Seventeen-year-old Caleb had always shared a close relationship with his mother, Rebecca, despite the many challenges their family had faced over the years. After his parents divorced when he was only eight, Rebecca worked tirelessly to provide a stable life for Caleb and his younger sister. She balanced two jobs, attended every school event she could, and constantly put her children’s needs before her own. Friends and relatives often admired her dedication, saying she had sacrificed nearly everything to give her children better opportunities. Caleb appreciated his mother’s efforts, but like many teenagers, he also struggled with the growing desire for independence and sometimes resented how protective she could be.

Everything changed when Rebecca was diagnosed with a rare and severe lung disease that progressively damaged her ability to breathe. Doctors explained that medication could only slow the illness and that, eventually, she would need a lung transplant to survive. The devastating diagnosis shook the entire family. Caleb watched his once-active mother become exhausted after climbing a single flight of stairs, while simple daily tasks such as cooking dinner or walking to the mailbox became physically overwhelming. Although relatives and friends offered emotional support, the uncertainty surrounding Rebecca’s future weighed heavily on everyone who loved her.

Advertisement

As Rebecca’s condition worsened, extended family members desperately searched for ways to help. During one emotional family meeting, a misunderstanding spread when someone suggested Caleb should “give part of his lung” to save his mother’s life. Several relatives began pressuring the teenager, believing he had a moral obligation to do whatever was necessary. Caleb felt trapped between his love for his mother and his fear of a major medical procedure. What many family members failed to understand, however, was that lung donation is highly specialized, and not everyone is medically eligible to become a living donor. Caleb himself had not even completed the necessary evaluations before relatives began judging him for hesitating.

Advertisement

The constant pressure deeply affected Caleb’s mental health. Some relatives accused him of being selfish, while others claimed a loving son would never hesitate. Rebecca, however, repeatedly defended her son, insisting she would never force him into a dangerous medical procedure. She reminded everyone that any decision involving organ donation had to be voluntary and based on medical advice rather than guilt or family expectations. Despite her efforts, rumors spread through the extended family, creating tension that made an already heartbreaking situation even more painful.

Several weeks later, doctors completed additional testing and delivered unexpected news. Caleb was not considered a suitable donor because of medical compatibility and other health factors beyond his control. At the same time, Rebecca’s condition unexpectedly stabilized after responding better than anticipated to a new treatment plan, allowing her to remain on the transplant waiting list while continuing specialized care. The relatives who had harshly criticized Caleb realized they had unfairly blamed him without understanding the medical facts. Many privately apologized for the accusations they had made during the emotional weeks leading up to the evaluation.

Advertisement

The experience permanently changed the family’s perspective. Caleb learned that loving someone does not mean accepting guilt for circumstances beyond your control, while Rebecca became even more determined to protect her children from unfair expectations during difficult times. Their family also realized that serious medical decisions should always be guided by qualified healthcare professionals rather than assumptions or emotional pressure. Although Rebecca’s health journey remained uncertain, the ordeal strengthened the bond between mother and son, reminding everyone that compassion, informed decisions, and mutual respect are far more valuable than blame or public judgment during a family crisis.

Read Story…

A mom demands her son give her one of his lungs – multiple updates – Part 1

I am an 18 year old male in HS. My Nmom is 53 and has Lung Disease, specifically Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD). She’s been ill for the past few years, but it has gotten progressively worse recently. Smoking is like her life and she can’t stop, even with the Doctor’s warnings. Our family got tested to see if we are a match for a possible organ donation and I was the only match. The Transplant team spoke with me privately and told me that this is my choice, my Lung, my life. That I wouldn’t be a bad son or person if I denied. What’s making this choice so difficult is that my Nmom has been treating me terribly all my life and my dream of making it to college basketball will be crushed.

