I never imagined that something as beautiful as a pregnancy announcement could become such a painful experience for me. I am a 26-year-old woman, and my husband and I have been trying to start a family for some time. Unfortunately, I have experienced multiple miscarriages, and each one has affected me emotionally in ways that are difficult to explain. Every time I became pregnant, I allowed myself to feel hopeful and imagine what our future child would look like, only to have those dreams taken away. My husband has been supportive in his own way, but the experience has still been incredibly difficult. I have tried to remain positive and move forward, even though certain reminders can bring back all the sadness I have worked so hard to manage.

The situation became especially difficult when my husband’s 19-year-old sister announced that she was pregnant. I understand that pregnancy is an exciting experience, and I would never expect someone to hide their happiness simply because I have experienced loss. Initially, I congratulated her and tried to be supportive because I knew this was an important moment in her life. However, her behavior gradually started making me uncomfortable. She constantly talked about her pregnancy whenever we were together, showed everyone pictures of her ultrasound, and repeatedly discussed how excited she was about becoming a mother. None of that would necessarily have been a problem if she had been considerate about my situation, but she knew exactly what I had been through.

What hurts me most is that some of her comments seem intentionally directed at me. Whenever we are around family, she sometimes makes remarks about how lucky she is that her pregnancy is going smoothly or how she cannot imagine experiencing what I have experienced. On other occasions, she talks about how easy it has been for her to become pregnant, even though she knows how much my husband and I have struggled. I have tried convincing myself that perhaps she is simply young and does not understand how painful her words can be. However, there have been moments when her tone and expressions made me feel as though she was deliberately trying to get a reaction from me. I do not want to accuse her without knowing her intentions, but her behavior has become increasingly difficult to tolerate.

I eventually tried discussing the situation with my husband because I could no longer pretend that everything was fine. I explained that I was happy for his sister, but constantly hearing comments about pregnancy, babies, and how fortunate she was had become emotionally exhausting. I asked him to speak with her and explain that she needed to be more considerate around me. Unfortunately, he seemed uncomfortable getting involved. He said that his sister was excited about becoming a mother and that we should not expect her to control every conversation because of my past experiences. I understand that she deserves to enjoy her pregnancy, but I also believe there is a difference between expressing happiness and repeatedly making insensitive comments toward someone who has experienced pregnancy loss. I felt disappointed that my husband seemed more concerned about avoiding conflict with his sister than understanding how much her behavior was hurting me.

Now I feel trapped between wanting to maintain a peaceful relationship with my husband’s family and protecting myself from situations that constantly reopen emotional wounds. I have started avoiding some family gatherings because I know the conversations will eventually turn toward her pregnancy. I do not want anyone to think I am jealous of her or that I wish something bad for her. I genuinely hope she has a healthy pregnancy and a wonderful experience becoming a mother. All I want is the same consideration and compassion that I would offer someone going through a difficult situation. I have already experienced enough heartbreak, and I do not think I should have to tolerate insensitive remarks simply to keep everyone else comfortable. Am I wrong for wanting some distance from my pregnant sister-in-law when her constant comments about pregnancy make it so difficult for me to cope with my own losses?

Read Story…

My [26F] husband’s sister [19F] is using her pregnancy to torture me after my miscarriages

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/JaffaOrange

My [26F] husband’s sister [19F] is using her pregnancy to torture me after my miscarriages.

TRIGGER WARNING: miscarriage,  infidelity, mental abuse

Original Post  July 25, 2015

I got married to my lovely husband when we were both 22. We’ve known each other since secondary school, and have talked about having a large family ever since we started dating at 18. We began trying as soon as we got married, but we didn’t conceive for a long time. I’ve had two miscarriages since then, with the last one being a mid-trimester miscarriage. I didn’t think anything could hurt more than the first one, but this one completely ruined me. I think my relationship with my husband has suffered immensely. We just don’t talk like we used to be able to.

My husband’s sister Emily has always disliked me. She tells her mother fabricated stories about me, borrows money from my husband that she never pays back and then berates me for not getting a job to support him, and constantly makes comments about how my star-athlete-in-uni brother married a ‘boring housewife’.

Recently, she got pregnant. Now my husband’s family knows what a difficult time we’re going through, and have been going through for the last few years. Emily comes over to our house almost every other day, flaunting her belly at me, asking me to run to the store and get her weird food to satisfy her pregnancy cravings, talking about how she feels she must have twins which is bad because ‘I’m not the kind of woman who wants more than one child because I have a life, you know’, going into my closet and taking my maternity clothes because ‘You won’t be needing these right now’, and asking me stuff about my pregnancy like ‘Did this happen to you when you were pregnant too? Well what about the second time?’

