I never expected a relaxing afternoon at a wellness spa to turn into an uncomfortable situation that followed me back into the workplace, but that is exactly what happened. I am a 30-year-old man, and I work with a 28-year-old woman whom I will call Emily. We have been coworkers for about two years, and although we are not particularly close friends, we have always gotten along reasonably well. We occasionally have lunch together with other colleagues, chat about our weekends, and help each other with work-related tasks. I have never considered our relationship romantic, and as far as I knew, she felt the same way. Everything seemed perfectly normal until we unexpectedly ended up at the same textile-free wellness spa.

For context, I regularly visit wellness spas because I find them relaxing. I enjoy the saunas, steam rooms, warm pools, and quiet atmosphere. The particular spa I visit has a textile-free area where guests are expected to follow the facility’s clothing rules. It is not presented as a sexual environment, and people generally go there to relax, enjoy the facilities, and maintain their privacy. I understand that this kind of environment is not comfortable for everyone, which is why the spa clearly explains its policies before guests enter. I had visited several times before and had never experienced any problems. For me, it was simply another way to unwind after a stressful week.

One Friday afternoon, I decided to visit the spa after a particularly exhausting week at work. I had spent several days dealing with deadlines, meetings, and a difficult project, so I wanted a few hours away from my phone and computer. When I arrived, I changed according to the spa’s rules and headed toward the sauna area. I was enjoying the peaceful atmosphere when I noticed Emily standing near the entrance. I was surprised to see her because we had never discussed visiting the same spa. She appeared equally surprised to see me, and we exchanged a brief greeting. At first, I thought the situation was slightly funny because neither of us had expected to encounter a coworker there.

However, I quickly noticed that Emily seemed uncomfortable. She avoided looking directly at me and appeared uncertain about where to go. I asked whether she was okay, and she replied that she had not realized I would be there. I told her that I had been visiting the spa for some time and had no idea she was a member as well. I tried to keep the conversation casual because I did not want her to feel embarrassed. I also made it clear that I had come to relax and was not planning to follow her around or interfere with her visit. I assumed that once the initial surprise wore off, we could both continue enjoying the facilities independently.

Unfortunately, things became more awkward when we entered the same general relaxation area. Emily seemed to become increasingly uncomfortable with the fact that I was not wearing clothing in the textile-free section. She eventually asked whether I could cover myself while she was nearby. I was caught off guard by the request because the entire area was specifically designated as textile-free, and everyone was expected to follow the same rules. I calmly explained that I was following the spa’s policy and was not doing anything unusual or inappropriate. I also offered to give her space and suggested that we use different areas if she would feel more comfortable that way. I did not want a private wellness visit to turn into an argument.

Emily did not seem satisfied with my response. She told me that knowing someone from work in such a setting was different from being around strangers, and she felt awkward seeing a coworker without clothes. I could understand that point to some extent. People have different boundaries, and seeing someone they know in a private or unfamiliar environment can feel surprising. However, I also felt that her discomfort did not automatically mean I had done something wrong. I had not followed her into the spa, arranged to meet her there, or deliberately put myself in her path. We had simply chosen the same facility independently. I believed that both of us had the right to use the space according to its rules, provided we respected each other’s privacy and personal boundaries.

I suggested that we avoid interacting for the rest of the visit so she could relax without feeling that she needed to speak to me. I told her I would not approach her again unless there was an actual reason to do so. I thought that was a reasonable compromise because it allowed her to enjoy the spa without having to socialize with a colleague. She responded that I was being dismissive and should understand why she did not want to be around a male coworker in that situation. I explained that I was not dismissing her feelings; I simply did not think I should have to cover myself in an area where clothing was not permitted. I was willing to give her distance, but I did not want to break the facility’s rules or treat the environment as though it were inappropriate simply because we knew each other.

Eventually, Emily moved to another section of the spa, and I stayed where I was. We did not speak again during the remainder of the visit. I thought the issue had ended there, and I expected that we would return to our usual professional relationship the following week. Instead, when we saw each other at work on Monday, she was noticeably distant. She barely acknowledged me and seemed irritated whenever we were in the same room. Later that day, a mutual coworker casually mentioned that Emily had told someone about the spa incident and felt that I had behaved inconsiderately. According to what I heard, she believed I should have covered myself or left the area once I realized she was uncomfortable. I was surprised that a situation I had tried to handle calmly had become a workplace topic.

