I never thought something as simple as watching television in my own home would turn into an argument with my neighbor. I have always tried to be respectful of the people living around me, especially when it comes to noise. I don’t blast music late at night, I keep my television at a reasonable volume, and I generally try to avoid doing anything that could disturb the people next door. A few weeks ago, however, my neighbor, whom I privately started calling “Mama Karen” because of her behavior, approached me with an unusual request. She told me that her child had been grounded and was not allowed to watch television for an hour every afternoon. Apparently, she believed that if my television was playing during that time, her child would be tempted to watch it from their side of the house. She therefore wanted me to turn my television off for that entire hour every single day.

At first, I honestly thought she was joking. I asked her whether there was a particular noise problem because I was willing to lower the volume if it was disturbing her. She explained that the volume wasn’t the issue. Her problem was that her child could hear my television and knew that I was watching something while they were being punished. According to her, this was making the grounding more difficult because her child would complain that it wasn’t fair for me to enjoy television while they couldn’t. She said that if I simply turned it off for one hour each day, it would make things much easier for her. I politely told her that I understood why she wanted to make the punishment easier to enforce, but I didn’t think it was reasonable for her child’s grounding to determine what I was allowed to do inside my own home.

She became noticeably annoyed by my response. She told me that neighbors were supposed to look out for one another and that my refusal was making her parenting harder than it needed to be. I reminded her that I wasn’t interfering with her child’s punishment at all. I wasn’t inviting the child over, letting them watch my television, or deliberately trying to make them jealous. I was simply sitting in my living room watching television at a normal volume. She then suggested that I should be more considerate because the situation would only last until the grounding was over. I asked how long that would be, and she said she wasn’t sure. That was when I realized that agreeing to her request could potentially mean changing my daily routine indefinitely whenever she decided to punish her child.

The conversation became more uncomfortable when she started telling me that other neighbors would probably agree with her. She said that if everyone cooperated, her child wouldn’t have anything to complain about during the grounding. I told her that I wasn’t interested in arguing about parenting choices and that she was completely free to discipline her child however she wanted. However, her child’s punishment couldn’t become my responsibility. She accused me of being selfish and said that I apparently cared more about watching television than helping a family in the neighborhood. I found that accusation ridiculous because I wasn’t doing anything wrong in the first place. I even offered to keep my television volume low, as I normally do, but she insisted that the television needed to be completely off during the hour.

After that conversation, I decided not to engage with her further unless there was an actual noise complaint. I continued watching television at a normal volume and otherwise went about my life. A few days later, she knocked on my door again and reminded me that I was supposed to turn it off. I calmly told her that I had never agreed to that arrangement and wouldn’t be changing my routine because her child was grounded. She became angry and said she would remember how unwilling I had been to help when I eventually needed something from the neighborhood. I simply thanked her for understanding and closed the door. I still feel slightly uncomfortable about the situation because I don’t enjoy having tension with neighbors, but I also don’t think I was wrong. Her child is allowed to be grounded, and she is allowed to enforce whatever reasonable rules she chooses in her own home. What she cannot reasonably expect is for everyone around her to participate in the punishment just because her child can hear them enjoying something they aren’t allowed to have.

Read Story…

Mama Karen wanted me to turn off my tv when her family walks by my apt bc her kid is grounded

I just moved in to an apartment last week. So far, everyone I have met in passing has been nice. No one has been too loud at unreasonable hours, arguing with each other, stealing parking spaces, and other typical shared space craziness. Yet, at least. Only been here a week.

I did, however, encounter a Mama Karen and her 6(?) yr old son.

My apartment is one of those half in the ground units with two other floors on top. As such, the top of my patio wall is level to the walking path. If I have my blinds open, you can easily see into my living room and kitchen. This honestly doesn’t bother me. The weather is finally really nice here, so after work yesterday I opened my patio sliding door and blinds to let the cooler air in while playing some Minecraft. After a while, I could hear a couple of women talking outside a few units down. Just general chit-chat. I also heard a smaller kid running around, messing with the gravel along the pathways and generally just being a bored kid while mommy talked with her friend. Really no big deal at all. Then it happened. I heard one of the women called for the kid. “Jason. Jason? JASON. Get over here. J A S O N!! (fake name for protection)”

I looked up to see the kid standing on the path next to my unit transfixed on the tv. Uh-oh. He didn’t answer quick enough… Mama Karen came stomping over to him and jerked his arm to force him to look at her while she yelled in his face about answering her and to not watch tv, especially someone else’s. I thought the way she was acting was overkill, but let it be. He’s not my kid and I’m not a parent at all (just to my furbabies, 2 cats). I did pay attention for if things got worse to jump in, but didn’t stare. I only looked over when she called out to me to apologize for her son (note: not for her behavior). I said it was fine.

