The woman had been dating her boyfriend for quite some time, and for the most part, their relationship had been happy and comfortable. They had built a strong connection, enjoyed spending time together, and generally trusted each other. However, there was one issue that had been bothering her for a while: his friendship with a woman who worked as a model. Her boyfriend insisted that they were simply friends, but some of their interactions made her feel uncomfortable, especially because the model frequently appeared in his social media posts and seemed to have a particularly close relationship with him.

The woman tried not to become overly suspicious or jealous. She understood that her boyfriend was allowed to have female friends, and she didn’t want to be the type of partner who demanded that he cut people out of his life. Still, certain things bothered her. The model would sometimes send him messages at unusual hours, leave flirty comments on his posts, or make jokes that seemed more intimate than ordinary friendship. Whenever the woman brought up her concerns, her boyfriend assured her that there was nothing romantic happening between them and told her that she was reading too much into the situation.

Eventually, the woman decided that she needed to have a serious conversation with him. During what was supposed to be a relaxed lunch date, she brought up the subject of his model friend. She explained that she wasn’t accusing him of cheating, but she wanted him to understand why the friendship made her uncomfortable. She asked him to be honest about the nature of their relationship and whether there had ever been anything more between them. Instead of calmly answering her questions, her boyfriend immediately became defensive. He accused her of ruining what was supposed to be a nice afternoon and said she was acting insecure over someone who meant nothing to him.

The conversation quickly became an argument. The woman pointed out that she wasn’t upset because his friend was attractive or because she was a model; she was upset because of the way the two of them interacted and because she felt her concerns were repeatedly dismissed. Her boyfriend insisted that he had never given her a reason not to trust him and accused her of trying to control his friendships. As the discussion became more heated, the atmosphere at the restaurant became increasingly uncomfortable. What had started as a simple lunch between two people in a relationship had turned into a confrontation neither of them expected.

By the time they left the restaurant, the woman was questioning whether the real problem was the model friend or the way her boyfriend handled her concerns. She didn’t expect him to stop having female friends, but she did expect him to take her feelings seriously and communicate openly with her. Her boyfriend, meanwhile, felt that she had crossed a line by confronting him about someone he considered only a friend. The incident left both of them wondering whether they could rebuild trust and establish healthier boundaries, or whether their different views about friendship and relationships would eventually create an even bigger problem.

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My (26/F) boyfriend (28/M) has become suspiciously close to a model (26/F) he photographs, and has a practically naked photo of her as the wallpaper on his phone

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/exgirlonthephone

My (26/F) boyfriend (28/M) has become suspiciously close to a model (26/F) he photographs, and has a practically naked photo of her as the wallpaper on his phone.

TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity

Original Post  Aug 26, 2016

Throwaway account because my boyfriend is an avid redditor.

He’s a fashion photographer. Meaning he works alongside many beautiful women in his profession. Stylists, hair and makeup artists, and of course, models.

This is actually how we met.

I modeled my way through college and he photographed me, after which we became friends and eventually started dating. We have been together now for almost three years. I’ve since stopped modeling, but he is still a photographer. Never once in our relationship has he given me any reason to question his fidelity. With the exception of me, he has never dated or even befriended any of the models he has photographed.

That was, until, Rachel came into the picture.

I’ve met Rachel. She seems like a fun chick, the type of girl who draws a lot of positive attention just by entering a room. She’s beautiful but her personality really shines through. She makes you feel like you’re her best friend when you’re talking to her. A very cool person through and through.

That said, I’m not the only one who feels this way. My boyfriend also adores Rachel. The first time he photographed her, he stayed late at the studio and discussed ideas for their next shoot for nearly three hours. He was actually late for a night out with me because of it, but he’s always had terrible time management so I didn’t think anything of it.

The lateness has now become a steady, recurring factor in their shoots together. They hang out long after the stylists and makeup artists leave the studio.

They also text a lot, and he’s always smiling to himself and laughing when he reads the messages she sends him. At first he would show them to me and try to include me in on all the fun (without me asking) but he abruptly stopped doing that around two weeks ago. He tilts his phone away from me now when Rachel messages him.

