I never expected a disagreement over a few cans in my shed to turn into a major family argument, but somehow that is exactly what happened. My sister and I have always had a complicated relationship, especially when it comes to boundaries, money, and the way she raises her children. I love my nieces and nephews, and I have never had a problem helping them when they genuinely need something. However, I have always believed that being family does not mean you can take someone else’s belongings without permission and expect them to accept it. I work hard for the things I own, and I do not appreciate people treating my property as though it belongs to everyone. The cans in question were stored in my shed, where I keep various household supplies and other items I do not need inside the house. I had collected them over time, and although they might not have seemed particularly valuable to someone else, they were still mine. I never imagined that something so ordinary would become the reason my sister and I started arguing, but the way she handled the situation made it about much more than the cans themselves.

The situation started when I discovered that several cans were missing from my shed. At first, I assumed I had simply misplaced them or forgotten where I had put them. I checked the shelves, moved a few boxes, and looked around the storage area, but I could not find them anywhere. Eventually, I learned that my sister’s children had taken the cans without asking me. What bothered me most was not simply that the items were gone, but that nobody had thought to ask permission before taking them. My shed was not a place where the children had been told they could help themselves to anything they wanted. They knew the items belonged to me, and there was no reason to assume that everything stored there was available for them to take. I contacted my sister and explained what had happened, expecting her to apologize and offer to replace what her children had taken. I was not looking for a fight, and I certainly did not want to turn a small problem into a family drama. I simply wanted her to acknowledge the situation and make things right. Instead, her response left me wondering whether she understood why taking someone else’s belongings without permission was a problem in the first place.

When I asked my sister to pay me back for the missing cans, she immediately became defensive. Rather than accepting that her children had taken something that did not belong to them, she acted as though I was making an unreasonable demand. She questioned why I cared so much about a few cans and suggested that I was being petty by expecting her to replace them. I tried explaining that the amount of money involved was not the main issue. If her children had borrowed something from a neighbor, damaged a friend’s belongings, or taken something from a shop without paying, she would hopefully understand that there should be consequences. I did not see why the rules should suddenly change simply because the person affected was their aunt. I also pointed out that children learn how to treat other people’s property from the adults around them. If my sister dismissed the situation as unimportant, what would stop them from doing the same thing again? Instead of considering my point, she continued insisting that I was making a big deal out of something insignificant. The conversation quickly became frustrating because we were no longer discussing how to resolve the problem. We were arguing about whether I had any right to expect basic respect for my belongings.

What made the situation even more upsetting was that I felt my sister expected me to accept the loss simply because we were related. If I had taken something from her house without asking, I would expect her to be upset with me. If I had allowed my own children to take her belongings, I would consider it my responsibility to address the situation and make sure it did not happen again. I would not tell her that the items were too cheap to matter or accuse her of being selfish for asking me to replace them. That is why her reaction felt so unfair. I was not demanding anything extraordinary, nor was I trying to punish her children for making a mistake. I wanted her to take responsibility as their parent and teach them that other people’s belongings are not theirs to take whenever they feel like it. I even tried to keep the conversation calm by explaining that we could settle the matter quickly if she simply replaced the missing items. However, she continued to focus on how offended she felt by my request instead of acknowledging why I was upset. By that point, I began to wonder whether this was really about the cans or whether my sister had become so accustomed to me letting things go that she could no longer accept it when I stood up for myself.

Now I am left wondering whether I handled the situation correctly or whether I should have simply let the matter go to avoid creating tension within the family. Part of me feels that asking to be paid back is a perfectly reasonable response when someone takes your belongings without permission. Another part of me knows that family disagreements can become much bigger than the original problem, especially when people take criticism of their actions as a personal attack. I do not want my relationship with my sister to suffer over something that could have been resolved with a simple apology and a willingness to replace what was taken. At the same time, I do not want to establish a pattern where my belongings can be taken, my concerns dismissed, and my expectation of repayment treated as unreasonable. I love my nieces and nephews, but I also believe they need to learn that actions have consequences, even when the person affected is a family member. My sister may think I am being petty, but from my perspective, this is about respect, responsibility, and boundaries. I am willing to move forward once the issue is addressed, but I do not believe that being family should mean I have to accept being treated unfairly.

Read Story…

[New Update] AITA for wanting my sister to pay me back for the cans her kids stole from my shed? 2/2

I am not the OOP, OOP is u/Yam-Throwaway

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole, r/EntitledPeople

Original BoRU post by u/juracilean

Updated BoRU post part 1 and part 2 by u/Corfiz74

Trigger warnings: alcoholism, physical violence

Note: I am only posting part 2, with the new update. Part 1 is identical to the one posted by u/Corfiz74, so you can read it there.

—-

Third Update – posted 2022-02-06 (11 days later, 16 days after original post)

Sister and BIL had the money to pay me back the entire time

Well this is stupidly anticlimactic. I figured that my sister and BIL were gonna dig their heels in even deeper after the shit that’s already gone down. But they actually caved. I filed a lawsuit against them in small claims for the actions of their kids. In the suit I was asking for $500. This was for the stolen cans, the destroyed lock, the cost of the replacement lock (Which was a much better and more expensive one), the cost of filing with the courts, and emotional damages for the harassment. A friend who’s father is a lawyer gave me a free consultation and said I have a very strong case because of the camera footage I have of both my nephews stealing from me, and of my sister and BIL pounding on my front door. Plus all of the messages they sent me.

