I never thought there would come a day when I would question whether the daughter I raised for years was actually my biological child. My daughter has always been the most important person in my life, and from the moment she was born, I never had any reason to doubt that she was mine. I was there for her first steps, her first day of school, her childhood birthdays, and every difficult moment in between. My wife and I had been married for several years before our daughter was born, and although our marriage had its problems, I believed we had built our family on trust. That belief completely collapsed when my wife recently confessed something I never could have imagined. She admitted that she had an affair many years ago, but the person she had been involved with was not some stranger or an old boyfriend. It was my father, who has since passed away. When she first told me, I honestly thought I had misunderstood her. The idea was so disturbing and unbelievable that my mind struggled to process it.

My father and I had always had a complicated relationship, but I never imagined he could have crossed such a terrible boundary. He was still alive when my daughter was born, and he was involved in her life as her grandfather. He would visit us, attend family gatherings, and sometimes spend time alone with her while my wife and I handled other responsibilities. Looking back now, every one of those memories feels completely different. My wife told me that the affair happened during a difficult period in our marriage when she felt emotionally disconnected from me. She said she regretted it almost immediately and that the relationship with my father did not continue for long. According to her, she had buried the secret because she was terrified of destroying our family. She claimed that she had never known whether my father could have been my daughter’s biological father and that she had spent years trying not to think about it. I asked her why she was telling me now, after all these years, and her explanation was that the guilt had become unbearable.

The possibility that my father could be my daughter’s biological father completely changed the way I looked at my entire life. I kept thinking about dates, family gatherings, and everything my wife had told me about that period. I asked her directly whether she knew for certain that my father was involved during the time my daughter could have been conceived. She said she believed the timing made it possible but insisted she could not say with certainty who the biological father was. That uncertainty was almost as painful as the confession itself. If she had simply told me that she cheated with my father, I would have had to deal with the betrayal and the fact that both of them had violated my trust. But now there was another question hanging over everything: was the child I had raised actually my daughter biologically? I found myself looking at old photographs of her and wondering whether she had inherited certain features from my father. I hated myself for even thinking that way because none of this was her fault. She was still the same child I had loved and raised, regardless of what a DNA test might eventually show.

I have not told my daughter about any of this because I do not believe she should be forced to carry the weight of an adult betrayal before I understand the truth myself. She loves me as her father, and I have always been her father in every way that matters. At the same time, I cannot ignore the biological question forever. My father is gone, which makes everything even more complicated. There is no possibility of confronting him or asking him what happened. I am left with my wife’s confession, my own memories, and an uncertainty that I never asked for. I have considered taking a DNA test, but even that decision feels terrifying. If the results show that I am not her biological father, I do not know how I will emotionally process it. If they show that I am her father, the affair itself still remains. Either result would change something. I also worry about what could happen if the truth eventually comes out through another relative, an old message, or some unexpected discovery.

Right now, I am trying to separate two different questions that keep becoming tangled together in my mind. The first is whether my wife betrayed me in the worst way imaginable, and the answer to that is clearly yes. The second is whether my daughter is biologically mine, and I still do not know the answer. What I do know is that I refuse to punish my daughter for something she had absolutely no control over. She did not choose who her biological parents might be, and she did not participate in my wife’s affair. Whatever a DNA test says, I will still be the person who raised her, supported her, protected her, and loved her for her entire life. My relationship with my wife, however, may never be the same. I am struggling to understand how someone I trusted could not only have an affair but choose my own father as the person involved. The fact that both of them kept this secret for so many years makes me question how many other things I never knew. I am still deciding what to do next, but one thing has become clear: the truth I spent years believing about my family has been shattered, and rebuilding my life after a revelation like this is going to take a very long time.

Read Story…

I’m having doubts on if my daughter is biologically mine and don’t know if I should do a paternity test and risk my marriage.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/wave_key_20

OOP has since deleted his account

I’m having doubts on if my daughter is biologically mine and don’t know if I should do a paternity test and risk my marriage.

