Thirty-year-old Emily had always shared a complicated relationship with her identical twin sister, Emma. Growing up, people often treated the twins as if they were inseparable, assuming they liked the same things, had the same friends, and would always support each other no matter what happened. But Emily knew that being twins did not mean they experienced childhood in exactly the same way. While Emma was outgoing and popular, Emily was quieter and often struggled to fit in. Their biggest source of tension was a girl named Lauren, who had been one of Emma’s closest friends but had spent years making Emily feel unwanted and humiliated. Lauren would make cruel jokes about Emily’s appearance, embarrass her in front of classmates, and deliberately exclude her from social activities. Emma rarely defended her sister and sometimes even laughed along with Lauren. Emily eventually learned to keep her distance, but the memories never completely disappeared. Years later, when Emma announced that she was marrying Lauren’s older brother, Emily tried to be supportive despite her complicated feelings about the family.

Everything changed when Emma unexpectedly asked Emily to be her maid of honor. At first, Emily was touched by the request. She wanted to believe that their relationship had finally matured and that Emma genuinely wanted to repair the distance between them. However, when Emma revealed that Lauren would also be heavily involved in the wedding, Emily immediately became uncomfortable. Lauren was not just the bride’s future sister-in-law; she was the person who had made Emily’s childhood miserable. Over the years, Lauren had never properly apologized for what she had done. Instead, she acted as though the past was nothing more than childish teasing. Emily knew that accepting the maid-of-honor role would mean spending months working closely with Lauren, attending planning meetings, organizing parties, and possibly being expected to pretend that everything was fine. She politely told Emma that she loved her but could not accept the role. Emma was shocked and accused her twin of allowing an old grudge to ruin one of the most important moments of her life.

The disagreement quickly spread throughout the family. Several relatives believed Emily was being unreasonable because the bullying had happened years earlier. They argued that everyone had grown up and that weddings were supposed to bring families together rather than reopen old wounds. Emma insisted that she had chosen Emily because she was her sister and because she wanted her beside her on the biggest day of her life. She claimed that refusing the role made her feel rejected and embarrassed. Emily, however, explained that her decision was not about sabotaging the wedding or punishing Emma. She simply did not want to place herself in an environment where she would constantly feel uncomfortable. She also pointed out that Emma had never really acknowledged how badly Lauren had treated her. According to Emily, the hardest part was not what Lauren had done as a teenager, but the fact that Emma had watched it happen and rarely stood up for her. For years, Emily had quietly carried those feelings because she did not want to create more conflict between herself and her twin.

Then, during a family discussion, the truth about the past finally began to come out. Emily revealed that Lauren’s behavior had been far more serious than the family realized. She explained that Lauren had repeatedly spread humiliating rumors about her at school, convinced other students not to invite her to gatherings, and once deliberately ruined an important school event Emily had spent weeks preparing for. More painful was the fact that Emma had known about several incidents but had chosen to remain friends with Lauren. Emily had never confronted her sister because she feared destroying their relationship. Hearing the full story left several relatives stunned. Some family members admitted that they had previously assumed Emily was simply holding onto an old grudge, but now understood why the wedding request had brought back so many painful memories. Emma initially became defensive, saying that she had been young and did not understand how deeply Emily had been affected. But Emily calmly told her that forgiveness could not be demanded simply because enough years had passed. She said that if Emma genuinely wanted her involvement, the first step should be an honest conversation and an acknowledgment of what happened.

In the end, Emily stood by her decision not to be the maid of honor, but she made it clear that she still wanted Emma to be happy. She offered to attend the wedding as a guest and support her sister from a distance without being forced into a role that made her uncomfortable. Emma was disappointed, but after hearing the complete story, she eventually began to understand why Emily had said no. The situation also forced the family to reconsider the idea that being related automatically meant accepting every request. Emily realized that setting a boundary did not make her selfish or bitter; it meant protecting her own peace while still caring about her sister. The wedding eventually went ahead, but the conflict changed the twins’ relationship permanently. For the first time, Emma understood that Emily had been carrying years of hurt behind her silence. And Emily learned that sometimes the truth has to come out before a family can finally understand why someone chose to say no.

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I’m not going to be the MOH for my Sister’s Wedding because she’s marrying my bully

Yeah, pretty much the title.

