When a woman discovered a small packet of condoms inside her boyfriend’s jacket, her first reaction was confusion rather than anger. She and her boyfriend had been together for a while, and they had never used condoms in their relationship because they had made other arrangements regarding protection. She knew exactly what kind of condoms they used, if any, and the ones she found were not something she recognized. At first, she wondered whether there was a perfectly innocent explanation. Maybe he had carried them for a long time and simply forgotten about them. Maybe they belonged to a friend who had borrowed his jacket. Maybe he had put them there without thinking and genuinely forgotten they were inside. She tried to convince herself that there was no reason to immediately assume the worst. However, the more she thought about it, the stranger the discovery seemed. The condoms were not sitting somewhere obvious where they could easily be overlooked. They were inside a jacket pocket that her boyfriend regularly wore, which made her wonder why he would carry them around if the two of them had never used them together. She knew that finding condoms did not automatically prove someone had cheated, but she also knew that pretending not to notice would leave her constantly wondering what they meant.

For several hours, she debated whether she should confront him immediately or wait until she had calmed down. She did not want to accuse him of cheating based on one discovery, especially because accusations could damage a relationship even when there was an innocent explanation. At the same time, she felt that keeping the discovery to herself would be dishonest. She kept replaying the moment in her head, remembering exactly where she found the condoms and wondering how long they had been there. She started thinking about recent changes in his behavior that she had previously ignored. Had he been spending more time away from home? Had he suddenly become more protective of his phone? Had he been less affectionate lately? None of these things were necessarily proof of anything, but once suspicion entered her mind, ordinary behavior suddenly seemed meaningful. She hated that feeling because she did not want to become someone who constantly searched for evidence of betrayal. She wanted to trust her boyfriend. She wanted to believe that their relationship was based on honesty and loyalty. But trust also meant being able to ask difficult questions when something did not make sense. Eventually, she decided that she would talk to him directly rather than secretly investigate him or immediately tell friends and family.

When her boyfriend came home, she waited until they were both relatively calm before bringing up the jacket. She told him that she had found something in one of his pockets and asked him to explain it. According to her, his reaction was what made her even more suspicious. Instead of immediately laughing and explaining where the condoms came from, he reportedly became quiet and asked her why she had been looking through his jacket. She explained that she had not intentionally searched his belongings. She had been moving the jacket when the packet fell out, and she simply picked it up. She then reminded him that they did not use those condoms together. Her boyfriend initially said there was nothing to worry about and that she was making assumptions. But when she asked a simple question—why were they in his jacket?—his answer seemed vague. He suggested that they might have been there for a long time, although she knew he had worn that jacket recently. She asked whether someone else had borrowed it, but he did not give her a clear explanation. The conversation quickly became tense because she felt that instead of answering her question, he was focusing on how she had discovered the condoms. She began wondering whether his defensiveness was simply frustration at being accused unfairly or whether he was avoiding the real issue.

The woman eventually told him that she did not want a dramatic argument; she wanted the truth. She explained that if there was an innocent explanation, she was willing to hear it. She was not asking him to prove his innocence with an elaborate story. She simply needed an explanation that made sense. She also told him that the condoms themselves were not the only problem anymore. His reaction had made her question whether there were other things she did not know about. If he had honestly forgotten they were there, why could he not simply say so? If a friend had given them to him, why was it difficult to explain? And if he had been carrying them for some reason, why had he never mentioned it? Her boyfriend eventually became frustrated and accused her of not trusting him. She responded that trust was exactly why the situation hurt so much. She had trusted him enough that she never imagined she would have to question something like this. She did not want to secretly check his phone, track his location, or interrogate him about every minute of his day. She wanted him to understand that unexplained evidence can create doubt even in a strong relationship. The conversation ended without giving her the reassurance she had hoped for, and she was left wondering whether she had discovered something harmless—or something that could completely change the way she viewed her relationship.