I find all of this very inappropriate. I talked to my husband and he thinks I am just touchy and am projecting my anger onto his sister.

I don’t understand whether she is doing this because she hates me, or is genuinely clueless. All I know is that it hurts. I cry myself to sleep most nights. I don’t know what to do or how to make her stop.

tl;dr: Husband’s sister might be using her pregnancy to punish me. How do I fix this? Is this all in my head?

UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3emzrm/update_my_26f_husbands_sister_19f_is_using_her/

Long night.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

[deleted]

Why do you stand for this? Tell him what you’re going to tell her, then tell her. Tell her it’s fucking childish, inappropriate, sadistic, and you can’t believe any decent human being would say the things she says. Tell her you don’t want to see her anymore, and you don’t want to be around her.

Why the fuck is she even in your house?!?

OOP

My husband is very close to his sister. I had an incident when I tried to tear my maternity tshirt off her and my husband completely sided with her because she was the helpless pregnant woman and I was the child-crazy barren lady who needed psychological help.

I don’t know if my marriage will survive if I cut ties with Emily. My husband and I are both in a very precarious state right now, and I feel like changing things, bringing in more family drama, will be the last straw for him.

Family is everything to him, and right now, I can’t give him the family that his sister can.

[deleted]

Maybe your marriage shouldn’t survive?  You seem to be suffering an awful lot for someone who’s supposed to be with a loving and respecting partner for the rest of their lives.

If you can’t give him the family that this shit sister can, that kind of says something really sad about your own relationship with him.

OOP

🙁

That was hard to read.

I don’t know. I know he’s changed, but I have too. The miscarriages have been hard for both of us. I can’t uproot him right now.

I know most marriages don’t survive miscarriages. But I also know that I will never love anyone the way I love him.

~

[deleted]

Your husband has emotionally abandoned you. Time to get HIM into therapy, and if he won’t go, walk out. You deserve better than this.

OOP

I’m so confused right now. I honestly came in thinking you would all tell me to confront her. I was basically posting so I would get the courage to confront her in a way that wouldn’t hurt my husband.

I am shocked so many of you are suggesting I need to re-evaluate my marriage. I don’t know if this is Reddit being Reddit, giving extreme, damaging suggestions, or whether I’m actually being blind to the state of my marriage.

Has he abandoned me? He’s hurting too. He’s trying to defend what he has left of his own family. I am part of that, but his sister is too.

Please tell me I’m making sense.

Update  July 26, 2015 (Next Day)

I talked about it first here. I just find it slightly hilarious that I am properly linking a page with the correct formatting and brackets and everyting because frankly I don’t know what else to do right now. Long post.

I’ve been up all night, reading the replies to the original thread. I usually dont sleep very well these days, so my husband (his name is Harry) is accustomed to seeing me  . when he wakes up super early for his jog. Anyway, I spoke to him first thing, normal things like what his plans were for the day and what I should cook .. things that arent so normal for us anymore.

I asked him if he thought I should join his gym, that I could go down there today and get a membership so we could work out together. I told him I wanted to move on from the rut we were in. He told me his gym time was personal time he needed to unwind, and he hoped I understood but I was welcome to join him for the jog.

I tried to initiate sex. He said he was late for his jog. We havent had sex for around a yearr.

Long story short: I cried. He cried. He confessed he’d been having an affair for the last five months (two months after our miscarriage). He said I made him sad. He said he felt alone and looking at my ‘condition’ made him feel inadequate.

There is no gym. There are no late nights working at te office. All this time I thought he was dealing with his grief over our miscarriages. Nope. He was having an affair. That’s why hes been so distant. He isn’t distracting himself with work. He’s fucking a colleague from work.

No wonder he doesn’t ask me to go to work dos anymore. No wonder he buys new clothes every month. I thought he was just trying to make himself feel better. I am so fucking blind. I am such an idiot. Literally any other woman could have seen the signs.

Also, here’s the kicker: His sister Emily knows. I don’t know how she found out, but she knows he’s screwing around behnd my back. He said that’s why he sided with her and ignored my pleas for help, because she threatened to tell me. Apparently the whole flaunting her pregnancy thing was a way for her to play with both me and her brother.