I’m not the jealous type but if my bf had a history of doing this with the other models, I’d let it slide. The fact that he is only like this with Rachel (and me, I suppose) makes me wary of what might have transpired between them.

Rachel herself has stopped talking to me. We used to communicate and have an easy, casual friendship via IG and Snap chat, but she pretty much ignores me now. Guilty conscience? I don’t know.

The real kicker is, my boyfriend now has a photo of Rachel as the wallpaper on his phone. He’s apparently proud of the concept and the editing, and claims it has nothing to do with Rachel herself, which is totally believable, but … doesn’t sit right with me. I told him that and he told me I was being irrational.

Rachel is single by the way. She and her bf broke up around three weeks ago, so you be the judge.

I really don’t want to fall into the jealous gf trope but what else am I to think? I don’t want to make crazy demands and accuse my bf of cheating on me, even emotionally but he really does seem to be fond of this girl in a way that really hurts me. He has other female friends and he doesn’t act that way with them. He’s capable of being friendly with a girl without flirting or acting suspicious, but with Rachel it’s different.

He has slowly become very attached to her and I feel like I’m losing him. I have expressed this to him a couple of times but he always tells me I have nothing to worry about and that he and Rachel are just “kindred” when it comes to photography. The long nights, constant texting, and phone wallpaper mean nothing. Oh btw, she’s practically naked in the photo and it wasn’t taken for any sort of publication; just for fun.

Am I being irrational? Unreasonable? How would you feel in this situation? What would you do?

TL;DR – photographer bf has been growing very close to one of his models and acting dismissive of my concerns regarding their work relationship. He has a practically naked photo of her as his phone wallpaper. Wtf am I supposed to think?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

liverpoolfc4evr

So she broke up with her bf 3 weeks ago and yours started hiding messages she was sending him 2 weeks ago? Not to jump to conclusions but that’s an interesting timeline.

Also, having a semi nude pic of someone you’re hanging out with as your background when you’re with someone else is totally inappropriate no matter how good the editing is.  How would he react if you had a similar picture of one of your male friends as yours?

OOP

It’s hard to say as we’re both creative types who work in the arts. I’m not sure that he’d have a problem with it … he certainly had no qualms with me having a sex scene on stage with a male actor in college. He was more worried that it wouldn’t look natural if I remember correctly.

It’s the other stuff that’s worrying to me tbh. Not so much the wallpaper but the late nights and the giggly schoolgirl texting. Plus the fact that he hides his phone around the time good ole Rachel split with her bf, NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL.

~

[deleted]

Yeah, I’ve watched exactly this play out with a friend who is married to a fashion photographer.

Sorry, who was married to a fashion photographer, before he “upgraded” her to his “Rachel”

OOP

Comforting lol.

[deleted]

Sorry. I suppose what I am trying in my clumsy way to say is: I don’t think you are being foolish, or paranoid, or over-reacting, and I agree you need to shut this down

OOP

Oh, don’t apologize. I appreciate the honesty. I could use some of that IRL right about now.

mini update: He and I are meeting for lunch in an hour.

extra mini update: He confessed. More on that later.

micro teacup update: I’ll give you guys the full story as soon as this post is kicked off the front page. Correct me if I’m wrong. I don’t think we’re allowed to post updates until the dust has settled on the original.

In any case, thank you so much for all the advice and overwhelming kindness. I’m kind of a mess right now but I’m lucky enough to have an amazing support system and a clear head. That’s all I really wanted out of this unfortunate situation.

Update  Aug 28, 2016 (2 Days Later)

First of all, I’d like to thank everyone who left a comment on the original post. Your advice, your words of encouragement and support, and even your criticism has helped me immensely. Thanks. Really.

Second, I’d like to address a few things:

1. My boyfriend — sorry, ex boyfriend — has never taken nude or even partially nude photos of me. Although I modelled in high school and university, my primary focus has always been stage acting. He took my head shots. That’s how we met. Not that it really changes anything. Just a bit of insight, I guess.
2. When we were younger and when the relationship was newer, I would accompany him to his shoots all the time. But my own career is very time consuming nowadays. I know of multiple model/photographer relationships where they accompany each other to every shoot, and I’ve nothing against doing that, but I personally would rather just trust that my SO is on their best behaviour. Obviously what happened here kind of squashes that … but I stand by it. If I have to be there in order to make sure my SO faithful, chances are they’ll find other ways to cheat.
3. I’m flattered by the offers, but no, I will not be meeting anyone for drinks anywhere. Sorry for the bluntness, just … yeah.

