When Olivia and Ethan got engaged, they believed they had built a relationship based on trust, compromise, and shared dreams. After nearly four years together, they decided it was finally time to buy their first home. Both were excited about starting a new chapter, but their search quickly revealed a disagreement that neither of them had expected.

Olivia worked at a company she loved, and her office was located in the center of the city. She hoped they could find a house within a reasonable commuting distance so she could maintain a healthy work-life balance. Ethan, however, insisted on buying a much larger and cheaper house in a distant suburb, even though it would dramatically increase Olivia’s daily commute.

As discussions continued, Ethan became increasingly unwilling to compromise. He told Olivia that she had only two choices: agree to purchase the house he wanted or leave the relationship altogether. He believed she would eventually give in because they were already planning their wedding and had invested so much time in their future together.

Advertisement

Instead of accepting the ultimatum, Olivia carefully reflected on what it meant for their future. She realized that the issue was no longer about the location of a house but about respect and equal decision-making. If such an important life choice could only be made on Ethan’s terms, she worried that future disagreements would follow the same pattern.

To Ethan’s surprise, Olivia chose to end the engagement rather than move into a home that ignored her needs and career. Friends and family were shocked by the sudden breakup, but Olivia explained that she wanted a partner who valued communication and compromise instead of issuing ultimatums whenever conflicts arose.

Advertisement

After sharing her experience online, many people supported Olivia’s decision, arguing that healthy relationships require mutual respect rather than one-sided demands. Others believed the disagreement over the house simply exposed deeper compatibility issues that might have caused even greater problems after marriage. In the end, what began as a debate over where to live became a lesson about partnership, respect, and knowing when to walk away.

Advertisement

Read Story…

[New Update]: AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

I don’t know how to start this. I, (27F) have been with my fiancé (28M) for 5 years. We’ve just recently saved enough for a deposit on a house, and he’s found this cottage in the middle of nowhere, two hours away from where we currently live. The thing is that I already work an hour away. I am a nursery practitioner and I love my workplace, I’ve been there since I was 20 and I’ve worked my way up to a room lead position. Living three hours away from my job would not be ideal, but my fiancé won’t budge on this house. He says it’s perfect within our budget and quirky enough to fit our tastes in home style.

I’ve tried to communicate with him about this issue multiple times, bringing up the fact there’s not even any nurseries in that area that are looking for staff, and I don’t want to find another job that’s a bit further out but start from the bottom again. He says it’ll all work out if I just stop overthinking it, and I’ve been at my current job for so long that it would be nice for me to start fresh.

Another issue is that I want children, they’ve always been a huge dealbreaker for me and I don’t think it would be such a good idea to live so remotely when it comes to children as we will have to get them to/from school or nursery before and after work every day, the nearest school/nursery is a 30 minute drive away from the house he wants and we both start work fairly early and finish quite late. It will also be an issue of their freedom as they grow up, because I think it would be horrible to have to rely on your parents for transportation all the time and have to skip out on plans if they can’t drive you.

He really thinks I’m being dramatic about this and I’ll just ‘figure it out’, so AITAH for not wanting to move so far away from my job and basically all civilisation?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. Y’all didn’t talk about where you wanted to live? You both should have discussed where EXACTLY you wanted a home. You don’t have to move where you don’t want to live.

OOP: We did discuss it, we both want a nice cottage that’s out of the way of lots of people, but there’s options near us, and even more options that are actually closer to my job, that also still have access to regular buses and there’s even a few up for sale in a town with a train station a reasonable walk away. I don’t know why he’s suddenly so set on this house that’s so far out when we have plenty of options available to us that won’t move us hours away.

Commenter 2: NTA. You two are not on the same page. You need to sort that out before you get married.

OOP: I am desperately trying to sort it out. I’m considering telling him that I will end the engagement if he continues to be unreasonable and doesn’t consider my feelings on the matter

Commenter 3: NTA. If you have joined the funds, immediately remove your contributions from the account and safeguard the money. He absolutely will use all of it to buy the cottage. His plan is to isolate you and keep you away from your network of people.

OOP: Luckily I control our finances because I’m better with numbers, so I’ve already transferred my half of the savings into a different account, he won’t even notice. He’s usually very sweet and considerate so I’m not sure what’s got into him about this house. He loves my family and we have the same friend group as we’ve known each other since high school, so I don’t think he’s trying to isolate me

Commenter 4: Is the house also three hours away from his workplace? Or does he WFH?