This will be long because while god in her wisdom plagued me with empathy to the tits and a helluva good ass, she forgot to bless me with brevity. I lurk on subs like this all the time and see comments to long posts lamenting their wizened minds, having spent actual whole minutes voluntarily reading a long post, longing for those moments back.

So here’s your warning. Don’t be a twatwaffle. Passover me if you’ve not the time or desire to hear my tale of woe. I will rant.

As you might notice, I’m the snarky one. I’ve 4 older brothers and one twin sister “Violet” (she and I are both F31). We were an oops baby and then the wtf babies when mom found out her oops came with a spare. For all intents and purposes, I am the spare. My parents did want a girl. They wanted a girl. Big difference.

Mom tells the story often that Violet came out quite easily, hardly any labor but “Lily was trouble the moment she was born”. So over time I just was like 🤷‍♀️ fuck it. I’m the trouble? Then I aim to misbehave.

We’re not identical and Violet is absolutely beautiful, feminine, bright and bubbly, she’s goddamn Jean Grey of the X-Men practically. I’m more of Rogue. Not the classic one more like that cartoon reboot from the 2000s when they made them all teens and Rogue was standoffish, self sabotaging, and goth.

I’m only goth on Tuesdays, but I did have a streak of time where I self sabotaged. Teen years were a bitch (ammirite?) and when you’re the less favorite girl of 6 kids (8 if you count the dogs), your self esteem tends to tank. Violet was the first at everything (first to walk, talk, all that shit) according to my parents, but then she became the first to date, the first to get awards, do a show.

And hey, it’s because she’s kickass. My sister is the most brilliant woman I know after my mom. I’m not kidding when I say I look up to her a lot. She’s almost effortlessly everything people like and I was always just a little ray of shitshine. I guess I am the first of us 2 on a few things. First to get diagnoses with a learning disability, and first to get arrested (I am actually sort of proud of that one but we’re not here to talk about that lol)… The first in the family to get what dad called a stress stutter (I do have a mild stutter but I can manage fine unless under a lot of duress) so hey she’s not the best at everything right?

We were really close and I didn’t really notice us drifting apart truly until high school and by then, I had my own problems. One being fucking Daniel Swift (fake name) – this sloppy knob was always picking on me. He and his crew made school and community events absolute hell for me since grade school.

When we were young most adults said that it was because he liked me. But by the end of Middle School it was real clear the dude hated my guts. He always compared me to my sister and had to point out how inferior I was. Even when we were small he would be so confused as to if we are twins, why is one of you pretty and the other isn’t?

By Middle School he had a name for me – it’s to do with my irl name so let’s say for this it’s Lumpy Lily. Just a name to remind me that I was I was fat. Looking back I know I wasn’t, puberty hit me fast and hard and boom, baby got back. He was relentless, and his friends were too. I told on him once because a teacher found me crying as I was forcing myself to throw up in the bathroom during practice. I don’t know how but he managed to turn it around on me saying I was bullying him and his friends vouched for him, so I got suspended from the team during the season and had to write an apology letter in detention. He once slapped me and I went to tell but he denied it saying I punched him in the stomach and he turned on water works and his friends said they saw me hit him and call him a loser.

My parents were so upset with me and my dad had to leave work to pick me up, he didn’t beleive me at all that I didn’t do these things. He would rant that I’m not the only kid and I need to stop being so much trouble. So I shut down, kept my head down, and didn’t bother to say anything. He called me the defective one, the spare, the botched clone, everything he could think of – some were admittably clever but all were cruel. When Daniel picked on me, I would ignore him, and if I couldn’t, I just endured it.

Senior year he wasn’t around much and I heard his mom died. It was the first year I was without his constant teasing and it was the best year of my life. I feel terrible but I was so glad he wasn’t there even if it was because of something so awful I myself could never imagine enduring – the loss of a mom. I got into some hobbies, even made a good friend “Sunny” (now F31).

Well you made it past the prologue – good work, so here’s the actual issue.

Fast forward to now. I live a state over and have my main job as an educator. I love what I do. It feels good most of the time, but hey this ain’t Disney, sometimes being teacher sucks raw rotten eggs in the summer heat to be sure. But I get to be the adult I wish I had in the room when I was young. Sunny lives a city over from me which in all honesty is a mere 20 min drive in traffic. So we see each other often. She’s easily my best friend.

