Mom Refuses Mother-in-Law’s Request to Be Called “Mama” by Her Baby
Welcoming a new baby into the family is usually a joyful experience, but it can also bring unexpected disagreements over roles, boundaries, and expectations. While grandparents often look forward to forming a close bond with a grandchild, conflicts can arise when family members have different ideas about where those boundaries should be drawn.
One new mother found herself in the middle of such a dispute after her mother-in-law expressed a desire to have the baby call her “Mama.” Although the request may have seemed harmless to some, the new mom felt uncomfortable with the title, believing it should be reserved exclusively for the child’s actual mother.
What started as a simple conversation quickly grew into a family disagreement. The mother-in-law reportedly insisted that the nickname was meaningful to her, while the new mom viewed it as crossing an important parenting boundary. As emotions rose, other relatives began sharing their opinions, making the situation even more complicated.
The disagreement soon extended beyond just a name. It became a larger discussion about respect, family roles, and whether grandparents should have a say in choosing how they are addressed by grandchildren. Both women believed their feelings were valid, leaving little room for compromise.
Unsure whether she had overreacted or was simply protecting her role as a parent, the new mother turned to Reddit for outside opinions. She asked the community whether refusing her mother-in-law’s request made her unreasonable or whether setting that boundary was completely justified.
At first, the original poster tried not to make a big issue out of the situation. However, she became increasingly uncomfortable when her mother-in-law insisted that her own child should call her “Mama” instead of a more traditional grandmother title.
When she expressed her concerns and explained why the request bothered her, she felt that neither her mother-in-law nor her husband took her feelings seriously. Instead of acknowledging her perspective, both dismissed her concerns, leaving her feeling unheard and frustrated.
AITAH for not wanting my child to call my MIL mama?”
The OP explained why they were less than comfortable with what her MIL wanted her new baby to call her:
“Our baby is 4 months old and my husband has a niece who is a teenager.”
“His niece calls his mom (my MIL) mama because when she was younger she couldn’t say grandma and has done so since then.”
“I have said since before we were engaged that I respect his mom but I want my baby to call me mama (including mom and mommy).”
“My MIL was fine with being grandma but now she’s decided to call herself mama again when talking to my baby.”
“I’ve expressed my feelings a few times now and I feel like she’s not going to respect my wishes as she keeps disregarding me.”
“I’ve talked to my husband about it but he doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal.”
“For reference, his family is Canadian (immigrated from England 80 years ago) and nobody else in the family refers to their grandmother as mama.”
“My husband and his sister refer to their grandparents as grandma and grandpa.”
“If she were wanting this title for cultural reasons, I would probably not feel this way.”
“This feels like a battle I shouldn’t have to fight, as I feel like I’ve earned the name mama, and I’m so excited for my baby to start saying it!”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The overwhelming majority of Reddit users sided with the original poster, saying her discomfort was completely understandable. Many felt that asking a child to call their grandmother “Mama” crossed a clear parenting boundary and believed the title should belong exclusively to the child’s mother.
Everyone agreed that a child calling a grandmother “mama” was bizarre to the point of concerning, and agreed her husband should have stood up for her more.
“NTA. That’s just weird.”
“You are your child’s mother.”
“Your husband needs to make it a big deal because it’s a big deal to you and you’re his partner, not his mother.”-CockamouseGoesWee
“NTA at all.”
“Why isn’t your husband sticking up for you?”
“This is very weird to me.”
“This is a hill I would die on personally.”
“I’ve heard of grandmothers being called a lot of nicknames, but mama isn’t one of them.”- Adventurous_Tree3386
“Every time she calls herself mama just laugh and say silly grandma, I’m your mama!”
“Combine this with taking the baby away from her.”
“Should make your point.”- Top-Bit85
“My own mother did sh*t like that.”
“My daughter would call for me ‘mama’ and my mother would respond EVERY time, like actively pushing in front of me too.”
“I would put a firm boundary and be like, I’m the mom, stop that, that’s not okay.”
“And she would just say ‘woops, it’s just in my nature’.”
“She started saying things like ‘it’s like I’m the real mom and you’re just the big sister’ to me, despite never having changed a diaper or helping in any way, shape, or form.”