I have not discussed the incident widely because I do not want to embarrass Emily or make our working relationship worse. I understand that she did not enjoy the experience, and I would never deliberately make a colleague uncomfortable. At the same time, I do not believe that simply being present in a textile-free spa, while following its rules, was misconduct. I did not stare at her, make comments about her body, approach her repeatedly, or behave in a sexual manner. Once I realized she was uncomfortable, I offered to give her space and stopped interacting with her. I feel that this was a reasonable response, although I recognize that I could perhaps have handled the initial conversation more sensitively.

Now I am questioning whether I should have taken a different approach. Should I have left the area entirely, even though I was following the spa’s rules and had paid to use the facilities? Would covering myself have been a reasonable courtesy, or would that have meant ignoring the rules of the textile-free section? I do not want Emily to feel uncomfortable around me at work, but I also do not think I should be treated as though I did something inappropriate merely because we encountered each other in a clothing-optional environment. So, AITA for not covering up at a textile-free wellness spa around my female coworker when I was following the rules and had no intention of making her uncomfortable?

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AITA for making my (30m) female coworker (28f) unconfortable at a Textile-free wellness spa?

Some context. Im Dutch and large mixed gender nude spa’s are very normal here. You usually wear a robe in between the sauna’s and baths etc. But inside the sauna, baths etc you’re not clothed. There are loads of different saunas, pools, baths, chaairs, and places to relax, so you can easily spend a whole day there.

I (30m) went to a spa by myself recently. I have a busy job and young kids, so a day off on my own is a pretty rare thing for me.

I was sitting in a jacuzzi when a guy came up to me and introduced himself as the boyfriend of one of my coworkers. He explained that they were there together, but that his girlfriend was uncomfortable being naked around a male coworker. She’s pregnant, and she wanted to relax, but apparently couldn’t do that with me there.

He basically asked me to leave.

I told him I understood where she was coming from. Personally, I wouldn’t think much of it if a coworker saw me naked at a spa, but I realise not everyone feels the same way, and it’s probably a different situation for a woman. I didn’t want her to spend the whole day feeling uncomfortable because of me,

so I asked him if there was anything I could do to make things more confortable for her.

He said she wanted me to leave, and that was the only thing that would make her comfortable.

I told him sorry, but I wasn’t going to leave. This was my day off too, and I don’t get many of them.

I did offer to make her as confortable as possible. I wouldnt enter any sauna or bath they were in. I would actively look away if we did cross paths and do my best to avoid here in general. Altough I couldnt promise we wouldnt cross paths at all. But I would make an effort.

He wasn’t rude about it, but he kept insisting that they wanted me to leave.

I told him that if she really couldn’t relax with me there, then I didn’t see why I should be the one who had to go.

I hadn’t done anything wrong, and I was willing to avoid her as much as possible, but I wasn’t going to give up my day entirely.

He clearly wasn’t happy with my answer, and we left it at that. I didn’t see either of them for the rest of the day, so I assume they went home.

Later I heard from some colleagues that she was upset I’d refused to leave. Apparently, some people think I should have just gone because being naked is more vulnerable for a woman than for a man.

And I do understand that position. I empathise with her and understand her disconfort of being naked around a male coworker. ​But at the same time,

I was there to relax too, and I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to leave just because someone else is uncomfortable with me being there. I tried to find a middle ground,

but that wasn’t good enough for them.

So, AITA? Should I have just left to make her feel comfortable, or was it reasonable to stay and try to avoid her instead?

Edit: several comments talk about me being there first. I actually dont know if I was in the spa first. They just noticed me first. Its pretty big so easy to miss someone for a while.

I personally dont think its relevant who was there first, but please correct me if you do think its relevant!

My Pregnant Coworker Asked Me to Leave a Nude Spa Because She Felt Uncomfortable Around Me

I never imagined that a relaxing day at a wellness spa would turn into a workplace controversy, but that is exactly what happened. I am a 30-year-old man living in the Netherlands, where textile-free wellness spas are completely normal. I have been visiting these places for years, and I have always considered them peaceful environments where people can relax without worrying about their appearance. Recently, however, I found myself in an uncomfortable situation involving a female coworker who felt uneasy about being naked around me. I tried to respect her feelings without sacrificing my own day off, but apparently, some people believe I should have handled the situation differently.

