Guy Irate After Learning His Ex-Wife Has Been Secretly Dating His Brother For Months
When this man first learned that his ex-wife had been dating someone after their divorce, he didn’t think he had any right to control her personal life. Their marriage had ended, and although the breakup had been difficult, he had eventually accepted that both of them needed to move forward. What he never expected was to discover that the person she had been seeing for months was actually his own brother. The revelation left him feeling betrayed, embarrassed, and deeply confused about how long the relationship had been kept secret from him.
The man reportedly discovered the relationship by accident rather than through either of them telling him directly. He noticed that his brother and ex-wife seemed unusually comfortable around each other at a family gathering, and some comments from relatives made him suspicious. When he eventually confronted his brother, the truth came out. The two had apparently been secretly dating for several months. His brother insisted that they hadn’t planned for things to happen this way and that their relationship had developed naturally. However, the fact that they had deliberately kept it hidden made the man feel as though everyone around him had been keeping a major secret.
His anger wasn’t necessarily because he believed his ex-wife still belonged to him. He understood that she was free to date whoever she wanted. What hurt was that she had chosen someone who was so closely connected to his life. His brother wasn’t a stranger or an acquaintance. He was family, someone the man had trusted for his entire life. The man couldn’t understand why his brother hadn’t considered how complicated and painful the situation could become. He also questioned whether the relationship had started while he and his ex-wife were still together, although both of them denied that any romantic involvement existed before the divorce.
The situation quickly created tension throughout the family. Some relatives told the man that he needed to accept the relationship because his marriage was already over and neither his ex-wife nor his brother was technically doing anything wrong. Others understood why he felt betrayed and believed his brother should have spoken to him before becoming involved with his former wife. The man admitted that he couldn’t decide whether he was more upset about the relationship itself or the secrecy surrounding it. Every family gathering suddenly felt uncomfortable, and he found himself wondering whether he could ever sit at the same table with the two of them without thinking about what had happened behind his back.
Ultimately, the man realized that he couldn’t dictate who his ex-wife or brother chose to date, but he could decide how much involvement he wanted in their lives. He told his brother that he needed distance and wasn’t ready to pretend everything was normal. He also made it clear that he wasn’t interested in creating a family-wide war, but he expected his feelings to be respected. The situation may eventually become easier with time, but for now, the man is struggling with the realization that two people he once trusted had been sharing a relationship in secret. More than the romance itself, it was the secrecy and sense of betrayal that left him questioning whether his relationship with his own brother could ever return to what it was before.
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“AITAH for caring that my brother is dating my ex-wife?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Was with my ex-wife for ~8 years.”
“Ultimately, the relationship broke down with complicated fertility issues.”
“I was the one who called it.”
“10 years ago, I met my current wife.”
“We have now been married for 5 years.”
“After a lengthy I[n] V[itro] F[ertilization] process, which resulted in a donor, we now have two young children. “
“My ex-wife also now has a child – fertility issues were all mine.”
“Recently, I called my brother for his birthday.”
“After chatting, I asked what he was doing that night, and he saidhe was having dinner with X.”
“Being a common name, I didn’t think much of it in the moment.”
“But then, I thought what if… I went onto Facebook, and my ex-wife had posted a cutesy message on his profile for his birthday, and he had replied in kind.”
“I didn’t want to jump to assumptions, so I called our Mum and asked if my brother was seeing X (my brother sees Mum every day, so she would know).”
“Her response totally threw me. “
“She played dumb but then added, ‘So what if he is?'”
“The whole thing became me asking, ‘but isn’t this weird?'”
“And both my Mum and my Dad are saying it has nothing to do with me.”
“What did it matter?”
“I’m happy, and she’s not my property.”
“I hung up, knowing now he obviously was seeing her.”
“So I called him.”
“He has been seeing her for months.”
“Everyone kept me in the dark, and no one thought to tell me because they didn’t think it mattered.”
“The other complicated factor is that X really tried to mess with my relationship with my current wife (fake profiles created to contact my current wife, etc.).”