Mama Karen took him back over to her friend and they continued talking. Eventually, the kid started playing around near them again. Soon, he was back over at my patio looking in watching me play. Soon after that, I hear Mama Karen yell at him again. This time he flinched (hard, it broke my heart to see the effects of abuse in action) and was just frozen staring at her. This time I jumped up and went to my patio door. She was already at him by them and yelling at him again. I tried to interject to say I truly didn’t mind that he was watching me play.

This is where the Karen aspect comes in. She turned to me sickly sweet, the demon gone for the moment, and kindly explained that dear Jason was grounded and not allowed to even look at a tv. I said a “bummer, dude” to him in sympathy. She didn’t like that I addressed him and not her. I also don;t think she liked that I showed him sympathy instead of instantly taking her side, even though I had no idea why he was punished in the first place (I wouldn’t doubt if it was some asinine, non-existent reason on her part, or her being bothered by normal child behaviors). She then asked me something that blew my mind.

“Can you please shut off your tv when we’re out here? We are usually out here for some outside time for about an hour a day. Or you can just shut your window and blinds.”

Ngl, the People Pleaser I have been raised to be almost said “Oh, sure, no problem!” and was going to do it. Then I stopped myself thinking “Uh… What? Telling me what to do in MY house?”. I’m trying to have a shinier spine. I told her no, I won’t. Oh boy! That sure as hell is her trigger word! I thought she was going to reach in and jerk me around and yell at me like I was her child! The look was so instantly pissed off. She again explained the situation fully expecting me to cooperate this time. She laid out her case. She made the demand again; not a faux question this time.

I again told her no. I came home to relax and this is how I do it. She asked me if I have kids. Uh-oh. I’m solidly child-free, and according to the Laws of Parenting, my thoughts and opinions are completely and instantly invalid unless I pop out at least one(1) entire mostly full term crotch spawn.

I told her no and she smirked. “I thought so.” I was ready for a lecture on how to handle kids “properly” or something, but she just jerked her son away back towards the other woman, who I assumed was still there. She said something as she went, but I didn’t really hear it, so I don’t know if it was to me, her son, or her friend. Maybe even grumbling to herself.

I hadn’t seen those two before yesterday, but apparently they are out there for at least one hour daily around that time. There’s a pool, a few BBQ pits, and a grassy area outside my unit in between the surrounding units/buildings. I get to see all the good doggos walk by and it makes my day! I really hope she doesn’t cause issues for me. I just want to live there and not be bothered. I’m not going to help her parent her child.

No one else in the whole world should be expected to except her. I just don;t get how she thinks she can ask a total stranger to turn off the tv in THEIR HOME because she’s punishing her child in her’s. Like…no. It doesn’t work that way. I’m proud of myself for standing my ground, as brief as the encounter was. I worry for the kid though…

Update #1:

Thank you to everyone who has replied, upvoted, and given awards! I was just dropping a rant and didn’t expect this to get this big!

I have been reading everything. I just couldn’t keep up responding to it all. Now I completely get “RIP inbox”, lol.

So, a small development. I called CPS. I thought about it a LOT since posting yesterday. I even consulted a few people I know who have been on both sides (reporting and being reported). After telling them the story and hearing their experiences and advice, I decided to go ahead and do it. What really did it for me was that while the kid may have done something to earn the grounding and maybe the mom had a really bad millennia that exploded in that moment, her physically jerking him around, yelling in his face, and especially his reactions pushed me to do it for his benefit.

I did it anonymously and don’t know which exact unit she’s in. I was kind of surprised that I talked to an actual person. At first, she kind of had the tone of just taking a general complaint. As soon as I explained the kid’s reactions, especially being completely non-verbal when being yelled at and shook, she took more intetest. I was warned that this call didn’t guarantee an investigation. Also that it could take time to start and even more time to conclude depending on various factors (me not knowing the exact unit number being one of them).

So far, I haven’t seen Mama Karen or the kid today to play spy on that part and I’m afraid to ask around in case someone gives her a head’s up. If she happens to bother me more, I’ll tell the front office. For now, because I just moved in, I don’t want to make it seem like I’m going to be that strict, nosey neighbor that reports every little thing, even if a legitimate worry in this case. I will get an outdoor cam in a paycheck or two. I just moved, I’m a broke bitch, lol.

Hopefully, I won’t have to update again at all, or that it will be some time and with good news.

Update #2 (final, 11/19):

First off, I want to say a huge thank you to all the advice and awards! I never expected this to get this big!

