When their marriage began falling apart, the husband initially believed the problems could still be repaired if both of them were willing to make an honest effort. They were expecting their first child, and he knew pregnancy could bring stress, fear, financial pressure, and emotional changes into a relationship. Instead of walking away at the first sign of trouble, he suggested couples therapy because he wanted them to learn how to communicate before the baby arrived. He believed that bringing a child into an unstable marriage would only make existing problems harder to manage. His wife, however, immediately rejected the idea. She told him that she did not need a therapist to tell her what she already knew about their marriage and accused him of trying to make her look like the problem. Every time he brought up counseling, she became more defensive. Eventually, arguments started becoming less about their relationship and more about the unborn baby. Whenever he disagreed with her or tried to establish a boundary, she would remind him that she was carrying his child and imply that he had no right to challenge her decisions. What hurt him most was feeling that their baby was being turned into leverage during arguments rather than being treated as something they should both protect and prepare for together. Pregnancy can be a particularly vulnerable period for couples, and recent research has found that emotional flooding and insecurity can contribute to destructive conflict patterns during pregnancy.

The situation became much worse when his wife began using the pregnancy as a reason to shut down every serious conversation. If he asked her to discuss finances, she would accuse him of stressing the baby. If he questioned a decision, she would say that he was making her pregnancy miserable. When he asked whether they could sit down and calmly discuss their future, she responded that he should simply trust her because she was the mother. He started feeling as though there was no longer room for his feelings or concerns in the marriage. He wasn’t asking to control her pregnancy or make medical decisions for her. He wanted them to communicate as partners and create a stable environment before becoming parents. Eventually, he told her that he could no longer continue having the same arguments without some form of professional help. He made it clear that therapy was not about deciding who was right or wrong; it was about learning whether they could still function as a team. His wife refused again. According to him, she then told him that if he truly loved his unborn child, he would stop “making problems” and accept whatever she wanted. That statement changed something inside him. He realized that continuing to argue every night was accomplishing nothing. He also understood that pregnancy did not automatically make every disagreement acceptable. Using guilt, fear, or the unborn child to pressure a partner can become an unhealthy relationship dynamic, although a single heated statement by itself does not necessarily prove deliberate manipulation.

After one particularly explosive argument, his wife crossed a line he could no longer ignore. She told him that if he was unhappy with the way she handled the pregnancy, he could leave. She reportedly said that she and the baby would be fine without him and suggested that he should be grateful for whatever involvement she allowed him to have. Instead of responding with another argument, he quietly decided that he needed some space. He packed a few belongings and stayed somewhere else for a short period, hoping that distance would allow both of them to calm down. He continued checking on the pregnancy and made it clear that he wanted to remain involved as a father, but he stopped participating in the endless arguments. He also started individual counseling on his own, not because he believed he was entirely responsible for the marriage falling apart, but because he wanted professional guidance on how to handle the situation without making things worse. His therapist encouraged him to focus on what he could control: his own behavior, communication, boundaries, and preparation for fatherhood. Meanwhile, his wife interpreted his departure as abandonment. She reportedly told relatives that he had walked out on his pregnant wife. He felt that this description ignored everything that had happened before he left. He had repeatedly asked for help, repeatedly tried to talk, and repeatedly offered compromises. He believed leaving temporarily was very different from abandoning his responsibilities.

Several days later, he returned to the house expecting that they might finally have a calm conversation. Instead, he discovered that much of the house was empty. His wife had taken her belongings and left. At first, he was stunned. He had expected anger, another argument, or perhaps a demand that he apologize. He hadn’t expected her to disappear. Then he noticed a note explaining that she had decided she needed to stay somewhere else because she no longer trusted him and did not believe their marriage could be repaired. She accused him of choosing therapy and “walking away” instead of choosing his family. But the husband saw the situation differently. In his mind, therapy had always been an attempt to save the family, while refusing every attempt at counseling had made meaningful progress almost impossible. He sat alone in the empty house and realized that the silence was strangely different from the tension that had filled the rooms for months. He was devastated, particularly because the home had been prepared for their baby. The nursery was partly finished, baby clothes were still in drawers, and a crib sat waiting to be assembled. What should have been an exciting chapter had turned into a painful separation before the child had even arrived. He did not feel victorious about coming home to an empty house. He felt heartbroken. Pregnancy-related conflict can become especially complicated because both partners may be experiencing intense emotions and uncertainty at the same time, and research has linked uncertainty surrounding pregnancy with destructive relationship conflict.

