I never thought one comment from my boyfriend could make me question so much about myself. We have been together for about a year, and until recently, I honestly believed our relationship was healthy and supportive. We had never really argued about my weight, and he had always known that body image was something I had struggled with in the past. That is why what happened recently hurt me much more than I expected.

A few days ago, I received some new clothes that I had ordered online. I was excited because I had been working hard on myself and had finally started feeling comfortable and confident in my body again. I tried on the new clothes, took a few pictures, and sent them to my boyfriend because I wanted to share that excitement with him. I thought he would say something sweet or tell me that I looked good. Instead, he kept asking me to send another picture.

At first, I didn’t think much of it. I had already changed out of the clothes by then, so I asked him why he wanted another picture. We went back and forth for several minutes, and eventually he said, “You just looked fat in it.” What made the comment even worse was that he followed it with a joking meme, as if what he had said was supposed to be funny. I was completely caught off guard. I didn’t know how to respond because I never expected those words to come from him.

My weight has always been a sensitive subject for me, but especially because of how much work I have put into changing my lifestyle. I used to weigh around 105kg and have managed to get down to about 70kg. I go to the gym four times a week and also play football several times a week. More importantly, I have worked hard to develop a healthier relationship with myself after struggling with an eating disorder. Getting to a place where I could look at myself without constantly criticizing my body took a lot of time and effort.

When I reacted with surprise, he tried to explain himself by saying that was exactly why he had asked me to send another picture. He also said that I was the one who kept asking. That confused me even more because I wasn’t asking him to judge my body. I was simply sharing something I was excited about. Hearing him talk about my weight so casually made me feel as though all the progress I had made suddenly meant nothing.

What hurt even more was how normally he acted afterward. He started asking me about my day at work as though nothing had happened. I eventually asked him why he thought it was okay to speak to me that way, especially knowing how sensitive the subject was for me. His response was that he wasn’t going to lie if I had asked. I understood that honesty matters in a relationship, but there is a huge difference between being honest and deliberately choosing words that can hurt someone you love.

I eventually told him clearly that his comment had upset me. He apologized and said he hadn’t meant to hurt me. Part of me wanted to accept the apology immediately because I love him and don’t want one terrible moment to erase an entire year of our relationship. At the same time, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said. I kept replaying the conversation in my head and wondering whether he genuinely sees me as fat or whether he simply said something thoughtless without understanding how deeply it would affect me.

Since then, I have been struggling with my confidence again. I know logically that one person’s opinion does not erase the progress I have made. I know how hard I have worked, how much stronger I am now, and how far I have come. But emotions don’t always listen to logic. I hate that something he said in a few seconds has made me look at myself differently again. I also feel hurt that the person I trusted enough to share my happiness with became the person who made me feel insecure about it.

Now I’m wondering whether this is something we can genuinely work through. I don’t want to immediately throw away a relationship because of one hurtful comment, especially since he apologized and has never spoken to me this way before. But I also don’t want to ignore how deeply it affected me. I think I need to have a serious conversation with him and explain that the issue isn’t simply the word “fat.” It is the fact that he knew my history, knew how hard I had worked, and still treated the subject like a joke. I need to know whether he understands why it hurt me and whether I can trust him to be more considerate in the future.

For now, I’m trying to remind myself that my progress belongs to me. I didn’t lose 30kg for anyone else’s approval, and I don’t want one person’s careless comment to take away the confidence I worked so hard to build. I still love my boyfriend, and I hope this can become a moment where we learn how to communicate better rather than the beginning of something worse. But I also know that an apology only matters if it is followed by understanding and changed behavior. I don’t know yet what I will decide, but I know I deserve to feel respected, loved, and comfortable in my own body—even by the person I choose to share my life with.

Read Story…

my boyfriend (22M) called me (20F)fat after loosing over 30kg- we’ve been together for around 1 year and never had issues about this before – do i work through this with him?

context: i just ordered new clothes and they got delivered i sent 3 photos to my boyfriend of the new clothes and me wearing them, he continued to say send another photo (by this point i had gotten changed) and i asked why, we went back and forth and after 10 mins he said “you just looked fat in it” and proceeded to put a mic drop meme, i was very taken back by this as he has never acted in this way and knows that weight is a bit of a sensitive topic for me (for context i was 105kg and have gotten down to 70kg and go gym 4x a week and play football 2-3x a week aswell and have been very positive in myself after suffering a bad eating disorder) after saying oh to him he continued with “That’s why I asked to see again + you were the one who kept asking” i then was taken back so just said “ok” whilst i was processing, and he continued to ask how my day at work had been like nothing had happened, i asked him why he thought it’d be okay to say that and he goes “well im not going to lie am i and you asked” after saying it upset me he apologised and said he didn’t mean to upset me.

i now don’t know what to do, i haven’t spoken to him for a couple hours (and he hasn’t bothered to reach out to check on me – this is what he usually does) as i’ve been really upset, i feel all my hard work has took 2 steps back and im really upset that the person i love has said this to me, especially after we celebrated his birthday 3 days ago. anyways i don’t know what to do as im really upset and angry and feel like i can’t tell my friends this as they will really not like him (i know i sound very naive) any advice?

