Dad Wants To Divorce ‘Heartless’ Wife For Suggesting Gay Son Go To Conversion Therapy Camp
I never imagined that something my wife said about our son would make me seriously question whether I could remain married to her. We have been together for many years and, like any couple, we have had disagreements about parenting, discipline, school, and other family matters. But I always believed that underneath those disagreements, we shared the same basic goal of wanting our children to be happy and safe. That belief changed when our son came out to us as gay. He was nervous when he told us because he had no idea how we would react. I immediately hugged him and told him that I loved him and that nothing about who he was could change that. My wife initially didn’t say much. I assumed she simply needed time to process the news, so I didn’t push her. I hoped that eventually she would understand that our son hadn’t chosen to become gay and that there was nothing wrong with him that needed to be fixed.
For a while, things seemed relatively normal, although I could tell my wife was struggling with the situation. She started making comments about how our son was too young to know what he really wanted and suggested that his sexuality might just be a phase. I tried to explain that even if she had questions, our son needed support rather than judgment. I reminded her that the most important thing was making sure he knew that he was loved and accepted at home. The situation became much more serious during a conversation about his future. My wife told me that she had been researching places that could supposedly help him “change.” At first, I thought she was talking about counseling to help him deal with the emotional stress of coming out. Then she specifically mentioned a conversion therapy camp. She said she believed that sending him somewhere like that could help him become straight and prevent him from making what she considered a terrible mistake. I was absolutely horrified. I told her immediately that there was no chance I would allow our son to be sent anywhere that treated his sexual orientation as something that needed to be corrected.
What made the situation even more painful was the way my wife talked about our son. She wasn’t simply expressing concern or confusion. She described him as though something had gone wrong with him. She said that if we loved him, we would do whatever was necessary to put him back on the “right path.” I told her that loving our son meant accepting him for who he is, not trying to force him to become someone else. I also explained that I would never willingly send him to a place designed around changing his sexual orientation. Our son eventually learned about the conversation, and seeing his reaction broke my heart. He became quiet and withdrawn and asked me whether his mother thought there was something wrong with him. I told him there was absolutely nothing wrong with him and that he did not need to change to deserve our love. I reassured him that I would protect him and that nobody was going to force him into something he didn’t want. Since then, I’ve been struggling with an entirely different problem: I don’t know how I can stay married to someone who believes our child needs to be “fixed.”
My wife says I am overreacting and that she is only trying to protect our son. She claims that I’m allowing my emotions to prevent me from seeing what she considers a serious problem. She has accused me of choosing our son’s feelings over our marriage and says that I’m turning her into the villain simply because she has a different opinion about parenting. But I don’t see this as an ordinary disagreement between parents. We aren’t arguing about what school our son should attend or what rules he should follow. We are talking about whether our child should be subjected to an attempt to change something fundamental about who he is. I told her that our son needs a safe home, especially now that he has trusted us enough to be honest about himself. She responded that she believes acceptance is the wrong approach and that we are encouraging him rather than helping him. At that point, I realized that this wasn’t something I could simply compromise on. I can compromise with my wife about many parenting decisions, but I cannot compromise when it comes to protecting my child from something I believe could seriously harm him emotionally.
I have now reached the point where I am seriously considering divorce. I never thought I would say that, especially after spending so many years building a family together. I don’t want my son to believe that his coming out destroyed our family, because none of this is his fault. The problem is not that he told us who he is. The problem is that his mother responded by suggesting that he should be sent away to be changed. I have told my wife that I cannot support that, and I have made it clear that I will not allow anyone to pressure our son into conversion therapy. She says I’m being cruel toward her and that I’m refusing to respect her beliefs as a mother. But I feel like my responsibility as a father is to make sure my child knows he is loved and safe, even if protecting him means making an incredibly painful decision about my marriage. I still hope my wife will reconsider her position and understand that our son doesn’t need to be cured, corrected, or changed. But if she refuses to accept him and continues believing that conversion therapy is the answer, I don’t know how I can remain married to her without betraying my own son.