Now she is facing a painful decision about what to do next. She knows that finding condoms in her boyfriend’s jacket is not absolute proof that he cheated, and she does not want to destroy their relationship based solely on suspicion. There are several possible explanations, and she understands that people sometimes carry condoms for reasons unrelated to cheating. However, she also believes that the circumstances and his reaction deserve an honest conversation. She has decided that rather than immediately accusing him, she will give him an opportunity to explain clearly where the condoms came from and why they were in his jacket. If his explanation makes sense and his actions match his words, she may be able to move past the incident. But if his story keeps changing, if he refuses to answer basic questions, or if she discovers additional reasons to doubt him, she knows she will have to seriously reconsider the relationship. For her, the hardest part is not the possibility of cheating itself; it is the sudden loss of certainty. She thought she knew her boyfriend and felt secure in their relationship, but one unexpected discovery has forced her to question whether there is a part of his life she has never seen. Now she is left asking herself whether she should trust the explanation he eventually gives her, investigate further, or accept that sometimes the smallest discovery can reveal a much bigger problem.

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I (28F) found condoms in my boyfriend’s (32M) jacket, but we don’t use condoms

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/huytaree

I (28F) found condoms in my boyfriend’s (32M) jacket, but we don’t use condoms.

TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity

Original Post  Jan 6, 2018

I’ll start from the beginning.

My boyfriend keeps all his toiletries in a high shelf in the bathroom. There was never any reason for me to look in his toiletries box til before Christmas when I was looking for his colognes to buy him a similar Christmas present. I looked in the box for the cologne and there were 12 condoms with the expiry date of 2018. Supposing they last 5 years that means he bought them in 2013 and we got together in 2014, so they are not new but we have not used condoms since a month into being together. I was surprised to see them but not worried because it never hurts to have one or two around just in case.

BUT he left for a business trip earlier this week and I looked in the box again and there were only 9, 3 down from last month.

When he came back from the trip yesterday I looked in the box again and there were 12 again (that seemed to have been replaced unused with the same batch numbers).

Feeling a little freaked out as to why he would have taken condoms on his business trip I checked the pockets of his good jacket that he had taken with him on the trip and there were 3 SKYN condoms in the pocket. SKYN condoms last either 3 years or 5 years depending on if they are spermicidal or not, respectively, and these are good til 2019 which means he did buy them during our relationship. Edit: I don’t find it strange to own condoms during a relationship but what I find weird is to be keeping old condoms in his pockets now.

That means he took 5 condoms with him on a business trip. The business trip was only 1 day, in another European country where he doesn’t know anybody (to my knowledge) so it seems unlikely he had the time to meet up with someone.

But it confuses me that he took the time to put the Durex condoms back in the box with the others and still hasn’t taken the others out of his good jacket. He is very organised, so I wonder if he is meaning to leave them there.

Do men use condoms for masturbation, or am I just kidding myself?

Edit: I don’t think he’s into doing butt stuff on himself.

TLDR; Found condoms in boyfriend’s jacket pocket that he had taken away for a business trip.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

maps2001

Sherlock Holmes said when you eliminate the impossible,whatever remains,however improbable, is the truth. Your boyfriend is cheating or at the very least he is open to cheating.

OOP

Most likely he will say it’s for masturbation because I can’t rule that out.

~

Whispy90

He’s cheating. Same happened to me. He won’t admit it and he might make you feel crazy. I didn’t find better evidence til months later but he was cheating all along and the condoms were the first clue. Do you want to keep worrying about this or walk away?

OOP

It’s hard to make the call to walk away when someone is telling you something that sounds plausible. I found some deleted snapchats on his phone months ago that he said he thought he might send to me but he said he just deleted them instead. It’s always a situation where I don’t have proof and he gives me an explanation, but something still seems off.

OOP explains the condoms more

They are newer, but they are still quite old (if they have a 5 year expiration they are from summer 2015).

Zebetrius

Which is after you stopped using condoms, correct?

OOP

Yes, but it was early on, so at that point he might not have ruled out needing them, like if I was on the pill – but I’m on the implant so I never have weeks where we need them.

Zebetrius

He didn’t need the condoms, he already had condoms left over from when you did need them, and he purchased new ones anyway.

Explaining that away requires some serious faith and mental gymnastics. Neither of which I can advocate for. You have the ammunition, you know the facts, you know what can and can’t be explained. Now it’s his turn to either tell a story that is compelling or admit to something that you likely don’t want to hear.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

Update  Jan 16, 2018 (10 Days later)

Hi Reddit

So here’s my sad little update to this post. I asked my boyfriend why he had taken condoms away with him. He looked panicked and said What condoms, which then trickle-truthed into having forgotten about them/ he put them there ages ago/ he put them there to put them back/ he didn’t know they were there/ he’d taken them for his own use: ie, none of it made sense and he was clearly making it up as he was going along.