EDIT

let me add some more context since i should’ve maybe added this to begin with, no we were not in or having an argument, he asked to see my new clothes after i told him they had been delivered so i sent them not asking for compliments but just showing my boyfriend my new clothes like normal relationship things people do, then he made that comment,

i understand honesty and sometimes people not liking what they hear but this in my opinion was unnecessary from him especially unprovoked, and something you wouldn’t say to someone you plan to have a future with. It felt mean and hurtful,

Not that i have to give any explanation to anyone but i am 5,5 and have gotten down to 69/70kg (lol 69) and built muscle mass, i am confident in how i look (i got down to about 80kg when we first started talking and since then have been going down slowly in body fat whilst also building muscle and focusing on training with weights instead of cardio) Its more a self conscious thing now that when ill be around him all ill be thinking is about this comment he has made, i’m especially more upset that he seemed so okay with saying this to me in such a casual way and don’t know where to go from here

We have also been through a lot of difficult stuff together, we ended up getting a termination(he was so so amazing through this with being there taking time off work with me and not leaving my side, hence this is making the decision so hard on what to do now)

Do i split up with him? do i stay with and work this out like we did with previous issues? do we take some time apart? any help/guidance would be so appreciated

(please don’t remove my post again LOL i just want advice and help – so sorry if your seeing this post again and commented on my other – new ish to reddit so have no idea how to look at that old one)
(any advice on stopping this post getting removed would also be lush)

tl;dr

my boyfriend (22M) called me (20F)fat after sending him a photo of me in new clothes after loosing over 30kg- we’ve been together for around 1 year and never had issues about this before – do i work through this with him?

One Hurtful Comment Changed How I Saw Myself

I never thought one sentence from someone I loved could make me question the way I saw myself. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, and until recently, I genuinely believed we had a healthy and loving relationship. We had disagreements like any other couple, but we usually talked things through and moved on.

Over the past year, I had gone through a major physical change. I lost more than 30 kilograms, and it was not easy. Losing that much weight required patience, discipline, and a lot of emotional strength. There were days when I wanted to give up, but I kept going because I wanted to feel healthier and more comfortable in my own body.

My boyfriend had been there during much of that journey. He knew how hard it had been for me. He had watched me change my eating habits, exercise regularly, and become more confident. Because of that, I never imagined that he would eventually say something that would make me feel ashamed of my body again.

For a long time, I actually felt proud when I looked in the mirror. I knew I wasn’t perfect, but I had worked incredibly hard. I started wearing clothes I had avoided before, taking more pictures, and feeling comfortable being seen. It felt like I was finally getting back a part of myself that I had lost.

Then one day, my boyfriend made a comment about my weight.

It was not something dramatic or shouted during an argument. That almost made it worse. He said it casually, as if it were nothing important. He called me fat, and even though it was only one word, it stayed in my mind for the rest of the day.

At first, I laughed awkwardly because I didn’t know how else to react. I thought maybe he was joking. I looked at his face, waiting for him to smile or explain that he didn’t mean it seriously, but he didn’t immediately realize how deeply the comment had affected me.

I finally asked him why he would say something like that after everything I had been through. He seemed surprised by my reaction. He told me that he wasn’t trying to hurt me and that I was taking the comment too seriously.

That response hurt almost as much as the original comment.

I wasn’t expecting him to pretend that I was suddenly perfect. I also wasn’t asking him to lie about how I looked. What bothered me was the way he spoke about my body, especially knowing how difficult my weight-loss journey had been.

I told him that I had spent months learning how to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I explained that hearing my boyfriend call me fat brought back many of the insecurities I thought I had finally overcome.

He apologized, but the apology didn’t immediately make me feel better.

I kept thinking about what he really meant. Had he always thought I was fat? Had he been hiding his opinion? Was this something he had noticed for months but simply never said out loud?

Those questions started becoming louder in my head.

The strange thing was that before this happened, I had never felt judged by him because of my appearance. He had always complimented me, told me I looked beautiful, and made me feel wanted. That was why this one comment confused me so much.

Part of me wanted to believe it was simply a stupid mistake.

People say things without thinking sometimes. Even people who love us can make careless comments. I know that. I have said things before that I wished I could take back.

But there is a difference between accidentally saying something insensitive and repeatedly making someone feel insecure about their body.

I didn’t know yet which situation I was dealing with.

