learn unless it’s the hard way and there’s tangible consequences.”- ProtectiveofmyStuff
“NTA.”
“You’ve had enough of being her backup plan.”- TrixxieVic
“NTA.”
“In the future, should you choose to include her in a casual group hangout, post the time/date in the group chat, but no other reminders.”
“If she shows up, she shows up; if she doesn’t, don’t even mention it to her after the fact.”
“This way she can’t say she was being actively excluded.”
“And don’t invite her to anything that requires a reservation or an RSVP.”- archiangel
“NTA.”
“Just ignore her messages as she ignored yours.”- JenninMiami
“NTA for rescinding, as you did.”
“But that’s the action (the way it was done) of someone who is DONE, and withdrawing from interaction.”
“So if you’re responding to her complaints or pleas in any way, you need to stop.”
“If you have been, tell her, now, that you’re done, and then stop responding.”- LeviathanLorb44
“NTA.”
“Just stop responding.”- iambecomesoil
“NTA.”
“She says you didn’t give her enough time to respond, but it sounds like she’s been asking for more time for years.”
“At some point, chronic flakiness stops being a scheduling problem and starts being a respect problem.”
“Everyone else manages to answer messages, cancel plans before people are already waiting, and generally act like their friends’ time matters.”
“The funniest part is that she suddenly became very responsive the moment the invite disappeared.”
“Apparently, the issue was never her phone.”
“It was the priority level she basically had for you.”- Rosacurly
Others, however, believed the original poster could have made their point without taking the situation that far. They felt a more direct conversation or another chance might have been a better way to address the friend’s repeated cancellations.
“Soft YTA not for rescinding the invite but for not telling her why.”
“Be honest with her that you had enough from her ghosting behavior and not showing up, and that you realized it now that enough is enough and you are not going to put anymore effort in that friendship.”- Trevena_Ice
Most people would assume that someone who repeatedly backs out of plans would eventually realize those habits could lead to fewer invitations. In this case, however, it wasn’t until the invitation was actually withdrawn that the friend seemed to understand the impact her actions had on those around her.
Although the original poster succeeded in setting a clear boundary and communicating their frustration, the decision may have come at a cost. If the friendship cannot recover from the disagreement, they may have to accept that standing up for themselves also meant risking the relationship.