The doctor said that I will be indefinitely out of commission and wouldn’t be able to partake in strenuous physical activity. So not only is she expecting and demanding I give her one of my organs, but she could be yet another reason for my life failures. School was never easy with all aspects, but the only thing I had going for me was athletics. A basketball recruiter told me I have a shot if I train really hard. Well, that can’t happen if I get cut open. I’m conflicted and do not want to regret being the cause of my Nmom’s potential death or the blame I will get from my family as her health declines. My Ndad told me he will never forgive me if I don’t go through with it, that i’m “dead” to him and shouldn’t expect to keep living with them as I’m now an adult.

Update 1: I will not give Nmom my lung

If you are not familiar with my story, please check out my post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/a6eh5k/my_nmom_is_demanding_i_give_her_one_of_my_lungs/

After reading all of your thoughtful (yet crystal clear) comments, I will not be donating one of my Lungs to my Nmom. She will be ungrateful, continue smoking, and will most likely pass away after a short while anyway. Also, my quality of life will be diminished greatly and I WOULD regret it. I know so many of you were worried sick and asked for an update, well here it is! I made the right decision and hope I am strong enough to deal with the consequences if my Ndad kicks me out. To be honest, i’m terrified, but knowing I have an amazing community by my side is a pleasant comfort. Thank you for the crucial advice, thank you for caring!

[[Update Within An Update!]] —> I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH!!!

Update 2: Transplant Coordinator told Nmom no Lung until she is smoke-free for at least 6 months and she is making my life miserable as a result

Here is my previous post updating everyone: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/a76l6q/update_i_will_not_give_nmom_my_lung/

Transplant rules are there for very specific reasons and have been refined over the decades. An irresponsible chain smoker will NEVER receive a healthy Lung, not until they prove to themselves and the doctors that health is a priority. My Nmom has not been willing to do that and so the Doctors informed her that the procedure is no possible. She already failed multiple tests and disobeys Doctor’s orders. She thinks they’ll agree to cut me open just because i’m her son and a match. I already said NO and have the Doctor’s support, so what does she and my Ndad do? They make my life as difficult as possible hoping i’ll “do the right thing for the family.” The past month has been a nightmare. The next thing they’ll try to do is squash my chances at College basketball. The holidays were depressing with no celebrations, forget about gifts and parties, I don’t even remember the last time I had a genuine smile or laugh.

How do I cope with the mistreatment and manipulation? I need to interact with people who have so much more in common with me. I need your understanding. It would be a relief to read your sensible thoughts and get a break from the insanity of my Nparents.

Update 3: Nmom threw a fit in doctor’s office after being told how wrong it is to coerce me for an organ

A few days after I made my previous post, I accompanied Nmom to the hospital for another check-up as her health declines. We hardly speak now since I explicitly told her that she won’t be getting my Lung. I drove with her car because she is in no condition to do so and she always criticizes my driving. Everything I do is nitpicked and prodded repeatedly. Like I said, we barely speak now, but that won’t stop her from speaking about me indirectly like i’m not even present in a passive aggressive way. One statement keeps repeating in my head, “If this illness doesn’t kill me soon, it’ll be in a car wreck. Either way, both could (while coughing uncontrollably) have been prevented.” You see how insensitive and manipulative she is? She effortlessly degrades and tries to guilt-trip me all the time.

Anyways, we get to the doctor’s office and after the usual workup, the hard truth comes out. The doc told her that even if I said yes, there is no way they would be going through with the operation due to evidence of clear coercion. She can’t help herself and would argue with me in front of hospital staff. I guess the nurses overheard her threats towards me and informed the transplant team. That and me having a conversation with the doctors privately a couple weeks ago hinting at the abuse and my wishes. So, what does Nmom do next? She goes crazy and starts yelling belligerently at the doc, making absurd accusations and threatening to sue. Everyone except her and my Ndad know she has no credibility or basis for a case. She did this to herself. It’s all on her and I refuse to feel guilty for caring about my health and future.

I needed to rant and get this out there. Thank you to everyone who has been showing support over the past few weeks. It means a lot.