In the end, the husband realized that he could not force his wife to attend therapy, change the way she communicated, or agree with his version of events. He could only decide what kind of husband and father he wanted to be moving forward. He told her that he was still willing to attend counseling, whether together or individually, and that he wanted them to establish a respectful co-parenting relationship regardless of what happened to their marriage. He also made it clear that he would not accept threats, guilt, or the unborn child being repeatedly used as a weapon during disagreements. His goal was no longer simply to “win” the marriage argument; it was to create a healthier situation for everyone involved, especially their child. He understood that his wife had her own fears and emotions surrounding pregnancy, and he did not want to dismiss them. At the same time, he believed his own feelings deserved consideration too. The empty house therefore became less a symbol of revenge and more a painful reminder that refusing to address serious problems does not make them disappear. Sometimes one person can spend months trying to repair a relationship while the other person is already emotionally preparing to leave. Whether their marriage could eventually be rebuilt remained uncertain, but one thing had changed: he was no longer willing to confuse silence with peace or guilt with responsibility. He hoped that, whatever happened between them as husband and wife, they could eventually learn to communicate as two parents who put their child’s well-being ahead of their resentment.

Read Story…

My wife (29f) says she gets to make 100% of the educational decisions for our child. I (28f) can’t change her mind

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/TeacherWifeBlues

My wife (29f) says she gets to make 100% of the educational decisions for our child. I (28f) can’t change her mind.

TRIGGER WARNING: Controlling behavior

Original Post May 17, 2016

My wife and I have been together for seven years. We’re expecting our first child in June. It’s a girl and were both extremely excited.

Background:

I grew up in a family that valued education above all else. My parents both supplemented my education at home and my mother did a ton of research and footwork to find the right educational environment for me. I ended up at an alternative private school that my parents could barely afford but it was a place that I thrived in.

My wife grew up in a very poor family who put no emphasis on education whatsoever. She worked extremely hard to educate herself and ended up majoring in education in college. However, she is not certified and does not teach.

Problem:

The other day I mentioned wanting to start researching schools in our area. I said something along the lines of “of course we won’t know which school is right for her until she’s actually here.” But my wife said that she would handle it. All of it.

She said that because she majored in education she should get 100% control of our daughter’s education. I told her that was ridiculous. Just because I didn’t major in education doesn’t mean I don’t care and it doesn’t mean I don’t know enough about it to get a vote. She disagreed and told me I could have full control of “what she wears and who her friends are.”

I was floored. I tried to argue but I couldn’t even think straight. I went back to her about it a couple days later and asked if I was a doctor could I make 100% of the medical decisions and she said yes, absolutely. I’m pretty sure she only said that because I’m not a doctor. I was trying to poke holes in her logic but it didn’t work.

Since then she won’t even discuss it. I told her I wanted to tour preschools and daycare centers this weekend and she said that she already took care of it and won’t even tell me what that means.

I’m not going to give in. I get a vote. But I can’t make her listen to me. What the hell do I do?

TL;DR- my wife says she gets to make all the decisions regarding our daughter’s education because she majored in education in college. I think I should get a vote too.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

[deleted]

So at what point do your child’s wishes enter into the equation?  Because I’m pretty sure she’ll have her own thoughts on friends and clothing and even what kind of learning environment she finds most stimulating, and if she’s anything like her moms, she probably won’t be shy about expressing them.

I don’t know how you two got this far into the babymaking process without this “all or nothing” attitude cropping up, but your wife needs to get it through her head it doesn’t work like that.  You two are a team.  Either you figure out how to be a team together, you do it in counseling, or you hash it out in a custody agreement, but unilaterally shutting one parent out of the discussion is not going to fly.

OOP

Believe me, the all or nothing attitude is completely her. I have no desire to control my daughter’s wardrobe or social life. I just want a say in where and how she’s educated while she’s young.

Illinoiscentralst

How has this not caused issues until now? This attitude of hers makes any partnership with her absolutely untenable. Not to mention she thinks it’s some kind of an “award” that she allows you to control your kid’s friends and wardrobe???

