“My BF Fabricated Seeing His Daughter Every Other Weekend For A Year, We Now Have A Baby Together”

Twenty-nine-year-old Sarah had always believed that honesty was one of the most important parts of a serious relationship. She had been dating Jason for several years, and when they first met, he told her that he had a young daughter from a previous relationship. Sarah did not see his status as a father as a problem. In fact, she respected the fact that he wanted to remain involved in his child’s life. Jason told her that he had custody arrangements with his daughter’s mother and that he saw his daughter every other weekend. He described their routine in detail, saying that he picked her up on Friday evenings, spent the weekend with her, and returned her on Sunday. Sarah initially admired him for being a committed father and believed his relationship with his daughter was an important part of his character.

For nearly a year, Sarah believed everything Jason told her. Every other weekend, he would supposedly spend time with his daughter, and Sarah tried to respect that time by giving him space. She never demanded constant updates and never questioned him about every detail. Sometimes he would send her pictures of activities they had supposedly done together, and he would tell stories about what his daughter liked or disliked. Sarah occasionally wondered why she never seemed to meet the child, but Jason always had an explanation. He claimed his daughter’s mother preferred to keep Sarah away from their parenting arrangement and said he wanted to avoid confusing his daughter. Sarah accepted that explanation because she did not want to interfere with his relationship with his child. Eventually, Sarah and Jason became even more serious, and they decided to have a baby together. She believed they were building a family while Jason was also maintaining a separate but important relationship with his daughter.

The truth came out shortly after Sarah gave birth to their baby. She noticed inconsistencies in Jason’s stories and realized that the schedule he had described no longer made sense. One day, while discussing plans for the following weekend, Jason accidentally admitted that he would not actually be seeing his daughter. Sarah asked why, and he became nervous before finally confessing that he had not been spending every other weekend with his daughter at all. In fact, the arrangement he had described for the past year had been largely fabricated. He had been using those weekends as an excuse to disappear, and Sarah had no idea where he had actually been. She was devastated, not only because he had lied to her repeatedly, but because she had spent an entire year believing she was supporting him as a father. The photographs, stories, and explanations suddenly became suspicious, and she began questioning what else he had lied about.

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Sarah confronted Jason and demanded the complete truth. He admitted that his relationship with his daughter’s mother was far more complicated than he had originally described. He said he had been embarrassed about the reality of his situation and had created the story because he wanted Sarah to believe he was a more involved father than he actually was. He claimed that he loved his daughter but had struggled to maintain a consistent relationship with her. Sarah was furious because she had never asked him to pretend to be perfect. She would have preferred knowing the truth and deciding for herself whether she could accept the situation. What hurt most was realizing that Jason had allowed her to believe she was dating a man who prioritized his child, while he was actually hiding how little involvement he had. Now that they had a baby together, Sarah also had to think about what his dishonesty meant for their own child and whether she could trust him with the responsibilities of parenthood.

Sarah eventually told Jason that having a child together did not erase what he had done. She explained that she could forgive mistakes, but repeated deception was different because it affected her ability to make informed decisions about their future. Jason promised that he would become more honest and more involved in both children’s lives, but Sarah knew that rebuilding trust would take much longer than making a promise. She decided that her priority was creating a stable environment for their baby while carefully considering whether the relationship could survive such a serious breach of trust. The situation also forced her to reconsider everything she thought she knew about Jason. She had once admired him for supposedly making time for his daughter every other weekend, only to discover that the entire routine had been fabricated. Now, instead of asking whether Jason could convince her that he was a good father, Sarah needed to see whether his actions from this point forward would prove that he could actually become one.

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My (31F) boyfriend (31M) fabricated seeing his daughter every other weekend for a year. We now have a baby together. How do I trust him again?

Edit to add:
-putting this up top because it can confuse people. We were on and off for almost 3 years because I was focusing on school. Once I was ready for a relationship is when the getting pregnant in 3 months happened.
-I was very naive to believe him, I see it now. I never believed this, but love can truly blind you and make you put up with things or look over things that shouldn’t be
-I didn’t purposely get pregnant, but of course I can’t just put all the blame on him for it. I was on birth control, stupidly used the pull out method, the entire time he actually wasn’t “pulling out” and lied about it until I was already pregnant. Huge mistake on my part to not insist on a condom.

-I didn’t meet his kid because I wanted to wait till we were for sure together and I never want to come in and out of a child’s life to confuse them. I didn’t start truly questioning it until I was pregnant (which was within 3 months of being together).