“Needless to say, I cut contact entirely.”
“Not overreacting.”
“That is intentional and will get worse.”
“Husband is not your partner, he’s your mother’s partner.”- stairs-to-nowhere
“NTA.”
“You and husband set the rules, not MIL.”
“And mama is a title that is reserved for the mother, which is you.”
“Don’t back down, tell MIL you’re happy she wants to be so involved with the baby, but she needs to respect you, and not mama.”
“And if she can’t respect that then she doesn’t need to be around your child until she learns how to respect it.”- castrodelavaga79
“Tell her she can have memaw or grandma and to stop pretending she gave birth to her son’s child.”
“NTA.”
“She knows what she’s doing and it’s gross.”- Andromeda081
“NTA.”
“Ask your husband how he would feel if your child called someone else daddy.”- morganalefaye125
“NTA.”
“And this is a situation where your husband should be on your side regardless of how big a deal he thinks it is.”
“You think it’s a big deal and that’s enough.”
“He needs to talk to his mom and tell her that she can’t have Mama.”- WhatAWeek25
“Absolutely NTA.”
“Mama is reserved exclusively for you!”
“My mum’s grandma’s name is based on a character that had ‘Mama’ in her name, but I said nope, no way are you going to be called that, so we switched to Nana instead.”
“In fairness, as the kids get older, they kinda choose their own names for the grandparents, so whatever name you choose will likely evolve, but for babies learning to talk, insisting on mama for grandmother is a gross overreach.”- Pavlover2022
“NTA.”
“It is rather weird that your MIL wants to be known as MAMA to her SON’S child.”- Scoobadelik
“Whenever you hear her call herself mama to your baby, immediately correct her every time.”
“Reduce the time she spends with your child.”
“Ask your pathetic, enabling husband, who doesn’t think it’s a big deal, if he’d be okay with your baby calling your dad daddy or dada?”
“Ask him if he knows any other people with kids whose grandmothers call themselves mama to their grandchildren.”
“Put him on the spot because it sounds like he doesn’t want to upset precious mommy’s fee-fees, so he’s dismissing your valid concerns, which is such a jerk move.”
“She knows what she’s doing.”
“She can’t be that stupid.”
“Stand up to her for this and everything else she tries to overstep.”
“NTA.”- Laquila
“NTA.”
“This is very strange.”
“But I think that babies/toddlers learn what to call a person by hearing what people around them call the person.”
“Like, I would assume when you talk to your baby about your husband, you refer to him as dad or daddy, and when he refers to you, he calls you mom or mama.”
“So I would decide what we are calling Grandma and start using it.”
“My mom wanted to be Nana, so I would say to my son, ‘we’re going to Nana’s house’ ‘give Nana a hug’, etc.”
“And when talking to my brothers in front of my son, I would refer to her as Nana instead of Mom.”
“The more you do it, the more likely the baby is going to too.”
“It would be nice if your husband would also start doing it.”
“But him hearing you do it will probably shift him to do it too over time.”
“And once your baby is talking and calling her the name you’ve been using, it makes it more likely for your husband to use it too if he hasn’t been.”
“It also makes it more likely for your MIL to get on board with it too, because it would be weird to try to correct a baby/toddler when the name is a standard grandma name.”- Wonderful_Ad_6089
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and sharing how her husband turned a corner:
“Wow!”
“Responses have been so supportive that I am in fact NTA, and I appreciate all the advice given!”
“I wanted to add that my husband is not weak or refusing to talk to his mom about this.”
“He unfortunately did not understand how big of a deal this was, as he had been around his niece calling her mama for such a long time and as the only grandchild until our baby, he never saw an issue with it.”
“I have explained it to him and showed him the responses here, and he apologized profusely and is going to have a conversation with her this week.”
“He’s an amazing partner and father, it’s just unfortunate that my MIL is acting this way.”
The situation might have been viewed differently if calling a grandmother “Mama” were a long-standing cultural or family tradition. However, based on the details shared, many readers felt the mother-in-law seemed to be seeking a title that is typically associated with the child’s parent rather than a grandparent.
Because of that, many believed choosing a more traditional grandparent nickname would help avoid confusion and better respect the mother’s role within the family.