Update 4: Nmom is 9 days smoke-free and taking frustrations out on me for keeping my lung

It has been a little over a week since my previous update:

Many of you have asked to stay updated to what is going on. Well, she “kinda” started to try and quit the smoking. As you know, the withdrawal is intense and difficult to say the least. This means that she is impatient, frustrated, and complains about everything. She is taking her discontent out on me by name-calling, belittling, and taking away privileges. Anything she has power over is used against me. Internet, phone plan, car access, even opening my mail. When we argue, she hints at how I should reverse my decision. As someone said in the last update, it’ll be a “snowballs chance in hell” before I give it to her. My enabler and sometimes narc dad just makes things worse by siding with his “soul-mate.” They are perfectly destructive for each other and all I want is to be far away from this soon to burst toxic bubble. I’m currently at the school library typing this up using the public wifi, while trying to avoid spending time home as much as possible. I’m hanging in there everyone!

Update 5: Nmom strikes again, this time by “consulting” with a lawyer and complaining about the hospital “neglecting” her for a new lung

My last update in case anyone is interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/agrkxu/update_nmom_is_9_days_smokefree_and_taking/

Yesterday, I found out that she met with a lawyer two times. I came back from school and overheard Nmom bragging to Ndad about how she is going to get back at the hospital for rejecting the transplant. I tried sneaking upstairs to avoid them, but she saw me and told me about everything in a boastful manner. She spoke on how serious the lawyer took her and that she is credible. I knew it was all nonsense when she said, “I read articles online and stories of patients being discarded like trash! All because the (profanity) damn hospital doesn’t want to take unnecessary risks and spare their (more profanity) reputation.” Then she praised herself for lasting 16 days without smoking and talked about earning a new lung. This is the exact mentality that I talk about. She feels entitled to another organ! It’s ridiculously delusional.

I asked her where she got the money to pay the lawyer and she said, “I used the money that was meant for your graduation gift, you know, since you made it clear that family is not precious and all.” That is when I walked to my room. I felt so dirty just being around so much toxicity, I actually took two showers that night. I felt much better after calming down and remembering that there is a happy future ahead and all I have to do is be patient. I was still amazed at the confidence she has in this case. So she did some Googling, big deal. That doesn’t change the fact that I was being coerced and the docs know. She is my mother and a part of me feels bad, but enough is enough. All that lawyer cares about is her money because there’s absolutely no basis to her claims. If she somehow takes them to court, I’m sure the judge is going to have a hard time NOT laughing in her face. Right now, the last thing I want is for her to waste someone else’s lung because it WILL be ruined. I kinda feel like sabotaging her smoke-free 16 day streak by leaving a lit cigarette and tempting her. But… but as enticing as that sounds, I won’t because I’m not like my Nparents and I’ll never be.

Update 6: Nmom started using Nicotine Patches and says she is smoke-free for a month

Edit: I should have included a brief summary providing context for those that do not know. Nmom is ill and needs a Lung transplant. She tried to coerce me for my lung and the doctors found out, so they denied her an operation due to ethical concerns. She wasn’t even on the list because a recipient must be at least 6 months smoke-free to be considered, which she isn’t. But, she is in-denial and threatened to sue the hospital and so on. She is not credible and has no case. Check my post history for more info.

This is a short update. It has been a week and a half since the last one and I figured something is better than nothing. Things are mostly the same, except I came across these Nicotine Patches on the kitchen table, next to the empty ashtray. I asked Nmom about it and she said, “Oh those? They help with the cravings, that’s all. I’m still clean and haven’t smoked for a month now.”

I’m pretty sure that the point of it all is to be NICOTINE free, not just cigarette free. There was no point in arguing because in her mind, she is 100% right all the time. Other than that, I’ve been hitting the books hard and staying positive. Thank you to those that reached out and for everyone that takes the time to stay posted on my crazy life. You are awesome!