OOP

It’s come up before. The biggest problem (other than this one) is that she thinks I should wait on her hand and foot (literally…I do the cleaning, the cooking, pay the bills, grocery shop, do the laundry, and any time she’s sitting down and can’t reach something she needs I have to get it for her…even if I’m sitting down too). She says she pays me back for all of this with emotional support and that it balances out. I don’t feel like it does, though.

I try to draw lines and say things like I’ll cook dinner but I won’t pack your lunches for work. She just tells me my lines are arbitrary and make no sense. Then she refuses to do things with me until I comply and give her what she wants.

~

FailosoRaptor

She is being completely stupid.

1. Telling your SO you will have no say in one of the most significant parts of your child’s life is incredibly stupid, selfish, and unrealistic. Its so incredibly disrespectful as well. No words
2. Just because she majored in teaching doesn’t make her the ultimate authority. Did she write a PhD dissertation at Harvard about various educational institutions and their effects on females? Does she have an MD/PhD? Like what is there to brag about doing a common thing and finishing a masters program. Amazing you we’re able to do what most of the population can do.

I can’t even describe how much I rolled my eyes when I read this.

OOP

She doesn’t even have a masters, she just has a B.A.

infiniteme

Oh wow! I’m a psychologist and run into people with psychology BAs all the time that proclaim some deep authority. I don’t even think of myself that way and I’m a PhD. Check out the Dunning–Kruger effect. Basically a little knowledge in an area can make you foolishly overconfident. On top of the personality you have described here for your wife… Bad combination

OOP Adds more on her wife

My wife is very….hard to argue with. Once she gets something in her head your cannot convince her otherwise. Like one time we got into a fight about whether or not women pee out their vaginas. I told her that we have a separate hole for pee and offered to look up a diagram for her to see for herself and she refused. She said that she didn’t want me to be embarrassed when I found out I was wrong.

She also doesn’t care about other people’s boundaries. She just barrels right through them. It doesn’t usually bother me because I’m pretty laid back but I’ve never been a mother before and it turns out I’m not willing to take a laid back approach to parenting my child.

Update – rareddit May 20, 2016 (3 Days Later)

I figured I’d give an update since a lot has happened. Or maybe it just feels like a lot.

A lot of the comments on the original post suggested my wife and I go to therapy to discuss our issues. So I approached her one evening (after I made her coffee so theoretically she should have been in a good mood) and told her that we are partners and that means we make decisions together…all the decisions. I told her I wasn’t willing to be a bystander when it comes to something as important as our daughter’s education. I told her that I will be involved and that’s that. She just scoffed at me and said, “you are in no way qualified to make those kinds of decisions.” It occurred to me to ask her what she thinks happens when neither parent studied education but I figured there was no point. So that’s when I brought up therapy. I said if she couldn’t treat me like an equal, like a partner, and with respect then we had some serious problems. She said that I was the only one who needed therapy and she refused to go. I told her it was therapy or divorce and I’d give her 24 hours to think it over. She laughed and said “you won’t leave me. You need me.”

The next day when she came home from work she greeted me by saying “my co-workers all think you’re crazy.” I asked what she meant and she told me that she’d told her co-workers about my “behavior” and they told her I was crazy. I asked if her she reconsidered her stance on therapy and she just laughed at me.

So the next day I left her. I called in sick to work, packed up as much stuff as I could, and I’ve been staying in a hotel. She’s been blowing up my phone but I haven’t answered. I saw a lawyer yesterday and will be filing for divorce. Eventually I’ll be relocating (my boss agreed to transfer me closer to my family since I’ll be a single parent) but for now I’m staying put because if I have to fight for custody I’d rather do it here since it’s a very conservative area and the facts that I’m the biological parent and she smokes weed every single day will both work in my favor.

I’m pretty emotional but I’m also curtain that I did the right thing. Thanks for help, Reddit.

TL;DR- The warm, funny woman I married has disappeared and was replaced by someone cold and cruel. I’ve left her and will be filling for divorce.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

puffin

“I asked what she meant and she told me that she’d told her co-workers about my “behavior” and they told her I was crazy.”

I wonder what sort of messed up version of the truth she told them!

