I am a 20-year-old college student, and I have a friend I will call N, who is 21. We have been part of the same friend group for a while, and although we have had some good times together, there has always been one thing about our friendship that bothers me. N constantly makes comments about my weight. I am not particularly thin, but I am not extremely overweight either. I usually wear a size 10 or large, and I am perfectly comfortable with my body. I have never expected everyone to find me attractive, and I can laugh at myself when someone makes a genuinely funny joke. However, N seems to think that my body is an open invitation for her to make fun of me whenever she wants.

At first, I tried not to take her comments seriously. She would look at my lunch and say things like, “Are you really going to eat all that?” Sometimes, she would point at my stomach in pictures and joke that I should stand behind someone next time. If I wore a dress she did not like, she would tell me that certain outfits were not made for my body type. She even made comments about desserts, suggesting that I should probably skip them if I wanted to look better. Whenever I confronted her, she would laugh and tell me that she was only joking. If I explained that her comments hurt my feelings, she would accuse me of being too sensitive. Eventually, I started feeling uncomfortable around her because I never knew when she would turn an ordinary conversation into another joke about my weight.

What made the situation worse was that N rarely made these comments when we were alone. She preferred doing it in front of our classmates and mutual friends, where everyone could hear her. If someone offered me a bite of their food, she would sometimes interrupt with, “Girl, you really don’t need that.” A few people would laugh awkwardly, while others would simply continue talking as if nothing had happened. Nobody ever seriously challenged her behavior. I repeatedly asked her to stop, but she never took me seriously. I eventually realized that she had become so comfortable insulting me that she no longer seemed to consider how humiliating it was. I did not want to create drama within our friend group, so I usually ignored her comments and tried to move on.

Recently, N developed a massive crush on a guy I will call K, who is 21. Since then, almost every conversation with her has somehow become about him. She constantly talks about how attractive he is, asks him whether he likes her new haircut, and finds excuses to sit beside him whenever our group gets together. She seems particularly concerned about how she looks whenever he is around. I honestly did not care about her crush, and I had no intention of interfering with her romantic life. However, I started noticing that she became even more determined to make herself look good by putting other people down. I could not help wondering whether she thought making jokes about me would somehow make her seem more attractive or confident in front of him.

Last Friday, several of us were sitting together in the college cafeteria, including N and K. We were having a casual conversation when N started talking about an upcoming college festival. She mentioned a dress she wanted to wear and admitted that she was unsure whether it suited her. One of our friends asked to see a picture, so she pulled out her phone and showed everyone. K looked at the picture and told her that the dress looked nice. N immediately smiled and seemed delighted by his approval. For a moment, everything was perfectly normal, and I thought the conversation would move on to something else. Unfortunately, she suddenly turned toward me with a familiar expression on her face, and I knew exactly what was coming.

N looked at me and said, “Where do you think you’ll buy a dress? I don’t think they have your size in normal stores.” She said it loudly enough for everyone at the table to hear. I was wearing a perfectly ordinary outfit that day, and my size had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation. She had simply found another opportunity to embarrass me, apparently feeling comfortable enough to do it even while trying to impress the guy she liked. A couple of people laughed, and I felt that familiar wave of humiliation and frustration. I had spent months swallowing my anger because I did not want to be labeled as the difficult friend. But something about that particular comment made me realize how tired I was of letting her get away with it.

I looked directly at her and replied, “At least I can fill out a dress. You look like a highway with hair.” The words came out before I had much time to think about them. I was referring to her very flat figure, and I knew immediately that the comment was deliberately hurtful. The entire table went silent. Nobody laughed this time, and N’s smile disappeared almost instantly. She stared at me as if she could not believe I had spoken to her that way. K looked uncomfortable, while the other people at the table suddenly seemed fascinated by their food and phones. For the first time since I had known her, N was the one sitting there feeling embarrassed while everyone else witnessed it.

After a few seconds, N asked me how I could say something so horrible about her appearance. She said that she had never body-shamed me and that I had crossed a line by attacking something she could not control. I was honestly stunned by the hypocrisy. I reminded her that she had been making comments about my weight since we met, despite my asking her repeatedly to stop. I pointed out that she had just mocked my clothing size in front of everyone, yet somehow my response was unacceptable because it embarrassed her in front of K. She insisted that her comments were harmless jokes and that I had taken things too far. One of our mutual friends eventually told me that I could have handled the situation better, even though N had started it. Another friend privately admitted that N had been out of line for a long time but said my comeback was unnecessarily cruel. Since then, the group has felt divided, and I have heard that N has been telling people I am jealous of her because K likes her.