After the conversation, I started paying closer attention to the way he talked about my appearance. I noticed small things I had never thought about before. Sometimes he would comment on what I was eating. Sometimes he would make jokes about exercise. None of these comments were necessarily cruel by themselves, but after what happened, I started hearing them differently.

I began wondering whether I had simply ignored certain warning signs because I loved him.

That thought scared me.

I didn’t want to become the person who analyzes every sentence their partner says. I didn’t want to constantly wonder whether he secretly disliked the way I looked. I wanted our relationship to feel safe again.

I also didn’t want to punish him forever for one mistake.

So I decided to have another serious conversation with him.

This time, I explained that the problem wasn’t just the word he used. The bigger issue was how his words affected my confidence. I told him that I had worked incredibly hard to stop measuring my worth by my weight.

I told him that my body had changed dramatically, but my insecurities didn’t disappear overnight.

He listened more carefully this time.

He admitted that he had been careless and that he should have thought before speaking. He said he didn’t realize how sensitive the subject was for me, even though he knew about my weight-loss journey.

I appreciated that he finally understood why I was hurt.

But I still had another question.

Could I trust him not to do it again?

An apology is important, but an apology alone doesn’t automatically repair everything. Sometimes what matters more is what happens afterward.

If he becomes more thoughtful, respects my boundaries, and understands why the comment was harmful, then maybe this can become something we learn from. But if he continues making comments about my body and then tells me I’m being too sensitive, that would be a completely different situation.

I also realized that I needed to stop looking at my boyfriend as the person responsible for deciding whether I was attractive.

That might sound obvious, but it was difficult.

When someone we love says something negative about our appearance, their opinion can suddenly feel more important than our own. I had to remind myself that my body did not become less valuable because someone used an insensitive word.

I had lost more than 30 kilograms, but I realized that the biggest part of my journey wasn’t actually the number on the scale.

It was learning to respect myself.

I didn’t want to lose that progress because of one person’s careless comment.

At the same time, I didn’t want to dismiss my feelings just because I had made progress. Being confident doesn’t mean nothing can hurt you. You can love yourself and still feel deeply wounded when someone you trust criticizes something you’re sensitive about.

I also started thinking about what I would tell my best friend if she were in my position.

If she came to me crying because her boyfriend had called her fat after she had worked incredibly hard to improve her health, I wouldn’t tell her to ignore her feelings. I would tell her that her feelings were valid and that she deserved to be treated with kindness.

I realized I needed to offer myself that same kindness.

My boyfriend and I are still together, and I haven’t made a final decision about where this situation will lead. I don’t want to make a huge decision while I’m still emotional.

Instead, I’m watching his actions.

Since our conversation, he has been more careful with his words. He has apologized again and told me that he never wants me to feel ashamed of my body because of something he says.

Part of me wants to completely move past it.

Another part of me is still hurt.

I think that is normal.

Forgiveness doesn’t always happen immediately. Sometimes you can accept someone’s apology while still needing time to heal from what happened.

I’m also learning that relationships aren’t supposed to be places where we constantly prove that we’re attractive enough, thin enough, successful enough, or good enough.

A healthy relationship should allow both people to feel respected and emotionally safe.

I don’t expect my boyfriend to compliment me every second of every day. I don’t expect him to pretend I have no flaws. I simply want him to understand that there are certain subjects that require kindness and consideration.

My weight is one of those subjects.

After everything I’ve been through, I don’t want anyone else’s opinion to control how I feel about myself again.

Maybe this experience will ultimately make our relationship stronger because we had an honest conversation about something difficult. Maybe it will reveal a deeper problem that I wasn’t ready to see before.

For now, I’m giving myself time to figure that out.

I’m not interested in becoming obsessed with whether I’m thin enough for someone else. I’m more interested in becoming comfortable with who I am and making sure the people around me respect that.

I love my boyfriend, and I don’t believe one careless sentence automatically makes someone a terrible partner.

But I also believe that love doesn’t mean ignoring hurtful behavior.

If someone truly cares about you, they should be willing to listen when you explain that something they said hurt you. They should be willing to learn from their mistakes rather than telling you that you’re too sensitive.

That is what I am looking for now.

I don’t know exactly what will happen with my relationship, but I know one thing for certain: I don’t want to go back to hating myself.

I worked too hard to build my confidence again.

I lost weight, but more importantly, I gained a better understanding of myself. I learned that my worth isn’t determined by a number on a scale or by whether someone else finds my body attractive.

Maybe the real question isn’t simply whether I should forgive my boyfriend.

Maybe the bigger question is whether he can show me through his actions that he understands why his words hurt me and that he respects the person I am becoming.

For now, I’m choosing not to rush the answer.

I’m choosing to listen, watch his actions, protect my self-respect, and remind myself that one painful comment does not erase all the progress I’ve made.

And perhaps that’s the most important thing I have learned from this entire experience: loving someone else should never require me to stop loving myself.