She knew she would get away with it. He acted upset about not speaking up for me, and said he couldn”t take it anymore and that’s why he was confessing and he hoped we could find a way to move past this. I think he thought I already knew. I think when I asked him about the gym and tried to have sex with him, he thought Emily had told me and decided to ‘confess’ before I let on that I knew,.

I don’t want to make him feel ‘sad’ and ‘inadequate’ anymore. I hope him and his disgusting family can keep each other happy.

I’m leaving him.

   tl;dr: The love of my life has been screwing another woman while I stay up at night and cry about my dead babies.

I just want to thank everyone for responding to the first thread. I honestly had no clue the problem was with Harry, not with his sister. You guys are very smart, smarter than I will ever be. Thank you so much. I don’t how long I would’ve been stuck with this vile human being if it wasn’t for you. I guess Emily was a blessing in disguise, after all.

My Painful Journey Through Multiple Miscarriages and the Dream of Becoming a Mother

I never imagined that I would find myself struggling to be around someone else’s happiness, especially when that person is part of my own family. I am a 26-year-old woman, and my husband and I have been trying to start a family for some time. Unfortunately, my journey toward becoming a mother has been filled with heartbreak, disappointment, and multiple miscarriages. Every time I discovered I was pregnant, I allowed myself to imagine holding my baby, preparing a nursery, and experiencing all the little moments that parents look forward to. Sadly, those dreams never became reality. Losing a pregnancy is something that has affected me deeply, and although I have tried to move forward, there are still days when the emotional pain feels just as strong as it did when everything happened.

My husband has been with me throughout these difficult experiences, and I know that he has also struggled with our losses. We have had many conversations about our future and whether we should continue trying for a baby. I have always wanted to become a mother, and he knows how important that dream is to me. However, after experiencing multiple miscarriages, I have become more sensitive to conversations about pregnancy and newborn babies. I am not saying that people should avoid discussing their children around me, but certain comments can unexpectedly bring back painful memories. I have learned that healing is not always a straight line, and sometimes something very small can make me emotional without warning.

The situation became particularly complicated when my husband’s younger sister, who is 19 years old, announced that she was pregnant. When she first shared the news with the family, everyone was extremely excited. My mother-in-law became emotional, my husband congratulated his sister, and relatives immediately started discussing baby names and preparations. I also congratulated her because I understood that this was an important moment in her life. Even though I was experiencing my own sadness, I did not want to take away her happiness. I genuinely hoped everything would go well for her and that she would have a healthy pregnancy. At that point, I had no idea that her pregnancy would eventually become such a difficult subject between us.

Initially, I tried to be supportive and friendly whenever she discussed her pregnancy. I listened when she talked about appointments, baby clothes, and the changes she was experiencing. I even asked her how she was feeling because I wanted her to know that I was not against her becoming a mother. However, after a few weeks, I began noticing that almost every conversation with her eventually turned into a discussion about pregnancy. She would constantly show me pictures of her ultrasound, talk about how excited she was, and describe all the things she planned to do after the baby arrived. I understood her excitement, but the frequency of these conversations started becoming emotionally exhausting for me.

What made things worse was that she knew about my miscarriages. I had never hidden what happened from my husband’s family because they were aware of the difficulties we had experienced. My sister-in-law knew how much I wanted a child and how devastating each pregnancy loss had been for me. She had even been present during conversations when I discussed the emotional impact of losing my pregnancies. Because of that, I expected her to show at least some sensitivity when discussing certain subjects with me. I never expected her to hide her pregnancy or pretend she was not excited, but I did hope she would understand that some comments might be particularly painful.

One of the first incidents that really bothered me happened during a family dinner. Everyone was sitting together, discussing ordinary things, when my sister-in-law suddenly started talking about how lucky she was to become pregnant so easily. She mentioned that she had not even expected it to happen so quickly and that everything had worked out perfectly for her. I tried to continue eating and avoid making the conversation uncomfortable. Then she looked in my direction and made a comment about how some women spend years trying while others become pregnant without even planning it. I felt my stomach drop because she knew exactly what my experience had been.

I did not respond to her comment because I did not want to create a scene in front of everyone. I simply stayed quiet and tried to change the subject. However, I noticed that she continued discussing how easy everything had been for her. She talked about how she had never experienced the kind of stress other women go through and how she hoped her pregnancy would remain uncomplicated. I understand that she may have been expressing her happiness, but the way she brought up other women’s struggles made me uncomfortable. It felt as though my personal experiences were being used as a comparison rather than treated with compassion.