Trigger warning: infidelity, death of a parent

Originally posted to r/Advice

OriginalPost March 16, 2023

I’m new to Reddit but I’m currently in a tough place and need an outside perspective.

Me and my wife of 3 years have a baby girl she’s 2. They’re my world and honestly I’ve been beating myself up even having these thoughts but recently I’ve doubted if she’s really my biological daughter. We have similarities but there are certain things that have me second guessing. My wife and I both have green eyes I’m mixed and she’s Italian and American. My baby has brown eyes I know it’s a possible for two green eyed parents to have a brown eyed baby but I’ve read it’s rare.

A few years back I had to travel for work and I had my suspicions of my wife cheating but the thought alone brought me to tears. I discussed it with her and she assured me she was loyal to me. She has cheated in her previous relationship but I didn’t want to judge based on that because she was in high school and we’ve all done dumb shit we regret as kids.

I have discussed my concerns with her and to say I caused an argument would be an understatement. She got extremely upset and asked me how I could insinuate that she would ever cheat on me or that my baby isn’t mine. I’ve spoken to her in the past about my doubts and she told me she would never cheat. I brought it up again and said I had my doubts but I’ll drop it and apologized. She got very defensive and started crying saying “I guess you want a paternity test since you don’t believe me”. I said no but after speaking with my family about it I think I may want one just to clear my mind. If she’s mine I’ll hate myself for ever being doubtful but if she’s not I still haven’t thought about the consequences that can bring. She is my daughter and I love her no matter what but what will that do to my marriage.

This has caused me so much internal conflict and I’ve spent nights crying thinking I could be making the biggest mistake of my life. If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation from mine or my wife’s perspective it would be greatly appreciated

Update March 17, 2023

I don’t know if this is the right way to make an update post i did make an edit on my original post as well. I wasn’t expecting to make this update especially the day after.

This conversation with my wife isn’t new. But from the point where I made the comment she’s been very cold and threatening our marriage saying I better not get the test done behind her back and she also would not allow it to happen at all. I read comments from a lot of women saying they’d be pissed too either way if the test positive or negative from mistrust, so I thought that was the case. We did have a long conversation this morning. She looked through my phone last night and found the post. That’s what sparked the conversation again. She said she was hurt I would keep bringing this up and I should trust her and leave my insecurities behind.

It was long conversation, a lot of tears and words were said. I offered marriage counseling and dropped the topic of the dna test. She refused and said it’s ridiculous and doesn’t want to involve anyone else in our marriage.

I read a lot of comments and stories saying sometimes the guilt will get to them and they’ll just confess without needing to do a test… I didn’t think that would happen in my case but it did. She told me that she didn’t want this to happen but she did cheat on me and my daughter is not mine. She said she wanted me to be the father and loved me and thought this would be her best option. She didn’t want me to take a test and find out on my own which I wish she would’ve come clean way before. I didn’t know how to respond but asked who the father was because my mind already is making a million assumptions. She didn’t tell me and began crying more telling me to not hate her and not end the marriage. I didn’t say anything again waiting for an answer. This happened early this morning and I didn’t an answer until this afternoon.

I had to leave for work this morning so when I came back she had calmed down a bit and was ready to tell me. Her answer was probably the last thing I was expecting. She cried while saying this but said a few years back when I went on a business trip, she slept with my father who she “ran into on a drunk night” I don’t believe it. My father passed away in December from a colon cancer when he was 45. He did meet my daughter, half sister, his daughter idk.. but never said anything clearly. She said they both decided it was a dumb mistake (a major understatement) and it’d be best to erase it and play me as being the father.

Me and my father never had the best relationship I grew up with my single mom but he was present in my life and when he passed it hurt my family a lot. So hearing this broke me. I am currently staying with my brother. I haven’t spoken about what I’ve learned with anyone even him. I don’t think I’ve fully processed so coming here to write this felt like a good place to get my thoughts out.