“Which I’m not sure my brother knows about, but my parents sure did.”
“I ended up telling my brother that if he’s seeing her, he won’t be seeing me, and hung up.”
“He tried to call back a few times, but I didn’t answer.”
“He then sent me a message saying, ‘real mature.'”
“So AITAH for thinking a conversation before him pursuing things with her was courteous?”
“In my opinion, you don’t pursue your siblings ex spouse. Ever.”
“But to do so without checking in, and for months…?”
“And then to make matters worse, my Dad calls to berate me for ‘abusing my mum,’ and she’s so upset and ‘I don’t know what I have done to her.'”
“And I can hear her swearing at us all in the background.”
“I never raised my voice during our conversation.”
“Also… had the conversation in the room with a nanny cam.”
“It’s all recorded.”
“And I’m good.”
“How do we come back from this?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“They are adults and can do whatever they want.”
“But you doing whatever you want is also acceptable, and if you don’t want a life with your Ex in it, then that’s how it should be, NTA.”
“Side note, pretty rich your brother saying ‘real mature’ when he hid his adult relationship from you like a schoolboy who isn’t allowed to date.”
“He and your parents were lying for months by omission, which is a sneaky thing to do.” ~ AccomplishedChart873
“And it’s richer that ALL 3 are telling him to grow up and get over it.”
“If it wasn’t a big deal, why hide it for months?”
“OP, just block them all… but especially take a major break from your parents.”
“I expect questionable behavior from a younger sibling; it happens.”
“But for mom to be that manipulative and evil, and dad to not only go along with it but to actively back her??”
“Yeah, no.”
“Brother screwed up by going for the ex.”
“Parents are worse because they’re supposed to love and support all kids equally.”
“OP’s parents don’t even like him, it seems let alone love and support him.”
“I’d cut them off and let them enjoy their golden boy and his trash girlfriend.” ~ HeyPrettyLadyMaam
“Totally agree, also uncomfortable with parents, obviously siding with and choosing brother and ex’s relationship.” ~ Ilovewally
“Your family not telling you because they didn’t think it mattered is such an obvious lie.”
“No one said anything because they knew how sketchy this whole situation is, and now they want to flip this around and act like you’re the problem.”
“Sounds like betrayal to me.”
“I’m sorry you’re in this situation.”
“I’d go no contact also.”
“It’s not immature, it’s protecting your peace.”
“I wish you good luck.” ~ raucus_one
“They were 100% trying to wait it out until there was ‘enough’ time in the relationship so people wouldn’t judge too harshly.”
“‘Why are you getting upset now? They have been together a year, do you really want to destroy a solid year-long relationship because you two had differences years ago?'”
“Since they don’t think the relationship is wrong at all, it gives OP carte blanche to make a social media post about how they found out, how long it was kept from him, and what the ex had previously done to attempt to destroy OP’s current relationship.” ~ LindonLilBlueBalls
“Oof. I mean, your brother is obviously in the wrong.”
“I would also be MASSIVELY suspicious she has got together with him on purpose to try and stir shit up with your family.”
“Also, I will never understand when parents just think this kind of thing is okay and side with one sibling over another when it’s the other sibling, i.e., your brother, who is clearly in the wrong.”
“NTA. Hold your ground, and they may see sense eventually.” ~ GreenTeaShaman
“My thoughts exactly.”
“Ex-wife did it to mess with OP.”
“The parents enabling this is insane, and brother’s behavior is despicable.”
“It’s a massive treachery.”
“On the plus side, his brother chose his own punishment.”
“Get the popcorn ready for when their relationship goes to the dogs, and he comes grovelling, asking for your forgiveness and venting.”
“Your best revenge is living your best life.”
“Big hugs.” ~ Mapilean
“NTA – There are BILLIONS of options in this world, yet he gets with your ex-WIFE!?”
“Brother needs to learn how to approach and interact with new women, in my opinion.” ~ sol_omonn
“NTA. But I think you need to write an email to your brother, mother, and father and lay out all of the things this ex has done, lay out your hurt that this was hidden from you, and that to keep your family safe, you will not be intermingling with them until all of these previous points are dealt with.” ~ Vivid-Isopod-7018
“NTA. They connived to keep you in the dark because they know it’s morally wrong.”