OOP: He works in tech and he does go physically to work but has the opportunity to WFH if he wants to. He says because it’s ’worked out’ for him it’ll work out for me too and I can always just find another job in a nursery, but I don’t think he gets quite how difficult it is to find a genuinely good job in a great nursery that doesn’t have a toxic environment and crazy high staff turnover

Commenter 5: Who exactly is the “we” who received the money for the deposit? Who did the money come from? if it came from somebody in his family, he is probably being very proprietary about how the money is spent. That isn’t a partnership and this kind of thinking will spill over into other areas of their life. If the money came from someone in your family or if it is somehow attached to your career, like a bonus, then he is a dictator who will force his ideas on you time and again. Buying a house is a partnership. He will expect you to help pay your portion of the mortgage and the upkeep, but you don’t get to say in where the house is located. Is that what you want? NTA

OOP: We’ve been saving for a while, nobody gave us any money. I was already saving before we got together, so was he and after a couple years together we decided to pool our house savings for our future which I now realise was probably a really dumb idea because we aren’t married. I’ve actually put more in than him despite spending less because I’m happy to live a frugal lifestyle while he likes holidays and expensive cars, etc.

Despite *earning less, sorry I’m completely exhausted

Update #1: August 6, 2025 (two days later)

UPDATE AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

I wasn’t expecting to be able to update this fast, but here we are. First off I want to thank everyone that commented on my last post, and also add some context as I realised my last post may have been lacking some. Fiancé and I have been together five years, but I have known him for twelve years, and in all the time I’ve known him and especially since we got together he’s always been sweet, taken my feelings into consideration and hasn’t actively ignored my opinion like this. It’s always been a two yes, one no situation in decisions before this.

We had a good relationship otherwise, we had date nights once a fortnight, we enjoyed each other’s company, had aligning plans for the future and the same ideals for a relationship. He had watched me go through a few quite bad relationships over the years before we got together and did his best to be the opposite of my exes, though he’s always been quite pushy when it comes to sexual intimacy, so I guess that’s an issue. But other than that it was great, and we had actually had a lot of talks about what we wanted in a house. We had agreed that we wanted a house or cottage either the same distance away or closer to my work, a bit more remote but still with a town or city easily accessible by public transport and car. I’m not sure why he suddenly switched to wanting a house so far out from everything and everyone we both know. We live in the UK, and a two hour drive can have you in basically a whole other world.

Anyway, the actual update. I had annual leave from work yesterday, and my now-ex fiancé was having a WFH day, something he’s been doing more and more frequently as of late. This is another reason he is so okay with the house he wants being where it is, because he can just switch to full time work from home.

In the morning I sat down with him and tried to bring up the house. I laid out my points from my last post yet again and told him I am under no circumstances leaving my job, I love it and I do not want to search for another. I brought up the countless other houses that fit our criteria that are in our area and closer to my work, some of which we have viewed. We haven’t viewed the place he wants yet as we haven’t had the time, and I told him I do not want to as I already know it’s not what I want.

I also asked him if he really thinks it would be okay for me to have a 6 hour round commute every day, especially considering my shift starts at 8am so I would have to leave by 5am every morning and be up by around 4am. My shifts typically finish at 5:30pm, so I wouldn’t even be back home until 8:30pm. Would he be okay with doing all the childcare in the future, housework and just everything that needed to be done because I would not be home for any of it?

He didn’t seem to take any of it to heart, and still insisted I could find another job, maybe one not even in child care, and that’s what finally pushed me over the edge. Child care has been my dream since I was a little girl, and I managed to find an absolute dream of a workplace that I know many child care practitioners would kill to work for. How could I possibly leave that all behind when I’ve worked so hard for it? He told me he’s set on this house, so either I accept it or I leave.

I chose leave. I gave his ring back and told him we’re done, that he’s not being the sweet, considerate man I fell in love with, and I don’t know why he can’t see my side of things in this. I do not want to live a life with somebody that doesn’t consider how I feel in all of this. This completely shocked him and he started begging me to rethink, that we can figure something out, but I refused and went to pack my things.

I’m staying with my brother and his wife now, which is nice because they live closer to my workplace (a 30 minute drive instead of an hour), and I get to spend time with my little nieces. I am hurting, but I also feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I do not deserve to not have my opinion valued, and he certainly did not. I guess it’s onwards and upwards as they say, but I definitely won’t be dating for a long time after this

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: You mentioned that the two of you had saved up enough for a down payment. If the money is in a joint account add up how much you contributed plus interest on the amount, and withdraw it Fast.

OOP: Hello! Sorry for my absence I have been very busy. I withdrew all money that I contributed from the shared balance before I left my ex-fiancé. It’s all safe in my own bank account now!

Commenter 2: He didn’t even give up. ” We can figure something out” means his option is still on the table. He just wants to keep debating even after you dumped him. Man he really wants that house.

Commenter 3: Oh damn. He thought he could strong arm you into agreeing with him. He thought you would relent because you were engaged and you’d never walk away. And then you called his bluff and he realized he didn’t hold the control over you he thought.

