Watching your child get married is supposed to be one of the happiest moments in a parent’s life. After years of watching my son grow up, build his career, and find someone he wanted to spend his future with, I believed his wedding would mark the beginning of a wonderful new chapter. Instead, only a short time after the wedding, I found myself worrying about whether my son had made a terrible mistake. He and his wife were already experiencing serious problems, and now the word “divorce” has entered the conversation. As his mother, I am struggling to determine whether I should encourage him to leave or tell him to give the marriage more time.

My son had been dating his wife for several years before they decided to get married. From the outside, they seemed happy together. They traveled, attended family gatherings, celebrated birthdays, and appeared comfortable around each other. I had some concerns about their personalities being very different, but I never saw anything that made me believe they should not marry. My son seemed certain about his decision, and I respected that because ultimately it was his life and his choice.

The problems began almost immediately after the wedding. My son started calling me more frequently, and I could hear the frustration in his voice. He told me that married life was not what he expected and that his wife had become increasingly critical of him. Small disagreements that once would have been resolved quickly were turning into major arguments. He said he felt like he was constantly being judged and that his wife expected him to change parts of himself that had never been a problem before the marriage.

At first, I encouraged him not to make any sudden decisions. Every marriage has an adjustment period, especially during the first year. Moving in together, combining finances, managing household responsibilities, and learning each other’s habits can create stress even in a loving relationship. I reminded him that dating and marriage are different, and that they would both need time to adjust to their new responsibilities. I told him that one difficult period did not necessarily mean the marriage was doomed.

However, as time passed, the problems appeared to become more serious. My son described frequent arguments over money, family boundaries, and how they should spend their free time. He felt that his wife was trying to control his relationships with friends and relatives, while she apparently believed that he was not giving enough attention to their marriage. Both seemed convinced that the other person was the main source of the problems. I began to realize that this was not simply a disagreement about whose turn it was to do the dishes or how to spend a weekend.

Eventually, my son told me that he was seriously considering divorce. Hearing him say that so soon after the wedding broke my heart. I knew how much time, money, and emotional energy both families had invested in the wedding, but more importantly, I knew my son had entered the marriage believing it would last. I asked him whether he still loved his wife. He said that he cared about her deeply but was no longer sure whether they were compatible. That answer worried me because it suggested that his feelings had changed dramatically in a very short period.

I tried to remain neutral because I know how dangerous it can be for parents to become too involved in their adult children’s marriages. If I automatically sided with my son, I could make the conflict worse and potentially damage his relationship with his wife permanently. At the same time, I did not want to dismiss his concerns simply because they had only recently gotten married. A marriage certificate does not mean someone should remain in an unhealthy relationship just to avoid disappointing family members.

I encouraged my son to consider counseling before making a final decision, provided both partners felt safe and were willing to participate. I told him that a professional might help them understand whether their problems were caused by poor communication, unrealistic expectations, or deeper incompatibility. He initially seemed open to the idea, although he was unsure whether his wife would agree. I also reminded him that counseling should not be used simply to convince one person to stay. The goal should be to understand what is actually happening and determine whether the relationship can be repaired.

Now I am left wondering how much I should involve myself. Part of me wants to tell my son to fight for his marriage because I know divorce can have serious emotional and financial consequences. Another part of me knows that I am not the person living inside that marriage every day. I can listen, offer perspective, and encourage him to think carefully, but I cannot make the decision for him. Ultimately, he and his wife are the ones who must decide whether their marriage deserves another chance or whether ending it is the healthier choice. As painful as it is for me to watch my newlywed son struggle, I am beginning to understand that supporting him does not necessarily mean telling him what decision to make—it means helping him make that decision thoughtfully and for the right reasons.

Read Story…

“Should My Newlywed Son Get a Divorce?”

My oldest got married nine months ago. We genuinely like his wife “Jenny.” She is fun and thoughtful. Because she is so fun, she always has things planned and we don’t see them much. Jenny was a bit of a bridezilla during their engagement and I asked my son if she would be nice to him after they got married. He assured me it was just the pressure of the wedding and things would calm down.