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For some background, I work in a fairly demanding job that keeps me busy throughout the week. Between deadlines, meetings, and responsibilities at home, I rarely get an entire day to myself. I also have young children, which means most of my free time is spent taking care of family responsibilities rather than doing something purely for my own enjoyment. I love my family, but I think everyone occasionally needs time alone to recharge. For me, visiting a wellness spa is one of the few things that helps me disconnect from everyday stress.

In the Netherlands, textile-free wellness spas are not unusual. Many facilities have different saunas, swimming pools, steam rooms, hot tubs, relaxation areas, and quiet spaces where visitors can spend several hours. In certain areas, wearing clothing is not permitted for hygiene reasons, while guests usually wear robes when walking between the different facilities. These places are designed for relaxation, not sexual activity, and most people simply mind their own business. Once you become familiar with the environment, being around other naked people does not feel particularly strange.

I understand that cultural attitudes toward nudity differ from person to person. Some people are completely comfortable with it, while others would never consider visiting a place where clothing is optional or prohibited. I have no problem with either preference. Nobody should be forced to participate in an environment that makes them uncomfortable, and I believe people should be able to choose the kind of spa or wellness facility that suits them. However, I also believe that when someone voluntarily visits a textile-free facility, they should understand the rules and recognize that other guests are there for the same reason.

On the day this happened, I had decided to visit a spa by myself. It had been a particularly exhausting week at work, and I was looking forward to spending several uninterrupted hours relaxing. I did not have to coordinate my plans with anyone, look after the children, or worry about work emails. I could move between the sauna, the jacuzzi, and the relaxation rooms whenever I wanted. It was exactly the kind of break I had been needing, and I had no intention of allowing anything to interrupt it.

I arrived at the spa, checked in, and followed the usual routine. After changing into the appropriate clothing for the different areas, I headed toward one of the hot tubs. The place was fairly large, and there were plenty of people moving between the facilities. Everyone seemed focused on enjoying their own visit, and nobody appeared particularly interested in what other guests were doing. I settled into the warm water, closed my eyes for a while, and enjoyed the feeling of finally having nothing urgent to do.

After some time, a man approached me and introduced himself. I did not recognize him, but he explained that he was the boyfriend of one of my female coworkers. I immediately realized that he must have noticed me while visiting the spa with her. He began explaining that they had come together for a relaxing day, but his girlfriend was uncomfortable because I was there. I was surprised by this information because I had not even realized that my coworker was visiting the same facility.

He told me that his girlfriend was pregnant and wanted to relax, but she was finding it difficult to do so while knowing that a male coworker was nearby. According to him, the fact that I knew her from work made the situation different from being naked around strangers. He explained that she felt vulnerable and was unable to enjoy the spa because she was worried about encountering me in one of the facilities. I could understand why an unexpected encounter might feel awkward, especially when someone is used to interacting with another person in a professional setting.

At first, I assumed he was simply letting me know about her discomfort so we could figure out a reasonable solution. I told him that I understood where she was coming from and that I had no intention of making her feel uncomfortable. Personally, I would not be particularly bothered if a coworker saw me naked in a place where nudity was expected. However, I recognized that people have different boundaries, and I could appreciate that the situation might feel more sensitive for a pregnant woman who was already dealing with physical and emotional changes.

I asked him whether there was anything I could do to make the situation easier for her. I genuinely wanted to find a compromise that would allow both of us to enjoy the day. I had not gone to the spa to interact with my coworker, and I certainly had no desire to make her feel watched or uncomfortable. If avoiding certain areas or changing my routine would help, I was willing to consider those options. I thought we could easily agree on a few simple boundaries and move on with our respective days.

Unfortunately, his answer was that the only solution his girlfriend would accept was for me to leave the spa entirely. He explained that she did not want to worry about potentially seeing me anywhere in the building. It did not matter whether I approached her, spoke to her, or even looked in her direction. As long as I remained in the facility, she would know that I was somewhere nearby, and that knowledge alone was enough to make her uncomfortable. He said they would feel much better if I simply packed my things and went home.

I was honestly taken aback by that request. I could understand asking someone to give another person space, avoid unnecessary interaction, or respect specific boundaries. Asking me to leave an entire wellness facility because a coworker did not want me to be there was something entirely different. I had paid for my visit, followed the rules, and behaved appropriately. I was not deliberately trying to make anyone uncomfortable, and I had no reason to believe I had done anything wrong simply by using the same spa as another person.