Now I am questioning whether I should have responded differently. I know that insulting someone’s body is not a particularly kind thing to do, and I am not proud that I deliberately targeted an insecurity just to make her feel embarrassed. At the same time, I am exhausted by the expectation that I should quietly tolerate repeated humiliation simply because the person doing it calls it a joke. I never brought up N’s body before she made that comment, and I had given her several opportunities to stop making fun of mine. Part of me feels guilty because I know I hurt her, but another part of me feels relieved that I finally stood up for myself instead of pretending her behavior was acceptable. So, Reddit, AITA for calling my friend flat in front of the guy she likes after she repeatedly made fun of my weight, or was my response justified after months of being humiliated?

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AITA for calling my friend flat in front of the guy she likes after she kept calling me fat?

I’m a 20-year-old college student, and until recently, I considered a 21-year-old girl I’ll call N one of my friends. We met through college, and at first, she seemed like someone I could genuinely get along with. She was outgoing, talkative, and always seemed to have something funny to say. She was the type of person who could turn an ordinary conversation into a whole performance, and most people in our friend group found her entertaining.

However, there was one thing about N that gradually made spending time with her exhausting. She had a habit of making comments about my weight, and she seemed to think that because she delivered those comments with a smile, they somehow couldn’t be considered insulting.

For context, I’m not particularly thin. I’m around a size 10, sometimes a large depending on the brand, and I’ve never pretended to have a model’s body. I’m comfortable enough with myself to wear clothes I like, eat the food I enjoy, and take pictures with my friends without worrying about whether my stomach looks perfectly flat. I’m not saying that I’ve never felt insecure about my appearance, because obviously I have. I’m a human being, and everyone has things they occasionally feel self-conscious about.

But I’ve never considered my weight something that gives other people permission to comment on my body whenever they feel like it.

When I first met N, I assumed her comments were just awkward attempts at humor. If I ordered a burger, she’d look at my plate and say, “Someone’s hungry today.” If I brought a snack to a study session, she’d ask whether I’d eaten lunch already. Sometimes, she’d look at whatever I was eating and make an exaggerated expression of surprise.

I usually responded with an eye roll or a sarcastic comment of my own. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of something that might have been harmless teasing. Friends joke with each other all the time, and I didn’t want to become the person who couldn’t take a joke.

The problem was that N’s jokes were almost always about my weight.

She didn’t tease me about my terrible taste in music, my habit of arriving five minutes late, or the fact that I could spend an entire afternoon watching the same television show. She specifically targeted my body, and she did it so frequently that I eventually started anticipating the next comment whenever we went out together.

If we took pictures, she’d sometimes point at my stomach and say, “Girl, what is happening here?” If I wore a fitted shirt, she’d tell me that a looser outfit would be more flattering. If I wore something oversized, she’d say I was clearly trying to hide my body.

There was no winning.

One time, we were getting ready to go out with several classmates. I had bought a new outfit that I genuinely liked, and I was excited to wear it because I’d spent quite a while finding something that felt comfortable and looked good on me.

When I showed up, N looked me up and down before saying, “Oh, you’re wearing that? I feel like something a little longer would suit your body better.”

I asked her what she meant.

She shrugged and said, “Nothing! I’m just saying that some outfits don’t work on everyone. You know what I mean.”

I knew exactly what she meant.

I changed my outfit that evening, not because I suddenly agreed with her, but because I didn’t have the energy to spend the entire night listening to comments about how I looked.

Looking back, that incident bothers me more than I expected. It wasn’t simply that N insulted me. It was that she managed to make me question a decision I’d originally felt good about.

And she kept doing it.

The food comments were probably the most frequent. If someone offered me a slice of pizza, she’d say, “Are you sure you need that?” If I ordered dessert, she’d laugh and suggest that maybe I should skip it. If someone brought snacks for the group, she’d occasionally make a comment about how quickly I reached for them.

One afternoon, a classmate offered me some of her fries. Before I could even answer, N interrupted.

“Girl, you really don’t need those. You’ve already eaten.”

The classmate looked uncomfortable, and I felt several people at the table glance in my direction.

I put the fries down and stared at N.

“Can you stop commenting on what I eat?”

She immediately raised her hands as though I’d accused her of committing a crime.

“Oh my God, I’m joking! Why are you always so sensitive?”

That was her favorite response.

Whenever I told her that something she’d said was hurtful, she acted as if my reaction was the actual problem. Instead of apologizing, she’d insist that I couldn’t take a joke. Sometimes, she’d even accuse me of ruining the mood by making things awkward.

Eventually, I started questioning myself. Was I overreacting? Was this just how she joked with people? Was I being too sensitive because the subject happened to be my weight?

But whenever I imagined making the same kinds of comments about her body, I knew she wouldn’t find them nearly as funny.

I tried talking to her privately several times. I told her that I didn’t appreciate the constant comments, especially when she made them in front of other people. I explained that I didn’t mind ordinary teasing, but I wasn’t comfortable being treated as the designated fat friend of the group.