-He showed me custody papers that said he must do supervised visits, so at first I thought he was going to his daughter’s mom’s house and of course that would have been crossing boundaries being the “new girlfriend”. Once he claimed she was going over to his house I started asking to meet her and got the run around. Again, I stupidly just let it go because I was tired of asking.
– by the time I started questioning and seen things were off I was already pregnant and felt like it was too late to break things off. I should have messaged the daughters moms house sooner because that would have changed my decision to stay.
-and lastly, I completely take accountability that I was a complete idiot to allow myself to be dragged into this and will forever blame myself

This is long

My boyfriend (31M) and I (31F) have been together for a few years. We recently had a baby girl together and just moved into a house together.

He has an older daughter from a previous relationship. For about a year, he led me to believe he was regularly involved in her life.
I recently found out that essentially the entire story he’d been telling me was fabricated, and he has now admitted that he lied.
Here’s the background I only learned AFTER contacting his daughter’s mother:
His daughter apparently hadn’t seen him in years.

I never knew that.
Because of how long he’d been absent from her life, there was an agreement for him to start with supervised visits and eventually progress to every-other-weekend visitation.
He didn’t follow through with it.
Again, I knew none of this.
Instead, he portrayed the situation to me as though he was actively trying to be a father and his daughter’s mother was preventing him from doing so.

There were times he’d tell me he tried to see his daughter but her mom said no or came up with an excuse.
After speaking to her, I learned it was apparently the opposite. There were times she would ask HIM if he was coming, and HE would make excuses not to go.
Meanwhile, he’d tell me she was the reason he couldn’t see his daughter.
But here’s where the lying gets bizarre.

For about a year, every other Saturday, he would physically leave my apartment telling me he was going to see or pick up his daughter.
Eventually he started telling me she was spending the night at his house every other Saturday.
I’d text him while he was supposedly with her asking what they were doing.
He’d respond with detailed stories about their day.
Those days weren’t happening.
Once he told me his daughter was crying so much while staying with him that he had to bring her back to her mother’s house.
That never happened.

He told me he had her for Christmas.
He didn’t.
I have now learned that during this entire period, his daughter had never even been to his house.
Then we moved into a house together.

And magically, the exact week we moved in together was when he suddenly “stopped getting his daughter.”
I started realizing things weren’t adding up.
I directly confronted him and told him I didn’t believe he’d actually asked to get her one particular weekend.
He doubled down.

He told me her mother wasn’t responding. He said he was tired of trying and getting nothing. He claimed he’d recently contacted her.
I questioned deleted messages between them. He repeatedly told me he had nothing to hide.
I even told him I was considering contacting his daughter’s mother myself.
He STILL didn’t confess.
So I contacted her.
That’s when I learned everything above.
When I confronted him with what I’d found out, he finally admitted he’d been lying.
His explanation is that he was afraid I’d get upset and leave him if I knew the truth.
But then he admitted something else that I can’t stop thinking about.
He told me he knew I’d eventually piece everything together once we moved into the house together because I’d notice his daughter wasn’t actually coming over.
He knew the lie was about to become impossible to maintain.

Instead of confessing before we moved in together, he apparently waited for me to discover it myself.
I still don’t know where he was actually going every other Saturday for a year when he physically left my apartment supposedly to spend time with his daughter.
I’m not accusing him of cheating because I have no evidence of that. But he was obviously somewhere, and I don’t have an answer for that yet.
This is also particularly difficult because we now have a daughter together.

I encouraged him to be involved with his older daughter. I encouraged him to pursue his visitation. When he told me her mother was keeping his daughter from him, I believed and supported him.
I even worried out loud that if he eventually stopped putting effort into his older daughter, maybe one day he’d stop putting effort into ours.

All the while, I didn’t know that his daughter hadn’t seen him for years before this, that the supervised visitation was apparently intended to reintroduce him into her life, or that he wasn’t following through with the arrangement.
His apology is that he was ashamed/scared, didn’t know how to tell me and was afraid I’d leave.
I could understand someone being ashamed and initially lying about being an absent father.
What I cannot understand is creating an entire fictional relationship with your child for a year.

Every other Saturday required another decision to keep it going.
Leaving my apartment.
Pretending to pick her up.
Inventing sleepovers.
Inventing activities.
Answering my texts about what they were supposedly doing.
Inventing a story about her crying.
Inventing Christmas.