After that dinner, I started paying closer attention to the way she behaved around me. Whenever we met, she seemed eager to discuss another pregnancy-related update. Sometimes she would send me pictures of baby clothes she had purchased, and other times she would show me photographs of her growing baby bump. I did not mind seeing occasional updates, but she would often continue talking even when I clearly seemed uncomfortable. There were moments when I would try to redirect the conversation toward something else, only for her to bring it back to her pregnancy a few minutes later. I started feeling as though there was no way to spend time with her without being reminded of everything I had lost.

One afternoon, she visited our house with some baby clothes she had recently purchased. She was extremely excited and wanted to show me every single item. I tried to be polite and complimented a few outfits, but eventually she started discussing how she could not wait to become a mother. She then made a remark about how she was glad she did not have to go through the painful experiences I had experienced. I felt deeply uncomfortable hearing that from someone who was supposed to understand my situation. I told her that I hoped everything continued going well for her, but I would appreciate it if she avoided comparing her pregnancy with my miscarriages.

Instead of acknowledging what I had said, she appeared offended. She told me that she was not comparing anything and that I was taking her words too personally. She said she was simply excited and did not understand why I could not be happy for her. I explained that I was happy for her, but being happy about someone’s pregnancy did not mean I had to be comfortable hearing constant comments about my own losses. I also told her that I had never asked her to stop talking about the baby completely. I only wanted her to understand that certain comparisons were unnecessary and hurtful.

My sister-in-law eventually left, but I could not stop thinking about the conversation. I wondered whether I had been too sensitive or whether anyone else would have reacted the same way. I know pregnancy can be an exciting experience, especially for someone who is becoming a parent for the first time. I also remember how hopeful I felt during my own pregnancies, so I would never want to make someone feel guilty for enjoying that experience. However, there is a difference between celebrating your happiness and repeatedly bringing up another person’s painful history. I wanted her to understand that distinction, but I was beginning to feel that she had no interest in understanding my perspective.

A few days later, I decided to discuss everything with my husband. I explained that I was struggling with his sister’s comments and that I did not feel comfortable being around her as often as before. I told him about the dinner conversation and the remarks she had made about becoming pregnant easily. I also explained that I was not asking him to stop supporting his sister or make her feel bad about her pregnancy. I simply wanted him to speak with her and ask her to be more considerate. I thought he would understand immediately because he had witnessed how difficult our miscarriages had been for both of us.

Unfortunately, his response was not what I expected. He told me that his sister was only 19 years old and probably did not understand how her words affected me. He said she was excited about her first pregnancy and might not realize when she was crossing a boundary. I understood that she was young, but I reminded him that being young did not mean someone could not understand basic kindness. She knew about my losses, and I had already explained that certain comparisons made me uncomfortable. I did not think it was unreasonable to expect her to stop making those comments.

My husband then said that I should try not to let her words affect me so much. He explained that pregnancy was a major part of her life right now, so naturally she would want to discuss it frequently. I told him that I understood that, but my problem was not the pregnancy updates themselves. It was the unnecessary remarks about how fortunate she was compared with women who experienced miscarriages. I wanted him to recognize that there was a difference between ordinary excitement and comments that directly touched on my painful experiences. Instead, I felt as though he was suggesting that I should simply ignore everything and pretend it did not hurt.

The next family gathering made things even more uncomfortable. My mother-in-law had organized a small dinner, and several relatives were invited. As expected, most of the conversation revolved around the pregnancy. People discussed the baby’s expected arrival, possible names, and preparations for the nursery. I participated in the conversation when appropriate, but I mostly stayed quiet. At one point, my sister-in-law began talking about how she could not imagine dealing with the emotional difficulties of repeated pregnancy losses. She then said that she felt fortunate because she had never experienced anything like that. I immediately felt uncomfortable because everyone knew exactly who had experienced those losses.

I looked toward my husband, hoping he would recognize how inappropriate the comment was, but he did not say anything. My mother-in-law simply continued the conversation and asked her daughter another question about the baby. I felt embarrassed, hurt, and completely alone. I did not want to cry in front of everyone, so I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I stayed there for several minutes, trying to calm myself down. I kept reminding myself that I did not want to turn someone else’s pregnancy into a family conflict, but I also could not understand why nobody seemed willing to acknowledge how insensitive some of these comments were.