Okay, now for the good stuff! … or I guess, the bad stuff.

I met him for lunch Friday afternoon. We went to our favourite sushi joint overlooking the ocean, and I ordered more than I could handle, stuffing my face while trying to decide how to broach the topic of Rachel, but most importantly, our relationship. I went into that meeting with a righteous, ass-kicking speech prepared, but I forgot every word of it almost immediately after we sat down. I guess he could tell there was something on my mind, because he asked me if I was alright, if he had done anything to upset me. Snorts. Yes, Ian, you’ve upset me very much, actually. As soon as I gathered the confidence to look him in the eyes, I point blank asked him, “What’s going on between you and Rachel?” His mouth flew open as if he were completely and utterly taken aback by the implication, but I cut him off with, “DO NOT bullshit me.”

I tried my best not to let anger get the best of me, I really did. I wanted to stay cool, calm, and collected like so many women on this sub. You know the ones. Those intense stories of cheating husbands wherein the wife takes to r/relationships, garners a ton of support, and then updates us later with a well-constructed, storybook post detailing the evidence she has collected against him and the meeting she had with her Uncle or sibling, who just so happens to be a divorce lawyer … ?

Yeah, I’m not a badass like that. I wish I were, but I’m honestly just an overly emotional doormat and I knew going into this meeting that I was either going to cry or gouge his eyes out with my mind. Because I had somewhere to be later, I took a hard left and got super, SUPER angry.

He could see it in me, the anger bubbling over. The people in the restaurant were starting to stare at us, too. In order to save face I threw money on the table (with tip) and told him to meet me in the parking lot. If I’d had a switchblade on me, I can’t say for certain I wouldn’t have channeled my inner Jet and beat his Shark ass to the pavement.

Kidding. Totally kidding. 

We met inside my car. He climbed in after me, his head down as though he were ashamed or … I don’t know, GUILTY?!?!?!?!?!

I asked him how, and he explained everything to me. No preamble whatsoever.

The moment he met Rachel he felt some type of way towards her. He couldn’t tell whether it was just a silly crush or something more, but he knew she felt it, too. How cuuuuuuute.

BARF.

They kissed the first night they met. The night he nearly stood me up.

They had CRAZY, emotional, ~forbidden sex the night she and her boyfriend called it quits.

And they’ve been fucking ever since.

He mentioned he has always used a condom with her, but I don’t care. I’m getting tested. Oh and because so many people asked in the original post, I figure I should mention Rachel was the one who was broken up with in her previous relationship. I don’t know why or how. I didn’t ask and I don’t care to know.

Funnily enough, Ian said he doesn’t want to be with Rachel, he wants to be with me, and he even provided text messages to show that he’s the one who decided not to pursue anything with her on official grounds, but I told him I give zero fucks about what he wants. And unless he can go w/o his eyes, he should get the fuck out of my car and erase me from his mind before I erase him.

I literally said that. 

In any case, I went home later that day, posted an update for you guys on the original, and drank. A lot.

My friends and family, and most of Ian’s friends and family, have rallied around me in support. I guess he told his mother we broke up and how it happened, because she called me this morning and said she’s disgusted with her son and that if I need anything at all, she’s always there for me.

For real, you guys, I’m going to miss his family. They’re good people. The best people.

This is my first “adult” breakup, by the way. The type of breakup where you’re required not only to break up with your SO but with their family and friends, as well. These people you’ve spent so much time getting to know and growing to love, are suddenly not in your life anymore and it’s … well, it’s kind of daunting, really. Daunting and sad and infuriating all at the same time.

So, that’s the conclusion to this story. That’s what happened.

Thank you again to everyone.

If I have anything to add, I’ll do so below.

TL;DR – he admitted to cheating with Rachel and then I dumped his ass.