Update 7: Nmom went crazy after reading one of my posts about the Lung situation and threw plates on the ground towards my direction. I’m now at the Emergency Room getting stitches on Raised by Narcissists by /u/morecheeseIwant

If you are unfamiliar with my story, my Nmom is ill and requires a Lung transplant. She is not on the waiting list because she is a heavy smoker who cannot last the minimum requirement of 6 months smoke-free to be considered. She tried to coerce me for one of my lungs, but I refused. I told the doctors about the manipulation attempt and they told her no surgery due to ethical concerns. Check out this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/a76l6q/update_i_will_not_give_nmom_my_lung/

I was working on some homework in my room and went to the restroom. I usually leave my laptop locked, but completely forgot this time. Nmom walks into the room for whatever reason, looks at my laptop and starts snooping. I come out of the restroom and see her with a red face filled with rage. She yells, “YOU WRITE ABOUT ME TO STRANGERS?!! How could you?!?” I was stunned and felt the world spinning as I stood there speechless. We got into an argument as the only thing on my mind was how she violated my privacy. I remembered I had a Reddit tab open. She never uses this site and has no idea what my account name is or even what a subreddit is. She still doesn’t because all she saw was a body of text and read a few sentences. She mentioned that she wasn’t violating my privacy and that she was just trying to Google something.

Ndad heard all the commotion and Nmom went downstairs to tell him. They both turned on me. I wasn’t answering their questions because Nmom was behaving like a child, while coughing all over the place. They ganged up on me, calling me nasty names. I snapped and screamed, “Yes! I write about you and your abuse! Because it’s the only way I know how to cope with this shit!” Her face got even more red and for a second I thought she was going to cough up one of her black smoked-up lungs. She went to the kitchen to get some water and I followed to tell her to never use my laptop again. That is when she threw another fit and smashed two dish plates all over the floor. I quickly backpedaled and stepped on a sharp shard, cutting the bottom of my right foot real bad.

There was blood everywhere and I was in so much pain after the adrenaline wore off. Nmom started crying (can you believe that?) and rushed upstairs to her room. Ndad helped me out, but not without continuing to blame me and saying, “This is all your fault.” Now here I am at the hospital getting stitches. I can barely walk because of the intense pain. I guess this was all a matter of time, with Nmom facing death with her poor deteriorating health. She finally blew up and it was directed towards me. Maybe all those delusions wore off, where she believed that there was a case to sue the hospital for negligence. I don’t know. I’m just in shock at how rapidly my life took a turn for the worst. Ndad is in the waiting room and keeps getting calls from Nmom, who is still freaking out, “The internet is talking about me!” I suspect he is only here out of obligation or something. The doctor asked how I got hurt. I only told him I stepped on broken ceramic because it’s all overwhelming right now. I’m 18 and they would not call CPS if they knew everything. Nmom cut off my cell service and if she knew I was using the hospital wifi writing this, she would probably… I don’t even know at this point.

Doctor is back, I gotta go. Thanks for reading. This is a nightmare, but I will stay strong!

The tale is rather long, so it will be posted in two parts. Part 2

A Mother’s Sacrifices Shaped Her Son’s Life

Seventeen-year-old Caleb had always admired his mother, Rebecca, for her determination and strength. Since divorcing Caleb’s father nearly a decade earlier, Rebecca had worked tirelessly to provide a stable home for her two children. She often worked double shifts, skipped vacations, and sacrificed countless personal comforts to ensure Caleb and his younger sister never lacked opportunities. Despite the financial hardships, their family remained close, and Caleb always believed his mother could overcome anything life placed in her path.

Advertisement

Everything changed when Rebecca began experiencing persistent shortness of breath, severe fatigue, and frequent hospital visits. After months of medical testing, specialists diagnosed her with a progressive lung disease that would continue worsening over time. Doctors explained that medication could slow the illness but would not cure it.

The diagnosis devastated the entire family. Rebecca, once energetic and independent, struggled to complete everyday activities. Walking upstairs, preparing meals, or even carrying groceries became physically exhausting. Caleb watched helplessly as his mother’s health steadily declined.