When I returned to the dining room, my sister-in-law asked whether I was feeling unwell. I told her that I was fine and tried to continue with dinner. However, she made another comment suggesting that I should not take everything so seriously. She said that people were allowed to talk about their happiness and that nobody should feel guilty about having a baby. I was shocked because I had never suggested that she should feel guilty. I told her that she was completely missing the point. I wanted her to enjoy her pregnancy without using my personal experiences as a comparison or bringing up my miscarriages unnecessarily.

She became defensive and said that I was making her feel uncomfortable about being pregnant. According to her, she should not have to think carefully before sharing good news with family members. I explained that there was a difference between sharing good news and making comments about someone else’s fertility struggles. I also reminded her that I had congratulated her from the beginning and had never asked her to hide her excitement. She insisted that I was jealous and could not handle seeing another woman become pregnant. Hearing that accusation was extremely painful because it completely misrepresented how I felt. I was not angry that she was pregnant; I was hurt by the way she treated me.

After that gathering, I decided to reduce the amount of time I spent with her. I stopped visiting her as frequently and began politely declining invitations when I knew the entire event would revolve around pregnancy discussions. I also muted some of her social media updates because seeing constant pregnancy announcements and comparisons was becoming emotionally overwhelming. I did not announce this decision to the family or ask anyone else to change their behavior. I simply wanted some space to process my feelings without being reminded of my miscarriages every time I opened my phone or attended a family gathering.

My mother-in-law eventually noticed that I was avoiding her daughter and asked whether something had happened between us. I initially considered keeping the situation private, but I eventually explained that some of her comments had been hurtful. I told her that I respected her daughter’s happiness and wanted her pregnancy to go smoothly, but I could not continue listening to remarks about how easily she had become pregnant compared with my experiences. My mother-in-law seemed surprised and said that her daughter probably did not mean anything bad. She suggested that I should be more understanding because pregnancy hormones could make people emotional and overly excited.

I found that explanation difficult to accept because I did not think pregnancy hormones justified repeatedly making insensitive remarks. I understand that pregnancy can involve emotional and physical changes, and I would never expect someone to behave perfectly all the time. However, basic consideration should still exist. I told my mother-in-law that I was not trying to punish her daughter or create problems within the family. I simply wanted my feelings to matter too. She responded that everyone was excited about the baby and that I should avoid creating unnecessary tension during such a happy period.

That conversation made me feel even more isolated because it seemed that everyone expected me to manage my emotions while nobody expected my sister-in-law to consider her words. I was expected to congratulate her, attend family gatherings, admire every ultrasound picture, and listen to every pregnancy update without showing any discomfort. Meanwhile, whenever I asked for a little sensitivity, I was accused of being jealous or making things difficult. I began questioning whether I was being unreasonable. I knew I could not expect the entire family to stop celebrating a pregnancy because of my past, but I also believed that asking people not to make personal comparisons was a very small request.

My husband and I eventually had another serious conversation about the situation. I told him that his silence during these incidents had made me feel unsupported. I explained that I was not asking him to choose between me and his sister. I wanted him to understand that protecting our marriage also meant respecting the emotional difficulties we had experienced together. He admitted that he had been trying to avoid arguments because he did not want his family to become divided. I told him that avoiding conflict was not solving anything; it was simply leaving me to deal with the hurt alone. I needed him to acknowledge my feelings, even if he did not agree with every detail of my interpretation.

I also started thinking about how much my miscarriages had changed my relationship with pregnancy and motherhood. Before experiencing these losses, I never thought I would become someone who struggled to attend baby showers or listen to pregnancy announcements. I used to imagine that I would be the first person celebrating when someone close to me announced a pregnancy. Now I sometimes need time to process my emotions before I can genuinely participate in those celebrations. I do not consider that a personal failure. I am trying to heal while continuing to live my life, and I believe I deserve patience during that process just as much as anyone else.

At this point, I genuinely do not know how to move forward with my sister-in-law. I want her to have a healthy pregnancy and a happy future with her baby, but I cannot continue putting myself in situations where my miscarriages become part of casual conversations or comparisons. I have never asked her to stop celebrating, and I have never wished anything negative for her. All I have asked for is basic sensitivity toward something that has caused me enormous pain. My husband believes I should continue being polite and avoid taking her comments personally, while I feel that some distance is necessary for my emotional well-being. Am I wrong for distancing myself from my pregnant sister-in-law because of her repeated comments about my pregnancy losses, or should I continue attending family gatherings and pretend her behavior does not bother me?