Her response was always some variation of the same thing.

“You’re making this into a bigger deal than it is.”

Or, “I literally joke with everyone.”

Or, “You know I don’t mean anything by it.”

The last one particularly irritated me. Whether she intended to hurt me or not, she knew I’d asked her to stop. At that point, the problem wasn’t simply the original jokes. It was her refusal to respect a boundary I’d clearly communicated.

Unfortunately, our friend group didn’t make the situation any easier.

Most of them laughed when N made her comments. Some looked uncomfortable, but nobody actually intervened. I think they had become so accustomed to her behavior that they treated it as a normal part of our dynamic.

Whenever I pushed back, everyone seemed more concerned about restoring the atmosphere than addressing why I’d become upset in the first place.

So I learned to laugh awkwardly, change the subject, or pretend that her words hadn’t bothered me.

I didn’t want to be the reason our group gatherings became uncomfortable. I also didn’t want to spend every lunch explaining why being repeatedly insulted about my body wasn’t entertaining.

For a while, I convinced myself that ignoring her was the easiest option.

Then K entered the picture.

K is a 21-year-old guy who attends college with us and occasionally hangs out with our friend group. He’s generally easygoing, reasonably funny, and not someone who seems particularly interested in drama. Before all this happened, I didn’t have any especially close relationship with him. We were friendly, but that was about it.

N, on the other hand, developed what I can only describe as a Godzilla-sized crush on him.

I mean, this girl was OBSESSED.

She talked about him constantly. If he mentioned liking a particular movie, suddenly it became her favorite movie too. If he recommended a song, she’d listen to it repeatedly and then bring it up whenever he was nearby.

She began asking him questions that seemed specifically designed to get compliments.

“Do you think I’d look good with shorter hair?”

“Do you like this color on me?”

“Would you ever date someone with my personality?”

Whenever we sat together, she somehow managed to position herself beside him. If K joined a conversation, N would immediately become louder and more animated. If he laughed at something someone else said, she’d try to make an even funnier comment.

It was honestly exhausting to watch, but I kept my opinions to myself. She was allowed to have a crush on whoever she wanted, and I wasn’t interested in interfering.

The situation became relevant because N seemed particularly determined to impress K, and she apparently believed that making fun of me would somehow help her achieve that goal.

I don’t know whether she thought insulting my appearance made her look better by comparison or whether she simply couldn’t resist making another joke at my expense. Either way, her behavior didn’t change just because K was around.

If anything, she seemed even more comfortable making comments about me when he was present.

Last Friday, our group was sitting together in the college cafeteria. It was a fairly ordinary afternoon. A few people were talking about upcoming assignments, someone was complaining about a professor, and the rest of us were half-listening while eating lunch.

K was sitting with us, too.

N had recently bought a dress that she wanted to wear to an upcoming college festival. She pulled out her phone and showed everyone a picture of it, asking whether she should wear it.

Someone said it looked nice. Another person complimented the color.

Then K looked at the picture and said, “Yeah, that actually looks really nice on you.”

N practically lit up.

She smiled, adjusted her hair, and asked whether he really thought so. K confirmed that he did, and she seemed delighted.

For a moment, I genuinely thought we might get through an entire lunch without her saying anything about my body.

Naturally, I was wrong.

N suddenly turned toward me, still holding her phone.

“Where do you think you’ll buy a dress?” she asked. “I don’t think they have your size in normal stores.”

She said it casually, as though she were offering a helpful observation rather than insulting me in front of everyone.

For a second, I didn’t respond.

I just stared at her.

The conversation stopped briefly, and then a few people laughed. It wasn’t a huge burst of laughter, but it was enough to make the situation feel painfully familiar.

There she was again, using my body as entertainment while everyone else sat around pretending it was harmless.

I’d heard versions of that comment before. I’d been told that certain outfits weren’t for people like me. I’d been told that I didn’t need dessert. I’d been told that I should dress differently, eat differently, and apparently take up less space.

And I’d asked her to stop.

Multiple times.

She knew I didn’t like these jokes. She knew they embarrassed me. She knew I had already explained that I didn’t want my weight to be a recurring topic of conversation.

Yet here she was, doing it again, right in front of the guy whose attention she desperately wanted.

Something in me finally snapped.

I looked directly at her and replied, “At least I can fill out a dress. You look like a highway with hair.”

The words came out before I had time to reconsider them.

The entire table went silent.

It was the kind of silence where you could suddenly hear people moving their cutlery against their plates. Someone stopped chewing. One of my friends looked down at their food, and another person glanced between us as if waiting for someone to explain what had just happened.

K awkwardly looked away. I couldn’t tell whether he was uncomfortable or trying not to smile, but he definitely wasn’t laughing out loud.

N’s expression changed almost immediately.