Read Story…
“WIBTA to divorce my wife after she said she wanted to send our son to a conversion camp?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So, this is a pretty heavy situation, and I’m really confused and disgusted, not gonna lie, cause I never thought my wife was like this.”
“My wife (44 F[emale) and I (45 M[ale]) have been married for 14 years.”
“We have two kids, a 16-year-old son (let’s call him Noah) and a 12-year-old daughter.”
“We’ve had our fair share of disagreements over the years, of course, but things have generally been smooth between us.”
“Now, for the context, Noah came out as gay about a year ago.”
“It was a surprise, and as hard as it was to accept, I love my kids more than anything and just want their happiness.”
“My wife visibly didn’t take it well, though.”
“She was upset and seemed to go through a grieving period where she didn’t really talk about it.”
“I tried to support Noah in every way I could, telling him that I loved him no matter what, etc.”
“My wife, though… I could tell she wasn’t on the same page.”
“She would say things like ‘this is just a phase’ or ‘he needs help,’ but I brushed it off as her needing time.”
“Fast forward to last week, and we were having a conversation about Noah’s future.”
“Out of nowhere, my wife casually mentions that she’s been looking into ‘conversion therapy camps’ and thinks it might be the right solution.”
“She said that Noah isn’t truly gay, that he just ‘hasn’t been shown the right path’ and that this could ‘fix him.'”
“My blood ran cold; obviously, I was in shock.”
“I immediately told her I didn’t agree and that this was not something I could support (duh).”
“She got upset and said I was enabling Noah’s ‘confusion’ and that if I really cared about him, I would help him ‘get better.'”
“WTF is wrong with her?”
“She was persistent, and no matter how much I tried to explain that conversion therapy is harmful (like I know those kids get abused, and often end up either traumatized or harming themselves), and that I would never send our son to something like that, she wouldn’t back down.”
“If I’m being 100% honest, I don’t even think I love her anymore.”
“The fact that she could be so heartless disgusts me.”
“I know being gay is not easy, and people like her just make it even harder.”
“I’m considering staying, only for our daughter’s sake, but would it be ok if it means hurting my son?”
“It feels like a betrayal to Noah.”
“I just don’t think I can keep living with someone who thinks this is okay.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITAH?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“NTA 100%.”
“Noah is not broken; there is nothing to fix.”
“Those conversion camps are hell on earth, and any parent who wants to send their child to one doesn’t deserve to be a parent.”
“Make sure you include it in the conditions of custody that it is absolutely not permitted – depending on where you are located, it might even be grounds to go for full custody.”
“Buckle up, OP – your fight for your children’s rights and wellbeing is just beginning.” ~ CollywobblesMumma
“I would actually talk to a divorce lawyer and tell them you fear your wife doing this and ask how you can protect your kids.”
“Play nice for now and then drop the hammer.”
“NTA not one bit, you keep protecting your kids.” ~ CuriousPenguinSocks
“Another option… see if Noah can be an exchange student. Seriously.”
“That would get him away in another country for a full school year.”
“Start checking into this for the 2nd semester.”
“Tell your wife it would ‘toughen him up’ to be away from her.”
“She’s a bigot, use that to push buttons and get your son to travel far away.”
“It would keep him safe while you go through the divorce courts.” ~ maroongrad
“This is the way.”
“While he is gone, get your ducks in a row for the divorce.”
“The court (assuming US) will consider his opinion for custody, so by the time it all settles, you will likely have full custody, and he will be nearly 18 anyway.”
“He’s not broken.”
“He doesn’t need fixing.”
“It’s not a phase.”
“What he needs is love and safety.”
“You got this.” ~rothase2
“I agree with this!”
“Also, OP, even if you think that sacrificing Noah and staying for your daughter is an option, you will be damaging her – she will see what happens to him and be in an environment where she thinks that is ok.”
“NTA for now, but huge YTA if you don’t address this.” ~ Living-Ad8963
“You need to divorce her; you need the kids to understand why you are divorcing her.”
“Your daughter, too.”
“She wants to hurt your son.”
“That’s what she wants.”