OOP

Me too. To tell the truth, I was extremely hurt by that. I had an issue with our relationship and I brought it to an anonymous forum where I tried to present a balanced view of the issues. She turned to people we both know in real life and painted a picture of me that was clearly distorted. I don’t know why it’s come to that but it really hurt my heart.

~

[deleted]

What kind of legal claim does she have on your baby if you divorce before your child is born? I am actually not familiar with what the law would do in your circumstances. I would have assumed that she would have no claim if you divorced and did not put her on the birth certificate.

OOP

The plan was for her to legally adopt the baby after she’s born but my lawyer told me she can still fight for custody if she wants to because we planned the baby together. But he also said her chances of getting shared custody are small and her chances of getting sole custody are non-existent.

And to a similar comment

I have and he’s confident we’ll win. But if I have to stay here to give her visitation, that’s not the worst thing. My lawyer says there’s no way she’ll get anything close to full custody.

~

[deleted]

Good job, OP. You made the right choice. It saddens me that someone with your ex’s temperament and issues is even in the field of education.

OOP

She actually isn’t in education. She does something completely unrelated. She just majored in it.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER – RULE 7

Pregnancy Brings Unexpected Problems As Their Happy Marriage Begins To Fall Apart

When this couple first learned they were expecting a baby, they both imagined that the pregnancy would bring them closer together. They had been married for several years and had already talked about starting a family, so the positive pregnancy test initially felt like the beginning of the life they had always wanted. But as the pregnancy progressed, their relationship began changing in ways neither of them expected. Small disagreements became major arguments, ordinary conversations turned into accusations, and the husband increasingly felt that his wife was shutting him out. He understood that pregnancy could be physically and emotionally difficult, and he tried to be patient with her. He also knew that becoming parents would introduce new responsibilities and pressures. Research has found that the transition to parenthood can be a challenging period for couples, with conflict and relationship dissatisfaction sometimes increasing during pregnancy.

Advertisement

At first, the husband tried to handle the situation privately. He didn’t want their relatives or friends becoming involved in every disagreement, and he certainly didn’t want anyone judging his pregnant wife. Instead, he repeatedly asked whether they could sit down and talk about what was happening between them. He wanted to understand why she seemed increasingly angry and distant. He also wanted them to discuss practical matters such as finances, parenting responsibilities, schedules, and what their lives would look like after the baby arrived. Unfortunately, almost every serious conversation ended with his wife becoming defensive. She would tell him that he was overthinking everything and that pregnancy was already stressful enough without him creating additional problems.

Eventually, the husband suggested couples therapy. He didn’t present it as a punishment or as proof that she was the problem. In his mind, therapy was simply an opportunity for them to have a neutral person help them communicate. He told her that he didn’t want to spend the rest of the pregnancy fighting and that he wanted them to enter parenthood as a united team. He even offered to find the therapist himself and handle the scheduling. His wife immediately rejected the idea. She said she wasn’t interested in sitting in a room with a stranger and discussing their marriage. According to her, therapy was unnecessary because their problems were “normal couple problems.” She insisted that they could solve everything themselves if he would simply stop criticizing her.

The husband tried to respect her decision, but the underlying problems didn’t disappear. In fact, they seemed to become worse. Whenever he attempted to discuss an issue, she accused him of stressing her out during pregnancy. Whenever he suggested making a compromise, she reminded him that she was the one carrying their child. He began feeling as though the pregnancy had become a shield that prevented them from discussing anything difficult. He knew his wife’s physical and emotional needs deserved consideration, but he also believed that being pregnant did not mean his feelings suddenly stopped mattering. He wanted to support her without being expected to remain silent whenever something in the marriage was bothering him.

One evening, the argument became particularly intense. The husband had tried to discuss their growing financial concerns because the baby was due in only a few months. They needed to plan for medical expenses, baby supplies, possible childcare costs, and changes to their monthly budget. Instead of having a calm discussion, his wife accused him of worrying unnecessarily. When he suggested that they attend therapy before the baby arrived, she became furious. She told him that if he couldn’t handle being married to her while she was pregnant, then perhaps he shouldn’t be married to her at all. The husband was shocked by how quickly the conversation had escalated. He wasn’t threatening to leave. He was asking for help.