Second, just to get it out of the way, the kid has been removed to his bio dad’s house and is doing well! He is wanted there and loved from what I have been told.

Okay, so last night I heard some people talking just outside my patio on the walkway. Like, a small crowd of people and they hung around talking for a bit. Just past my patio a couple walkways meet. It drew my attention to see what was going on. I had my blinds shut at the time, but the patio door cracked for the cooler air. I sat at that end of the couch and listened a bit. Almost right away I got that they were talking about that Mama Karen and her kid. I waffled a moment, but went out on my patio to listen better and speak up. I asked about the situation and said I had been worried for the boy. Turns out, this is Karen’s third child and the other two had also been removed! They let me know this kid was now with his bio dad while the other two had been put in the child care system because their father’s either didn’t want them or couldn’t take them.

The crowd was there because they wanted to gossip about the cops and CPS showing up the evening before to get the kid. One of them was her neighbor and said that she didn’t beg for her kid not to be taken so much as begged for herself to not be arrested, but was also yelling and screaming at the cops. By the end of it, the kid is out from under her and she was not arrested, but given some sort of ticket or summons(?) concerning the kid’s treatment.

I told them my experience with her and they agreed it was right to call CPS. After hearing their stories of encounters with her and all three kids and calls to CPS over the last 8 or so years she’s lived there, I knew I made the right choice in this case. After being reassured the kid was safe with his bio dad and his wife, I thanked them for the info and went back inside. They talked for about an hour more outside about random catch up stuff between them.

So, that’s it. Kid has been rescued! I am so relived for him!

I’d like to address one type of comment I saw pop up several times. Some were ragging on me for calling his flinching a sign of abuse. All I can say is that it was a “you had to see it yourself” moment. I can describe it to death and it won’t have the same impact. Those who have been abused or have seen the results know the exact kind of flinch I am talking about. It’s not just a “I got caught!” kind of startled. It’s more like recoiling from an impending physical blow they know usually follows that kind of words/tone/volume, or like the words themselves are the hit.

Yes, I completely understand that calling CPS, or any authority, can have lasting effects that might look bad on innocent people and create stigma in their community. My friends who have had CPS called on them were at first very upset and angry. Then later they realized it meant someone was looking out for their kid(s). Even if it had been someone trying to stir shit and create a stigma against them or misunderstood a situation (ie; seeing a moment of blow up), if they were good parents then it will quickly be realized. CPS can also provide various resources for struggling parents from counseling to assistance programs. It’s not solely about taking kids away.

The friends who had CPS called on them were able to realize they were struggling in some ways and got whatever help they needed that way. We only see moments and slices of people’s lives at a time. Sometimes it can look horrible. I agree it is important to look for other signs that it is truly a bad situation. I just can’t completely turn a blind eye. I’d rather make sure someone is okay.

A Peaceful Start In My New Apartment

I just moved into an apartment last week, and so far, my experience with the neighbors had been surprisingly pleasant. Everyone I had met in passing seemed friendly enough, and I hadn’t experienced any of the usual apartment problems. Nobody was blasting music late at night, arguing loudly in the hallways, stealing parking spaces, or doing anything else that made shared living miserable. I was still new to the building, so I knew that could change over time, but my first impression had been positive.

Advertisement

I did, however, meet one neighbor who immediately stood out from everyone else. She was a woman I privately started calling “Mama Karen” because of how demanding she became. She has a young son who looks to be around six years old. I first saw them in the hallway a few days after I moved in. The little boy seemed energetic but otherwise normal, while his mother seemed much more serious and constantly concerned about what everyone around her was doing.

At first, our interactions were completely ordinary. We would say hello when passing each other, and I never had any problem with her. I didn’t know anything about her family or her parenting style, and honestly, I wasn’t interested in getting involved. I was still unpacking boxes and trying to get comfortable in my new apartment. My main priority was simply having a peaceful place to live.

One afternoon, I was sitting in my living room watching television when I heard a knock on my door. When I opened it, Mama Karen was standing there. She wasn’t angry yet, but she had a very serious expression on her face. She explained that she wanted to talk to me about something that was apparently affecting her son.

I immediately assumed she was going to complain about noise. I asked whether my television was too loud. I told her that if it was disturbing her apartment, I could lower the volume. I genuinely didn’t want to be the kind of neighbor who caused problems, especially since I had just moved in.

She told me that the volume wasn’t the problem. Instead, she explained that her son was currently grounded and wasn’t allowed to watch television for one hour every afternoon. Apparently, he had done something that she considered bad enough to lose television privileges.

I told her that I understood. I didn’t ask what the child had done because that wasn’t really my business. I assumed she was simply explaining why she had come to my door. Instead, she continued talking and made a request that completely caught me off guard.