When my sister and BIL were served, they called me freaking out. They said I couldn’t do this to them. So I retorted that this is the price they are paying for not parenting their kids and letting them become entitled little thieves. And if they wish to speak to me again, it will either be when I see them in court, or if they decide to pay me the $500 I’m suing for. Then I hung up on them. Well yesterday evening I was having some friends over after work. We were just chilling out and watching a movie. None of us were in the mood for video games since we were tired from the day. And we just wanted a chill evening. But then I got a knock at the door. When I looked outside, there was my sister and BIL. And they looked very unhappy.

I opened the door, but left the screen door shut. Then ask them what they were doing at my house. They told me that they’re tired of fighting because everyone is against them. And fully admitted how badly they effed up by letting this go as far as they did. And just wanted to make peace. My friends were standing in full view behind me. So there were witnesses to this. BIL then slid an envelope through a crack in the door that contained $500 in $50 bills. He said it was from his private savings account. Then told me from now on they’ll make sure my nephews are duly punished for their actions. They didn’t ask me to drop the charges. But pleaded with me to at least be lenient. I said I was only pushing for community service. Which is pretty lenient. And if we cooperate for that, then hopefully the judge will agree. They sighed and said they’d cooperate if that’s all I wanted. Then left without making any sort of a fuss.

My friends all congratulated me on holding my ground. Others in my family later did the same. That’s when I found out from my parents that they actually threatened to disown my sister if she and her husband didn’t make some changes for the better. So now they are. It may be a forced change. But it’s the best we’ll probably see out of them. My mom paid my sister and BIL a visit after they repaid me too. She told me that my nephews were not playing video games. In fact, every single video game related thing was put away somewhere. And so was the TV that my nephews would game and watch movies on. All three nephews were in their rooms most of the time. And were very rude and unwelcoming to their grandmother. But my sister claims they are dealing with the situation.

So yeah, I’ve dropped the lawsuit now that I’ve been paid what I wanted. But my nephews are still going to court for theft. And are now getting the parenting they should have been getting long ago. I’ve also been assured that they will not be coming near my house again any time soon. And are strictly only to be either at school, or at home.

Info from the comments:

My nephews won’t be welcome anywhere near my house for a long time to come, my sister and BIL are now basically forced to do the parenting they should have already been doing. And everyone else ion the family has been on my side about this because my nephews had basically gotten everyone to hate them.

Fourth Update – posted 2022-11-18 (9.5 months after previous post, 10 months after original post)

My eldest nephew went mental on my house

To start off with, yes I did get more cameras. One I installed right above the shed. So it looks like I’ve got the whole area covered. I wanna say that my sister and BIL, as well as my nephews have learned from this whole ordeal. But that’s not entirely the case. Especially for my eldest nephew, who just couldn’t let go of wanting revenge on me. And he stupidly tried to get it. Here’s what happened.

To recap as many previous readers know, my nephews stole an assload of cans from my shed after breaking into it and cashed them in at the bottle drop for about $200. My sister and BIL acted like I was an asshole for wanting the money back for the cans and damages. I ended up pressing charges because they refused to pay. And things turned pretty ugly. I filed a small claims lawsuit, and they had to pay me back for the cost of damages, theft, emotional damages for constant harassment, and the cost of the lawsuit itself. All adding up to $500. Which finally made my sister and BIL raise a white flag and actually start parenting their kids. My nephews got all of their privileges taken away, and were forced by a judge to work community service. Which they hated, and had to be forced just to complete. They didn’t get more than 100 hours each because I’d been repaid by their parents when we settled out of court. So the judge pretty much fast-tracked the case.

My nephews ended up picking up garbage, and doing work around several local parks. And the man directing them I heard was a retired drill sergeant. So they had no fun whatsoever. My eldest nephew constantly showed his issues with authority, and got into screaming matches with everyone who told him to work. His father had to be called over just to make the boy pick up a rake.

The kid openly blamed me for his predicament, and his brothers were both initially on his side. But after a while they realized that he’s just crazy and entitled, and they no longer want any part of it. So my two younger nephews stopped following his lead because it finally clicked just how in the wrong they were.

Problem is that my sister and BIL blamed me for the divide in their family, which didn’t end well for them as no one in the family was on their side about it. Everything was put on them and their bad parenting. And without me to blame, they just became silent and bitter. Half the family don’t want to associate with them, and now their own kids are divided because the eldest refuses to change. It got so bad that my eldest nephew resorted to something so incredibly dumb that you’re not gonna want to believe it.

In the middle of the night he sneaked out and assaulted my house with a pair of his dad’s claw hammers. I say a pair because he literally had one in each hand. The first thing he did was start smashing the new lock on my shed, and it didn’t break. But he heavily damaged it to the point it was no longer usable and I had to later remove it with bolt cutters.

He also did a lot of damage to the shed door with the hammer’s claws. I awoke to the sounds of the hammers, and called the police after peeking out my bedroom window and seeing someone outside hitting the shed. Though I didn’t realize it was him at first because he had his face covered with a creepy looking mask. He saw the bedroom lights come on and chucked one of the hammers through my window. There was broken glass everywhere, and I’m lucky I didn’t cut my feet on any of it because I was barefoot.

Then my nephew started beating on my back door with the remaining hammer. He did major damage breaking the knob and the window on the door, and also tore into the door itself with the hammer claw. I was worried the door wouldn’t hold out, so I yelled police were on their way, and he took off before they arrived. The night vision on my cameras showed it was him. He had a mask on, but was wearing his school hoodie, as well as his Nike shoes that were also pretty identifiable since his brothers don’t have a pair like them. His fingerprints were also on the hammer he threw at my window. My nephews had already all been fingerprinted when they were arrested the first time. So police matched the ones on the hammer to him.