The argument continued until his wife said something that stayed with him long after the conversation ended. She told him that the baby was her priority and that if he continued “acting like this,” she would make sure he understood that he was not in control of the situation. She reminded him that she was the one carrying the child and suggested that he should be grateful for whatever involvement she allowed him to have. To him, that was the moment the disagreement stopped being about communication and became something much more serious. He felt that their unborn child was being used as leverage against him. He didn’t want to compete with his own baby for a place in the family.

The husband didn’t respond by shouting back. Instead, he walked away from the argument. He spent the night in another room because he knew that continuing the discussion while both of them were angry would only make matters worse. The following morning, he again tried to speak calmly with his wife. He told her that he loved her, cared about their unborn child, and wanted their marriage to work. But he also said that he couldn’t continue living in a relationship where every disagreement ended with him being accused of harming the baby simply because he expressed an opinion. He asked her one more time to consider couples counseling.

Her answer was still no.

She told him that she didn’t believe they needed therapy and that she would never agree to it just because he wanted it. She accused him of trying to make their marriage look worse than it was. She also told him that if he couldn’t accept the way things were, he could leave. The husband later said that he took those words seriously. He didn’t leave because he stopped loving her. He left because he realized that remaining in the same cycle of arguments wasn’t helping either of them. He needed time to think clearly about what kind of future he wanted for himself and his child.

For the first time in months, he spent a few nights away from home. He stayed with someone he trusted and used the time to reflect on everything that had happened. He didn’t disappear, and he didn’t stop caring about the pregnancy. He continued checking in and offered to help with appointments and expenses. He also began individual counseling. His purpose wasn’t to prove that his wife was wrong. He wanted to understand his own behavior, establish healthier boundaries, and learn how to communicate without escalating conflict. Research involving expectant couples has found that validation and constructive responses during conflict can be associated with better adjustment to parenthood and relationship quality.

The therapist helped him understand that he couldn’t force another person to participate in counseling. He could invite his wife, encourage her, and explain why it mattered to him, but ultimately she had to choose whether she wanted professional help. The therapist also encouraged him to separate his role as a husband from his role as a future father. Even if the marriage failed, he could still work toward being a responsible and supportive parent. That advice gave him some clarity. He stopped focusing entirely on whether he could “save” the marriage and began thinking about what would create the healthiest environment possible for his child.

Meanwhile, things at home continued deteriorating. His wife reportedly told relatives that he had abandoned her during pregnancy. The husband was devastated by that description because he believed it ignored the months he had spent trying to make the relationship work. He had attended appointments, helped prepare the nursery, contributed financially, and repeatedly asked for ways to improve their marriage. He knew leaving the house could look terrible from the outside, but he insisted that he had not abandoned his wife or unborn child. He had simply stepped away from an environment where every conversation seemed to become a fight.

Several days later, he returned home because he wanted to have one final calm conversation with his wife. He expected that they might finally be ready to talk. Instead, when he opened the front door, he immediately noticed that something was wrong. The house was unusually quiet. Several personal belongings were missing. His wife’s clothes were gone from the bedroom, and some of the items they had purchased for the baby had disappeared as well.

He walked through the house slowly, trying to understand what had happened. The nursery was still there, but the atmosphere felt completely different. The crib remained in its box, baby clothes were folded inside a drawer, and a few unopened packages were sitting on a shelf. But his wife was gone. He checked his phone and found a message from her explaining that she had decided to leave. She said she needed distance because she no longer trusted him and didn’t believe their marriage was healthy.

The message also accused him of choosing therapy over his family. According to her, his decision to leave the house had proved that he wasn’t committed to their marriage. She said she needed to protect herself and the baby from further stress. Reading those words made him feel both angry and heartbroken. From his perspective, he had spent months asking for help precisely because he wanted to protect their family. He couldn’t understand how his attempts to repair the relationship had become evidence against him.

He sat alone in the living room for a long time. The silence was almost unbearable. Only a few weeks earlier, they had been discussing baby names and arguing over where to put the crib. Now he was sitting in an empty house wondering whether the marriage was already over. He realized that there was no satisfying victory in coming home to an empty house. He hadn’t wanted his wife to leave. He hadn’t wanted to prove a point. He had simply wanted them to stop hurting each other.