Violet and I are still close, and same with my brother’s, but we’re all 30+ now some with kids and spouses and full ass lives so we don’t talk much. Violet and I would have calls and sometimes facetimes. My sister is incredible, she became a nurse but quickly realized she wanted to be a nurse practitioner and now she is out there helping people in need by donating most of her time outside of work at the shelter in our hometown. She looks after our parents and make sure they have all they need. She owns a house, has an Etsy business, a blog, hell a tiktok. She’s kicking ass and I couldn’t be prouder.

Last year she was all excited because she thought she found the one. She called him James. Every picture of him he’s this big ex military dude with tatts and a beard and those douchey big sunglasses some guys never take off to save their lives. You know the ones. No shade if you do that too but if you also own a truck as well and have a “come and take it” sticker on it…a teensie bit of shade. Cuz “James” did.

What? You think I wasnt going to cyber stalk my only sister’s “the one”? The fuck outta here. I stalked the shit out of him but he had no socials other than a LinkedIn. Former Marine, then contracted himself out before owning his own full-time business consulting.

I was happy for my sister because she really was the woman who had everything but what she wanted was to fall in love and have that chicken flick romance when you kiss and your leg pops and get married, have babies, ride off into the sunset, get kissed in the rain and all that sappy crap. I get it. And my sleuthing came up with nothing to naysay James and I wasn’t going to yuk her yum on her taste in dudes because my bias of living in a state with dudebros who love their trucks and shades more than life itself. Fuck it, she’s happy.

So this past Easter rolled around and I was talking with Vi about how excited I was to be around her and the boys and again and she mentioned that she was bringing James. I dont remember what I said but I said something about being excited to finally meet this guy since dad and our eldest brother already have and said he’s a stand up dude. She got quiet and kinda had the tone like “yeah about that”, so I paused to asked what was wrong. She said she needed to talk to me because James is my old crush from school. I was confused because while I was close with my siblings I neve talked about crushes with most of them and definitely not Violet. It just wasn’t what we talked about.

I said I don’t remember crushing on a James. And that’s when she said that he went by his middle name Daniel in school. Now, “Daniel’s” irl name is pretty common so I was like “well, I don’t remember a Daniel I crushed on but which one do you mean?” And we narrowed it down to that soggy twatcicle.

There wasn’t much to say after that other than I never had a crush on him. She was relieved to hear that. She said she actually didn’t realize James and Daniel were one and the same herself until he brought it up on like the 4th date or something and then she felt bad but by then she was already developing feelings and couldn’t bear the thought of hurting me nor waking away from her chance at love.

I decided to tell her a bit at Easter and I did pull her aside before he arrived as we all stay the night before over the parents’ house. I told her most of what I’ve now told you. This guy made my life hell. Violet was devestated and she kept saying “you’re sure it’s him?” And “that was years ago maybe you’ve got it wrong” to the point that I got frustrated and sort of gave up. Easter was tense, but Daniel did say hi to me like “Long time no see! Remember me?” And I just said “oh I do” and kept my distance.

From then on it was a dance. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, mom and dad’s anniversary, a brother’s birthday, you get it – Good old Daniel is around. By this point, I’ve told two of my brothers some of what’s happening because they had scolded me for being standoffish around him and they assumed I was pissy about Daniel “taking my only sister”. Once they knew though, they weren’t happy.

We all got together again for Juneteenth and of course Dandy Daniel was there but this time Vi had a ring. My mother screamed with excitement, whooping through the restaurant telling any and everyone her baby girl is getting married. When the parents went home, us siblings bar hopped the main street in the city to catch parts of the parade. Vi pulled me aside and inquired why I was avoiding her and I just said I am happy for her if he makes her happy – she’s my sister and I would die for her. It’s just complicated that he’s my bully from school and I don’t want to be around him.

She got quiet and said well thank goodness the bridesmaids and the groomsmen won’t be interacting a lot and as MOH I would have minimal contact with him on the actual day. Then she started talking dresses and I stopped her. I don’t think I can be maid of honor. I don’t feel comfortable in the same space as this person. MOH usually is a big job and interacts a lot with the couple.