I politely explained that I was sorry she felt uncomfortable, but I was not going to leave. I reminded him that I had also come there to relax and that I rarely had the opportunity to spend a full day on my own. I was not willing to give up that time simply because someone else had unexpectedly encountered me. I did not say this aggressively, and I was careful not to criticize his girlfriend. I was simply explaining that her discomfort did not automatically make me responsible for ending my visit.

He seemed disappointed by my answer, but he remained relatively calm. He explained again that his girlfriend was pregnant and that she deserved to feel comfortable in a place where she had come to relax. I agreed with him on that point. Of course she deserved to feel comfortable. I wanted the same thing for myself. The problem was that his proposed solution required me to give up my entire afternoon, while she would not have to make any adjustments at all. I did not understand why her comfort had to take priority over mine when neither of us had done anything wrong.

I then suggested a compromise. I told him that I would not deliberately enter any sauna, hot tub, or relaxation area where they were already spending time. If I noticed them in a particular section, I would simply choose another area instead. I also promised that if we happened to cross paths, I would look away and avoid making eye contact or starting a conversation. I would not approach her, follow her around, or draw attention to her presence. I was willing to make a genuine effort to minimize the chances of another awkward encounter.

I also made it clear that I could not guarantee we would never see each other. The spa was a shared public facility with several common areas, and people naturally moved around throughout the day. There was no practical way for me to know exactly where she was at every moment without constantly looking over my shoulder. I could promise to be respectful, but I could not promise to disappear from every part of the building whenever she might be nearby. I thought that was a reasonable distinction.

The boyfriend listened to my proposal, but he was not satisfied. He repeated that his girlfriend wanted me to leave and that my staying would mean she could not properly relax. I told him that I understood her preference, but I did not think it was fair to expect a complete stranger to end his own visit because she had recognized him. I had offered to keep my distance and avoid any interaction. If she still could not relax with me somewhere in the building, I did not see why I should automatically be the person required to leave.

He eventually stopped arguing, although I could tell he was unhappy with my decision. We did not exchange insults or raise our voices, and I did not feel threatened by him. The conversation simply ended with neither of us changing our position. He returned to wherever his girlfriend was, and I stayed in the hot tub for a little longer before continuing with my day. I hoped the situation would end there and that we would all be able to enjoy the rest of our time without any further problems.

For the remainder of my visit, I made a conscious effort to avoid the areas where I thought I might encounter them. Whenever I moved to a different section, I focused on enjoying the facilities rather than worrying about whether my coworker might appear. I did not search for her, ask other guests where she was, or attempt to make contact. I simply followed through on the compromise I had offered. Fortunately, I did not see either of them again, and I assumed they had found another area to enjoy or had decided to leave.

At the time, I thought the matter was finished. I had respected her request for distance as much as I reasonably could, and I had avoided turning the situation into a bigger confrontation. I did not tell other guests about the conversation or complain about her behavior to the spa staff. I wanted to keep the matter private because I knew we worked together and did not want an awkward personal encounter to damage our professional relationship.

However, things became more complicated when I returned to work. A few days later, I heard from colleagues that my coworker had been upset about my refusal to leave. Apparently, she had explained the situation to some people, and they felt I should have simply gone home rather than insisting on staying. According to what I heard, she believed I had been inconsiderate by prioritizing my own relaxation over her comfort. I was surprised that the incident had become a topic of discussion at work, especially because I had not done anything to deliberately involve my colleagues.

Some people seemed to believe that the situation was straightforward. They argued that being naked can make a woman feel more vulnerable around a man, particularly one she knows from her professional life. They also pointed out that my coworker was pregnant, which could make her feel more physically exposed or self-conscious than she normally would. From their perspective, I should have recognized that her comfort was more important than my desire to spend a day at the spa. They felt that leaving would have been a small sacrifice on my part and a considerate gesture toward someone I worked with.

I do not completely disagree with their reasoning. I understand that women can have legitimate concerns about privacy, unwanted attention, and how men might behave in situations involving nudity. I also understand that a person may feel more exposed around someone they know, because the encounter could affect how they interact with that person later. Pregnancy can add another layer of vulnerability, and I would never want to dismiss someone’s discomfort simply because I personally do not share it. Her feelings were real, even if I did not believe I had caused them through any inappropriate behavior.