“And that’s something your kids need to know because it speaks to abusive intent.”
“If she’s ok with abusing your son, she may feel that abusive responses to your daughter’s behavior may be ok too, as your daughter goes through puberty, starts dating, etc.”
“There are times when the reasons for a divorce should not be shared with the kids. But this is not one of them because the reason is a desire on the part of one parent to hurt a child.”
“That parent who is willing to hurt one child cannot be trusted with any child, and the children need to be warned.” ~ Boeing367-80
“Every time I’ve read about conversion camps, I remember Elan School.”
“It’s not the same, but it shows how cruel people can be.”
“The same people who run those camps.”
“OP needs to divorce his wife.”
“She’s willing to have a traumatized child (needless to say, maybe dead) rather than accept him.”
“Disgusting AF. NTA.” ~ Electronic-Drink559
“Conversion therapy camps should be illegal (they are in some states).”
“They are child abuse, 100%.”
“Your wife will destroy your son if you don’t do something.”
“He made the brave decision to come out, and she wants to torture him because she can’t accept it.”
“You would be TA 10000% if you don’t get him away from her.” ~ AdAccomplished6870
“NTA. Send her to science camp.”
“Maybe they can fix her brain.”
“Or try that other famous path.”
“If sexuality is a learned trait, she could prove to your son how it’s possible to change one’s sexuality.”
“She only must become a lesbian.”
“Not forever.”
“Just a few years to prove her stance.” ~yhaensch
“Staying for your daughter’s sake!!!! WTF?!??”
“What about your SON?!?!”
“NTA!!! Divorce her and get full custody immediately!!!”
“Of both kids.”
“Tell the judge you fear crazy pants will turn your daughter against your son and raise her to be a bigot like her.”
“Also, if you get any of her nonsense in writing (get it in text), save it!”
“Don’t tell her you’re going to use it in court.”
“Conversion camps should be illegal.”
“It’s so disgusting.” ~ throwitaway3857
“NTA. Thank you for actually caring about your kids.”
“My honest opinion is to talk to a lawyer immediately.”
“You need to divorce her and go after full custody.”
“She clearly isn’t a good mom, and both of your kids deserve better.”
“Noah especially needs you right now.”
“Speaking from experience, it’s not easy being a teenager and part of the LGBTQ+ community, especially when you know your parents don’t accept you.”
“Keep being the kind and loving parent.”
“Your kids will thank you.” ~ REDDIT
“I want to start a conversion camp where I put every penny I’m given by these parents into a savings account the child inherits when they’re 18 so they can get the f**k out of there.”
“While they’re at camp, they can be free to be whoever the hell they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone else, so they can make some real-life long friends and feel accepted. NTA.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine doing that to my daughter.”
“I just do not understand how or why it matters.” ~ Flaky_Drag1826
“NTA, and try to get Noah away from her as soon as you can, before she forces him to this conversion camp.”
“Noah needs to know that you will protect him and that you don’t care who he loves, and hopefully, his sister feels the same and will want to protect her brother.”
“I’m so sorry that you, and especially Noah, are in this situation.” ~ Micojageo
“There are a lot of good documentaries out right now on streaming services about the ‘troubled teen’ industry.”
“I would highly recommend she watch those before thinking those camps could ever fix someone.”
“Those kids are tortured for purely existing, you’re NTA for wanting to protect your child.” ~ Majestic_Scarcity540
“You would only be the AH if you stay with someone who could be that hateful towards your child.”
“You clearly love your children.”
“Your number one priority needs to be ensuring she is not successful.”
“Also, make sure you are verbally telling your son you love and support him no matter what.” ~ captaintightpantzz
Reddit is 1000% with you, OP.
Noah needs your help, and you’re giving it to him.
This is a serious situation.
Maybe therapy could be helpful, but a good lawyer could be just as helpful.
You’re doing the right thing.
