Redditor Considering Divorce After Spouse Issues ‘It’s Me Or The Dog’ Ultimatum
Marriage can become incredibly complicated when years of unresolved problems begin to pile up, especially when one partner has repeatedly forgiven the other and continued trying to save the relationship. One Redditor explained that they had been married for a long time and had already dealt with serious issues, including addiction problems and attempted affairs. Despite everything that had happened, they chose to forgive their spouse and continue working on their marriage. Their relationship had certainly been difficult, but the Redditor still loved their spouse and wanted to believe that things could eventually improve. Then a dog entered their lives and unexpectedly became the center of an even bigger conflict.
The Redditor had always loved dogs, while their spouse had never been particularly fond of having pets. Despite that difference, the spouse once brought home a dog specifically as a gift for the Redditor. They were incredibly happy and quickly became deeply attached to the animal. The dog was food-motivated and occasionally had poor manners when food was involved, but overall she was described as a wonderful companion. She had never hurt anyone, behaved well around the couple’s children, and was also good with their other pets. For the Redditor, the dog became an important part of the family and a source of comfort through the difficulties in the marriage.
Over the years, however, the spouse repeatedly became angry about the dog and demanded that the Redditor get rid of her. Each time, the Redditor refused, and eventually the spouse would calm down. The situation remained tense but never reached a permanent resolution until one day the spouse decided to take matters into their own hands. While the Redditor was at work, the spouse abandoned the dog somewhere without telling them. The Redditor was devastated and immediately contacted the police in an attempt to find out where the dog had been taken. Fortunately, social media helped them locate her, allowing them to bring their beloved pet back home. After that incident, the Redditor felt that something fundamental had changed in the marriage.
The Redditor is now caught between two relationships that both matter deeply to them. On one side is a marriage they have fought hard to preserve despite addiction, attempted affairs, and years of conflict. On the other is a loyal dog who has been part of their life and family for years and whom they believe deserves to remain with the person who loves and cares for her. The Redditor does not want to abandon their marriage if there is still a genuine chance to rebuild it, but they also fear that giving away the dog would leave them feeling resentful and unlike themselves. The ultimatum has therefore forced them to confront a difficult question about love, loyalty, forgiveness, and personal boundaries: whether saving a marriage should require giving up something they consider an essential part of their life.
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“AITAH for considering divorce after my spouse told me to choose between them and the dog?”
To say that the OP had had a rocky marriage would be an understatement.
“I have been married longer than we have had our dog.”
“To say we have issues is an understatement. From addiction issues to attempted affairs, I have forgiven my spouse for it all and have tried to work through our issues.”
The OP found comfort during their marriage by having a dog as a companion.
“I love dogs greatly, and when my spouse brought home a dog for me, I was over the moon with joy. My spouse never liked pets but decided to give me this gift anyway.”
“I spoil the dog. She is definitely motivated by food and at times does not have the best manners in this department.”
“Other than that, she is a great dog, never hurt anyone, and is great with our kids and other pets.”
But the OP’s partner did not fall in love with the dog the same way the OP did.
“Over the years, my spouse has blown up over the dog, demanding I get rid of it, but I never did, and my spouse always eventually calmed down and let the issue go.”
“Recently, my spouse decided they had enough and abandoned my dog while I was at work.”
“I called the police on my spouse to get them to tell me where they dropped my dog off at. If it wasn’t for social media, I would never have found her.”
The OP’s partner gave them a terrible ultimatum when they got their dog back.
“Due to this, I asked for a divorce. We have been attempting to work on our marriage, but my spouse is saying now that I have to choose between them and the dog.”
“I cannot get myself to let go of the dog who has been loyal all these years, but I also do not want to give up on a marriage when my spouse is making a lot of strides in becoming the person I always prayed for.”
“On the other hand, I really feel if I give away my dog, I am losing a part of myself and becoming a person I do not like.”
“AITAH for not giving up my dog for my spouse?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
While it might seem drastic to give up a marriage for a pet, some said the OP was NTA.
“Who the f**k abandons a dog somewhere? That’s some sicko. divorce. I’d choose the dog every time.” – Key-Leading-6629
“NTA. The person who makes you choose between them and ANYTHING ELSE, especially something that you love, isn’t a person worth choosing.” – Knoegge
“I’d choose the dog. You can get a better spouse. Or no spouse at all! No spouse and all the dogs! Cute dogs in a trenchcoat!” – OmightyOmo
“NTA, OP. Never give an ultimatum unless you are willing to accept the results. But also? Don’t give an ultimatum to someone you love.” – Catronia
“I’m not an animal lover at all, but I could never give my spouse an ultimatum like that with a dog I GIFTED them whom they adore so much. That’s wild to me.”
“What about a trial separation? At least?!” – britknee_kay
“If I gifted my spouse the dog, I’m on the hook for its care as well, even if I am not a dog lover. Kidnapping the dog and dumping it is animal abuse and emotional abuse.”