Her smile disappeared, and she stared at me with wide eyes. For once, she seemed completely unable to come up with a quick response.

She looked embarrassed, angry, and genuinely shocked.

I think the most surprising part was that she didn’t say anything back.

Usually, N always had something to say. She could turn almost any disagreement into a debate about why the other person was being unreasonable. She could make a hurtful comment and then somehow convince everyone that the person who objected was the one causing problems.

But this time, she just sat there.

She put her phone away and barely spoke for the rest of lunch.

I won’t pretend that I immediately felt guilty. In that moment, I felt a strange mixture of relief and disbelief. For the first time since I’d known her, N had experienced what it was like to have someone make a humiliating comment about her appearance in front of other people.

I had spent so long swallowing my reactions that I wasn’t prepared for how satisfying it felt to finally say something back.

At the same time, I knew I’d crossed a line. My comment was deliberately cruel, and I had targeted something she was insecure about. I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.

But I also couldn’t ignore the fact that she’d spent months, possibly longer, doing essentially the same thing to me.

After lunch, we went our separate ways. I expected N to avoid me for the rest of the day, and honestly, I was perfectly fine with that.

Instead, I received a long text message from her later that afternoon.

She told me that I was a disgusting person and that she couldn’t believe I’d humiliated her in front of someone she liked. According to her, I had deliberately waited until K was present so that I could embarrass her and make her look unattractive.

She also said that I knew she was insecure about her chest and body hair, and that my comment had made her feel awful about herself.

I read the message twice.

Part of me felt guilty because I understood what she meant. Being insecure about your appearance can be painful, and I wouldn’t wish the feeling of being publicly humiliated on anyone.

However, another part of me was furious.

Where had this level of concern been when she repeatedly pointed out my stomach in pictures? Where was her understanding when she commented on my clothes, mocked my food choices, or suggested that I didn’t belong in normal clothing stores?

Why was she suddenly able to recognize that comments about someone’s body could be hurtful when she was the one receiving them?

I responded that perhaps she now understood how I felt every time she made those jokes about me.

I told her that I’d asked her to stop several times, and that she had repeatedly dismissed my feelings by claiming I was too sensitive.

I also made it clear that I wasn’t proud of how I’d worded my response, but I wasn’t going to apologize for finally standing up for myself.

She didn’t take that well.

She accused me of trying to justify my behavior instead of admitting that I’d done something wrong. She said that her jokes were never intended to hurt me, whereas I had intentionally attacked her insecurities.

That distinction bothered me because there was some truth to it.

Yes, I’d deliberately chosen a cruel insult. I was angry, and I wanted her to feel embarrassed for once. I couldn’t honestly claim that my words had been an innocent joke.

But N was acting as though her intentions erased the consequences of her behavior. She had known for a long time that her comments upset me, and she continued making them anyway.

At what point does repeatedly ignoring someone’s feelings become a choice rather than an accident?

I didn’t have an answer that would make either of us look completely innocent.

For a while, I thought the situation would end there. N and I would avoid each other, our friends would eventually get over the awkwardness, and we’d all move on.

Unfortunately, things became even messier that evening.

After the incident, K texted me.

He said that, to be honest, it had been extremely satisfying to see N get called out after all the nonsense she’d been pulling. He mentioned that he’d noticed her making comments about my weight before and that he didn’t think it was funny.

I was surprised by that.

I’d assumed everyone in our group had either accepted N’s behavior or simply didn’t care enough to say anything. Apparently, at least one person had noticed more than I realized.

I replied to K, and we had a normal, friendly conversation about what had happened. We weren’t flirting, and I wasn’t trying to turn the situation into some sort of competition for his attention. I was simply relieved that someone else had recognized the pattern.

During that conversation, I briefly mentioned the exchange to N’s roommate, R.

I didn’t give R the entire conversation or ask her to confront N. I just mentioned that K had texted me and said he found it satisfying that N had finally been called out.

At the time, I didn’t think much of it. R was friends with both of us, and I assumed she’d understand the context.

That was a mistake.

Later, R got into an argument with N. I don’t know exactly what started it, but somehow the conversation turned toward what happened in the cafeteria.

According to what I’ve heard, R brought up K’s message and used it against N. She apparently exaggerated parts of the situation, although I still don’t know precisely what she said or how she presented it.

I never asked R to do that.

I hadn’t wanted her to embarrass N further, and I certainly hadn’t expected my private conversation with K to become another weapon in an argument.

Now N believes that everyone has been laughing at her behind her back. She thinks K secretly dislikes her, that I deliberately turned him against her, and that R has been spreading things to make her look pathetic.

The situation has become a complete mess.

Our friend group is now divided. Some people think N deserved to be called out because she’d been bullying me for a long time. Others believe I should have handled the situation privately instead of humiliating her in front of K.