Good on you for calling his bluff and being rid of him. He would have 100% used that tactic again and again if you had stayed with him.

Commenter 4: NTA and good job advocating for yourself!!! if current You starts to waver, which is a totally normal emotional cycle for people to go through post break up, just remember that future You will be so glad that you stood up for yourself and made space for better relationships to come.

Trigger Warnings: death of a loved one

Update #2: December 4, 2025 (nearly four months later)

UPDATE: AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

Reposting here bc I didn’t realise I could only post one update on the AITAH sub

Hi all. Sorry I’ve been almost completely MIA for the last few months, life has been completely hectic, but I wanted to give an update because I saw some people asking for an update. I also saw my post being read on TikTok a few months ago by one of my favourite Reddit story accounts actually and that was crazy, I truly did not think it would end up anywhere but Reddit.

First off, I (27F) want to share some things about my life and how it has been since I left my ex-fiancé(28M). Life has been up and down for me. I found a therapist, and I’ve started to rent a small flat close to my brother’s house, still living below my means as I start to save for a house again, building upon my more than half of the savings I took when I left my ex (It was all my money, I had saved most of it. I did not take any of the money that was his.) The flat is small, but it’s cosy and doesn’t have any of the mess my ex always left around. I was offered a position as assistant manager at my workplace, and while the pay rise would have been nice, I decided to turn it down as I just so love working with the children and I do not want to spend most of my time in an office. Being a room lead is fine with me, I adore my job. My workplace is still great, and I’ve made some really good friends with some newer staff members. I often have a couple of them over for drinks or dinner after work, as a little single ladies club.

My absolutely amazing dad died suddenly and tragically in September, far too soon at 65. He was truly the most incredible man, and I’d been leaning on him a lot for support after I left my ex. He left me a sizeable sum of money, and while I am still waiting for that to come through, I’m planning to put it all into my house fund and I’m hoping to be a homeowner by the summer of 2026. I also adopted a little tortoiseshell cat to keep me company, her name is Lily and she’s the sweetest, cuddliest thing.

I’m slowly getting back into dating, and I actually made the realisation that I like women, so I have been dipping my toes into going on dates with some lovely ladies, which has been great. Nothing serious of course, I’m not ready for that yet, but it’s nice to have some connection with people and explore my newfound dating pool, see what fits me best and figure out my dating boundaries. Overall, while some times have been tough and heartbreaking, my life has improved.

On the ex front, I really did dodge a bullet. My sister has told me countless times that I let a man disrespect me for far too long. He was not the man I thought he was and upon reflection I realise the first red flag was how pushy he was for sex. I believe one comment on my last update called him a sex fiend. My therapist has helped me to realise that coercion was not consent, so I’ve been working through that.

Since we split, he has apparently been posting on Instagram about being an alpha male and how any woman would be lucky to have him. According to mutual friends, he has been listening to lots of horrible and misogynistic podcasts and spews that rhetoric to absolutely everyone he can, and he’s already dating a new girl what who is far from appropriately younger than him at 19. Yuck!! I will never know the full logic of why he wanted me to move so far from everything I know and love, but I feel that the comments saying he wanted me to quit my job and be a SAHM were correct in their assumptions. He couldn’t afford the house he wanted without my part of the savings, so he’s stuck in our old flat.

I had to see him once more after I left just to get the rest of my things from our old place, and he tried to talk to me, asking if we could fix what we had, but I ignored him and simply took everything I needed before leaving and blocking him for good. He’s not worth my time or energy.

I think during our relationship, I lost who I really was and forgot that I am a strong and independent woman. I have always been quite feisty, and I’ve always stood up for myself, but somehow with him I lost those parts of me. They’re back in full force now and I couldn’t be happier with that. I’ve used my found-again spine to fight for what I believe in, and I have been to several marches and protests for Palestine in the last few months, screaming at the top of my lungs, holding banners and waving flags. I have advocated for children’s rights, I have joined clubs and groups, and I have found my voice. Thank you all for your kind words, advice and encouragement. I don’t think I would have left or stayed away if it wasn’t for all of you commenting.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: 19!? Poor girl

OOP: I really want to message her and let her know what he’s like, but my sister and friends have told me it would cause more problems for me. She’s so young and I’m afraid for her

Commenter 2: I agree with your sister you dodged a bullet. Go have a great life now that you have found yourself again.

Commenter 3: Yesssssss. You go do what you want from now on. Sad about dad, but awesome otherwise.

—-NEW UPDATE—-

Update #3: June 27, 2026 (6.5 months later from the previous update)

(editor’s note: removed the first part of the update as they are links to the original and previous updates)

Six months into the year already, wow! Thank you so much to everyone who has been so supportive on my previous posts!