I didn’t say anything after she told me that and just left after she finished explaining. I don’t know where I even go from here. I don’t want to abandon my child while she’s technically my half sister but do need time to process this. I don’t think any amount of marriage therapy will fix this so divorce is my next step. I am going to seek a therapist for myself and help myself so I can be there for my daughter.

I am not The OOP

A Confession That Changed Everything

I never imagined that one confession could make me question almost every important memory of my life. For years, I believed I knew exactly who I was, who my family was, and where my daughter came from. I had never questioned her paternity because there had never been a reason to. My wife and I were married when she was born, and I was there throughout the pregnancy, the birth, and every moment of her childhood. From the beginning, I considered myself her father without hesitation. I was the person who held her when she cried, stayed awake when she was sick, helped her with homework, attended school events, and celebrated every milestone with her. Nothing about our relationship had ever felt uncertain to me.

My daughter is now old enough to have a personality and life of her own, but I still remember the day she was born as one of the happiest days of my life. I remember holding her for the first time and feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of becoming a father. My wife was exhausted, but we were both incredibly happy. Our families came to visit, including my father. At the time, I never had the slightest reason to think there was anything inappropriate happening between my wife and him. He was my father, and she was my wife. Those two relationships were completely separate in my mind. I trusted both of them, which is why what I eventually learned has been so difficult to accept.

My relationship with my father had never been perfect. We had disagreements over the years, and there were periods when we were not particularly close. Still, I respected him as my father and wanted him to have a relationship with his granddaughter. He loved spending time with her, and she always seemed happy whenever he visited. He attended birthdays and family gatherings and occasionally helped us when we needed it. Looking back now, I find myself replaying those memories in my head and wondering whether there was something I failed to notice. That is one of the cruelest parts of discovering a secret years later. Ordinary memories suddenly become suspicious, even when they were completely innocent at the time.

My wife and I had our share of marital problems over the years, but I never believed that she had been unfaithful. Like most couples, we went through difficult periods. There were times when we argued about money, parenting, work, and responsibilities around the house. We also had periods when we felt emotionally distant from one another. However, I believed those problems were things we could work through. I never imagined that something much darker had happened behind my back.

My father passed away several years ago, so I had already gone through the process of grieving him. Whatever unresolved issues existed between us, I had accepted that I would never get another opportunity to discuss them with him. I had made peace with that reality as best as I could. I certainly never expected that years after his death, my wife would reveal something about him that would completely change the way I remembered him.

The confession happened during an argument between my wife and me. We had been discussing some problems in our marriage, and the conversation became increasingly emotional. At some point, she started crying and said there was something she had been keeping from me for years. Initially, I thought she was going to tell me about another relationship or some financial secret. I never imagined what she actually said.

She told me that she had cheated on me.

That alone would have been devastating, but then she told me who the other person had been.

My own father.

I honestly thought she had lost her mind.

For several seconds, I could not even respond. I kept asking her to repeat what she had said because my brain simply refused to process it. There are certain sentences that are so shocking that they do not feel real when you first hear them. This was one of them. She said that the affair had happened years ago, during a difficult period in our marriage. According to her, it had not been a long-term relationship, but it had happened more than once.

I immediately asked her why.

Her explanation was that she had been emotionally unhappy at the time and felt disconnected from me. She said my father had been around frequently and had shown her attention when she felt ignored. She admitted that what happened was wrong and said she had regretted it almost immediately. She claimed she wanted to tell me many times but became too afraid of destroying our family.

I could not understand how someone could carry a secret like that for so many years.

She had watched me interact with my father.

She had watched him interact with our daughter.

She had watched me trust both of them.

And all that time, she knew something I did not.

Then she told me something that made the situation even worse.

She said there was a possibility that my daughter might actually be my father’s biological child.

I felt physically sick.

I asked her whether she knew this for certain.

She said no.