When the cops came for my eldest nephew, he obviously denied it was him. But there’s no one else it could have been. The other hammer was found in his room, along with the clothes and mask he wore. All of which were taken as evidence. The mask was of a Star Wars character I was told is called “The Grand Inquisitor”. This time though, his parents did nothing to try and protect him. And they didn’t try to pass the blame on me either. They just let their son be taken away screaming. I wasn’t there to see the arrest. But I was told by my sister that my eldest nephew was switching back and forth from crying that he didn’t do anything wrong, to screaming that it was all my fault and he had to get back at me.

The boy had to go through a serious mental evaluation, and was found to be potentially bipolar. Doesn’t really excuse what he did though. Later on when he was properly diagnosed as bipolar, he started blaming everything he did wrong on that. And acted like he should be vilified just for getting treatment for it. But he ended up having a month long stint in juvenile hall. They got my nephew properly medicated, and he pleaded guilty to forgo court again in exchange for more community service and mandatory counseling, as well as probation this time. His dad came to my house and personally replaced the broken window and door. Though he barely said a word to me while doing it.

My two younger nephews are still excluding their older brother from pretty much everything. And he still hasn’t apologized for attacking my home either. He’s also unfortunately repeating a school year because of how badly his grades tanked. Which his parents are still very unhappy about. My two younger nephews dropped by on their own in July to personally apologize to me. They said that they always just followed their brother’s lead, and he made everything they were doing seem so fun. But the punishments for the crimes are not worth the kind of fun they were having. And they don’t want anything to do with it anymore. They want their fun uncle back and asked if we could start over. I said we can, but they’ll have to earn back my trust. Which they happily agreed to.

My eldest nephew had his 17th birthday a few months ago, and basically got nothing. Not even a cake. It was part of his punishment for what he’d done. I can only imagine how much money he’s cost his parents in the past year alone. He led his brothers to steal from me and then destroyed my bedroom window and back door. I imagine in total with the lawsuit I’d previously filed, and replacing both the door and window cost them over $1000. Doors and windows are not cheap. Meanwhile my youngest nephew had his birthday a month after that, and got a new mountain bike among his gifts. This really upset my eldest nephew and he slashed the tires on the bike with a kitchen knife. Which landed him in even more trouble. I know a thing or two about fixing bikes, so I went out and bought new tubes and tires for the bike, and put them on it. So the bike is fine, and my nephew thanked me a lot for fixing it.

My eldest nephew resorted to trying to run away because he wasn’t being enabled anymore. He just walked out, got on his bike with a backpack full of stuff, and rode off. His parents quickly reported him missing because he left a goodbye letter that basically blamed me and his bipolar for all his problems. In the letter he stated that he can’t wait till he’s 18 to get away from us all. So he was doing us a favor by getting rid of himself sooner. But he came back three days later without his bike or backpack, and looking beat up. He wouldn’t tell anyone what happened. We still don’t know. But he was chewed out for continuously using me as a scapegoat for his personal issues, because blaming me was the first thing he did after he got back. I didn’t make him steal from me, I didn’t make him attack my house, I didn’t make him run away. That was all him. And he nearly ended up back in juvie for running off because he violated his probation. But he got off easy somehow.

Currently he spends his days pretty much in his room when not in school, or doing chores, or going to counseling. He finished his community service. But his probation will last till he’s 18. He got some lenience for being diagnosed as bipolar. But it couldn’t get him off the hook. And believe me, he tried many times. Once they told him what was wrong with him, it became his excuse for everything. But plenty of people go their whole lives with that same mental condition and never do the kinds of things he did.

I’ve been mending things with my two younger nephews, but I don’t want to be around the eldest at all. And the feeling is clearly mutual on his part. I’ve only seen him once in person the past few months, and he glared at me with more hate than I’ve ever seen from anyone before stomping away. He can’t paint me as the villain anymore without being called out on it, so there isn’t much he can do other than just try and get through this. For the most part he’s totally shut down since school started. I’m told he barely speaks, even at school. My other nephews tell me he’s getting laughed at and ostracized. Which I don’t think is going to help him get better.

My sister and BIL are also not on the best terms with me right now as well. But they can’t exactly put any blame on me either. They know it was all on them and their bad parenting. I’ve basically forced them to be more active in their kids’ lives. Which they should have been doing already. They complain a lot of being tired from work and keeping an eye on their kids. So whenever we talk as of late, it’s always awkward and forced. They don’t come to my house, or me to theirs. But we do see each other at my parents’ house. And our mother demands we be civil there. Which I have no problem with.

My two younger nephews have regained most of their privileges. They got their TV and video games back. But my eldest nephew isn’t allowed on them at all. I’m told he’s got some electronic entertainment in his room. But what kind I don’t know. I just know he spends most of his time in there unless he has to be somewhere else. My eldest nephew is also not welcome pretty much anywhere in the family anymore. I’ve recently heard from my parents that they don’t even want to see him on Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve this year because they are sick of his behavior and petty thievery. I guess I can understand that.

But even I feel it’s a bit harsh. My sister and BIL do as well because they are threatening to boycott if he can’t come to either holiday. I can’t stand that kid, and would not want him in my house either. So I can understand why they’ve made that decision. But I don’t think excluding him from everything and everyone is gonna make him better. It’s gonna take a long time for my eldest nephew to mend bridges. If they can even be mended at all. The way things stand, he may try running off again once he’s of age. Unless the last time scared him too much to try it again. But hopefully things will get better for him in time if it’s not too late to fix his behavior. I may not like him, but he’s still my nephew, and I care. But I’m kinda powerless to do anything. So for now the most I can do is just keep my nose out of it and offer support where I can.