“No one hides good news; that should have been good news if it was morally right.”
“There’s no coming back unless your brother finds someone else, because as long as X is still in the picture, relationships will be strained, and she seemingly still has you on her mind, so things could go awry if close contact is established based on an in-law relationship.” ~ Serious-Shopping-119
“I need more information.”
“You were with your wife for 8 years.”
“You broke off your relationship because you thought she couldn’t get pregnant.”
“Turns out, it was your issue.”
“You said you met your current wife 10 years ago andhave been married for 5 years.”
“Did you meet your current wife whilst still married to wife #1?”
“Because that might explain the situation about your ex-wife creating fake profiles to reach out to your current wife if you were cheating.”
“Otherwise, your brother should have understood that his being with your ex would create issues.”
“Unless he lives in a very small town, he should have had other options.”
“NTA (unless you cheated on your ex-wife with your current wife- then you would be the AH).” ~ MimZWay
“They didn’t tell you because they know it matters, it is weird, but there’s not much you can do.”
“It’s entirely up to you if you understandably distance yourself; you’re not going to change your parents’ minds at this point.”
“Just let it play out and watch from a distance if you want, or completely ignore it. NTA.” ~ Plastic_Truth3053
“NTA. There are 8 billion people, and your brother had to go after your ex.”
“The fact that no one told you, and it had been going on for a while, it proof that they know it’s weird AF.”
“Also, any chance of remaining cordial kind of went out of the window when ex tried to sabotage your current relationship.”
“I assume brother is the golden child. Is he the father of your ex’s kid?”
“Anyone from outside the situation would agree it seems very uncomfortable to be ina situation where your ex’s kid is your brother’s child( also your nephew).”
“Before they started dating, your brother should have come to you and cleared it with you first.”
“Your brother’s real mature comment is a bit rich considering his actions.”
“I’d agree it would be a valid move if u were to cut these people.out of your life.” ~ Babaychumaylalji
“NTA, she literally stalked and harassed you.” ~ CarrieDurst
This is an intense situation, OP.
Reddit has your back.
Your family is so far out of line, the line is out of sight.
It’s not just weird, it’s creepy.
Stay focused on your family.
Good Luck.
Man Thought He Had Moved On From His Ex-Wife, Until He Discovered She Was Secretly Dating His Own Brother
When this man first learned that his ex-wife was dating someone after their divorce, he didn’t believe he had any right to be angry simply because she had moved on. Their marriage had ended, and both of them were entitled to rebuild their lives. He had accepted that she would eventually meet someone else. What he never expected was to discover that the person she had been secretly seeing for months was his own brother.
The revelation completely changed how he viewed the situation.
His divorce hadn’t been easy, but he had eventually reached a point where he could speak to his ex-wife without feeling overwhelmed by the past. They had once shared a life together, but he understood that their marriage was over.
He had also tried to maintain a relationship with his brother.
The two brothers had always been close, and although they had their disagreements, the man believed there was a basic level of loyalty between them that would never be questioned.
That’s why finding out about the relationship was so painful.
He didn’t discover it because his brother or ex-wife decided to have an honest conversation with him.
Instead, he noticed something unusual during a family gathering.
His brother and his ex-wife seemed unusually familiar with each other.
At first, he tried to ignore it.
He wondered whether he was simply being overly sensitive because of their history.
But then he noticed other details that made him suspicious.
They seemed to know things about each other’s recent lives that they hadn’t mentioned publicly.
There were also a few awkward moments when family members suddenly became quiet whenever he entered the room.
Eventually, he decided to ask his brother directly.
His brother initially tried to avoid giving him a clear answer.
But after being questioned several times, he finally admitted that he and the man’s ex-wife had been dating.
According to him, the relationship had been going on for several months.
The man was stunned.
His first reaction wasn’t even anger.
It was disbelief.