Anyway, I didn’t get a straight answer out of the conversation but thanks to those of you who told me to focus on his reaction because it basically proved to me that something was definitely up (like the condoms hadn’t already…)

So last night I looked at his phone and yup, you all said it, he had been messaging several women to hook up. He woke up and saw me looking at his phone and amazingly even tried to keep the story going even then (‘What messages? I didn’t send ANY messages. Ok just that one message. I SWEAR it was just one message… one day where I sent those messages… etc’).

Looking back on the first thread so many people were saying it was for hook ups or escorts and I feel like I didn’t even see those comments properly til today, it’s crazy what you don’t see until you’re forced to. 🙁 Thanks to everyone who commented on the first post, you helped me feel like I wasn’t imagining stuff. I told him it’s over, I’m just waiting for it to sink in for him that I’m not changing my mind and then he will have to move out.

tl;dr: OBVIOUSLY he was trying to cheat

THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER – RULE 7

She Finds Something Unexpected In Her Boyfriend’s Jacket

Finding something unexpected in your partner’s belongings can turn an ordinary day into a moment of confusion almost instantly. That is exactly what happened to one woman when she found a packet of condoms inside her boyfriend’s jacket. At first, she did not think much of it because she had no reason to believe that anything was wrong with their relationship. They had been together for some time, and she considered their relationship stable and trusting. The discovery became concerning only after she realized that the condoms were not something they used together. They had discussed protection and had made their own decisions as a couple, so there was no obvious reason for her boyfriend to be carrying a packet around. She stared at the packet for a while, wondering whether she had simply overlooked something. Her first instinct was not to accuse him of cheating. Instead, she began searching for an innocent explanation because she did not want one strange discovery to destroy the trust they had built.

The condoms were found in one of the pockets of his jacket, a jacket he wore fairly regularly. She had not been intentionally searching through his clothes or trying to invade his privacy. She had simply moved the jacket while cleaning up, and the packet became visible. The moment she saw it, however, she felt a strange sense of uneasiness. She knew that condoms could have many innocent explanations. Someone might have given them to him, he might have forgotten they were there, or they could have belonged to someone else who had borrowed the jacket. Still, the fact that they were inside a jacket he regularly wore made those explanations harder for her to accept without further information. She picked up the packet and looked at it carefully, hoping something about it would immediately explain why it was there. Instead, she was left with more questions than answers.

Her first thought was that perhaps the condoms were old. Maybe her boyfriend had purchased them months or even years earlier and had simply forgotten about them. People often leave random things inside jacket pockets and discover them much later. She tried to remember whether he had ever owned that particular jacket before they started dating. If he had, perhaps the condoms had been there from an earlier period of his life. That possibility gave her some relief. She wanted badly to believe that she had stumbled across something meaningless. However, she also remembered seeing her boyfriend wear the jacket recently, which made her wonder why he had never mentioned carrying condoms. She knew she was beginning to overthink the situation, but she could not stop herself.

The more she thought about it, the more uncomfortable she became. Their relationship had never involved using those condoms, so she could not understand why he would need them. She knew that not every unexplained object was evidence of betrayal, but the specific nature of what she had found made it difficult to dismiss. A forgotten receipt or an old piece of clothing would not have caused the same reaction. Condoms were directly connected to intimacy, and because she knew they had not been using them together, she immediately began wondering whether someone else was involved. She hated that her mind went there so quickly. She had always considered herself a reasonable person who preferred communication over assumptions, but suddenly she found herself imagining possibilities she wished she had never considered.

She decided not to confront him immediately. She needed time to calm down before having the conversation because she was afraid that approaching him while emotional would turn the situation into a fight. She put the packet aside and continued with her day, but she found it almost impossible to focus on anything else. Every few minutes, she thought about the jacket. She wondered where her boyfriend had been recently, who he had spent time with, and whether there had been any unusual changes in his behavior. She began mentally reviewing the previous few weeks and searching for moments that had seemed strange at the time but that she had ignored.