She shot back that well after he will be her husband so…? Am I to avoid him the rest of our natural lives? How? When they have kids? How do I plan to pull that off? She broke down saying I am ruining everything for my misconceptions about him and making it out that she has to choose between her love and her sister and it’s not fair. I said whoa hold on what misconceptions? That he bullied me?

Violet went off “okay I tried not to bring this up becauase I didn’t want an argument but you bullied him – remember?” And she went on to say she confronted him about my “allegations” and he explained that I’m she had it wrong way round. Even now in our 30s he can’t admit to pushing me, hitting me, calling me every name he could come up with and worse she was hoovering his bullshit like a buffet.

I lost it. I told her before, I told her each time again and again that I didn’t do those things. He always spun it around on me, and his friends would lie so it would be my word against theirs and no one ever beleived me except once when he was caught on camera and wven then it was made as retalliation by my “bullying of him”. She huffed “okay then what if he apologizes to you for ‘bullying'” using air qoutes.

Maybe it was the sangria but I just laughed and said you know what? Fine. You don’t have to beleive me. It doesn’t matter now anyway. But I can’t be MOH. She cried and our brothers came to keep the peace but I was done with it. When my dad dropped me off at the airport later that day, he said that he hopes I think this through and if my perception of things is more important than family, that’s my choice but when he and mom are gone, all we will have is each other and this “squabble” is too much. He asked me to please not make trouble over this. I kissed him goodbye and took my damn flight.

Now my sister is still in the group chat acting like I am MOH. My older brother is nudging me to just get over myself and not stress Violet out. Then this morning I am added to a new chat with a few folks and my sister. She texted us as the “wedding party” and listed me as the MOH. I wanted to call her to remove this, but now I am second guessing. I am happy to attend, hell I will bartend, sing, give a speech, anything, but I just don’t want to stand up there as if I am on board with this.

Maybe he’s changed and that’s swell. But it took years of therapy, lots of love from my friends, an intense amount of support groups, and so much effort to get to the somewhat normal I have. I don’t purge anymore, I don’t cut anymore, I actually communicate with my partner and my friends. It took so much to get over all that fucking hurt. And when I’m with my family, I’m labeled as trouble despite years of not asking for anything, not wanting to rock the boat with them. It feels like I can’t be myself back home now and it sucks but this extra layer – Daniel – I can’t just plaster a fake smile on grin and bear this like I did other things for so many years.

I’m already the oddball, which hey someone’s gotta be, and I moved state to avoid being judged on what scraps I managed to scramble up to make my messy, weird, awesome, amazing life. But I feel like I am up against the wall. So maybe I am just a selfish little kitten scratching at anyone trying to love me, but there it is. AITA?

Edit: What in the spaceballs is going on!? I fell asleep and woke up to over a thousand notifcations! The fuck? I really tried to read all the comments but it’s not even 730 here and baby needs her coffee and I have an international DND session today, (I DM part time) so I will try start replying after that but some themes I want to address here as I can, blurry eyed as I might be.

My favorite comment of all time thus far that I’ve read is claiming my story is fake – nothing special there, comments like that and trolls are a dime a dozen – but theory was that I use English turns of phrases but clearly based in the USA. Congrats. You wanted to catch me out but the explanation is really far more simple than I think you’re wanting. Dad is not born here. He’s African by decent but raised across the pond and met Mom and never left and had us. Sorry it’s not as interesting as you wanted. Lol

I guess I will have to name the brothers for this to not get too confusing. I was afraid of that. Here we go, in order of birth my siblings are John (M42), Jacob (M40), Jonas (M37), Jeremy (M35) and of course Violet and then myself Lily (F31).

John is the brother leaning on me about sulking it up and just going to the wedding but that’s no big shock as he and my father are usually quite aligned. Very stereotypical eldest child syndrome.

Anyway, Dad was the hands on parent most of the time when Violet and I were younger because Mom works a job that requires a lot of travel. So he essentially is the boots on the ground with 6 kids. Please be gentle about it. He may not be perfect but he had a lot on his plate and he does his best.