Info from the comments:

Redditor: So hes bipolar and his parents were absolute shit until suddenly he gets into trouble. He probably feels like everyone turned their backs on him. I feel terrible for him, honestly. Bipolar, from my understanding, gets really bad right around 16-18 years old. And everyone in the family wrote him off.

OOP: I wouldn’t say they wrote him off. More like they just don’t want him around this year. They never said the ban extends to next year. My parents just think that if he’s not allowed to come, he’ll maybe understand after a while that they can ban him again if he doesn’t work on getting his behavior in check. Perhaps after some time of medication and counseling, things will get better. At least I hope.

From what I know of Bipolar, it has varying degrees of severity. But you also have to take into account that he was also badly spoiled and let do whatever he wanted. I’ve heard of kids who had no mental problems exhibiting the same behavior just because they were spoiled growing up. Honestly he probably would have been fine if my sister and BIL had actually did their jobs as parents long ago.

Redditor: Question. Why did your sister and BIL procreate when they clearly do not want to parent?

OOP: Them procreating isn’t really something I like to think about. However, when they first got married, my sister was in the newlywed fog. That’s why she pumped out a kid every year for three years. She got pregnant on her honeymoon, and suddenly got the baby-rabies. She started saying for a while that she wanted a lot of kids. But after she had her third, the enthusiasm was gone. That’s when she and BIL started just going through the motions as parents.

New Update – posted 2023-07-20 (8 months after previous update, 1.5 years after original post)

My eldest nephew got his front teeth knocked out at school, and is now a shut-in

I was hoping to have a better update for everyone after the Holidays, but things didn’t really get better. They started to, and then went downhill again. It took some time, but everything is more or less ok now. I didn’t post earlier because I thought it better to wait. I wrote most of this months ago, but decided I’d wait a little longer to see if the situation would improve. But then I waited too long and just plain forgot until recently. So here’s hopefully the final update of the devil snake who tempted his nephews with a shed full of cans.

I’d do a recap, but there’s just too damn much for that. So if you want to know the rest, you’ll have to go back and read it. To start this post off with, last year my sister and BIL went to Thanksgiving at BIL’s parents’ house instead of with my parents. My eldest nephew wasn’t exactly on his best behavior over there either. But he didn’t cause any trouble.

At least, that’s what they told everyone. My sister and BIL also had a long talk with our parents about how excluding my nephew would not help his mental state at the moment. And I also backed them on this because with the way things were going, all my nephew would feel is hate. So my parents relented and let him come to Christmas Eve.

I of course got him a gift. But because I wanted to help him mentally get better, in early December I went out and bought him a used metallic green mountain bike at the local secondhand store. It needed a little bit of work, but was an excellent buy for 30 bucks. I also learned that since his good backpack was stolen, he was using an old one that belonged to one of his brothers. So I grabbed a used one at the same secondhand store for about 5 bucks.

I fixed up the bike and washed the backpack, and when I presented them both to him on a Sunday, he seemed completely shocked I’d give him anything. And it also made him really awkward. But he took them both with a look that said “Thanks” and started using them right away to go to and from school like he did with his old bike and backpack.

My sister and BIL were also pretty damn shocked I gave him gifts, let alone replace the stuff that was stolen from him when he ran away after he attacked my house with hammers. But the gifts had the effect I was hoping for. I was no longer the object of his rage. He really had been looking for any excuse to make me out to be the vile snake that ruined his life. But I’m not.

When I next saw him, it was at the family Christmas Eve party. And while there, my sister and BIL made him apologize for putting all his anger on me. They loomed over him like shadows while he talked to me.

He was told to look me in the eye repeatedly. And in his apology, he admitted that it wasn’t my fault he was arrested. He egged me on, he stole from me, and he damaged my property. And he won’t do it again.

We shook hands and he didn’t make any trouble at the party at all. But his parents were like his shadows that entire evening. They didn’t leave him alone at all. They might as well have had him on a leash. It was awkward, but I can understand why. They’d put a lot on the line just to so he could be allowed to come to Christmas.

At New Years though, things took a dive. My eldest nephew stole a bottle of champagne from his parents and drank it all fast while locked in the bathroom before anyone could stop him. He’d asked for a drink of it prior, and was told he was too young. So he stole one of the bottles and chugged it. We didn’t know this until then, but apparently he’d been stealing alcohol for some time before his first arrest. And he kept a hidden stash somewhere that slowly ran out as he only touched it little by little, and even sold some of it to other kids in the neighborhood. He didn’t get in massive trouble. Just got sent to his room for the night after he said he stole the booze because he was just REALLY craving it, and it was New Years.

His brothers admitted to their parents about his stash, and showed them where it was hidden. It was a plastic tub in the crawlspace under the house. When confronted about how they got all the alcohol, my two younger nephews admitted to following their brother’s lead, and only stole like only one beer at a time, or poured some hard alcohol from it’s original bottle into another bottle little by little.

And then the biggest bomb. They had been sneaking into other people’s houses and doing the same thing all over the neighborhood. Their way of breaking in was to look for unlocked doors and windows, no houses with dogs because they’d bark, and the youngest would crawl in through windows because he was the smallest. And then he’d unlock the doors to let his brother’s in.

They made sure not to steal anything big from inside the houses, so they could come back multiple times. But after they got arrested last year, they realized they didn’t enjoy being thieves anymore. And were just following their brother’s lead, like they’d said before.

Of course the kids were in trouble for not admitting any of that until then. And despite trying to keep it secret, word still got around somehow. It confirmed some of the suspicions of the neighbors. Considering how good my nephews were at being cat burglars, you’d think they’d have been more mindful of cameras. Or perhaps they just figured old uncle Yam would never get cameras. But after my nephews were exposed as thieves, a few of my and my sister’s neighbors got cameras too. The punishment for admitting how they stole stuff was minor for my nephews. It was kinda redundant for the eldest because he’s still in trouble with being on probation and whatnot.