At the same time, I think there is a difference between acknowledging someone’s discomfort and accepting responsibility for eliminating it at any cost. I had not chosen the spa because I knew she would be there. I had not approached her or made any comments about her appearance. I had not stared at her, attempted to start a conversation, or behaved in a way that violated the facility’s rules. We had independently chosen the same place to relax, and the only reason the situation became awkward was that we recognized each other in an environment where nudity was normal.

I also wondered whether the expectations would have been different if the situation had involved two male coworkers, or if a woman had encountered a male coworker at a textile-free spa. I am not suggesting that everyone’s feelings about nudity are identical, because they clearly are not. However, I do think the basic principle should be that everyone who follows the facility’s rules deserves reasonable access to the space. Personal discomfort can justify requesting privacy or distance, but it does not necessarily give someone the authority to decide that another guest must leave.

Another point that bothered me was that I had not been given any opportunity to find a mutually acceptable solution before being told to leave. I was immediately presented with one option: end my visit and go home. When I asked whether there was anything else I could do, the answer remained the same. My offer to avoid them and respect their privacy was apparently not enough because my coworker wanted complete certainty that she would not encounter me. I understand wanting that certainty, but I do not believe it was reasonable to expect me to provide it by sacrificing my entire day.

I also recognize that I might have underestimated how awkward the situation felt for her. Because I am comfortable with the local spa culture, I initially viewed the encounter as an ordinary coincidence. I did not immediately understand why she would be so troubled by seeing someone from work in a place where everyone was expected to be naked. Perhaps I should have shown more empathy in the way I explained my decision. Even though I did not intend to dismiss her feelings, it is possible that my response came across as more blunt than I realized.

If I could go back, I would probably make sure my response emphasized that I understood her discomfort before explaining my own position. I might also have suggested that we ask the spa staff whether there was a practical way to avoid crossing paths, without expecting anyone to be removed from the facility. That could have made it clearer that I was interested in resolving the problem rather than simply defending my right to stay. Still, I do not think the final outcome needed to be different. I would have continued to respect her space while remaining at the spa.

I have no intention of bringing this up with her at work unless she chooses to discuss it directly. I do not want to embarrass her or turn an uncomfortable experience into a continuing disagreement. We are colleagues, and I want us to maintain a professional relationship. I will continue treating her politely, and I will not make jokes about the incident or mention her pregnancy in connection with it. I hope that, with time, the awkwardness will fade and we can both move on.

What I find frustrating is that some people seem to interpret my decision to stay as evidence that I did not care about her feelings. That is not true. I cared enough to listen to her concerns, consider her perspective, and offer several ways to reduce the chance of an encounter. I simply reached a different conclusion about what would be fair. Empathy does not always mean agreeing to do whatever another person asks, especially when their request would require me to give up something important without any wrongdoing on my part.

I also believe that personal boundaries should work in both directions. My coworker was entitled to feel uncomfortable, to avoid interacting with me, and to choose a different area if she wanted more privacy. I was entitled to enjoy the facilities I had paid to use, provided I behaved respectfully and followed the rules. Neither of us needed to be treated as a bad person simply because our preferences conflicted. The difficulty was that her preferred solution required me to make the entire adjustment, while my proposed solution required both of us to share the space respectfully.

Ultimately, I stayed because I did not believe I had done anything wrong and because I had offered a reasonable compromise. I did not stay to prove a point, embarrass my coworker, or force her to see me naked. I stayed because I was already enjoying my day off and did not think I should have to abandon it after a brief, respectful conversation. If I had behaved inappropriately, ignored a direct request to stop harassing her, or deliberately sought her out, I would understand why leaving might be necessary. None of those things happened.

I still feel some sympathy for my coworker, and I hope she eventually understands that my decision was not intended as a personal rejection of her concerns. I can accept that she would have preferred me to leave without accepting that I was obligated to do so. There is a difference between disappointing someone and mistreating them, and I think that distinction matters in this situation. I was willing to compromise, but I was not willing to surrender my entire visit simply because my presence made another guest uncomfortable.

So now I am asking for an outside perspective. AITA for not covering up or leaving a textile-free wellness spa after discovering that my pregnant female coworker felt uncomfortable being naked around me? Should I have prioritized her comfort and gone home, even though I had followed the rules and offered to avoid her? Or was it reasonable to stay, respect her privacy, and make an effort to keep our paths from crossing? I genuinely want to understand whether I was being inconsiderate or whether expecting me to leave was an unreasonable demand in the first place.