She wanted me to turn off my television for the same hour every day.

For a moment, I honestly thought she was joking. I looked at her and asked whether she meant that she wanted me to lower the volume during that hour. She clarified that no, she wanted the television completely turned off.

Her reasoning was that her son could hear my television through the wall. Because he knew I was watching television while he was grounded, he apparently kept complaining to his mother about how unfair it was. According to her, he would say that the neighbor was allowed to watch television while he wasn’t.

I told her that I understood how frustrating that must be for her as a parent, but I didn’t think I should have to turn off my television because her son was grounded. I wasn’t doing anything unusual. I was sitting inside my own apartment watching TV at a reasonable volume.

She immediately started explaining that it would only be for one hour. She made it sound like such a small sacrifice that I should have no reason to refuse. She said that if I could just cooperate for that short period each day, it would make her job as a parent much easier.

I asked how long her son’s grounding was supposed to last. She said she wasn’t completely sure because it depended on how he behaved. That answer made me even less comfortable with the request. If I agreed, there was no clear end date.

I politely told her that I couldn’t agree to something like that. I said I would absolutely keep the volume at a reasonable level, but I wasn’t going to stop using my television every afternoon simply because her son wasn’t allowed to watch his.

She looked genuinely surprised that I had refused. She asked me why I couldn’t just do it to be considerate. I explained that I had nothing against her or her son, but I didn’t think it was reasonable for me to participate in a punishment that had nothing to do with me.

She responded by saying that neighbors should help each other. I told her that I agreed with that in general, but I didn’t believe being a good neighbor meant changing my normal activities inside my apartment whenever someone else’s child was being punished.

She then tried another argument. She said that her son was only six years old and didn’t understand why he couldn’t watch television while other people could. I told her that I understood that young children could have difficulty accepting consequences, but that was something his parent needed to explain to him.

That seemed to make her even more annoyed. She said I was being insensitive and that it wouldn’t cost me anything to simply turn the TV off. I pointed out that I had offered to keep the volume down, which seemed like a reasonable compromise if the sound itself was the issue.

But she insisted that the sound wasn’t the real issue. The problem was that her son knew I was watching television.

At that point, I realized there wasn’t really anything I could say that would satisfy her. She wasn’t asking me to reduce a disturbance. She was asking me to make my behavior match the restrictions she had placed on her child.

I told her again that I respected her right to discipline her son however she wanted, but she couldn’t make rules for what I did inside my own apartment. She accused me of being selfish and said that I cared more about television than helping a child learn a lesson.

That accusation annoyed me more than the original request. I wasn’t deliberately teasing her son or trying to make him jealous. I wasn’t turning the volume up so he could hear every word. I was simply watching television in my own home.

She eventually left, but before walking away, she told me that she hoped I would reconsider. I assumed the conversation was over and went back to unpacking.

The next afternoon, I was watching television at my usual volume when there was another knock on my door. It was Mama Karen again. She reminded me that her son was still grounded and asked why I hadn’t turned the TV off.

I calmly told her that I had never agreed to her request. She became visibly frustrated and said that I was making the situation harder than necessary. I repeated that I wasn’t interfering with her parenting and that I would continue using my apartment normally as long as I wasn’t creating excessive noise.

She eventually walked away, clearly unhappy. Since then, I’ve continued doing exactly what I was doing before. I keep my television at a normal volume and make an effort not to disturb anyone during quiet hours. But I don’t turn it off simply because someone else’s child is grounded.

I still find the whole situation bizarre. If her son is upset because he can hear a neighbor watching television, that seems like something his mother needs to address with him. Children eventually have to learn that other people are allowed to do things they aren’t allowed to do. That’s part of understanding consequences.

I’m also hoping this doesn’t become a bigger apartment dispute. I have no desire to fight with my neighbor or create tension in the building. I would actually prefer to get along with everyone. But I don’t think being friendly means allowing another person to control what I do in my own home.

Maybe she genuinely believes she is only asking for a small favor, but the principle matters to me. Today it’s one hour of television because her son is grounded. Tomorrow it could be something else. If I start changing my normal routine every time she decides her child shouldn’t be exposed to something, where would that end?

For now, I’m keeping things polite and refusing to engage in unnecessary arguments. If she has a legitimate complaint about noise, I’m happy to listen and make reasonable adjustments. But if her only complaint is that her six-year-old can hear me enjoying something he’s temporarily not allowed to enjoy, I don’t think that’s my responsibility. I moved into this apartment to have a home of my own, and I don’t think that should come with the requirement that I follow someone else’s parenting rules.