And he hadn’t tried to steal anything else until he took the bottle of champagne. My BIL started giving him lots of mint gum to chew to help with his cravings, because it was what he used to help cut back on drinking himself. And it kinda helped. BIL also started keeping all his booze locked in a padlocked fridge in the garage. He suspects his son tried to get into it once.

All of that aside, things didn’t seem so bad until my eldest nephew got in a fight at school in February. I’m told he didn’t start it. But another kid picked on him until they started swinging fists. He got his two front teeth knocked out by the bully when he got his face slammed into a locker. There ended up being a reason why for this attack.

My younger nephews told me their older brother had a number of targets to pick on at school before getting arrested. He was apparently the typical bully people picture when they think of one. He stole things from other kids, aimed for the small and the weak, smacked them around when no one was looking, and on more than one occasion used a small knife to stab bike tires.

Well, the big brother of a kid he’d previously picked on went after him. And that boy messed him up. Both of his top front teeth were knocked out, and his nose was broken. He had to be taken to the hospital, and an emergency oral surgeon had to put his teeth back in. Which also required special braces to hold them in place. His nose also had to be reset, and he was put in a neck brace. The poor boy didn’t wanna be seen by anyone for months

No one pressed charges. Believe me, I’ve asked many times as to why not. But the other kid’s parents paid at least half of the cost for my nephew’s treatments for his teeth and nose through their insurance.

That’s what they told me anyway. My sister and BIL’s health insurance sucked for covering the rest though, and they had a high copay. They didn’t bother to file anything because they didn’t want to be in court again, and the other parents only paid as much as they did because they didn’t want to be sued.

I contributed a bit to the cost too. I still had the $500 they’d given me in cash after I sued them, and decided to give it back to them to help ease the cost a little. They won’t tell me how much it cost to get my nephew’s nose fixed and two front teeth put back in. But after that, I think they may have had no savings left.

When I saw my nephew after the incident, his face was messed up, and his front teeth were wired in place. He refused to return to school and did all his remaining lessons online with a school provided laptop.

The boy who beat him up I was told, received nothing more than a two week suspension. I won’t deny I was upset. But at the same time, I know this only happened because my nephew was a bully to other kids. What goes around, does still eventually come around.

We’re in summer now, and my eldest nephew is still a shut-in most of the time. He’ll go out bike riding alone for an hour or two. But other than that he generally keeps to himself in his room.

There have been talks from my sister and BIL of moving closer to his parents after their son’s probation is up. And I don’t blame them. Practically the whole neighborhood hates them now. So they want out as soon as they can afford it. Which unfortunately may take another year or so just two pull off.

I have been spending more time with my two younger nephews. And they are doing a lot better now. They’re more respectful, and have been allowed back in my home. Nothing has gone missing, and I enjoy spending time with them watching movies and playing games. They’ve become good kids again. And they’re trying to make up for their mistakes. On the rare occasion I see my eldest nephew, he is not cold to me anymore. He even brought his bike to me for repairs once.

But he’s a boy of few words now. Almost stoically silent these days. I do know that when he’s 18, he wants to be far away from here. We’ve suggested trade school. And he’s not against the idea. Beyond that I’ve been doing my best not to overstep as an uncle.

So that’s it. After all this time, I may have nothing more here to write here.

Info from the comments:

The boy is in counseling. And it’s been helping. But I’m not in the know on most details.

I’ve let him know in my own way. He knows I contributed money towards the bill of getting his teeth put back in, and I got him a replacement bike & backpack. And fixed said bike for free later when he broke it. He knows I’m here to help. I just hope he also knows not to abuse trust and privilege like before.

His bipolar would disqualify him from military service as far as I know. Trade school or Job Corps are looking like his best bets.

Reminder: I am not OOP.

(And before anyone asks, yes, I first checked with u/Corfiz74 to see if they wanted to make the update.)

My Sister’s Kids Took Cans From My Shed Without Permission, and She Got Angry When I Asked Her to Pay Me Back

I never expected a disagreement over a few cans in my shed to turn into one of the biggest arguments I have ever had with my sister. We have always had our differences, but I genuinely believed that we understood the importance of respecting each other’s property. I have never expected my family to agree with every decision I make, and I have always tried to be reasonable when disagreements happen. However, I also believe that being related to someone does not give you permission to take their belongings without asking. The situation started when I discovered that several cans I had stored in my shed were missing. At first, I assumed I had misplaced them because I keep quite a few things in there. I searched through the shelves, checked behind some boxes, and looked around the storage area, but the cans were nowhere to be found. I eventually learned that my sister’s children had taken them, and when I asked my sister to replace what was missing, she reacted in a way I never expected.

My sister and I have always had slightly different ideas about parenting and personal boundaries. I understand that children make mistakes, and I do not expect them to behave perfectly all the time. Children are curious, they sometimes act without thinking, and they need adults to teach them what is acceptable. I have never believed that a child should be treated harshly for making an honest mistake, especially when they are still learning. However, I do believe parents should take responsibility when their children damage something or take something that belongs to another person. My sister, unfortunately, sometimes has a habit of brushing off situations that I believe deserve attention. Whenever her children do something inappropriate, she often explains that they are young or that people should not take their behavior so seriously. I have tried not to criticize her parenting because I know that raising children is difficult. Still, I have noticed that her willingness to dismiss certain behaviors has occasionally caused problems between us.