He couldn’t understand how two people he knew so well had managed to keep such a significant relationship from him.
He immediately started wondering how long other family members had known.
He also began questioning whether their relationship had started before his divorce was finalized.
His brother insisted that nothing romantic had happened while the marriage was still intact.
He claimed that the relationship only developed after the divorce.
The man wanted to believe that.
But the secrecy made it difficult.
If there was nothing wrong with the relationship, why had they hidden it for so long?
That question became the center of his frustration.
His ex-wife eventually spoke to him as well.
She explained that she knew the situation was complicated and that she didn’t want to hurt him.
She said they had kept things private because they were afraid of how he would react.
Unfortunately, that explanation didn’t make him feel better.
From his perspective, keeping the relationship secret only made the betrayal feel worse.
He told her that he understood she was no longer his wife.
He wasn’t claiming ownership over her.
She had every right to date again.
But dating his brother created a completely different situation.
His brother wasn’t a random person she had met after the divorce.
He was someone who would remain part of the man’s life because they shared the same family.
The man also felt that his brother had a responsibility to consider the consequences.
He couldn’t understand why his brother hadn’t spoken to him before starting such a serious relationship.
His brother argued that he didn’t need permission to date anyone.
Technically, that was true.
But the man wasn’t asking for permission to control his brother’s life.
He wanted basic consideration from someone he had trusted for years.
The disagreement quickly spread through the family.
Some relatives believed the man was overreacting.
They argued that the divorce was final and that his ex-wife was free to date whoever she wanted.
Others understood why he felt betrayed.
They pointed out that dating a sibling’s former spouse could create a complicated family dynamic, especially when the relationship had been kept secret.
The man found himself caught between those two perspectives.
He knew he couldn’t tell his ex-wife whom she could love.
He also knew he couldn’t force his brother to end the relationship.
But knowing that didn’t mean he had to pretend he was comfortable with it.
He eventually told both of them that he needed some distance.
He wasn’t interested in creating a family war.
He didn’t want relatives choosing sides or turning every gathering into an argument.
He simply needed time to process everything.
His biggest fear was that family gatherings would never feel normal again.
Seeing his ex-wife with his brother would constantly remind him of their secret relationship.
Even if he eventually accepted them as a couple, he knew it would take time.
There was also another issue that continued bothering him.
He couldn’t stop wondering whether his brother had developed feelings for his ex-wife before the marriage ended.
Even though both denied it, the timing made him suspicious.
He knew that repeatedly questioning the past wouldn’t necessarily give him the answers he wanted.
At some point, he would have to decide whether to accept their explanation or continue living with doubt.
For now, he’s choosing distance rather than confrontation.
He has told his brother that he isn’t ready to rebuild their relationship as if nothing happened.
He has also made it clear to his ex-wife that he wishes her well but doesn’t want to discuss their relationship.
The situation remains painful.
He never imagined that his divorce would eventually lead to a completely different kind of family conflict.
He thought the hardest part of ending his marriage was saying goodbye to the life he had built with his wife.
He never expected the next chapter to involve his own brother.
Looking back, he doesn’t believe he is angry simply because his ex-wife found someone else.
He’s angry because the two people involved were among the people he trusted most.
The secrecy made him feel excluded from a situation that directly affected his family.
Maybe with enough time, he will eventually be able to accept the relationship.
Maybe his brother and ex-wife will even build a lasting future together.
If that happens, he knows he will have to decide how much contact he wants with them.
But he refuses to rush that process simply to make everyone else comfortable.
For now, he believes he is entitled to acknowledge that the situation hurts.
He doesn’t want revenge.
He doesn’t want to ruin their relationship.
He simply wants the space to process the betrayal and decide what kind of relationship, if any, he can have with them going forward.
The biggest lesson he has taken from the situation is that being technically allowed to do something doesn’t mean there won’t be emotional consequences.
His ex-wife was free to move on.
His brother was free to date.
But their decision to do so together—and to keep it secret for months—changed the way he sees both of them.
Whether the family eventually heals will depend on whether everyone can respect his boundaries while he works through those feelings.