It has come to our attention that they have been fighting. I am genuinely not sure if it is because my son is an unpleasant partner or if she is demanding. Either way, it breaks my heart to see them struggle so early on and to this extent. They came to visit for Mother’s Day and left three times to go on a walk so they could argue out of earshot.

I would typically not entertain the idea of divorce but if they are already fighting this much is it possible they are not compatible and should call it quits before they add more complicated things to the relationship like mortgage and kids? As the mother-in-law, I know I should stay out of it but want an unbiased opinion.
— To Be Compatible or Not-to-Be

 
The only thing you should be asking me is whether you should stay out of it or not and the answer is you should stay out of it. The idea of divorce (for them) is not yours to entertain. Whether or not the newlyweds should divorce because you’ve heard they’ve been fighting is not only a ridiculous question to ask, it’s none of your damn business. It’s not your business if your son is an unpleasant partner, it’s not your business if Jenny is demanding, it’s not your business whether or why or how much they fight, and it’s not your business how these two adults conduct their relationship. Butt out and let them live.

This isn’t your marriage and your son isn’t asking you for advice, nor does he even seem to be sharing anything about his marriage with you. Unless your son is asking for your opinion, support, or thoughts, or you have reason to believe his well-being is at serious risk – and nothing you’ve shared in your letter indicates that’s true – you should mind your business or you risk hurting your own relationship with him. You may not like Jenny, and you may resent that your married son now has less time to spend with you, but that’s a “you” problem, and not one that is going to be solved by you entertaining the idea of/ fantasizing about their divorce.
 

My 27-year-old son has a college degree from a prominent polytechnic university in California. He landed a great position upon graduating and stayed full-time for over two years.
On his 25th birthday, he informed us that he would be quitting his position to pursue more schooling in video and gaming arts. This is a far cry from his tax accountant position. Well, it’s been three years with no job and no more schooling. He doesn’t seem to have any interest whatsoever in pursuing accounting again. He doesn’t seem to have any desire at all. I don’t know how he is paying his bills. He never asks for monetary help either. Any time I bring up employment, he just pretends to listen but no action is taken. It really frustrates me that he is missing out on his prime earning years. I have anxiety over the feeling I may need to help more, but I don’t know how. Any advice? — Worried mom in CA

 
I wouldn’t say that 27 is a prime earning age. I get that you are concerned, but it’s not terrible abnormal for a young man in his 20s to stray from what he studied in college and to still be figuring out what it is he really wants to do as a career. Most people don’t actually react their “prime earning years” until their 40s or 50s, so your son isn’t really behind in that regard. The bigger issue here is that your son “doesn’t seem to have any desire at all.” Assuming you mean that he has no desire in life and not just no desire to engage in capitalism, this could be a sign of depression, and I would urge you to frame any concern for him as concern for his health as opposed to his earning potential or career plans.

Even expressing concern about your son’s mental well-being should be done sensitively. You want to use “I” statements, like “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself the past couple years, and I’m worried about your well-being.” The key is to show empathy, not apply pressure. Your son is an adult now. He is going to pursue his own life and sometimes that means making choices you don’t like or wouldn’t make for him. Unless he’s asking for input or asking for financial help, it’s not really your place to share your opinions – especially more than once or twice. But if you are truly worried about his well-being, framing your concern gently and without demands or apparent judgment is the way to go.

Mother Wonders If Her Newlywed Son Should End His Marriage After Serious Problems Arise

Watching your child get married is supposed to be one of the proudest and happiest moments of a parent’s life. When my son got married, I believed he was beginning a beautiful new chapter with someone he genuinely loved. I had watched their relationship develop over several years, and although they were not perfect, I believed they were happy. I never imagined that only a short time after the wedding, I would be sitting with my son while he seriously considered whether he should end his marriage.

My son had always been independent. Even as a teenager, he preferred solving his own problems rather than asking his parents to step in. When he started dating the woman who eventually became his wife, he seemed genuinely serious about her. He talked about their future, their plans, and the kind of home they wanted to build together. Because of that, I had every reason to believe he was making a thoughtful decision when he proposed.

Their wedding was beautiful.