FINAL COMMENTS

Timmetie

“and he even provided text messages to show that he’s the one who decided not to pursue anything with her on official grounds”

Aahh.. That’s so sweet.. So Loyal..

OOP

Truly the most decent of people.

OMGSpaghettiisawesom

Cheaters will do some crazy mental gymnastics to convince themselves they aren’t bad people.

OOP

Ian deserves a medal for the front handspring step out, round off back handspring step out, round off back handspring, full twisting layout he just pulled tbh.

~

SquarelyBird

Haha I love how he was all “but I won’t date her!” Like that makes it any better. He can fuck right off and I’m glad you told him so OP. Good for you! Sorry about this mess but you’ll come out on top.

unicorn-jones

Honestly, I almost feel that’s kinda worse. Obviously dovetailing one relationship into another is scummy, but things happen, people fall in and out of love, I get it. Continuing to want to stay with your girlfriend and fucking another girl on the side but holding the side girl at arm’s length is like, professional-grade asshole.

OOP

Agreed. I’d prefer he run away with Rachel and they live happily ever after; at least that would mean he cheated because he found a girl he cared for instead of the real reason – to get his dick wet.

~

[deleted]

Your friends that were his friends can still be your friends. They’re more likely empathetic to you because he was the one that fucked up. I mean I get wanting to separate everything Ian related and take no chance of running into him again. So I get that, but you could still hang out with them and be like “just as long as Asshat McGee isn’t there”.

OOP

One of his oldest, closest friends sent me a  text message last night saying, “Don’t ghost on me, yeah?”

I think I might just keep in contact with a few of these people. But like, first I needa drink.

note: To the person who said violence is never the answer and I should never have threatened my ex – You’re right, you are absolutely right, but if you’re ever in a situation where your lying, cheating ex refuses to leave your car the first dozen times you asked, I dare you not to lose your shit and say things you don’t mean just so he gets the fuck out (and doesn’t see you cry).

microscopic update: So far, his mother, his teenaged step-brother, and two male friends of his, have reached out to me saying how disgusted, ashamed and embarrassed they are on his behalf. On top of three mutual friends. It hasn’t been two days yet, you guys.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER – RULE 7

Woman Becomes Concerned About Boyfriend’s Close Friendship With Female Model

The woman had been in a relationship with her boyfriend for quite some time, and they had always shared a strong connection. They enjoyed going out together, talking about their plans, and supporting each other through everyday challenges. From the outside, their relationship appeared happy and stable. However, there was one subject that had quietly been bothering her for months: her boyfriend’s friendship with a female model he knew through his work.

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Her boyfriend worked as a fashion photographer, which meant that he regularly interacted with attractive women. His professional life involved models, stylists, makeup artists, hair professionals, and other people from the fashion industry. The woman understood that this was simply part of his career. In fact, she had met him through that same world, so she knew better than anyone that his job required him to work closely with women.

Still, one particular model seemed different from the others. The woman noticed that her boyfriend talked about her more frequently than he talked about most of his other colleagues. They appeared to have developed a close friendship outside of their professional work, and that gradually started making the woman uncomfortable.

At first, she tried not to overthink it. She reminded herself that being friends with someone didn’t automatically mean there was anything romantic happening. She also didn’t want to become controlling or demand that her boyfriend stop talking to someone simply because she felt insecure.

However, there were small interactions that continued to bother her. The model sometimes commented on his social media posts, sent him messages, and joked with him in a way that seemed unusually familiar. None of those things were necessarily proof of anything inappropriate, but when they happened repeatedly, the woman found herself wondering whether there was more to the friendship.

Whenever she noticed something that made her uncomfortable, she tried to keep her reaction under control. She didn’t want every conversation with her boyfriend to turn into an argument about another woman. She also didn’t want him to feel that he had to constantly reassure her because she didn’t trust him.

Instead, she tried to convince herself that she was simply being overly sensitive. She knew her boyfriend’s profession involved attractive people, and she didn’t want to judge someone based solely on their appearance. She also knew that the model was not responsible for the boundaries in her relationship. Her boyfriend was the person she trusted, and he was the one responsible for maintaining those boundaries.