A few people have pointed out that I knew N was insecure about her body and deliberately chose an insult that would hurt her.

I can’t say they’re entirely wrong.

I could have told her to stop without insulting her appearance. I could have walked away from the conversation. I could have refused to participate in the same behavior that had hurt me for so long.

But I was tired.

I was tired of being expected to laugh at jokes that made me uncomfortable. I was tired of having to explain why comments about my body weren’t funny to me. And I was tired of watching everyone remain silent until the person being targeted finally snapped.

What bothers me most is that nobody seemed particularly concerned about my feelings until I said something that made N uncomfortable.

When she made fun of me, the group laughed or changed the subject. When I made fun of her, suddenly everyone wanted to discuss respect, boundaries, and the importance of being considerate.

I understand that two wrongs don’t make a right. I know that her insecurities don’t become less important simply because she ignored mine.

But I also think there’s a difference between someone making one cruel comment out of anger and someone repeatedly making cruel comments after being explicitly asked to stop.

I don’t believe my response was perfect. I do believe that the situation had been building for a long time, and I don’t think it’s fair to pretend that it happened in a vacuum.

As for N, I don’t know whether our friendship can be repaired. At this point, I’m not sure I even want to try.

I’m not interested in spending the rest of college defending my right to exist in a body that someone else doesn’t approve of. I don’t want to be friends with someone who treats my boundaries as a joke and only takes them seriously when the same treatment is directed at her.

Still, I keep wondering whether I went too far by choosing to humiliate her in front of K, especially when I knew how much his opinion mattered to her.

So, Reddit, AITA for finally body-shaming my friend after years of her making comments about my weight, or was my response justified even though I knew it would hurt her?

UPDATE: I Cut Her Out of My Life, and Things Are Finally Better

First of all, thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my original post. I read through a lot of your responses, and while some of them were difficult to hear, several people made points that I needed to consider.

After thinking about everything, I decided that I was done trying to maintain a friendship that consistently made me feel worse about myself.

I officially cut N out of my life.

I didn’t make a dramatic announcement in the group chat or write a long message listing every terrible thing she’d ever said. I simply told her that I didn’t think our friendship was healthy anymore and that I wanted some distance.

She didn’t take it well.

She sent me several messages explaining that I’d ruined her college experience and that I was pretending to be a victim to avoid taking responsibility for my own behavior. She insisted that if I had simply told her how much her comments bothered me, none of this would have happened.

That last message genuinely made me laugh, although not because I found it funny.

I’d told her repeatedly.

I’d asked her to stop commenting on my weight. I’d explained that her jokes made me uncomfortable. I’d spoken to her privately and given her multiple opportunities to change her behavior.

She had dismissed every single attempt.

I didn’t respond to her messages after that. I didn’t think another argument would accomplish anything, and I didn’t want to spend my time trying to convince someone to respect a boundary I’d already explained.

As for the friend group, things have gradually settled down. Some people still think I was too harsh, and I’m willing to accept that not everyone will agree with how I handled the situation.

However, a few people have privately admitted that N’s comments about my weight made them uncomfortable, too. They said they hadn’t spoken up because they assumed I was okay with the jokes or because they didn’t want to create tension.

I wish someone had said something earlier, but I appreciate their honesty.

I’ve also continued hanging out with K, and we’ve actually become much better friends.

To be clear, nothing dramatic has happened between us. We’re simply getting to know each other better, and it’s been refreshing to spend time with someone who doesn’t constantly make me feel as though I need to defend my appearance.

He’s never made my weight a topic of conversation, and I don’t feel like I have to prepare myself for an insult every time I sit down to eat with him.

It’s a surprisingly nice feeling.

One final thing I want to clarify because some comments on my original post focused heavily on the insult I used: I genuinely think women with N’s body type can be absolutely gorgeous. I’m bisexual, and I don’t believe having a small chest or body hair makes someone unattractive.

My comment was directed at N because I was angry with her, not because I believe women who look like her deserve to be mocked.

I recognize that I used an insecurity against her, and I could have handled that moment better. If I could go back, I’d probably choose a response that called out her behavior without attacking her appearance.

But I wouldn’t go back to pretending her treatment of me was acceptable.

I’ve learned that standing up for yourself doesn’t always mean delivering the perfect comeback. Sometimes it means recognizing that a friendship is hurting you and choosing to walk away.

I’m happier without the constant body comments, and I no longer feel obligated to stay friends with someone just because we’ve shared a social circle.

So, that’s where things stand.

Thank you to everyone who reminded me that I can acknowledge my own mistakes without accepting responsibility for someone else’s repeated disrespect. I’m moving on, and for the first time in a while, I’m genuinely looking forward to it.