A Shocking Disagreement About Their Son
I never imagined that I would seriously consider divorcing my wife because of a disagreement about our son, but that is exactly where I find myself now. My wife and I have been married for many years, and throughout our relationship, we have always tried to present ourselves as a united family. We have disagreed about parenting from time to time, but those disagreements were usually about ordinary things like school, discipline, screen time, or what rules our children should follow. I always believed that no matter how different our opinions were, we both loved our children and wanted them to be happy. That belief was shaken when our son came out to us as gay. He was extremely nervous when he told us because he didn’t know how we would react. I immediately told him that I loved him and that nothing about his sexuality could change the way I felt about him.
My son had clearly spent a lot of time worrying about how we would respond. He seemed relieved when I hugged him and told him that he didn’t have to hide who he was from me. I told him that he was still the same person he had always been and that being honest with us took courage. My wife was much quieter during the conversation. She didn’t immediately reject him, but she also didn’t give him the same reassurance that I did. I assumed she was simply shocked and needed time to process everything. I didn’t want to pressure her or turn the moment into an argument, so I gave her some space. I thought that once she had time to understand the situation, she would eventually come around.
Over the next few weeks, however, I began noticing changes in the way my wife spoke about our son. She started saying that he was too young to know for certain what he wanted and that maybe he was simply confused. She asked whether his friends had influenced him or whether something had happened at school. I tried to answer her calmly and explained that our son had clearly thought about this for a long time. I told her that questioning him constantly could make him feel as though he had done something wrong. My wife said she wasn’t trying to hurt him and insisted that she was only trying to understand what was happening.
Eventually, her questions became more direct. She started talking about whether there was some kind of counseling that could help him. At first, I assumed she meant a therapist who could help him deal with the emotional stress of coming out. I actually agreed that talking to a qualified mental health professional could potentially be helpful if our son wanted that support. Coming out can be stressful, especially when someone is worried about rejection from family members. I told my wife that if our son wanted counseling, we could help him find someone who would support him and allow him to talk openly.
Then my wife told me that she wasn’t talking about ordinary counseling. She had apparently been researching conversion therapy programs and had found a camp that she believed could help our son change his sexual orientation. I was stunned. I asked her if she was serious, and she said that she was. She believed that sending him away for a period of time would give professionals the opportunity to “correct” what she believed was happening to him.
I immediately told her that I would never agree to send our son to such a place. I explained that being gay isn’t something that needs to be cured or corrected. Our son hadn’t asked us to change him, and there was no reason for us to treat his sexuality like an illness. My wife became defensive and said that I was refusing to consider every possible option because I was too emotionally attached to him. She said that if there was even a small chance that the program could change his future, we had a responsibility as parents to consider it.
That argument made absolutely no sense to me. I told her that our responsibility as parents was to protect our son, not to force him to become someone else. I reminded her that he had trusted us enough to tell us something deeply personal. Instead of making him feel safe, she was suggesting that we send him somewhere specifically because she didn’t accept who he was. I asked her how she thought he would feel if he knew his own mother was researching places where people claimed they could make him straight.
My wife insisted that she wasn’t rejecting him. She said she loved him and only wanted what was best for him. She compared the situation to a child making a decision that could negatively affect their future and argued that parents sometimes have to intervene even when children don’t understand the consequences. I told her that this wasn’t comparable. Our son wasn’t asking to do something dangerous or destructive. He was simply telling us who he was.
The conversation became increasingly heated. My wife accused me of being too permissive and said I was encouraging our son’s sexuality by accepting him. I told her that accepting someone isn’t the same as encouraging them. I wasn’t pushing our son toward anything. I was simply making sure he knew that he didn’t have to hide or feel ashamed around his own family. I couldn’t understand why my wife believed that showing unconditional love meant influencing him.
Eventually, our son overheard part of one of our arguments. He didn’t hear every detail, but he heard enough to understand that his mother wanted him to go somewhere because of his sexuality. His reaction was heartbreaking. He asked me whether his mom thought something was wrong with him. I told him that there was nothing wrong with him and that he hadn’t done anything wrong. I reassured him that I loved him exactly as he was.