Blaming her mother for visits that HE apparently wasn’t attending.
Hiding the fact that his daughter hadn’t seen him in years.
And then, once we lived together and the lie couldn’t realistically continue, suddenly claiming the visits had stopped.
Even when I directly questioned him and gave him the opportunity to tell me the truth, he continued lying until I contacted his daughter’s mother myself and confronted him with what I knew.
I’m struggling because this doesn’t feel like one lie anymore. It feels like I discovered that the person I live with and have a baby with was capable of constructing an entire fake reality and maintaining it with me for a year.
I’m not looking for a judgment about who is right or wrong. I’m trying to figure out what I do with this relationship from here.
For anyone who has dealt with major, long-term dishonesty from a partner: What does rebuilding trust after something like this actually look like? What boundaries or steps would be reasonable before deciding whether reconciliation is possible?
I’m especially struggling with how to distinguish genuine accountability and change from someone simply apologizing because they were caught.
We share a baby and a home, so this isn’t a decision I want to make impulsively. I’m looking for advice on how to evaluate whether this relationship can become healthy and trustworthy again after a year-long deception.

Sarah Believed Jason Was a Responsible Father Who Valued Honesty

Twenty-nine-year-old Sarah had always believed that honesty was one of the most important parts of a serious relationship. When she met Jason, he told her early on that he was already a father to a young daughter from a previous relationship. Sarah did not see that as a problem. In fact, she admired the fact that he appeared committed to remaining involved in his child’s life. Jason explained that he and his daughter’s mother had a regular custody arrangement and that he saw his daughter every other weekend. Sarah believed that his willingness to make time for his child showed maturity and responsibility.

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Jason described the arrangement in detail. He told Sarah that he usually picked his daughter up on Friday evenings, spent Saturday and most of Sunday with her, and returned her before the weekend ended. Sometimes he would mention taking her to parks, restaurants, museums, or family activities. Sarah never felt the need to question every detail because she trusted him. She understood that co-parenting could be complicated and did not want to interfere with the relationship he had with his child.

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During the early months of their relationship, Sarah respected those weekends. She would make plans with friends, catch up on household responsibilities, or simply give Jason space. She believed that a parent deserved uninterrupted time with their child. Jason occasionally sent her pictures and messages about what he and his daughter had been doing, which made Sarah feel reassured that everything was normal.

However, Sarah noticed that she never actually met Jason’s daughter. She did not immediately consider that a major problem because Jason had an explanation. He claimed that his daughter’s mother was uncomfortable with him introducing new partners and wanted to keep Sarah separate from their parenting arrangement. Sarah respected that boundary. She believed it was reasonable for a mother to be cautious about who was introduced into her child’s life.

Whenever Sarah asked questions, Jason always seemed to have an answer. If she wondered why she had never met his daughter after months of dating, he said that the child needed time. If Sarah asked about a family event, he explained that his daughter’s mother had arranged it. If Sarah wondered why she could not occasionally join them for an outing, he said that he wanted the weekends to focus completely on his daughter.

Sarah accepted these explanations because she did not want to become the girlfriend who demanded access to every part of a man’s life. She believed trust meant allowing Jason to maintain his relationship with his daughter without constant suspicion.

As their relationship became more serious, Sarah and Jason began discussing their future. They talked about marriage, living arrangements, finances, and eventually having children together. Jason repeatedly told Sarah that becoming a father had changed him and that he wanted to be a better parent than his own father had been.

Those conversations made Sarah even more confident in him. She believed she had chosen someone who understood the responsibilities of parenthood. When they eventually learned that Sarah was pregnant, both were excited. Jason told her that he was looking forward to raising another child and promised that he would be an involved father.

Sarah believed that their relationship was moving toward the family life they had discussed. She knew Jason already had a daughter, but she believed he had successfully balanced his responsibilities. She never imagined that one of the most important things she admired about him was based on a lie.

For almost a year, Sarah continued believing that Jason spent every other weekend with his daughter. She built her own schedule around those weekends and never complained when he was unavailable. She even defended him when friends asked why they did not spend certain weekends together.

Sometimes Jason would return from his supposed parenting weekends and tell Sarah stories about what his daughter had done. He would describe her favorite foods, the games they had played, and little things she had said. Sarah listened because she believed these were genuine memories.

But after Sarah became pregnant, some of the details began to seem inconsistent. Jason occasionally forgot things he had previously told her. He would mention an activity one week and later give a different version of the story. Sarah initially assumed he was simply tired or distracted.