The cans were stored in my shed because I had a specific reason for keeping them there. I organize my belongings carefully, and the shed is where I keep items that I do not need inside the house but still intend to use. I do not consider everything in my storage area disposable simply because it is not sitting in my living room. Some things may look unimportant to other people, but that does not mean they have no value to me. I had collected the cans over time and had kept them together for a reason. My sister knew that I used the shed for storage, and her children had been around my property before. However, they had never been given permission to take whatever they wanted from it. I had always assumed that basic understanding was obvious. If someone else’s belongings are stored somewhere, the appropriate thing to do is ask before touching them. Apparently, that simple expectation was not shared by everyone involved in this situation.

When I first noticed that the cans were missing, I did not immediately suspect my sister’s children. I honestly thought I had forgotten where I put them or moved them during an earlier cleanup. I spent some time checking the shed because I wanted to make sure I was not accusing anyone unfairly. I moved a few items, looked behind some storage containers, and checked the places where I normally keep similar supplies. After searching for a while, I became increasingly certain that the cans were gone. I was frustrated, but I still assumed there might be a reasonable explanation. Perhaps someone had moved them, or perhaps I had given them away and forgotten about it. I did not want to create unnecessary family drama over something I could have misplaced myself. However, once I learned that my sister’s children had taken them, I realized that the situation needed to be addressed. I was not interested in making accusations without knowing what happened, but I also did not want to ignore it once the truth became clear.

When I found out what had happened, I was surprised that the children had taken the cans without asking me. I wanted to know whether they had misunderstood something or whether they genuinely believed they were allowed to take them. Children do not always understand the value of objects, and sometimes they assume that something sitting in a storage area is unwanted. That possibility crossed my mind, so I tried to approach the issue calmly. However, even if the children had believed the cans were no longer needed, they should still have asked before taking them. The problem was not simply that something had disappeared. It was that someone had decided they could take my belongings without permission. I contacted my sister because I expected her to help resolve the situation. I assumed she would speak to her children, find out exactly what had happened, and offer to replace the missing items. I did not expect her to become angry with me for raising the issue in the first place.

At first, I explained what I had discovered and asked whether she knew that her children had taken the cans from my shed. I tried to keep my tone neutral because I did not want her to feel as though I was attacking her family. I told her that I had noticed several items were missing and had learned that the children had taken them. I asked her to talk to them and help me understand what had happened. Her initial response was to ask why I was making such a big deal about it. She seemed more concerned about my reaction than about the fact that her children had taken something without permission. I was caught off guard because I had expected her to acknowledge the problem before discussing how to resolve it. I explained that I was not trying to create an argument and that I simply wanted the missing items replaced. Instead of agreeing to handle it, she started questioning why I cared so much about a few cans. That response immediately made the conversation more difficult than it needed to be.

I told my sister that the amount of money involved was not the only issue. Even if the cans were relatively inexpensive, they were still my belongings, and I had not given anyone permission to take them. I explained that if I borrowed something from her house and failed to return it, she would have every right to ask me about it. If I took something without asking, I would expect to apologize and make things right. I did not think it was unreasonable to expect the same consideration from her. I also pointed out that replacing the cans would be a simple way to resolve the problem without turning it into a bigger disagreement. I was not demanding that she punish her children or make them feel terrible about what happened. I wanted her to acknowledge that taking other people’s belongings was not acceptable and show them how to correct the mistake. Unfortunately, she continued treating my request as though I had deliberately chosen to make her life difficult over something insignificant.

The conversation became increasingly frustrating because my sister kept returning to the same argument. She insisted that the cans were not important enough to justify the amount of attention I was giving them. I tried explaining that people should be allowed to decide how much their own belongings matter to them. Something that seems worthless to one person might still have a purpose for someone else. More importantly, the value of an item does not determine whether taking it without permission is acceptable. If someone takes a cheap object, that does not automatically make the action harmless. I told her that I would have reacted the same way if the situation involved something small from a kitchen drawer or a tool from the garage. The point was that the belongings were mine, and I expected people to ask before taking them. My sister did not seem willing to consider that perspective. Instead, she acted as though I was creating a conflict because I wanted to prove a point rather than because something had actually happened.

What bothered me most was the feeling that my sister expected me to accept the situation simply because we were family. I have always tried to be helpful when my relatives need something, and I do not normally keep score over every small favor. If someone needs to borrow a household item, I am usually happy to lend it. If a family member is struggling and genuinely needs help, I try to support them whenever I can. However, there is a difference between willingly helping someone and having your belongings taken without your consent. Generosity should be a choice, not something other people assume they are entitled to. I felt that my sister was treating my willingness to help as though it meant I should never object when something went wrong. That was not how I understood our relationship. I wanted us to be able to trust each other and respect each other’s boundaries without having to argue about every incident. Instead, this situation made me feel as though my boundaries only mattered when they were convenient for her.

I also thought about what the children might learn from the way this situation was handled. I do not believe that children should be labeled as bad people because they make mistakes. They need guidance, patience, and opportunities to understand why certain actions are wrong. However, they also need to learn that their choices affect other people. If they take something that does not belong to them, they should be encouraged to return it or help replace it. That does not require humiliation or excessive punishment. It simply teaches responsibility. I worried that if my sister dismissed the incident completely, the children might conclude that taking other people’s belongings was acceptable as long as the items seemed unimportant. They might also learn that complaining about the behavior was somehow worse than the behavior itself. I did not want that lesson to become part of their understanding of how to treat people. My concern was not about making them feel guilty forever. It was about helping them understand that mistakes can be corrected and that other people’s property deserves respect.