After that conversation, I could see a noticeable change in him. He became quieter around his mother and stopped talking as openly at home. He started spending more time alone in his room. It was painful to watch because I knew that he had taken a huge emotional risk by coming out to us. He had trusted his parents with something deeply personal, and now he was worried that one of those parents wanted to change him.
I confronted my wife about the effect her words were having on him. I told her that regardless of what she personally believed, she needed to understand that our son was being hurt. She said she didn’t want him to be hurt and that she believed she was actually trying to prevent future suffering. She said she was afraid that he would face discrimination, have a difficult life, or eventually regret his choices. I told her that those fears were not a reason to reject him.
I also told her that if our son experienced difficulties in life, he would need his parents standing beside him. Sending him away because we were uncomfortable with his identity would only make him feel more alone. I wanted him to know that home was the one place where he didn’t have to defend himself or explain why he was who he was.
My wife still refused to change her position. She said she had been researching these programs because she believed she was doing her duty as a mother. She accused me of making her sound like a terrible person when she was simply trying to help our child. I told her that I wasn’t interested in labeling her as a terrible person, but I couldn’t ignore what she was proposing. There are certain parenting decisions where compromise is possible, but I didn’t believe this was one of them.
The disagreement eventually became about our marriage as well. My wife said that if I continued refusing to consider the program, then I was essentially choosing our son over her. I told her that this wasn’t a competition between my wife and my child. My responsibility as a father was to protect my son, just as her responsibility as a mother was to protect him. I didn’t understand why supporting our child had to be viewed as taking sides.
She then accused me of disrespecting her beliefs. I told her she was entitled to have her own feelings, but I couldn’t support a decision that could make our son feel ashamed or rejected. I said that she could take time to process her emotions and ask questions, but she couldn’t force him into a program designed to change his sexuality.
At this point, I began thinking seriously about what would happen if she never changed her mind. I had never considered divorce over something like this before. We had built a life together, raised our children together, and shared countless memories. The idea of ending our marriage is incredibly painful. But I also know that staying silent would mean allowing a situation to continue that could seriously damage my relationship with my son.
My biggest fear is that my son will eventually believe that his mother doesn’t love him. I keep telling him that her reaction is about her own beliefs and fears, not his worth as a person. But I know that children don’t always separate those things so easily. When your own parent tells you that something fundamental about you needs to be changed, it can be incredibly difficult not to take that personally.
I’ve tried encouraging my wife to speak with a qualified professional who can help her understand the situation without trying to change our son. I told her that if she needs someone to talk to about her fears, I am willing to listen. I also said that we could seek family counseling focused on communication and rebuilding trust. What I won’t agree to is sending our son to a conversion program.
My wife says I’m being unfair because I’m refusing to give her the chance to prove that she is right. But I don’t believe our son should have to be used as an experiment to settle an argument between his parents. His emotional safety matters more than proving which parent has the better opinion.
The situation has also changed the way I look at my marriage. I used to believe that my wife and I shared the same fundamental values when it came to our children. We might have disagreed about rules, but I thought we both believed that our children should feel loved and accepted at home. Now I’m questioning whether I ever truly understood how she would react if one of our children didn’t fit the expectations she had for them.
I haven’t made a final decision about divorce yet. Part of me desperately wants my wife to reconsider. I want her to meet our son where he is instead of trying to change him. I want her to understand that she can still have concerns, ask questions, and process her emotions without making him feel broken. More than anything, I want our family to find a way through this without anyone feeling abandoned.
But I also know that I have to be prepared to protect my son if she refuses. I can’t promise him that he is safe at home while simultaneously allowing someone to pressure him into something he doesn’t want. If protecting him means separating from my wife, then that may ultimately be the decision I have to make.
For now, I’m trying to keep communication open while making my position completely clear. I love my wife, but I also love my son, and I cannot support the idea that he needs to be changed simply because he is gay. I never expected my marriage to reach this point, and I never wanted my son to become the center of a conflict between his parents. But if my wife continues insisting that conversion therapy is the answer, I may have no choice but to end our marriage. I don’t want my son to ever look back on this period and wonder why his father didn’t stand up for him.