“I’m not a fan of the saying, ‘Keep the dog; dump the spouse,’ because I think there are plenty of situations where a pet shouldn’t come before a human, but this isn’t the case here.” – Chubbymommy2020
“If someone dropped my dog off somewhere, they’d instantly be dead to me. Literally deleted from the memory bank.”
“…What husband?!? I’m single!”
“NTA.” – BellaxStrange
“I have had my cat for 16 years. I have had my husband for 11.”
“If he EVER pulled this, he knows he would be out. Kitty and I came as a package and will remain one. You wanna leave, there’s the door, but leave the cat the f**k out of it.”
“Luckily, he adores her and is the best cat dad ever, but J*sus, I can’t even imagine this situation. If he ever did that (if anyone did), I know I would be arrested for the h**l I would unleash on them.”
“OP, you need to let them go and keep the doggo.” – fergie_89
“NTA, the dog is just an example of your spouse’s unpredictable and abusive behavior. Get out now for the sake of your kids! Your kids and your pets and you deserve a safe and predictable home.” – whattheheckOO
“Choose the kids, choose the dog. Your spouse has had previous addiction issues, so what’s to say your significant other won’t fall off the wagon or have more affairs?”
“Are you willing to take your chances with a spouse that can turn on you at the drop of a hat whenever they get angry? You can trust your dog to love you wholeheartedly, while you can’t say the same for your partner.”
“What’s more important, trying to save a marriage that’s proven to be detrimental and that contains previous issues, addiction and cheating can crop up again, or leave and take your dog and fight for custody of your children and live a better life?”
“Your dog deserves so much better than what they’re getting with your spouse in the picture. Remember that you’re teaching your children how they should allow others to treat them. Is this what you want for them in their future romantic relationships?” – ilndgrl1970
Others cautioned the OP that this might be a sign of an abusive partner rather than the partner they “always prayed for.”
“Abusing animals is a common control tactic of abusers. I know several people who got rid of pets because some partner demanded it, and every person regretted it, and wished they chose the animal and dumped the partner.” – Dangerous_Ant3260
“This is abuser behavior. Get rid of anyone and anything in someone’s life that might give them the idea that they can do better… And then the evil really comes out.”
“And honestly, if the OP tries to make it work… How long until the spouse hurts, or worse, the dog? And then turns it up to 11 on the spouse? This is too scary, and divorce is the only option I’m seeing.” – Free_Heart_8948
“Can you truly love and respect someone who would do that to any pet? I would always wonder about their decision making… and lack of empathy for you and the children.” – lifegoeson5322
“This should be the final straw for OP. The substance abuse and/or the ‘attempted’ affairs would have been enough for me, but abandoning a pet? This is not a redeemable person.” – ladymorgana01
“Just because it’s a dog doesn’t automatically equal survival skills.”
“I can just see the poor pup running after the car, big eyes staring at the bumper as it realizes the car is going too fast. Wandering out alone, maybe a dirt road. Night falls, hungry and thirsty and alone in the darkness, hearing coyotes and other wildlife, scared and trembling.”
“Anyone who could do that is a monster. It’s brutal and sick.”
“Now that that door is open, the behavior won’t stop with the dog, either, OP. Leave before they start mistreating you and your children. They are just the scapegoat… for now.” – TheMoatCalin
“How is this man ‘become the person OP prayed for’ but can drop a dog off wherever with no concern for it or OP? Is the person she prayed for her spouse to be a serial killer?!”
“NTA, OP… I think?!” – z00k33per0304
“They almost cheated, has substance abuse issues, and the final nail in it is them dumping the pup somewhere and refusing to tell the OP, so I’m failing to see the redeemable part that would make me want to take ’em back after the trial, let alone see them as ‘the partner the OP always prayed for.'”
“Nope, make it permanent. Tell them you’re dumping them and keeping the pupper. NTA.” – Wrong_Moose_9763
“This is called abuse. Run. Now. NTA by any stretch of the imagination.”
“And by all means, PROTECT YOUR DOG. It seems your partner is using the dog to hurt you. If you need to have a friend or relative keep the dog while you sort through the divorce, do it.”
“It sounds like your partner specifically gave you a dog to have something that they can yank away from you. A living being with feelings as a point of leverage. Disgusting.”
“Just thinking out loud here, can dogs get restraining orders?!” – Ok-Appearance-866
“Your partner kidnapped your dog and then tried to throw an ultimatum. Remember that this is a mask slipping and that they are actively showing who they are every time the topic comes up.”
“And this is the ‘improved version’ the OP is talking about… which is just successful love bombing.”
“Time to go. Take all your loved ones with you. NTA.” – vonnostrum2022
“OP, channel your inner Jennifer Coolidge in ‘Legally Blonde.’ You’re keepin’ the dog… dumba**!”
“Seriously, you’ve stayed through all of these trials, and it sounds like one point of light in your life has been this dog that your partner GIFTED TO YOU. You didn’t show up at home with a dog that they hated; THEY gifted the dog to YOU.”