Our entire family was excited to welcome his wife. I made a real effort to make her feel comfortable because I knew that becoming part of another family could be overwhelming. I never wanted to become the stereotypical mother-in-law who constantly criticized her son’s wife. I wanted to respect their independence and allow them to build their own life together.

During their relationship, I had noticed that they sometimes disagreed.

That did not concern me.

Every couple argues.

They had different personalities and sometimes approached problems differently, but they always seemed to work things out. My son told me that they communicated well enough and that he loved her. I trusted his judgment.

After the wedding, however, things changed surprisingly quickly.

At first, my son did not tell me much.

I could tell he was stressed, but whenever I asked how married life was going, he would simply say that they were adjusting.

I understood.

Marriage changes people’s routines.

Suddenly, two people have to make decisions about finances, household responsibilities, family visits, vacations, social activities, and countless other things.

I assumed they were simply going through that adjustment period.

Then my son called me late one evening.

His voice sounded completely different.

He told me that he and his wife had gotten into another argument.

I asked what had happened.

He said it was difficult to explain because the argument had started over something small but had quickly turned into a much bigger disagreement.

According to him, this had been happening frequently since the wedding.

He said that disagreements that once lasted twenty minutes were now turning into hours of arguing.

He felt exhausted.

I asked him whether he still loved his wife.

There was a long pause.

He eventually said, “I do, but I don’t know if love is enough.”

That sentence stayed with me.

I had never heard my son talk about his marriage that way.

Over the next several weeks, he began opening up more.

He told me that he felt like his wife had become much more critical since they got married.

According to him, things that she once accepted about his personality were suddenly becoming problems.

She apparently wanted him to spend more time with her, while he felt that she expected him to give up too much of his independence.

They also disagreed about money.

Before marriage, they had mostly kept their finances separate.

After getting married, they began discussing joint expenses, savings, and long-term financial goals.

My son said they had completely different approaches to money.

She wanted to save aggressively.

He wanted to enjoy some of their income while they were still young.

Neither believed the other was being reasonable.

Then there were disagreements about family.

My son wanted to continue visiting his parents and siblings regularly.

His wife apparently felt that he was spending too much time with his family and not enough time building their marriage.

I tried very hard not to take that personally.

I reminded my son that marriage often requires balancing two families.

I also told him that his wife might simply be struggling with the transition.

But he insisted that the problem went deeper.

He said he felt like every disagreement eventually became an argument about his character.

He felt criticized rather than understood.

I asked whether he had ever told her exactly how he felt.

He said he had tried.

According to him, those conversations often ended with both of them becoming defensive.

That concerned me more than the individual disagreements.

Arguments are normal.

Being unable to resolve them is another matter.

Eventually, my son used the word “divorce.”

Hearing it was painful.

They had barely been married.

I remember thinking about the wedding, the photographs, the speeches, and everyone celebrating their future together.

How could things have fallen apart so quickly?

My first instinct was to tell him not to give up.

I told him that marriage takes work.

I reminded him that the first year can be difficult because couples are learning how to live together in a completely different way.

I encouraged him to slow down before making a permanent decision.

But I also knew I had to be careful.

He was an adult.

This was his marriage.

I did not want to become the parent who pressured him into staying in a relationship simply because divorce was uncomfortable for the family.

I asked him what specifically made him think divorce was necessary.

He told me that he no longer felt emotionally safe during disagreements.

He said he was constantly worried about saying the wrong thing.

That made me take his concerns more seriously.

There is a major difference between ordinary marital conflict and a relationship where someone feels afraid to communicate.

I asked whether there was any physical violence, threats, or serious abuse.

He said there was not.

That was a relief, but it did not mean everything was fine.

Emotional compatibility matters too.

So does mutual respect.

I asked whether his wife was willing to work on the marriage.

He said he was not sure.

Apparently, she believed he was the main problem.

She felt that he had changed after marriage and was no longer putting enough effort into their relationship.

From her perspective, she was asking for more attention and commitment.

From his perspective, she was demanding too much.

That made the situation incredibly complicated.

I realized that I was hearing only my son’s side.

I love my son, so naturally I want to believe him.

But I also know that every relationship has two perspectives.

His wife might tell the same story very differently.

She might say that she was trying desperately to save the marriage while he was emotionally withdrawing.