By the time Mom would talk to me about getting in trouble at school I was already shut down and just wouldn’t answer her. She had me go to therapy but I wouldn’t talk tl the therapist either. So she put me in lots of extracurriculars – I think in her own way because she didn’t get my side of the story and could get the proverbial blood from a rock, she hoped to keep me busy and well rounded to keep me out of trouble. Like I said, 6 kids to manage is a lot. Probably why I don’t want kids at the moment to be honest.

After I posted Jeremy called me to ask if I was alright and I got a little overwhelmed. I didn’t cry but I think he could hear the stress in my voice. I told him everything about Daniel and now he’s really upset. I know he’s already said something to Jonas because he’s been texting me to check up on me and to ask about what’s going on.

As for why my own twin didn’t know about my bullying since we would be in the same classes- we weren’t. We were in seperate homerooms because we had a lot of unhealthy attachment to one another when we were little – so administration made the call to keep us seperate. Plus I mentioned I have a slight stutter, it was a real problem at school because I was an anxious one. I was pulled for speech therapy and the like a lot. All that to say, at school I saw my sister in passing maybe but not a lot and by High School we frankly just ran in different circles.

Anyway baby needs her coffee before Godzilla levels another city.

Growing Up as Twins, But Never Quite the Same

Thirty-year-old Emily had always shared a complicated bond with her identical twin sister, Emma. Because they were twins, everyone in the family assumed they were naturally inseparable. They attended the same schools, celebrated the same birthdays, and were often introduced as a pair rather than as two separate people. Yet, despite looking almost identical, their personalities were very different. Emma was confident, social, and popular, while Emily was quieter and more sensitive. As they grew older, Emily learned that being twins did not automatically mean that they would always experience life in the same way.

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Their differences became especially noticeable during their teenage years. Emma had a large group of friends and was constantly invited to parties, sleepovers, and school events. Emily, on the other hand, struggled socially and often felt like she was living in her sister’s shadow. She never blamed Emma entirely for that, because she understood that people naturally gravitated toward different personalities. However, there was one person who made those years especially difficult for her: a girl named Lauren.

Lauren had been one of Emma’s closest friends during high school. She was confident, outspoken, and extremely popular. Unfortunately, she also seemed to enjoy making Emily uncomfortable. Whenever Emily joined the group, Lauren would make sarcastic comments about her clothes, her personality, or the way she spoke. She often disguised the insults as jokes, which made it difficult for Emily to complain without being accused of being too sensitive.

The situation became worse over time. Lauren began excluding Emily from gatherings while making sure Emma knew about them. She would sometimes post pictures online from parties that Emily had not been invited to, even though Emma was there. On other occasions, Lauren would tell Emily that certain events were canceled, only for Emily to discover later that everyone else had attended. These incidents may have seemed small individually, but together they made Emily feel isolated and humiliated.

What hurt Emily most was not only Lauren’s behavior but Emma’s reaction to it. Emma occasionally laughed at Lauren’s jokes or simply remained silent when Lauren said something cruel. Emily wanted her sister to defend her, but she rarely did. Whenever Emily tried to explain how she felt, Emma would tell her that Lauren was “just joking” and that she needed to stop taking everything personally.

Eventually, Emily stopped spending time with Emma’s friends. She focused on school, developed friendships of her own, and tried to move forward. After graduation, she rarely saw Lauren. The distance gave Emily a chance to heal, and over the years she became much more confident. She also developed a stable career and built a life that had nothing to do with the social circle that had made her feel so small as a teenager.

Despite their complicated history, Emily and Emma remained close enough as adults. They had occasional disagreements, but they still celebrated holidays together and supported each other through major life events. Emily believed that the worst of their childhood issues were behind them. She never expected Lauren to become part of her life again.

Then Emma announced that she was getting married. Everyone in the family was thrilled. Emma had been dating her fiancé for several years, and the wedding was expected to be a major family celebration. Emily was genuinely happy for her sister and immediately offered to help with the preparations. She believed the wedding could even bring them closer together.

A few weeks later, Emma asked Emily to meet her privately. Emily assumed they were going to discuss wedding plans, but Emma surprised her by asking her to be the maid of honor. Emily was emotional because she had never expected such an important role. For a moment, she forgot about all the difficult memories from their teenage years and simply felt honored that her twin wanted her beside her.