“Now they’re supposedly putting all of this work into making the marriage work and are becoming the partner you always dreamed of… but in the same breath are giving you ultimatums to choose them over the dog and leaving the dog you love on the side of the road.”
“A good person cannot play both of these roles. A dream partner, a partner you’ve prayed for, cannot play both of these roles.”
“They can make mistakes and do everything they can to make up for it, apologize, and earn back your trust. They can gift you a dog to help be your companion while they’re working on themselves. But the dream dies when they try to take the dog away and even abandon it to make it happen.”
“They are the dumba**. You, OP, are keepin’ the dog.” – TheBookishAndTheBard
The subReddit was alarmed by all that the OP had already put up with in their marriage and what had recently developed between them, their spouse, and their dog.
It was clear that it was time for the OP, their kids, and all of their pets to start fresh and find a happily ever after that did not include this ‘partner they always dreamed of.’
If the partner didn’t want to have a dog and was so interested in affairs and such, they could have all of that over in Single Land.
Redditor Tries To Save Troubled Marriage Despite Years Of Serious Problems
Marriage can become complicated when years of unresolved problems, broken trust, and emotional struggles begin affecting everyday life. One Redditor explained that they had been married to their spouse longer than they had owned their beloved dog, but their relationship had already gone through many serious difficulties. The couple had dealt with addiction issues and attempted affairs, and despite the pain those experiences caused, the Redditor chose to forgive their spouse and continue trying to repair the marriage. They still loved their partner and hoped that, with enough effort, they could eventually overcome the problems that had damaged their relationship.
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Dogs, however, had always been extremely important to the Redditor. Their spouse had never been particularly interested in having pets, which made it surprising when the spouse eventually brought home a dog specifically as a gift. The Redditor was absolutely thrilled and quickly became deeply attached to the animal. Although the dog was very motivated by food and occasionally behaved poorly when food was involved, the Redditor described her as an otherwise wonderful dog. She had never hurt anyone, was great with the couple’s children, and got along well with their other pets.
As the years passed, the Redditor’s bond with the dog only became stronger. The dog was not simply a pet that happened to live in the house; she had become a genuine member of the family. The Redditor cared for her, spoiled her, and had spent years building a close relationship with her. Their spouse, however, increasingly became frustrated by the dog’s presence. There were several occasions when the spouse became angry and demanded that the Redditor get rid of the dog. Each time, the Redditor refused, and eventually the spouse would calm down and the situation would settle.
Eventually, though, the conflict reached a much more serious level. While the Redditor was away at work, their spouse decided to abandon the dog without their permission. The Redditor returned home and discovered that the dog was gone, leaving them shocked and desperate to find out what had happened. They contacted the police and tried to get information about where the spouse had taken the animal. The situation was extremely upsetting because the Redditor had never agreed to give up the dog and had repeatedly made it clear how important she was.
Fortunately, social media played an unexpected role in helping the Redditor locate the dog. Without people sharing information online, they believe they might never have found her. Once the dog was located, the Redditor was able to get her back. The experience, however, changed the way they viewed their marriage. It wasn’t simply another disagreement about having a pet. Their spouse had made a major decision about something deeply important to them without their consent, and that action caused the Redditor to seriously consider divorce.
Despite everything that happened, the couple has continued attempting to work on their marriage. The Redditor admits that their spouse has been making significant progress and is becoming closer to the person they had always hoped they would be. This has made the decision even harder. The Redditor doesn’t want to throw away years of marriage if there is a genuine possibility that their relationship can heal. They still have feelings for their spouse and can see positive changes, which makes the situation much more emotionally complicated than simply deciding to walk away.
The biggest problem now is that the spouse has issued a clear ultimatum: it is either them or the dog. The spouse apparently believes the Redditor needs to choose the marriage and give up the pet. The Redditor, however, cannot bring themselves to abandon the dog after everything they have shared. They feel that the dog has been loyal to them throughout the years and that giving her away would cause enormous emotional pain. More importantly, they believe surrendering the dog would make them feel as though they had given up an important part of who they are simply to keep their marriage intact.
The Redditor is now caught between wanting to save their marriage and wanting to remain true to themselves. They acknowledge that their spouse has made mistakes but also recognize the recent effort being made to improve the relationship. At the same time, they cannot ignore the seriousness of what happened when the dog was abandoned. The situation has raised questions about trust, respect, compromise, and whether a healthy marriage can survive when one partner demands that the other give up something deeply meaningful. The Redditor fears that even if they surrendered the dog, they might eventually become resentful toward their spouse.
Ultimately, the Redditor is struggling with a decision that feels impossible because neither choice seems emotionally simple. They don’t want to give up on a marriage they have spent years trying to save, especially when they believe their spouse is finally making meaningful changes. But they also cannot imagine willingly giving away a dog who has been part of their life for so long. To the Redditor, this is no longer just a disagreement about a pet; it has become a question of identity, loyalty, trust, and personal boundaries. They now have to decide how much compromise is reasonable in a marriage and whether choosing between a spouse and a beloved pet is a choice they should have to make at all.