My Friend Constantly Makes Fun of My Weight

I am a 20-year-old college student, and I have a friend I will call N, who is 21. We have been part of the same friend group for quite some time, and although we have shared plenty of good memories, there has always been one thing about our friendship that bothers me. N has a habit of making comments about my weight whenever she gets the opportunity. I am not particularly thin, but I am not extremely overweight either. I usually wear a size 10 or large, and I am comfortable with my appearance. I have never expected everyone to find me attractive, and I can laugh at myself when someone makes a genuinely funny joke. However, N seems to believe that my body is an open invitation for her to make fun of me whenever she wants.

When I first met N, I did not think much of her comments. I assumed she had a sarcastic sense of humor and that she would eventually become more comfortable around me without constantly bringing up my appearance. Unfortunately, that never happened. Instead, the comments became increasingly frequent, and I started noticing that she almost always found a way to bring my weight into conversations that had absolutely nothing to do with it. Whether we were discussing college, clothes, food, or weekend plans, she somehow managed to turn the subject toward my body. I initially laughed along because I did not want to seem overly sensitive or make everyone uncomfortable. Looking back, I realize that my silence may have made her think I was perfectly fine with the way she treated me.

Some of her comments were about food, which became especially irritating over time. Whenever I ordered lunch, she would glance at my plate and ask whether I really needed to eat that much. If I bought a snack between classes, she might say that I seemed to be hungry all the time. Sometimes, she would make comments about desserts, suggesting that I should skip them if I wanted to look better. These remarks were particularly frustrating because nobody else in our group was expected to explain or defend what they ate. Everyone could order whatever they wanted without being questioned, but whenever I chose something, N seemed determined to turn it into a discussion about my weight. Eventually, I started becoming conscious of eating around her, even though I had never felt that way before.

Her comments were not limited to food. N also liked making remarks about my clothes and appearance, especially when we took pictures together. If I wore a dress I liked, she might tell me that the style was not suitable for my body type. If we took group pictures, she would sometimes point at my stomach and suggest that I should have stood differently. On a few occasions, she even joked that I should stand behind someone else in photographs. I tried explaining that everyone had different body shapes and that I did not need her approval to wear whatever made me feel comfortable. She would simply roll her eyes, laugh, and tell me that I needed to learn how to take a joke. The more she said that, the more I felt that she was using humor as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for her behavior.

The part that bothered me most was that N rarely made these comments when we were alone. She seemed to enjoy making them in front of other people, particularly our classmates and mutual friends. If someone offered to share their food with me, she might interrupt with something like, “Girl, you really don’t need that.” If I mentioned buying new clothes, she might joke about whether the store carried my size. These comments usually resulted in a few awkward laughs from the group. Nobody openly defended her, but nobody seriously told her to stop either. I often found myself smiling along even when I felt embarrassed because I did not want to become the person who ruined everyone’s mood. However, every time I did that, I went home feeling frustrated that I had allowed the same situation to happen again.

I have actually confronted N about this behavior several times. The first time, I told her privately that I did not appreciate her comments about my weight and asked her to stop. I deliberately kept the conversation calm because I did not want her to think I was attacking her. She laughed and said she was only joking. I explained that jokes were supposed to be enjoyable for everyone involved, and I was clearly not enjoying hers. She promised to be more careful, and I thought that might finally be the end of it. Unfortunately, she returned to her old behavior within days. Whenever I reminded her of our conversation, she acted as though I was bringing up something insignificant and making a big deal out of nothing.

The second time I confronted her, she told me that I was too sensitive and that I needed to develop thicker skin. That response annoyed me because I had never demanded that everyone treat me like I was fragile. I simply wanted my friend to stop commenting on my body after I had repeatedly asked her to do so. I pointed out that I never made similar jokes about her appearance, even when I could have found something to tease her about. She responded that our friendship should allow us to joke about each other. I told her that there was a difference between mutual teasing and repeatedly targeting one person over the same insecurity. She did not seem interested in understanding the distinction. Instead, she changed the subject, leaving me feeling as though I had wasted my time trying to communicate with her.

Despite everything, I continued spending time with N because we shared a friend group, attended some of the same classes, and had other friends in common. I did not want to force everyone to choose sides, and I hoped that ignoring her comments would eventually make her lose interest. Sometimes, she could be genuinely entertaining and enjoyable to spend time with, which made the situation more confusing. We could have a perfectly good afternoon together, only for her to make another humiliating comment about my weight the next time we met. I began to wonder whether she actually considered me a friend or whether she simply enjoyed having someone she could make fun of whenever she wanted attention. I never received a clear answer, and the uncertainty gradually affected how comfortable I felt around her.