Despite telling herself all of this, the feeling never completely disappeared.

Over time, she began noticing how often the model appeared in conversations. Her boyfriend would occasionally mention upcoming shoots involving her, share funny stories from work, or bring up something she had said. Again, none of these things were necessarily inappropriate, but the frequency made the woman increasingly aware of their friendship.

Eventually, she decided that keeping everything inside was making the situation worse. Instead of continuing to quietly worry, she wanted to have an honest conversation with her boyfriend. She wasn’t planning to accuse him of cheating or demand that he end the friendship. She simply wanted to explain how she felt and understand his perspective.

The opportunity came during what was supposed to be a casual lunch date.

The couple went to a restaurant expecting to spend a relaxing afternoon together. At first, everything seemed normal. They talked about work, their plans for the upcoming week, and other ordinary things. The woman initially hesitated to bring up the subject because she didn’t want to ruin their time together.

Eventually, however, she realized that avoiding the conversation wasn’t helping. She carefully brought up the model’s name and explained that she had been feeling uncomfortable about how close they seemed.

Her boyfriend immediately noticed that the conversation was serious. He asked what exactly she was concerned about, and she explained that it wasn’t one specific incident. It was the overall pattern of communication between him and the model that had been bothering her.

She told him that she trusted him but also wanted him to understand why the friendship sometimes made her uncomfortable. She explained that she wasn’t asking him to stop having female friends. What she wanted was reassurance that their relationship had clear boundaries.

Instead of responding calmly, her boyfriend became defensive.

He asked why she was suddenly questioning him when he had never given her a reason to believe that he was cheating. He said that the model was a friend and colleague and that there was nothing romantic between them.

The woman tried to explain that she wasn’t accusing him of cheating. She simply wanted to talk about something that had been bothering her for a long time. However, her boyfriend interpreted her concerns as a lack of trust.

The conversation quickly became more emotional than either of them expected. He accused her of being jealous because the other woman was attractive and worked as a model. That comment upset her because she felt he was completely missing the point.

She told him that the model’s appearance had nothing to do with her concerns. If anything, she said, the problem was how her boyfriend responded to the situation and whether he was willing to acknowledge her feelings.

She also pointed out that relationships required more than simply saying, “Trust me.” Couples needed to be able to discuss uncomfortable subjects without immediately becoming defensive. She wanted to know that if something made her uncomfortable, she could talk about it without being accused of being insecure.

Her boyfriend disagreed. From his perspective, he had been completely honest with her. He believed that his friendship was innocent and that she was creating a problem where none existed.

As the conversation continued, the atmosphere at the restaurant became increasingly tense. What had started as a peaceful lunch had turned into a serious argument. Neither person seemed willing to back down, and both felt misunderstood.

Eventually, the woman became frustrated and told him that she didn’t regret bringing up the issue. She would rather have an uncomfortable conversation than continue pretending that everything was fine while quietly becoming more suspicious and resentful.

Her boyfriend responded that if she truly trusted him, she wouldn’t have questioned his friendship in the first place. That statement hurt her because she believed trust didn’t mean ignoring uncomfortable feelings. To her, trust meant being able to communicate honestly and work through difficult situations together.

By the time lunch ended, neither of them felt satisfied with the conversation. They left the restaurant without resolving the issue, and the woman spent the rest of the day thinking about what had happened.

She began wondering whether the model herself was really the problem. Perhaps the bigger issue was that she and her boyfriend had completely different ideas about boundaries between friendships and romantic relationships.

She also realized that she needed to decide what boundaries were important to her rather than expecting her boyfriend to automatically know what made her uncomfortable. At the same time, she wanted him to understand that dismissing her feelings wasn’t going to make the problem disappear.

The lunch date ultimately forced both of them to confront an issue they had been avoiding. Whether the friendship was completely innocent or whether there were deeper concerns, the couple now had to address the trust and communication problems that had surfaced between them.

For the woman, the biggest question wasn’t whether her boyfriend was allowed to have a model as a friend. She knew he was. The real question was whether both partners could openly discuss boundaries, respect each other’s feelings, and find a solution that made them both comfortable without either person feeling controlled or ignored.