However, that excitement quickly disappeared when Emma explained who else would be involved in the wedding. Lauren was going to play a major role because she was the bride’s future sister-in-law. Emma said Lauren would be attending nearly every important event and would help with several wedding responsibilities.

Emily immediately felt uncomfortable. She asked Emma whether Lauren knew she had been chosen as maid of honor. Emma said yes and claimed that Lauren was excited about working with her. Emily realized that accepting the position would mean spending months around the woman who had bullied her throughout her childhood.

She carefully thought about the situation before responding. Emily did not want to cause unnecessary drama, but she also did not want to put herself through months of anxiety simply to keep everyone happy. After considering everything, she told Emma that she could not accept the maid-of-honor position.

Emma was stunned. She asked why Emily would refuse such an important role. Emily explained that she loved her sister and wanted the wedding to be beautiful, but she was not comfortable being placed in such a demanding position alongside Lauren. She emphasized that she was willing to attend the wedding and support Emma, just not as the maid of honor.

Emma became upset and accused Emily of holding onto teenage drama. She argued that they were adults now and that Lauren had changed. Emma also reminded Emily that the wedding was supposed to be about celebrating her marriage, not revisiting old conflicts.

Emily tried to remain calm. She told Emma that she was not asking her to choose between her and Lauren. She simply wanted to choose her own level of involvement. According to Emily, there was a major difference between forgiving someone and voluntarily placing yourself in a situation where you knew you would feel uncomfortable.

The disagreement eventually reached the rest of the family. Some relatives immediately sided with Emma. They believed Emily should make an exception because this was her twin sister’s wedding. Others thought Emily had every right to decline the role if being around Lauren would negatively affect her.

The family became especially confused because they had never heard the full story about Lauren’s behavior. Most relatives remembered the girls as teenagers but had assumed that the arguments between them were ordinary teenage disagreements. They had no idea how deeply Emily had been affected.

When one relative asked Emily why Lauren still bothered her after so many years, Emily finally decided to explain everything. She described the constant insults, the exclusion from social events, the rumors, and the way Lauren had repeatedly embarrassed her in front of other students.

She also admitted that Emma had known more than she realized. Emily said she had repeatedly asked Emma for support, but Emma had often defended Lauren instead. This revelation changed the conversation completely. Several family members looked at Emma and asked whether Emily’s account was accurate.

Emma initially struggled to respond. She admitted that Lauren had sometimes been mean but said she had never realized the extent of the damage. She explained that she had been young and had been afraid of losing her friendship with Lauren. While that explanation did not erase what happened, it helped the family understand why Emily’s feelings had remained unresolved.

Emily told Emma that she did not hate her. In fact, she said that was precisely why the situation was so painful. She had wanted her sister to protect her when they were young, and now she felt as though she was being asked to ignore everything that happened simply because everyone wanted a peaceful wedding.

The family eventually stopped pressuring Emily to change her mind. Even some relatives who had initially criticized her admitted that they had judged the situation without knowing the full story. They encouraged Emma to have a serious conversation with her sister rather than treating the problem as a simple disagreement over wedding responsibilities.

Emma later apologized for not defending Emily when they were teenagers. She acknowledged that saying “Lauren was only joking” had been dismissive and that Emily deserved to have her feelings taken seriously. Although Emily appreciated the apology, she explained that rebuilding trust would take time.

In the end, Emily did not become the maid of honor. She attended the wedding as a guest and genuinely celebrated her sister’s happiness. She avoided unnecessary confrontation with Lauren and focused on enjoying the day with relatives she trusted. Emma respected her decision, even though she remained disappointed that her twin was not standing beside her in the traditional role.

The experience ultimately taught both sisters an important lesson about boundaries. Emily realized that saying no did not mean she loved Emma any less, while Emma learned that family loyalty should not require someone to ignore years of emotional pain. Their relationship was not magically repaired overnight, but the honest conversation gave them an opportunity to rebuild it on healthier terms.

The biggest surprise for the family was discovering that the disagreement had never really been about a wedding title. It was about years of unresolved hurt, childhood loyalty, and the difference between forgiving someone and pretending nothing happened. Emily’s refusal forced everyone to look at the past from her perspective for the first time. And although the truth created uncomfortable conversations, it also gave the family a chance to understand why she had finally decided that protecting her own peace was more important than accepting a role that made her feel trapped.