Recently, N developed a massive crush on a guy I will call K, who is 21. K is part of our wider social circle, and we sometimes spend time together during lunch breaks or after classes. Since developing feelings for him, N has become almost completely focused on getting his attention. She talks about him constantly, analyzes every conversation she has with him, and asks our friends whether they think he might like her. She also seems to become noticeably more conscious of her appearance whenever she knows he will be around. I do not have any problem with someone having a crush, and I was happy to listen to her talk about her feelings occasionally. However, after weeks of hearing about K in almost every conversation, I started finding the subject exhausting.

N’s behavior around K has become increasingly obvious. She frequently asks him whether he likes her new haircut, whether a particular outfit looks good on her, and what he thinks about her plans for the upcoming college festival. She finds excuses to sit beside him and tries to keep conversations going even when he appears ready to talk to someone else. Our friends have noticed her behavior too, and we occasionally exchange amused looks when she starts another conversation about him. I never intended to embarrass her about her crush because I understand how vulnerable it can feel to like someone. However, I began noticing that she seemed especially interested in appearing confident around him, even if that meant making someone else the target of a joke.

Last Friday, a group of us gathered in the college cafeteria during our lunch break. N was there, K was sitting with us, and several other friends had joined the table. Everyone was discussing ordinary things, including assignments, weekend plans, and the upcoming college festival. The atmosphere was relaxed, and nobody was arguing or having any serious disagreement. I had no idea that the conversation would eventually turn into another uncomfortable situation involving N and me. At first, I was simply enjoying my lunch and listening to everyone talk. I had no reason to expect that I would leave the cafeteria questioning whether I had gone too far by finally responding to the person who had repeatedly humiliated me.

During the conversation, N mentioned a particular dress she wanted to wear to the upcoming college festival. She said she liked it but was uncertain whether it looked good on her. One of our friends asked her to show us a picture, so she opened it on her phone and passed it around the table. Everyone looked at the dress, and K told her that it looked nice on her. N immediately smiled and seemed delighted by his response. She asked him another question about the outfit, apparently hoping to continue the conversation. I did not pay much attention because the whole exchange seemed perfectly normal. She was excited about a dress, and the guy she liked had given her a compliment. There was nothing unusual about that until she suddenly turned toward me.

Without any warning, N looked at me and said, “Where do you think you’ll buy a dress? I don’t think they have your size in normal stores.” She delivered the comment with a smile, as though she had just said something hilarious. I was wearing a perfectly ordinary outfit, and my clothing size had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation. She had simply found another opportunity to make my body the subject of everyone’s attention. What made the moment particularly uncomfortable was that K was sitting right there, along with several other classmates. I felt as though she had deliberately chosen that moment because she expected everyone to laugh and wanted to appear funny in front of him.

A couple of people at the table laughed, while others looked at one another. Nobody immediately challenged N, and for a few seconds, I felt the same familiar embarrassment I had experienced so many times before. I remembered all the other occasions when she had commented on my food, my clothes, and my appearance. I remembered asking her privately to stop and being told that I was too sensitive. I also remembered the countless times I had swallowed my frustration because I did not want to create unnecessary drama within our friend group. At that moment, I felt completely exhausted by the situation. I was tired of being expected to laugh at jokes that hurt me while everyone around me treated the behavior as harmless entertainment.

Before I could reconsider my response, I looked at N and said, “At least I can fill out a dress. You look like a highway with hair.” I was referring to her very flat figure, and I knew exactly why the comment would hurt her. It was not an innocent observation, and I was not pretending that it was. I deliberately chose a comparison that would embarrass her in front of the people whose opinions mattered to her, especially K. The words came out quickly, and almost immediately afterward, I realized that I had crossed into the same kind of personal insult that I had been complaining about. However, I also felt an unexpected sense of relief because, for once, I had not simply smiled and allowed her to humiliate me without responding.

The reaction was immediate. The entire table went silent, and the people who had laughed at N’s comment suddenly seemed unsure of what to do. N’s smile disappeared, and she stared at me as though she could not believe I had spoken to her that way. K looked uncomfortable and avoided getting involved. One of my friends looked down at their phone, while another suddenly became very interested in finishing lunch. Nobody laughed at my comment, and nobody made another joke. The silence was so complete that it felt as though the entire atmosphere of the cafeteria table had changed in a matter of seconds. For the first time since I had known N, she was the person sitting in front of everyone feeling embarrassed by a comment about her appearance.

After a few seconds, N asked me how I could possibly say something so horrible to her. Her voice sounded angry and genuinely hurt. She said that I had attacked her appearance in front of the guy she liked and had deliberately humiliated her when she was only trying to have a normal conversation. She seemed especially upset that K had heard everything. I listened to her complain, feeling a strange mixture of guilt and frustration. Part of me understood that my words had hurt her, but another part could not ignore how familiar her reaction sounded. She had made almost identical comments about my body for months, yet whenever I expressed discomfort, she insisted that I was overreacting. Now that the situation had been reversed, she seemed unable to accept the same explanation.