Suddenly, ordinary things began looking suspicious. She remembered that her boyfriend had recently stayed out later than usual on a couple of evenings. He had explained that he had been busy, and she had accepted the explanation without question. He had also spent more time on his phone lately, although that could have been because of work or social conversations. None of these things were proof of cheating, and she knew that. Still, once doubt entered her mind, every little detail seemed to take on a different meaning. She wondered whether she was remembering these things accurately or simply searching for evidence to support a fear she had already developed.

She eventually realized that secretly investigating him would probably make things worse. She could check his phone, search his belongings, or try to reconstruct his schedule, but none of those actions would give her the peace she wanted. If she found nothing, she might still wonder whether he had hidden something successfully. If she found something suspicious, she would have to deal with the consequences. Instead, she decided that the simplest approach was to ask him directly. She believed that if their relationship was built on trust, they should be able to discuss uncomfortable subjects honestly.

When her boyfriend came home, she waited until they had some privacy. She did not throw the packet at him or immediately accuse him of cheating. Instead, she calmly told him that she had found something in his jacket that confused her. She showed him the packet and asked him whether he knew how it got there. According to her, his reaction immediately caught her attention. He became quiet for a moment and then asked why she had been looking through his jacket. She explained that she had not been searching for anything and had simply come across the packet while moving the jacket.

Rather than giving her a clear explanation immediately, he focused on the fact that she had discovered it. This made her uncomfortable because she felt that he was avoiding the actual question. She repeated that she did not want an argument. She simply wanted to know why condoms were in his jacket when they did not use them together. Her boyfriend reportedly told her that she was making too much of it and that there was probably nothing to worry about. But that answer did not satisfy her because it did not explain where they came from.

She asked whether a friend had borrowed his jacket. He said he did not think so. She asked whether he had bought the condoms recently. He said he could not remember. She asked whether they had been there for a long time. Again, his answer was uncertain. None of these responses necessarily proved that he was lying, but the lack of a straightforward explanation made her increasingly uneasy. She had expected him to laugh, remember the story, and explain it immediately if there was an innocent reason. Instead, the conversation seemed to become more complicated with every question.

Her boyfriend eventually became frustrated and accused her of not trusting him. She told him that she had trusted him before finding the condoms. She was not asking questions because she wanted to accuse him. She was asking questions because something had appeared in their relationship that did not make sense. She explained that trust was not about refusing to ask questions when something unusual happened. To her, trust meant being able to discuss those questions honestly and receive an answer that made sense.

The conversation became emotional because both of them felt misunderstood. Her boyfriend believed she had already decided he was guilty. She insisted that she had not made that decision. She wanted to hear his side before reaching any conclusion. She also told him that if there was a perfectly innocent explanation, she was willing to accept it. She did not need him to prove every detail of his day. She simply needed him to tell her the truth about something that had unexpectedly raised a serious question.

At one point, he suggested that the condoms might have been from before they started dating. That possibility seemed reasonable, and the woman immediately asked whether he remembered owning them. He said he was not sure. She asked how long he had owned the jacket, and his answer gave her something to think about. If the jacket had been his before their relationship, then there was at least a possibility that the condoms had been sitting there unnoticed for a long time. But because he could not clearly remember, she still felt uncertain.

She began wondering whether the packet might have belonged to someone else. Maybe a friend had borrowed the jacket and accidentally left them inside. Maybe someone had given him the packet as a joke. Maybe he had picked them up during a trip or event and forgotten about them. There were countless possibilities, and she knew that none could be ruled out simply by looking at the packet. What bothered her was that her boyfriend did not seem able to identify even one plausible explanation.

As the conversation continued, she asked him whether there was anyone else he had been intimate with. He immediately denied it. He told her that he had never cheated on her and that he loved her. She wanted to believe him, but she also understood that words alone could not instantly erase the doubt created by the discovery. She found herself caught between two competing feelings: the desire to trust the person she loved and the fear that she might be ignoring something important.

She later talked to a close friend about what had happened. Her friend advised her not to jump to conclusions. She pointed out that finding condoms was suspicious, but it was not absolute proof of infidelity. There could be an explanation that the woman had not considered. At the same time, her friend told her that she should not ignore her instincts simply because she was afraid of being called jealous. The important thing was to look at the entire situation rather than one object in isolation.