The inconsistencies became harder to ignore after their baby was born. Sarah was exhausted from caring for a newborn, and she began paying closer attention to Jason’s schedule. One weekend, Jason said he needed to leave because it was his usual time with his daughter. Sarah asked when he would be back because she needed help with the baby.

Jason hesitated before answering. His reaction immediately made Sarah suspicious. He eventually admitted that he was not actually going to see his daughter that weekend.

Sarah asked why, and Jason first tried to change the subject. When she pushed for an explanation, he finally admitted that the custody arrangement he had described was not real.

Sarah was stunned. She asked him how long he had been lying. Jason eventually confessed that he had not been seeing his daughter every other weekend for nearly a year. Some weekends he had visited her briefly, some weekends he had not seen her at all, and other times he had simply used the supposed parenting schedule as an excuse to be unavailable.

Sarah felt physically sick hearing this. She realized that an entire year of her life had been built around a story that did not exist. She had deliberately given Jason space because she believed he was spending that time with his child.

She asked about all the photographs and stories he had shared. Jason admitted that some photographs were real but were not always from the weekends he claimed. Other stories were exaggerated or repeated from previous experiences. Sarah could no longer tell which parts of his relationship with his daughter were genuine.

The most painful part for Sarah was not simply that Jason had lied. It was why he had lied. She had always believed that he was a devoted father, and that belief had influenced how she viewed him as a potential life partner.

Jason eventually admitted that he was not as involved in his daughter’s life as he had claimed. His relationship with the child’s mother was difficult, and he had struggled to maintain regular visitation. Instead of telling Sarah the truth, he created a story that made him appear more responsible.

Sarah told him that she could have accepted an imperfect situation. She could have understood complicated custody arrangements, missed visits, and difficult co-parenting. What she could not easily accept was being denied the truth so that Jason could control her opinion of him.

Jason apologized and said that he had been afraid Sarah would leave him if she knew how complicated his relationship with his daughter really was. He claimed that he loved his daughter and wanted to become more involved but had been ashamed of his failures.

Sarah reminded him that fear did not excuse deception. She told him that she had made major decisions about their relationship based on information he had intentionally fabricated. Now they had a baby together, which made the situation even more serious.

Sarah began questioning what else Jason might have hidden. If he could maintain one lie for an entire year, she wondered whether there were other things she did not know. She started asking questions about his finances, his relationship with his daughter’s mother, and his actual involvement in his daughter’s life.

Jason promised to be completely honest from that point forward. He said that having another child had made him realize he could not continue living dishonestly. He promised to work harder to rebuild his relationship with his older daughter and become a more dependable father to both children.

Sarah wanted to believe him, but she knew trust could not be restored simply because he apologized. She told him that she needed to see consistent actions before she could decide whether their relationship could continue in the same way.

She also made it clear that their newborn child would not be used as a reason to ignore the problem. She wanted their baby to grow up in a stable environment, but she knew stability did not necessarily mean staying together at any cost.

Over the following weeks, Sarah focused on caring for her baby while Jason began taking steps to become more honest and involved. He started communicating more openly about his parenting situation and acknowledged that he had failed his older daughter by pretending things were better than they were.

Sarah eventually realized that the biggest issue was not whether Jason had been the perfect father. He never needed to be perfect. What she needed from him was honesty. She could have made decisions based on the truth, but he had taken that choice away from her.

The situation changed the way Sarah viewed their entire relationship. She no longer cared about the image Jason had tried to create. She cared about what he actually did when nobody was watching.

For now, Sarah decided to take things slowly. She told Jason that rebuilding trust would require transparency, consistency, and accountability. She also encouraged him to seek appropriate professional guidance about his parenting and co-parenting situation rather than hiding problems.

The experience taught Sarah that a person’s willingness to admit difficult truths can be more important than pretending everything is perfect. Jason had spent a year trying to look like the father he wanted Sarah to believe he was. Now he had an opportunity to actually become the father he claimed to be.

Sarah did not know whether their relationship would ultimately survive. They had a baby together, shared years of memories, and still cared about each other, but the foundation of trust had been badly damaged. She knew forgiveness, if it came, would have to be earned through actions.

In the end, Sarah realized that the hardest part of the situation was not discovering that Jason had a complicated relationship with his daughter. It was discovering that he had deliberately hidden the truth because he wanted her to see him differently. She had never needed a perfect boyfriend or a perfect father for her child. She needed someone who could tell her the truth, even when the truth was uncomfortable. Now Jason had to prove that he understood that difference.