Advertisement

As Rebecca’s condition worsened, doctors discussed the possibility of a future lung transplant if her disease continued progressing. The family immediately began researching treatment options while hoping another therapy might delay the need for surgery.

Advertisement

During one emotional family gathering, an uncle mistakenly suggested Caleb could simply donate “one of his lungs” to save his mother. The comment quickly spread among relatives, many of whom misunderstood how lung transplantation actually works.

Before any doctors had even evaluated Caleb, several relatives began pressuring him. They insisted that if he truly loved his mother, he should agree immediately. Caleb felt overwhelmed by expectations he barely understood.

In reality, organ donation involves strict medical evaluations. Not every family member is eligible to become a donor, and living lung donation is a highly specialized procedure performed only in limited circumstances. Caleb knew very little about the medical process but felt increasingly guilty because of everyone’s assumptions.

Rebecca immediately defended her son. She repeatedly told relatives she would never pressure Caleb into any medical procedure, regardless of her own condition. She wanted every decision to be based on professional medical advice rather than emotional manipulation.

Despite Rebecca’s wishes, family members continued criticizing Caleb. Some called him selfish, while others questioned whether he truly appreciated everything his mother had sacrificed for him throughout his childhood.

Caleb became emotionally withdrawn. At school he struggled to concentrate, worrying about his mother’s health while also carrying the weight of his relatives’ accusations. Friends noticed he had become unusually quiet.

Eventually, doctors scheduled a complete medical evaluation to determine whether Caleb could even be considered as a potential donor candidate if it ever became medically appropriate. The testing process involved numerous examinations and consultations.

While waiting for results, Rebecca’s condition unexpectedly worsened, requiring another hospital stay. Seeing his mother connected to oxygen equipment terrified Caleb and intensified his feelings of helplessness.

Some relatives interpreted Caleb’s fear as hesitation. They continued blaming him without understanding that no medical decisions had even been made. Rebecca repeatedly asked everyone to stop placing responsibility on her teenage son.

Several weeks later, specialists completed Caleb’s evaluation. They explained that he was not considered a suitable donor because of medical compatibility and other health-related factors entirely beyond his control.

The news shocked many relatives who had confidently assumed Caleb could simply solve the problem himself. Several realized they had unfairly judged him without understanding the complexity of organ transplantation.

Around the same time, Rebecca qualified for placement on the official transplant waiting list. Her doctors also introduced an updated treatment plan that helped stabilize her condition while she waited for a suitable donor organ.

Family members who had criticized Caleb gradually began apologizing. They admitted they had allowed fear and desperation to influence their behavior instead of trusting medical professionals.

Caleb forgave them but admitted their words had deeply hurt him. He explained that loving his mother had never been the issue. What hurt most was being treated as though he cared less simply because circumstances were beyond his control.

Rebecca reminded everyone that genuine love could never be measured by a single medical procedure. She was proud of Caleb for standing beside her throughout every appointment, hospital stay, and difficult conversation.

Months later, Rebecca finally received the call every transplant patient hopes for—a compatible donor lung had become available. The transplant surgery was lengthy but ultimately successful, giving her a renewed chance at life.

During Rebecca’s recovery, the family spent considerable time reflecting on everything that had happened. They realized how quickly panic and misinformation had nearly damaged relationships that had taken years to build.

Caleb emerged from the experience more mature and emotionally resilient. Although the ordeal had been painful, it strengthened the bond between him and his mother. Rebecca often reminded others that no child should ever be pressured into making life-changing medical decisions through guilt or public judgment.

Looking back, the family recognized that the real lesson wasn’t about karma or punishment—it was about compassion, patience, and understanding. Medical decisions should always be guided by qualified healthcare professionals rather than assumptions or emotional pressure. Rebecca’s recovery gave the family a fresh start, while Caleb learned that true devotion is demonstrated through love, support, and respect, not by accepting blame for circumstances beyond anyone’s control.