What made the situation even more painful was the fact that they were about to become parents. Their disagreements were no longer limited to the two of them. Every decision they made could eventually affect their child. He knew that children benefit from stable, respectful relationships between the adults responsible for them, whether those adults remain married or not. Research on couples transitioning to parenthood emphasizes the importance of communication, conflict management, emotional intimacy, and support during this period.

He also began questioning whether he had handled everything perfectly. He admitted to himself that he had become frustrated, and there were moments when his own words may have sounded harsher than he intended. He wasn’t claiming that he had been flawless. But he also believed that accepting responsibility for his mistakes didn’t mean accepting blame for everything. A marriage required two people willing to acknowledge their part in the conflict. He couldn’t repair both sides of the relationship by himself.

His wife, however, seemed convinced that he was the one who needed to change. She continued refusing couples therapy and maintained that the marriage problems would disappear if he stopped challenging her. The husband eventually realized that this was the part he could not control. He couldn’t make her attend counseling. He couldn’t force her to communicate differently. And he couldn’t make her stop using the pregnancy as part of their arguments. All he could do was decide how he would respond.

Instead of retaliating, he sent her a calm message. He told her that he was sorry their relationship had reached this point and that he never wanted their child to grow up surrounded by constant hostility. He said he was still willing to attend counseling with her if she ever changed her mind. He also made it clear that he wanted to remain involved in the pregnancy and be present as a father. He wasn’t asking her to forgive everything overnight. He simply wanted them to find a healthier way to communicate.

His wife didn’t immediately agree. In fact, she remained distant. But the husband stopped chasing arguments. He focused on preparing for fatherhood and maintaining appropriate communication. He continued working, saving money, and preparing for the baby’s arrival. He also continued individual counseling because he wanted to make sure that whatever happened next, he would enter parenthood with a clearer understanding of his responsibilities.

The experience changed the way he viewed marriage. Before the conflict, he believed love alone could solve most problems. Now he understood that love needed communication, respect, accountability, and a willingness to work through difficult situations. Research has similarly found that communication-focused interventions during pregnancy can improve relationship satisfaction and psychological outcomes for participating couples.

Weeks passed, and the empty house became a strange symbol of what their relationship had become. At first, every quiet evening made him feel abandoned. Eventually, the silence gave him time to think. He stopped wondering whether leaving the house had been a mistake and started asking a different question: What could he do now to make sure his child had two parents capable of cooperating, even if they could no longer live together?

That question became more important than winning the original argument. He knew that reconciliation might still be possible, but only if both of them were willing to acknowledge what had gone wrong. If his wife eventually agreed to therapy, he would attend. If she didn’t, he would still work on himself and establish a respectful co-parenting relationship. He didn’t want their child to grow up hearing one parent constantly attacking the other.

Eventually, he told a close friend that he no longer viewed the empty house as revenge. At first, he had thought the title of their story might be that his wife left him and he simply let her go. But the reality was more complicated. Both of them had contributed to the breakdown in different ways. His wife had refused professional help and repeatedly brought the unborn child into arguments, while he had reached a point where he could no longer remain in the same cycle. Neither decision magically solved anything.

The biggest lesson he took from the experience was that a child should never become a bargaining chip between parents. Pregnancy can bring enormous changes and stress, and research shows that relationship conflict during pregnancy can be connected with greater stress during pregnancy and after birth. The husband understood that his wife’s fears were real, but he also believed that his own concerns deserved to be heard. Supporting a pregnant partner did not require surrendering every boundary or remaining silent about serious relationship problems.

In the end, the future of their marriage remained uncertain. His wife was still living elsewhere, and neither of them knew whether they would eventually reconcile or move toward separation. But the husband had stopped trying to force an immediate answer. His priority was now creating a stable path forward for himself and his unborn child. He hoped that, someday, his wife would understand that his request for therapy had never been about blaming her. It had been an attempt to save something that both of them had once valued.

Coming home to an empty house had been painful, but it also forced him to accept a truth he had been avoiding: one person cannot repair a relationship alone. He could apologize, communicate, seek counseling, set boundaries, and remain committed to his responsibilities, but he couldn’t make another person participate. Whether his marriage survived would ultimately depend on both of them. For now, he chose not revenge, but responsibility. He wanted to become the kind of father who could look back and know that, even during the hardest chapter of his life, he had tried to protect his child’s future without turning the child into a weapon in the battle between two adults.