My sister eventually accused me of being petty and selfish. She suggested that I was placing the value of a few cans above my relationship with her and the children. That accusation upset me because I felt it completely misrepresented what I was asking for. I was not demanding that she choose between her family and a few items stored in my shed. I was asking her to take responsibility for something her children had done. I told her that I loved the children and had no intention of holding a grudge against them. I also said that I wanted to resolve the matter quickly so that we could move on. She responded by saying that I should be more understanding because children do not always know what they are doing. I agreed that children make mistakes, but I pointed out that parents are responsible for helping them learn from those mistakes. Being understanding does not mean pretending nothing happened. Sometimes the most understanding thing you can do is calmly explain why an action was wrong and give someone a chance to make it right.

The argument became more personal when my sister started bringing up unrelated disagreements from the past. She mentioned times when I had refused to help her with something and suggested that my current reaction was part of a larger pattern of selfishness. I was surprised that she had connected this incident to things that had happened months or even years earlier. I tried to bring the conversation back to the missing cans, but she continued listing reasons she believed I was not being supportive enough. I began to feel that there was no point discussing the actual problem because she had already decided that my request was unreasonable. It seemed as though acknowledging that her children had taken my belongings would require her to admit that they had done something wrong, and she did not want to accept that. Instead, the discussion shifted toward my character and whether I was a good sibling. I did not want to trade insults or start a competition over who had done more for the family. I simply wanted the original issue to be resolved fairly.

After the argument, I took some time to think about whether I had approached the situation incorrectly. I wondered if I should have spoken to the children directly before contacting my sister, or whether I should have asked more questions before requesting repayment. I did not want to be unfair to anyone, especially the children. It was possible they had misunderstood the situation or believed the cans were being thrown away. If that was the case, I could understand how the mistake had happened. However, none of those possibilities changed the fact that the items had been taken without permission. I also considered whether the cost was small enough that I should simply forget about it. I could have replaced the cans myself and avoided the argument entirely. But then I thought about what that would mean. I would be choosing to ignore the behavior because I was afraid of upsetting my sister. That might make the immediate situation easier, but it would not address the underlying issue. I did not believe that avoiding conflict was always the same as doing the right thing.

I eventually sent my sister a message explaining my position more clearly. I told her that I was not trying to attack her parenting or make the children feel bad. I understood that kids could act impulsively, and I was not expecting her to turn the incident into a major punishment. I simply wanted her to acknowledge that the cans belonged to me and that I had not agreed to let anyone take them. I explained that replacing them would resolve the practical problem and demonstrate that taking something without permission had consequences. I also told her that I did not want this disagreement to damage our relationship. I would much rather settle the matter calmly and move on than continue arguing about it. I hoped that putting everything in writing would help us focus on the actual issue instead of getting distracted by emotions. Unfortunately, she responded by repeating that I was making a big deal out of nothing. She did not offer to replace the cans, and she did not acknowledge that her children should have asked before taking them.

At that point, I began to question whether my sister genuinely understood why I was upset. From her perspective, perhaps the cans seemed like a minor inconvenience that should not affect a family relationship. From my perspective, the incident represented a basic question of respect. If I allowed the situation to pass without saying anything, I worried that the same attitude might appear again in a different situation. Today it was a few cans from my shed. Tomorrow it could be a tool, something from my garage, or an item that had sentimental value. I did not want to assume that the children would repeat the behavior, but I also did not want to ignore the possibility simply because addressing it was uncomfortable. Boundaries are often easiest to maintain when everyone respects them naturally. They become much harder when someone believes that being family should exempt them from ordinary expectations. I wanted my sister to understand that I was not asking for special treatment. I was asking for the same respect that I would offer her if our positions were reversed.

I decided that, regardless of whether my sister paid me back immediately, I needed to make my expectations clearer for the future. I would no longer assume that relatives automatically understood what they could and could not take from my property. If the children visited again, I would make sure they knew that the shed was not a place where they could help themselves to anything. I would also keep certain belongings stored more securely if necessary, not because I wanted to punish anyone, but because I wanted to prevent another misunderstanding. I did not think these precautions were unreasonable. People are allowed to protect their belongings even when they care deeply about the people around them. I could still welcome my nieces and nephews, spend time with them, and treat them kindly while maintaining boundaries around my property. Those things were not mutually exclusive. I did not want the children to feel unwelcome, but I also did not want to pretend that their actions had no consequences. My goal was to avoid another argument by making the expectations clear before another problem occurred.

A few days passed without any real resolution. My sister did not bring up the cans again, and I chose not to keep sending messages because I did not want the disagreement to become an endless argument. I hoped she might reconsider her position after having some time to think. I also hoped she would speak to the children and explain that they needed to ask before taking things that belonged to someone else. I did not need a dramatic apology or a long conversation about parenting. A simple acknowledgment would have been enough to show that she understood my concerns. Instead, the silence made me feel as though she had decided that ignoring the problem was the easiest way to make it disappear. I found that disappointing because I had expected more from her. We were siblings, and I wanted to believe that we could handle small disagreements without turning them into battles over who was right or wrong. I was willing to move on, but I did not want to be expected to act as though the incident had never happened simply because she no longer wanted to discuss it.

When I eventually spoke to another family member about the disagreement, I tried to explain the situation without exaggerating it. I did not want to recruit people to take sides or turn a private disagreement into family gossip. I simply wanted an outside perspective because I was beginning to wonder whether my expectations were unreasonable. The family member understood why I was upset but also suggested that the argument might not be worth the damage it was causing to my relationship with my sister. I could see the point behind that advice. Family relationships are important, and there are times when letting go of a minor disagreement is the healthiest choice. However, I also felt that this advice overlooked the reason I had raised the issue in the first place. I was not trying to win a fight or prove that I had more authority than my sister. I wanted to establish that taking someone’s belongings without permission was not acceptable. I believed that could be communicated calmly without damaging our relationship, provided both sides were willing to listen.