She might believe that he was refusing to compromise.

Without hearing her side, I could not honestly tell him that he was completely right.

I told him that.

He seemed disappointed at first.

Then he admitted that he understood.

I told him that supporting him did not mean automatically agreeing with everything he said.

Sometimes supporting someone means helping them think clearly, even when they are emotional.

I suggested marriage counseling.

He was hesitant.

He said he did not know whether counseling could fix the problems.

I told him that counseling did not have to mean staying married forever.

It could simply give them a structured environment to understand what had gone wrong.

If they ultimately decided to divorce, at least they would know they had made the decision after seriously examining their relationship.

My son eventually agreed to consider it.

I asked whether his wife would participate.

He said he had not asked her yet.

That seemed like an important first step.

I encouraged him to have one calm conversation with her rather than bringing up divorce during an argument.

He needed to tell her that he was unhappy.

She needed the opportunity to explain how she felt.

Both of them needed to stop treating every conversation like a competition where one person had to win.

I also told my son something that may have been difficult for him to hear.

Getting married does not mean you stop being responsible for your own behavior.

If he had made mistakes, he needed to acknowledge them.

He could not simply blame everything on his wife.

He admitted that he had probably become defensive during arguments.

He also admitted that he sometimes avoided difficult conversations because he hated conflict.

That was important.

I told him that if he wanted his marriage to work, he needed to take responsibility for his part.

But if he ultimately decided that divorce was the right choice, I would support him.

I made the same promise regarding reconciliation.

If he chose to stay, I would support him.

If he chose to leave, I would support him.

My job as his mother was not to control his marriage.

My job was to make sure he knew he did not have to make such a major decision simply to satisfy me or the rest of the family.

Some relatives have already expressed opinions.

A few believe he should stay because they think divorcing so soon after the wedding would be embarrassing.

Others believe he should leave immediately because they think the problems are already too serious.

I disagree with both extremes.

Marriage should not be saved simply because people are afraid of what others will say.

But divorce should not necessarily be the first response to every difficult period either.

The decision should depend on what is actually happening inside the relationship.

If there is mutual respect, willingness to communicate, and a genuine desire to improve, then perhaps the marriage deserves a chance.

If one or both partners have completely lost trust, respect, or willingness to work together, then staying married simply because the wedding was recent may not make sense.

That is what I keep reminding myself.

The wedding date does not determine whether a marriage is healthy.

The amount of money spent on the wedding does not determine it either.

Neither does what relatives or friends think.

What matters is the relationship between the two people who are actually married.

My son is now trying to decide what he wants.

He has not filed for divorce.

He has not announced that the marriage is over.

He is simply questioning whether he can imagine spending the next twenty, thirty, or forty years in the same relationship if nothing changes.

I think that is a reasonable question.

At the same time, I hope he asks himself another question.

Is the marriage truly broken, or are they two people struggling with the difficult transition from dating to married life?

Those are not necessarily the same thing.

Sometimes couples need time to learn each other’s communication styles.

Sometimes they need professional help.

Sometimes they need clearer boundaries.

And sometimes they discover that the person they loved while dating is not someone they can build a healthy marriage with.

I do not know which situation applies to my son.

And that uncertainty is what makes this so difficult.

I want to protect him from making a decision he might regret.

But I also do not want to protect him from a marriage that is genuinely unhealthy.

Ultimately, I have realized that I cannot decide whether my son should divorce his wife.

I can listen.

I can ask questions.

I can encourage counseling.

I can remind him to consider his own behavior and his wife’s perspective.

But the final decision belongs to him.

As painful as it is to watch my newlywed son struggle, I would rather support him in making an honest decision than pressure him to maintain a marriage simply because ending it would disappoint everyone.

For now, I am encouraging him to slow down, communicate honestly, and seek professional guidance before making a permanent choice.

Maybe they will repair their relationship.

Maybe they will discover that their differences are too deep.

Either way, I want my son to make the decision because it is right for his life—not because his mother, his wife’s family, or anyone else told him what he should do.

And perhaps that is the hardest lesson for a parent to learn: sometimes loving your adult child means accepting that you cannot choose their future for them, even when you desperately wish you could.