I told N that she had no right to act as though I had suddenly become a terrible person for making one insulting comment after she had repeatedly done the same thing to me. I reminded her that I had asked her to stop making jokes about my weight several times. I explained that she had ignored those requests and continued embarrassing me in front of our friends. I also pointed out that she had just made fun of my clothing size in front of K, apparently expecting everyone to find it funny. I asked her why her comments were supposed to count as harmless jokes while mine were suddenly unacceptable. N responded that there was a difference between joking with a friend and attacking someone over an insecurity. I almost laughed at the irony of hearing her say that.

N insisted that she had never intended to hurt my feelings and that I should have known she was only teasing me. I told her that intentions did not erase the effect of repeatedly humiliating someone, especially after they had explicitly asked you to stop. She argued that my response was different because I had deliberately chosen to insult her body. I could not completely disagree with that point. I had been angry, and I had wanted her to experience some of the embarrassment she had made me feel. However, I also explained that she could not reasonably expect me to keep accepting her behavior forever. She seemed unwilling to acknowledge that her repeated comments had contributed to the situation, and our conversation quickly became an argument rather than a productive discussion.

One of our mutual friends eventually intervened and said that both of us had been out of line. According to them, N should not have made the original comment about my size, but I should have responded without attacking her physical appearance. Another friend said that I had embarrassed N unnecessarily, especially because she clearly cared about K’s opinion. I found that part particularly frustrating because nobody had seemed equally concerned about my feelings when N repeatedly made fun of my weight in front of the group. I asked why everyone had remained quiet during those incidents but suddenly felt comfortable criticizing my response. Nobody gave me a particularly convincing answer. Some people admitted that N’s behavior had gone too far before, but others insisted that I should have taken the high road.

After lunch, I left the cafeteria feeling more conflicted than I had expected. I was relieved that I had finally defended myself, but I was also uncomfortable with the fact that I had deliberately targeted N’s body. I knew that being hurt did not automatically make every response acceptable. I could have told her that her behavior was cruel, reminded her that I had asked her to stop, or simply refused to continue the conversation. Instead, I had chosen a personal insult that I knew would embarrass her. Even though I felt justified in standing up for myself, I could not honestly claim that my words were kind or constructive. I started wondering whether I had finally established a necessary boundary or whether I had allowed my anger to turn me into the kind of person I disliked.

Over the next few days, the incident became a bigger topic within our friend group than I had anticipated. Some friends privately told me that they understood why I had snapped and that N had been making inappropriate comments about my weight for far too long. One person even admitted that they had felt uncomfortable whenever she made those jokes but had avoided speaking up because they did not want to become involved in an argument. Others believed that my response had gone too far and that I should have confronted N privately instead of embarrassing her in front of K. I could understand their point, although I wished they had shown the same concern when I was repeatedly put in that position. It was frustrating to realize that everyone had noticed the problem, yet very few people had been willing to address it until I finally reacted.

N has since been telling some people that I am jealous of her because K likes her. According to her version of events, she was talking about a dress when I suddenly attacked her appearance for no reason. She apparently believes that I wanted to ruin her chances with K and make her look unattractive in front of him. That explanation is particularly frustrating because I have never expressed romantic interest in K, and I genuinely do not care whether he likes her. My problem has always been the way N treats me, not the fact that she has a crush. I did not insult her because I wanted K to reject her. I reacted because I was tired of being publicly humiliated by someone who refused to respect a very simple request to stop commenting on my body.

I have started reconsidering the friendship itself. Until recently, I kept hoping that N would eventually understand why her behavior bothered me and make a genuine effort to change. Now I am beginning to wonder whether continuing the friendship is worth the constant frustration. I do not want to spend time around someone who makes me feel uncomfortable about eating, wearing clothes I like, or appearing in photographs. At the same time, I do not want to maintain a friendship based on mutual insults and resentment. If N genuinely apologized and acknowledged that her repeated comments had been hurtful, I would at least be willing to consider a conversation. However, I am not interested in accepting another explanation about how I am too sensitive or how everything she says should be treated as a joke.

At this point, I still do not know whether my response was justified or whether I allowed months of frustration to turn into an unnecessarily cruel insult. I recognize that body-shaming is wrong regardless of someone’s size or shape, and I do not believe that N deserved to be humiliated simply because she had humiliated me first. However, I also believe that people should not be expected to tolerate repeated disrespect just to keep the peace. I had tried speaking to her privately, explaining my feelings, and asking her to stop, but none of those efforts had made a difference. When she mocked my size in front of K and our friends, I finally snapped. Some people think I should apologize for the insult, while others believe N brought the situation upon herself. So, Reddit, AITA for calling my friend flat in front of the guy she likes after she repeatedly made fun of my weight, or was my response an understandable reaction that went too far?