I also considered whether my sister might be reacting defensively because she felt embarrassed about what her children had done. Parenting can be difficult, and nobody enjoys hearing that their child has behaved inappropriately. Perhaps she interpreted my request for repayment as a judgment of her ability to raise them. If that was the case, I could understand why she might have felt uncomfortable. However, I had never intended my request to be a criticism of her as a mother. I was not saying that her children were badly behaved in every situation or that she had failed as a parent. I was saying that one particular incident needed to be addressed. I believe people should be able to acknowledge mistakes without feeling that their entire character is being questioned. If my sister had simply said that she would speak to the children and replace the missing cans, I would have been satisfied. We could have moved on without turning the incident into a debate about our relationship. Her refusal to acknowledge the issue made a small problem feel much larger than it needed to be.

The more I thought about the situation, the more I realized that I needed to separate my feelings about the missing cans from my feelings about my sister’s reaction. The items themselves were only one part of the problem. I was also hurt by the assumption that I should quietly accept what happened because asking for repayment would make me look unreasonable. I have always tried to be generous with my family, but I do not want generosity to become an obligation that other people can use against me. If I choose to give someone something, that is my decision. If I lend something, I expect it to be returned. If someone takes something without asking, I believe it is fair to discuss how to correct the situation. Those expectations are not intended to create distance between family members. In fact, I think they help protect relationships by preventing resentment from building up. When people feel that their boundaries are respected, they can be generous without worrying that their kindness will be taken for granted. I wanted that kind of relationship with my sister, but it required both of us to recognize that respect needed to go in both directions.

I eventually decided that I would not continue arguing with my sister about the money. I had explained my position several times, and repeating myself was unlikely to change her mind. That did not mean I suddenly believed she was right or that I no longer cared about what had happened. It simply meant I was no longer willing to spend my time in a conversation where neither person seemed prepared to listen. I could make my expectations clear and decide how to handle similar situations in the future without forcing her to agree with me. I also decided that I would not bring the incident up in front of the children or make them feel responsible for the tension between the adults. If I had an opportunity to speak with them calmly, I would explain why asking permission mattered. I wanted them to understand the lesson without feeling as though I had turned against them. They were children, and it was the adults’ responsibility to handle the disagreement appropriately. I could protect my boundaries while still treating them with kindness and fairness.

What I found most disappointing was that the disagreement could have been resolved so easily. My sister could have spoken to the children, explained why taking the cans was wrong, and arranged to replace the items. I could have accepted an apology and moved on. There was no need for the situation to become a larger argument about whether I cared enough about my family. Instead, we ended up discussing unrelated disagreements, questioning each other’s intentions, and creating tension over something that should have been straightforward. I do not believe every mistake requires money to change hands, and I am not suggesting that parents should automatically pay for every minor thing their children do. Context matters, and sometimes a conversation or an apology is enough. But in this situation, the items were taken without my permission, and I believed replacing them was a reasonable solution. My sister did not have to agree with every part of my perspective, but I had hoped she would at least recognize that my concern was legitimate. Her refusal to do so has made me more cautious about how I handle similar situations with family in the future.

I still care about my sister and her children, and I do not want this disagreement to define our relationship permanently. Families argue, people misunderstand one another, and sometimes emotions make a simple problem harder to solve. I know that my sister may see the situation differently, and I cannot force her to adopt my point of view. What I can do is decide how I respond and what boundaries I maintain. I will continue treating her children with affection, and I will not use this incident as a reason to exclude them from my life. At the same time, I will be more careful about making sure my belongings are respected when they visit. I do not think that makes me cruel or unreasonable. It simply means I have learned that assumptions about boundaries can lead to unnecessary conflict. I want to be someone my family can rely on, but I also want to feel that my generosity is appreciated rather than expected. Those two things should be able to exist together without one person feeling obligated to sacrifice their comfort every time a disagreement occurs.

Looking back, I can understand why someone might think that arguing over a few cans is unnecessary. From the outside, the situation may appear small, especially if the items were not particularly expensive. However, I do not believe the value of an object is the only thing that matters when someone takes it without permission. Respect, responsibility, and trust are important even in ordinary situations. If children make a mistake, they should have the opportunity to learn from it, and if parents are involved in resolving the problem, they should try to do so fairly. I was not asking my sister to humiliate her children, punish them excessively, or choose between them and me. I wanted her to acknowledge what happened and help correct it. I also wanted her to understand that being related does not mean I should have fewer rights over my own belongings. I am willing to forgive the incident and move forward, but forgiveness does not require me to pretend that the behavior was acceptable. I believe we can care about family while still expecting honesty and accountability.

At this point, I am left wondering whether I was wrong to insist that my sister pay me back for the cans her children took from my shed. Part of me feels that my request was entirely reasonable because I did not give the children permission to take anything, and replacing the missing items would have been a simple way to resolve the problem. Another part of me wonders whether I should have let the issue go sooner rather than allowing it to create tension within the family. I do not want money or a few missing belongings to damage a relationship that has existed for my entire life. However, I also do not want to establish a pattern where my boundaries are dismissed whenever someone decides that my belongings are too insignificant to matter. I love my sister’s children, and I understand that children make mistakes, but I believe those mistakes should be used as opportunities to teach responsibility rather than excuses to avoid it. I have tried to approach the situation calmly, explain my reasoning, and offer an easy way to settle the matter. My sister still refuses to pay me back, and I cannot decide whether standing my ground is the right thing to do or whether preserving family peace should matter more. So, am I wrong for wanting my sister to replace the cans her children took without permission, or is she being unreasonable by refusing to take responsibility?