I (28F) don’t have much to update apart from, as of the 21st of May, I am officially a homeowner! I found a perfect house that’s only fifteen minutes from my workplace. It may not be the out of the way cottage I wanted, but it’s perfect and it’s all mine. I have space to just be me, and enough room for my niblings to sleep over and give my siblings a break.

On the dating front, I’ve been dating a wonderful woman (30F) since late December. I realised shortly after my last update that I wasn’t bisexual, and I am actually fully a lesbian.

We’re still taking it very slow, considering I had just come out of a long term relationship, and she was only recently divorced when we met, but so far so good. She’s absolutely amazing and I can safely say I love her. If things go well, we’ve talked about living together but that won’t happen until at least 2027, as I’m not quite ready for that level of commitment yet. She’s helped me move in and decorate my new house though, which has been lovely as she works in interior design and seems to know exactly how to make a room look incredible.

My ex broke up with the 19 year old in April, from what I’ve been told, citing that she’s “far too immature.” Like, obviously? She’s 19 and you’re 29, idiot. I haven’t heard much else about him because I really don’t care to know about his life, but what I have heard isn’t great. On top of his stupid misogynist stuff, he’s also been on some horribly racist bs. I didn’t mention this in my posts because it didn’t feel relevant, but I am mixed. My mum is Black, and I am very clearly half Black. He was engaged to a woman of colour and he’s racist!!!

All in all, life is good and I escaped a man that probably never really loved me. I hope everyone has had a great year so far, here’s to better beginnings. It may not be much of an update, but I wanted to let you all know it can get so much better 😊.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP

A Future That Seemed Perfect

When Olivia and Ethan got engaged, they imagined a future built on trust, respect, and shared goals. After nearly four years together, they decided it was finally time to buy their first home before getting married. They were excited about taking such a big step, believing they agreed on most aspects of their future.

Advertisement

At first, house hunting was enjoyable. They spent weekends touring different neighborhoods, comparing prices, and discussing what features mattered most. Olivia wanted a home that was comfortable and reasonably close to her workplace, while Ethan focused almost entirely on getting the biggest house possible for their budget.

Advertisement

Olivia worked for a company she genuinely enjoyed and had spent years building her career. Her office was located downtown, and she knew that a long commute would make her daily routine far more stressful. She hoped they could find a compromise that balanced affordability with convenience.

Advertisement

Ethan had a different vision. He insisted that they purchase a house nearly two hours away because properties there were significantly larger and less expensive. He argued that sacrificing commuting time was worth having more space and a lower mortgage payment.

Olivia pointed out that Ethan worked remotely several days a week, while she had to be in the office almost every day. She explained that the proposed location would add several hours of travel to her schedule each week, leaving her exhausted and reducing the time they could spend together.

Instead of acknowledging her concerns, Ethan dismissed them. He claimed that commuting was simply part of adult life and suggested she was focusing on minor inconveniences instead of the long-term benefits of owning a larger home.

As the conversations continued, Olivia became increasingly frustrated. She wasn’t refusing to move altogether—she simply wanted them to consider neighborhoods that worked for both of them. She believed marriage required teamwork, especially when making major financial decisions.

Ethan, however, grew impatient. Rather than continuing the discussion, he declared that there would be no further debate. He said they would either buy the house he preferred or cancel their plans entirely.

His ultimatum shocked Olivia. She had expected disagreements during the home-buying process, but she never imagined her fiancé would reduce such an important decision to a simple demand with no room for compromise.

Olivia took several days to think carefully. During that time, she realized the issue wasn’t really about the house anymore. It was about how Ethan handled conflict and whether her opinions truly mattered in their relationship.

She reflected on smaller disagreements they had experienced in the past and noticed a pattern. Whenever their opinions differed, Ethan often expected his preferences to take priority, while she was usually the one expected to adjust.

Eventually, Olivia reached a difficult conclusion. If Ethan was unwilling to compromise before marriage, she feared that future decisions involving finances, careers, or even raising children would become even more one-sided.

When they met again, Olivia calmly explained that she couldn’t agree to buy the house under those conditions. She also told Ethan that she couldn’t marry someone who viewed compromise as a weakness instead of an essential part of a healthy partnership.

Ethan appeared genuinely surprised by her response. He admitted that he had expected her to give in because their wedding plans were already underway. He hadn’t considered that she might choose to walk away from the relationship instead.

Although ending the engagement was emotionally painful, Olivia felt a sense of relief. She believed it was better to recognize fundamental incompatibilities before marriage than to spend years struggling with the same issues.

After sharing her experience online, many readers expressed support for her decision. They argued that the disagreement over the house merely exposed deeper problems involving communication, respect, and equality within the relationship.

In the end, what started as a simple discussion about where to live became a defining moment for both of them. Olivia chose a future where her voice would be heard rather than accepting an unequal partnership, reminding many readers that lasting relationships are built on mutual respect—not ultimatums.