She explained that the affair happened during a period when conception would have been possible, but she could not say with certainty whether I or my father was my daughter’s biological father. She said she had always believed I was probably the father but had never been completely sure.

That sentence destroyed whatever sense of certainty I had left.

Suddenly, I was thinking about dates and memories I had not thought about in years. I remembered when my wife had told me she was pregnant. I remembered doctor’s appointments, the birth, and everything that happened afterward. I had never questioned any of it because I trusted my wife completely.

Now I was being asked to reconsider the foundation of my entire family.

The most painful part was that my father was already dead.

I could not confront him.

I could not ask him whether the affair had happened the way my wife described it.

I could not ask him whether he ever wondered about my daughter’s paternity.

I could not even look him in the eyes and demand an explanation.

He was simply gone, leaving me with questions that could never be answered directly.

I started thinking about my daughter and immediately felt guilty for even considering the possibility that she might not be biologically mine. She has never done anything wrong. She did not choose the circumstances of her birth. She did not know about the affair. She did not know about the possibility that another man could be her biological father.

To me, she is my daughter.

That has never changed.

I raised her.

I loved her.

I protected her.

I was there for her when she needed me.

Biology cannot erase all of that.

But knowing that does not make the uncertainty disappear.

I have considered taking a DNA test, but I am terrified of the result. If the test shows that I am her biological father, I will still have to deal with the fact that my wife betrayed me with my own father. If the test shows that my father was her biological father, then I will have to process something I never thought possible. My daughter would still be my daughter emotionally, but the biological connection would suddenly become something completely different.

I also worry about what the truth could do to my daughter if she ever finds out.

She deserves to know her own history, but I do not know whether learning this information would help her or traumatize her. Telling her that her mother had an affair with her grandfather is not something you can simply take back. Once she knows, she will never be able to see her family memories the same way again.

For now, I have decided not to tell her anything.

I need time to understand what happened before I make a decision that could affect her for the rest of her life. I also need to determine whether my wife’s story is complete. She has already kept an enormous secret from me for years, so I have no idea whether there are other details she has not told me.

I have asked her several times about the affair, and each conversation seems to reveal another uncomfortable detail. She insists that she loves me and that she regrets everything. She says she was ashamed and terrified of losing our family. But I keep thinking that she had years to tell me the truth.

She chose not to.

My father also chose not to.

If my daughter is actually his biological child, then two people I trusted allowed me to raise a child without knowing the full truth about her biological identity.

I don’t know how I am supposed to forgive that.

At the same time, I don’t want my anger toward my wife and my late father to destroy my relationship with my daughter. She still looks at me exactly the same way she always has. She still calls me Dad. She still expects me to be the person she can depend on.

And I still want to be that person.

That is the one thing I am certain about.

Whatever a DNA test eventually says, I do not want my daughter to believe that she suddenly became less loved because of something the adults in her life did before she understood what any of it meant. She deserves stability, love, and honesty, even if I am still struggling to figure out what honesty should look like in this situation.

As for my marriage, I honestly do not know whether it can survive. The affair itself would have been difficult enough to forgive, but involving my father has changed everything. I feel betrayed by two people who were supposed to be part of my closest circle. One is dead, and the other is asking me to believe that she kept the secret because she was afraid of hurting me.

Maybe she was afraid.

Maybe she genuinely regrets it.

But I cannot stop thinking about all the years when I had no idea.

Right now, I am taking things one day at a time. I am considering getting a DNA test privately before making any decisions about what to tell my daughter. I also need to decide what I am going to do about my marriage. I never expected that I would one day sit here questioning whether my father was my daughter’s biological father, especially after spending years believing our family story was completely different.

The hardest part is knowing that whatever I discover, there is no way to return to the life I had before this confession. If I am her biological father, my wife’s betrayal will still be there. If I am not, I will have to process an entirely different reality. But regardless of the result, one thing will remain true: I have been her father every day of her life, and I refuse to let the terrible choices made by other people change how much I love her.