The woman followed that advice and started thinking about her boyfriend’s behavior more objectively. She asked herself whether he had actually changed or whether she was simply viewing everything differently because she was worried. She realized that he had still been affectionate, had continued making plans with her, and had not obviously withdrawn from the relationship. There were no clear signs of another relationship. That gave her some reassurance, but it did not completely answer the question about the condoms.

She also considered how she would feel if the situation were reversed. If her boyfriend found condoms in her jacket that they did not use together, she understood why he would ask questions. She would probably feel defensive if he immediately accused her of cheating, but she would also understand why the discovery made him uncomfortable. This helped her realize that the conversation itself was not unreasonable. What mattered was how both people handled it.

Eventually, her boyfriend offered another explanation. He suggested that he may have received the condoms from a friend who was joking around with him and that he had put them in his jacket without thinking about it. The explanation was possible, but the woman still had doubts because he had not remembered it earlier. She asked him why he had not simply said that from the beginning. He admitted that he was embarrassed and surprised by the question, which was why he became defensive.

That explanation changed the tone of their conversation somewhat. She realized that people did not always respond perfectly when confronted with something unexpected. Someone becoming defensive was not automatically proof of guilt. At the same time, she told him that his initial reaction had made the situation much harder for her. If he wanted her to trust him, he needed to understand that dismissing her concerns would not make them disappear. They needed to be able to discuss uncomfortable situations without immediately turning them into accusations about trust.

The woman also made it clear that she did not want this incident to become an excuse for controlling each other. She did not want to monitor his phone, demand passwords, track his movements, or question every person he spent time with. That kind of relationship would eventually destroy both of them. What she wanted was honesty. If something strange happened, she wanted to be able to ask about it without feeling as though she had committed some terrible violation simply by being confused.

Over the next few days, she noticed that the tension between them slowly decreased. Her boyfriend continued acting normally, and he made an effort to reassure her. He also acknowledged that he should have handled the original conversation better. She appreciated that because it showed that he understood her perspective even if he disagreed with her fears. She still had questions, but she no longer felt as though she needed to immediately decide whether he was innocent or guilty.

However, the experience changed something inside her. Before finding the condoms, she had never seriously considered the possibility of her boyfriend cheating. She had trusted him without hesitation. Afterward, she realized that trust could be shaken by something very small and unexpected. She also learned that suspicion could grow quickly if there was poor communication. The packet itself might eventually turn out to be meaningless, but the emotional reaction it created showed her how important honesty was in their relationship.

She now believes that the real issue was never simply the condoms. The larger issue was how couples respond when something unexpected challenges their trust. If her boyfriend can be honest with her and communicate openly, she believes they can move past the incident. But if more unexplained situations appear in the future, she knows she will have to take them seriously. She does not want to become paranoid, but she also does not want to ignore warning signs simply because facing them is uncomfortable.

For now, she has decided not to accuse him of cheating without evidence. She is choosing to judge the situation based on his overall behavior, his explanation, and whether his actions continue to match his words. She also told him that she expects complete honesty going forward because she does not want another small discovery to turn into a much bigger crisis. Her boyfriend agreed that the situation could have been handled better and promised to communicate more clearly.

Still, she cannot completely forget the moment she found the packet. Every time she sees that jacket, she remembers the confusion she felt and the questions that immediately entered her mind. She hopes that eventually the memory will become nothing more than an awkward misunderstanding. But part of her remains cautious because she knows that sometimes seemingly harmless discoveries really do lead to larger revelations. For now, though, she is trying not to let fear control her decisions.

In the end, she understands why some people would immediately assume the worst after finding condoms in a partner’s jacket. She also understands why others would say that there are many innocent explanations and that one packet should not destroy a relationship. She finds herself somewhere in the middle. She does not want to accuse someone she loves based on assumptions, but she also believes that unexplained evidence deserves an honest conversation. Whether the condoms were forgotten, misplaced, given to him by someone else, or connected to something she does not yet know, the situation has forced her to look more carefully at the trust between them. Now she is left with one difficult question: should she accept her boyfriend’s explanation and move forward, or should the fact that he could not immediately explain the condoms make her suspicious enough to investigate further?